Baby's Breath (Garden of Love 2)

by Melanie Wilber

  “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? Don’t you think I know better by now, Natalie? Brandon is a decent guy, and Tommy likes spending time with him. He is not using Tommy to get to me. He’s not!” Retreating to the bedroom without waiting for Natalie’s response, she slammed the door behind her.

  Filled with a mixture of adrenaline, anger, and pain, Josie flopped onto the bed and burst into tears, sobbing into her pillow. It was always the same. Either the men ignored Tommy, or they acted interested when they really weren’t. Her worst fears concerning Brandon had been confirmed by Natalie--but worse than that, she had shouted angry words at her.

  What a mess! I knew letting myself get close to Brandon was a mistake. I’ve blown everything.

  Natalie’s hand on her shoulder startled her. She hadn’t heard her sister enter the room.

  “Josie,” Natalie began. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Honest.”

  Josie didn’t respond, but her crying turned to quiet sniffles. Whether Natalie meant it or not, she knew her words made sense.

  “I didn’t mean he’s using Tommy to get to you,” she went on. “I only meant that the way he looks at you, the way he smiles at you and speaks to you without using words, the way he treats Tommy; it all points to one thing. He may not even realize it, but I am telling you, he considers you to be more than a friend.”

  Josie began to protest. “Natalie--”

  “I’m not going to say another word about it. I’m going to stay out of it altogether, but I want you to promise me something.”

  Josie dried her eyes with the tissue Natalie handed her and sat up to blow her nose. She looked Natalie in the eye, wanting to hear what Natalie had to say more than she would admit.

  “What?”

  “Promise me you will leave yourself open to the possibility. He’s a keeper.”

  “But what if he is using Tommy?”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she repeated. “He cares for Tommy, and he cares for you too. I can see it every time he looks at you.”

  Josie wanted to believe her. Natalie had always been better at reading signals. Leaning into a warm embrace, she allowed herself to hope for a moment before a voice reminded her, He’s dating Allison.

  Brandon and Tommy returned at four-thirty, and Brandon agreed to stay for dinner. The four of them spent the evening together. Brandon played video games with Tommy, and Josie made popcorn for them to eat while they all watched Toy Story.

  After Tommy went to bed, Natalie shared more of her adventures in Europe with her and Brandon. When Natalie excused herself to go to the bathroom around ten-thirty, she gave Josie a silent gesture to take advantage of the opportunity alone with Brandon.

  “Are you still up for telling me about Kristin?” she asked. “I’m sure Natalie wouldn’t mind staying with Tommy if you want to go get some coffee or something.”

  Josie sensed something different in the way he looked at her. She had been sensing it all evening, but she figured she had taken Natalie’s words too seriously.

  “I’d like that,” he said.

  After letting Natalie know their plans, they headed downstairs. Josie had assumed they would go somewhere within walking distance, but Brandon led them to the parking garage.

  “I’ve discovered a great little coffee bar,” he said, opening the door for her. “It’s not far, but further than I feel like walking in the rain.”

  “Okay,” she said.

  “I think you’ll like it,” he said, hinting at a special reason why. She decided to wait and see rather than ask.

  On the short drive, Brandon asked her more about Natalie. She didn’t get the impression he was interested in her sister in a romantic sense. Not that she would expect that from him with him currently dating Allison, but Natalie was very pretty and delightful, so she could imagine Brandon being attracted to her. She would certainly wish a guy like Brandon on her sister, but his interest seemed to be more related to how she felt about her being here than about Natalie. She felt comfortable sharing her feelings with him.

  “She’s very independent. Too proud to ask for help or admit she’s hurting. I’m wondering how long she can keep running from her problems instead of facing them.”

  “I take it she’s not as happy as she seems?”

  “She’s buried the hurt from the divorce, but she hasn’t forgiven my parents. She’s carrying around a lot of bitterness. I know it has to be eating her up inside. She’s also hurting from a broken relationship of her own a few years ago. She hasn’t gotten involved in a serious relationship since, and I know it’s not because she hasn’t had men pining for her.”

  “Have you tried to talk to her?”

  “A little, but it’s hard when I know the only way she can truly put the past behind and learn to forgive is by giving it all over to God and letting Him heal her.”

  “Was God a part of your life growing up?”

  “No. We never went to church. My brother started going in high school when Faith invited him, and they both shared God’s love with me and all about Jesus when I was pregnant with Tommy and needed some direction in my life.”

  “Have you had a chance to share that with Natalie?”

  “Yes, but she’s resistant to the whole idea. She says she’s fine, that she doesn’t need God. Work is her religion. If she keeps busy enough, she doesn’t have time to think about the pain. Just like Dad.”

