He saw her waiting at the lights and ran the rest of the way.
“Amanda,” he called out just as she was about to cross the road.
“I don’t want to talk, Connor,” she said, not even looking at him.
“Okay. You don’t need to talk. But could I ask you to please listen for just two minutes? Two minutes. Please.”
Amanda glanced at him, then she shook her head. “I’m too angry right now to listen to your explanations, Connor.”
“Right now?” he asked, finding a little bit of hope to cling to. “I’ll wait. Maybe we can talk tomorrow?”
“I don’t know,” she said coldly. “And please don’t follow me.” Amanda stepped on the road as the pedestrian light turned green.
“I’ll call you,” he said. He watched as she walked away from him. “Goodnight, baby!” he called out again, making a couple of pedestrians turn their heads. Unfortunately, Amanda didn’t acknowledge him. Not that he’d expected her to. He just needed to say something to indicate to her he hadn’t accepted they were over. Because surely they weren’t. They couldn’t be. He simply couldn’t bear the thought.
*****
Connor heard a knock on the door and breathed a sigh of relief. The Carmichael brothers had arrived. It had been ages since the four of them had had a get-together just by themselves. Since Jeff’s and Zach’s fiancées were at a girls' night in with Amanda, Brenna and Gemma, he thought this was a perfect time to have dinner with the boys and ask for their help.
He let them in, man-hugging each one. “Glad you’re all here, bros. I ordered some Chinese for dinner. It should arrive soon. Hope that’s okay with you.”
“You look tired, dude. Haven’t you been sleeping?” Greg asked.
“Only a few hours here and there,” he answered, wearily running his hand on his face. “I’ve had a very busy couple of weeks.”
“How’s the refurbishment of your shop going?” Zach asked.
“It’s on schedule, which is a relief. It should be finished by next week, and I can launch the business straight after.”
“Good to hear.”
“I think it’s a great idea to have this boys’ night,” Jeff said. “We haven’t done this with you for ages. But there’s a specific reason why you called us, right?”
Connor plopped in his sofa. “I’m going crazy,” he said.
“Why?” Greg asked.
“It’s been a week and my girlfriend hasn’t returned my calls,” he lamented.
All three stared at him in surprise.
“I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend, dude,” Greg said. “Who’s she?”
“Amanda.”
“Amanda?” Zach asked in surprise. “Really?”
Connor exhaled a ragged sigh and told them everything—from that weekend in Melbourne, to Amanda walking out on him.
“You still hold that Mr. Fuck King title?” Greg exclaimed after he’d finished. “Damn. That’s some winning stretch.”
“I haven’t wanted it for years! I don’t even do anything to keep it. Those guys have way more one-night stands than I do—it’s just that I get the women who always inevitably turn them down. And it’s the not being turned down that counted. So I’m stuck with a stupid title created by juveniles who haven’t grown up.”
“Sorry, bro,” Zach said. “I can imagine what you’re going through. But I’ve learnt communication is the key. You have to tell Amanda everything.”
“I realise that now. That’s why I need your help. Could you please talk to your fiancées and ask them to convince Amanda to forgive me? Or at least talk to me?”
Zach and Jeff glanced at each other.
“We could try,” Jeff said. “But I don’t think it’s gonna be as easy as that. Sarah and Bec would need just as much convincing as Amanda. In case you haven’t noticed, those girls are fiercely protective of each other.”
“Then put in as much good word for me as you could, please,” Connor said to Zach and Jeff. “Tell them what a great guy I really am. Heck, you guys have had your share of girls but look at you now, committed to one woman. I’m sure they could see that guys who have enjoyed casual relationships could be one-woman men, too.”
“Sure, dude. But we’ve never had a fucking title,” Zach said.
Greg tried to suppress a snicker, failing. “Sorry. Zach’s line came out real funny. Fucking. Fuck King. You know.”
“What would you do if you were in my shoes?” Connor asked Greg.
Greg leaned back on his seat, hands locked behind his neck, lips pursed in thought. He remained silent for a long moment.
“You know,” Greg finally said, making Connor sit up in attention. “I’d move on, find a new girl, be honest with her from the beginning and have a fresh start.”
“What?” Connor asked in disbelief.
Greg shrugged. “I’m sorry. I can categorically say I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t really get all this angst because a woman doesn’t want to talk to you. If it were me, I’d focus on the other fishes in the ocean more than willing to bite the bait.”
Zach shook his head at Greg. “You have no idea what you’re missing, bro.”
“Perhaps. But at least I don’t have to deal with this,” Greg said, sweeping his arm at Connor. “Look at him. Sad. Just as sad as the two of you once were when your girls wouldn’t talk to you,” he said to Zach and Jeff.
“And look at us now,” Jeff said a little smugly.
Greg made noises showing he was unconvinced. “I guess I just don’t see the point when there’s an easy pick of other women. If someone doesn’t want you anymore, I say move on. Just as an exercise, Connor, name me girls who’d drop everything to go out on a date with you.”
Connor rattled a few women’s names, including his ex-fling Sonya, Rica—his dentist’s receptionist, and Celine—the representative of a large car hire company that he was partnering with.
“Okay, so what’s wrong with any of those girls?” Greg asked.
Connor considered the question carefully, picturing each woman in his mind. He didn’t need more than a few seconds to know why he wasn’t interested in any of them. “They’re not Amanda,” he said with a sigh.
Greg scratched his head. “Like I said, I’ve no idea what you guys are on.”
Jeff patted his brother on the shoulder. “The time will come.”
“I’m not in a hurry,” Greg responded.
“I am,” Connor said, raising his hand to remind the brothers they were talking about his problem. “I feel like I’m running out of time. The longer Amanda won’t talk to me, the more hopeless I feel. It’s driving me nuts!”
“We’ll see what we can do,” Zach promised.
“Please.”
*****
Connor sat on a bench along the coastal walk. The vista that never failed to fill him with awe was doing absolutely nothing to erase his misery.
Amanda had specifically requested him on a text not to join her for her morning walks. She’d pleaded with him to give her that time to herself, or she wouldn’t go for her walks at all. He’d respected her wishes, knowing how much a part of Amanda’s life her morning routine was.
But it had been almost two weeks since they last had any form of communication. Zach and Jeff had informed him that their fiancées, while sympathetic to his plight, didn’t want to force Amanda to do something she didn’t want.
He breathed in the fresh, crisp air, hoping to get some inspiration. He didn’t know what else to do short of stalking her and forcing her to talk to him. He’d been scared that that tactic might just push Amanda further away from him. But he had nothing to lose now, so here he was, waiting for her to pass by this section of the track.
His heart jumped before galloping fast as he spotted her. She was walking slowly, seeming to stare mesmerised at the ocean. He stood up from his seat as he waited for her to get nearer, his eyes gobbling her up. Lord, he missed her so.
Finally, Amanda saw him. Her steps falter
ed, as if she was surprised to see him there.
“Please, Amanda,” he said, scared that she was thinking of turning back and running away.
She bit her lip and walked toward him. He breathed a sigh of relief.
But Amanda continued on the path, not stopping. He pushed his hands in his pockets and walked beside her.
“Amanda, I slept with you because I wanted to sleep with you, not because I wanted to keep some stupid title,” he said, hoping she was listening. “My buddies gave me the title five years ago because—”
“Five years?” Amanda asked in disbelief. “So you’ve been Mr. Fuck King for five years?”
“I was never after that damned title!” He held on to her arm, forcing her to look at him. “I don’t know how else I can explain this. Until Lucas came into the picture, there was never any game involved with the title Mr. Fuck King. It was just a term that was given to me by some of my friends because I happened to get the women who’d rejected them. That was all. It was Lucas who made it out to be more than it really is.”
Amanda shook her head. “This all sounds so juvenile and idiotic and silly and crazy and stupid...”
“I know,” he said quietly, contritely. “And I’m all that, too. I’m sorry. Please forgive me for not telling you about it in the first place. I was just scared that you’d judge me for it. That’s the only reason why I didn’t tell you.”
Amanda looked away, her expression unconvinced.
He cupped her face, forcing her to look into his eyes. “I love you, Amanda.”
Amanda squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them after a long moment, they were sad. “It’s hard for me to believe that, Connor,” she whispered.
His chest compressed, and he couldn’t breathe. “Then I’ll prove it to you. Just give me that chance. Please.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Amanda took a sip of her hot chocolate and glanced at her mug in surprise. It was already cold. Had she been staring out the window for that long?
“Do you want to me reheat that for you, love?” Yoly asked, standing by her table with a hand on a hip.
“Do you mind? Thanks so much, Yoly.”
The amiable café owner took her mug away and Amanda stared back out the window, looking at nothing in particular. Her mind was still at the coastal walk with Connor—at the spot where he’d said ‘I love you, Amanda’.
Thrill zipped through her body as she remembered his words. But once again, she hastily tempered her reaction. She wanted to believe him. Really she did, but at the same time she was afraid.
Connor’s disclosures only served to make her question why he wanted her. He’d been Mr. Fuck King for five years. The women he’d slept with had rejected the other guys. Clearly he could have any woman he wanted. So what was he doing with her?
Memories of the time her ex-boyfriends had dumped her for other women filled her mind. They’d told her they loved her, too. Obviously they hadn’t meant it. How could she be sure that Connor meant those three little words?
She could only imagine how many women Connor must have had in the past. It wasn’t hard to imagine pretty females clamouring for his attention. His ex-fling Sonya was a perfect example. That woman had practically clung to Connor like a leech the night Connor had rescued her from a stalker ex-boyfriend. And then there were the likes of Lori and her friend Agnes, who’d jump into bed with Connor without a second thought.
She looked down at her table, dejected. She noticed that her raisin toast was still uneaten. She pushed the plate away, simply not hungry. Her appetite had deserted her more than two weeks ago.
A mug of hot chocolate was placed in front of her, steam rising from it.
“Thanks, Yoly,” she said with a grateful smile.
“Anything else I can do for you?” Yoly asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She stared at Yoly’s kindly face. “How do you know if a guy’s telling the truth, Yoly?” she blurted out.
Yoly’s eyebrows rose, then she took a seat beside her. “I suppose you’re talking about that man who used to come here for breakfast with you? You think he’s lying about something?”
“I want to believe him. But I’m scared he doesn’t really mean what he said.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he loves me,” she whispered.
“And you don’t believe he does?”
“I just find it hard to.”
“Why?” Yoly asked, placing her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her hands.
“My ex-boyfriends didn’t mean it. It turned out they prefer more glamorous women.”
“And you think this guy’s of the same mould as your exes?”
“Wouldn't most attractive men prefer to have gorgeous women hanging on their arms?”
Yoly smiled. “That statement has a lot more to do with the state of your beliefs than what men find attractive.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Has he lied to you before?”
“Yes. Well, actually, it was more a lie of omission than an outright lie.”
“Why do you think he lied by omission?”
Amanda sighed. “He said he didn’t want me to judge him.”
“Judge him?”
“He’s... uh... had many women before and he didn’t want me taking that against him, I guess.”
“So he wants you to see him in a good light and he’s told you that he loves you,” Yoly summarised.
“Yes,” she confirmed. “I’m not saying people don’t or can’t change. I understand that just because a person has been a playboy doesn't mean he'd stay that way forever. In fact, a couple of my friends are marrying guys who used to date a lot. But what if Connor's feelings for me aren’t all that strong? Then when someone else more interesting appears, I’ll get dumped.” Again.
Yoly gazed at her intently. “Are you really questioning his sincerity, Amanda? Or are you questioning your ability to hold on to him?”
Amanda’s eyes watered, Yoly’s words hitting the mark.
Yoly reached out for her hand. “A couple of shallow bastards who’ve hurt you doesn’t mean every man is the same, Amanda.”
A tear fell and she daintily wiped it with a finger. “But I’m still me. And I could be the problem. I just don’t think I have it.”
“It?”
“Yeah. You know. It.”
“No. I don’t know,” Yoly said, confused.
“It. Like the x-factor, or something, that men find attractive,” she said, blushing.
Yoly chortled heartily. “Oh, Amanda. You make me laugh. A man tells you he loves you and you think you don’t have it? You didn’t force him to say those words, did you?”
“No.”
“There you go,” Yoly said, rising from her seat. “You have it, Amanda. You’re just not seeing it in yourself.”
Yoly gave her another pat, then went back to work.
*****
“Lance is quite good-looking, Amanda. I’ll think I’ll ask him out,” Brenna said about the man she kept on bumping into at her office building.
Amanda sighed, her brother’s face flashing in her mind. “How good-looking is he?”
“Oh, he’s attractive enough.”
“Say, compared to Ash, how would he rate?” she asked, keeping her tone casual.
“Well, I think that’s not the best comparison. Ash is hunky good-looking, but Lance is cute good-looking, if you know what I mean,” Brenna answered.
Her eyebrows lifted. Brenna thought Ash was hunky good-looking? “Which one do you prefer, then? I mean, do you want a hunk or do you want a cutie?”
“You know I’m a hunk kind of girl. But this guy seems nice. Since I made a bet with Gemma that I’ll ask a man out, why not him?”
“If you want to, I suppose,” she answered listlessly.
Hearing Brenna talk about a bet made her think of the kind of games Connor used to play with his friends. She sniffed.
“Amanda? You oka
y, honey?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Thanks.”
“So you haven’t spoken to Connor at all?”
“I did. This morning.”
“Oh. How did it go?”
“He said he loves me.”
“What?” Brenna exclaimed.
“But I told him I find that hard to believe.”
“You said what?!”
“I just don’t know what to think, Bren.”
“You think he doesn’t mean it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he does. And I want to believe he does. If I think about it, he certainly doesn’t have to waste his time on me since... well, since he is Mr. Fuck King who could get any woman he wants. But Bren, he has been wasting time on me. He’s been sending me texts everyday, saying he misses me and that he’s waiting for me to forgive him. A few times he’s even waited near the bus stop to wave to me before I went to work. He wouldn’t have done those things if he doesn’t want me back, would he?”
“No, he wouldn’t,” Brenna answered. “Like Bec and Sarah said the other night, Amanda, Connor pleaded with the guys for help to get you back. He didn’t have to do that either. But it’s up to you if you want to give him another chance.”
“I’m just afraid, Bren. He’s someone who could easily hurt me much, much more than I've been hurt in the past.”
Brenna sighed. “Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to not have fears of being hurt again.”
“That’s really it, isn’t it? We’re cowards,” Amanda said.
Brenna chuckled. “One step at a time, I think. Look at Sarah and Bec. It takes a lot of guts to allow yourself to be vulnerable again.”
“Yes, one step at a time.”
They were both silent for a long moment, until an idea popped into Amanda’s head. “I think I know what my next step should be,” she said.
“What?”
“Go out on sexless dates with Connor—see if he gets tired of me if I don’t sleep with him.”
“Hey, that’s a great idea!” Brenna said. “You did suggest to me before that I should date men a few times first before having sex with them. You’re just doing it backwards with Connor.”
“Yes. I should have remembered my own advice before I jumped into bed with him again.”
Again (Time for Love Book 3) Page 12