  “Thanks for telling me,” Brandon said. “I’ll pray for her.”

  She took comfort in his words, and her heart warmed at the concern in his voice. “Thanks,” she said. “I’m sure God can reach her heart like He reached mine. It’s just hard to wait in the mean time. Now I understand what my brother went through with me.”

  “And what God goes through with all of us,” he said, reaching over to give her hand a light squeeze. Once she had recovered from the shockwave of Brandon’s touch, Josie said a silent prayer for Natalie and thanked God once again for bringing her sister home--for however long that ended up being. Hopefully she could convince Natalie to go to church with her at least once while she was here and have a chance to talk with her more about letting God into her life.

  The coffee bar held a fair amount of patrons, considering the late hour. They walked to a quiet table near the back with no one in the chairs close by. As soon as they were seated, Josie discovered why Brandon had brought her here.

  Looking around the room, Josie saw the decor theme was lighthouses. Josie admired the canvas painting of one beside the table that Brandon chose. She returned his warm smile.

  “I see you noticed my collection,” she said.

  “That would be hard to miss.”

  She laughed, knowing he was absolutely right, but he hadn’t mentioned it before, so she was surprised. “Most of them are gifts. I got my first one when I was in college, and they’ve slowly accumulated.”

  Their server came, and they both ordered cappuccinos and some pie. Brandon had apple, and Josie chose chocolate cream. Brandon began telling of his evening with Kristin, admitting he had been nervous and tense while waiting for her to arrive at the restaurant. He had no idea what to expect from her or if she would show up at all. At first it had been a little awkward, but Kristin had been gracious and open, not callous. Josie listened with interest as he talked of her, sensing he cared for her very much and had never intended to hurt her the way he did.

  “She didn’t hesitate when I asked for her forgiveness,” he said, pushing his dessert plate aside. “She took my hand and said she had already forgiven me and understood now, in a way she hadn’t been able to before. I know it doesn’t change what I did, but I think we can both move on now.”

  They sat in silence for a few minutes. Josie finished her creamy dessert and felt confused once again by Brandon sharing all of this with her. Wasn’t this something he should be discussing with Allison?

  Natalie’s words returned to her. Sitting here with him now, he seemed normal enough. They were conver
sing like friends, nothing more. But he had seemed different on the phone and this evening. She wondered what he was thinking but felt like she had no idea.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” he asked, jolting her back to reality.

  Josie searched her memory for what she had been thinking about before. She certainly could not reveal her current thoughts.

  “I was wondering what all this means for you, and,” she hesitated, “why you are sharing it with me?”

  Brandon sat forward and leaned his elbows on the table. Lifting his eyes, he looked at her with that unreadable gaze once again. The faint hint of his cologne drifted toward her.

  “First of all, Josie, I wanted to thank you. You were right about me calling Kristin and going to see her. We both needed it.”

  “Does this mean you feel free to have a relationship with Allison now?” she asked, hoping her words didn’t sound as forced and uneasy as they felt.

  “Free to, yes,” he said. “But want to? I don’t think she’s right for me either. I called her last night and told her I only want to be friends.”

  His words surprised her, and she waited for him to explain.

  “Asking Allison out was a safe choice for me,” he said. “I like Allison, but not in that way. I feel the same way about her as I felt about Kristin, and I knew that from the beginning.”

  Josie didn’t know what to think of Brandon Mitchell. Was he setting his mind and heart on some ideal that didn’t exist? They didn’t come more beautiful and sweet than Allison.

  “What do you mean by a safe choice?”

  He smiled. “Someone I could date to avoid asking the woman I was so attracted to the first time I met her that it scared me out of my mind.”

  She had no idea who that could be and supposed it was someone she didn’t know. She smiled at his obvious enamoredness over whoever she was and felt like she wanted to encourage him to go for it, even if she did have feelings for him herself. “Who is she?”

  She waited, totally unprepared for his response.

  “You.”

  She couldn’t speak.

  “The more time I spend with you, Josie, the more I want to. Will you go out with me sometime? On a real date?”

  Time stood still. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. If they had been walking side by side, she could have averted her eyes and collected her thoughts. If they had been at her apartment she could have gotten up and walked around. But here she sat face to face with him and felt glued to her chair, unable to think straight.

  She had been wanting this for several weeks now, but with the reality of it staring her in the face and in light of Natalie’s words that had reinforced her worst fears, she was scared of letting it happen. She was afraid to let Brandon know she felt the same way.

  Fumbling with her warm coffee cup and looking down at the creamy liquid, she swallowed hard. “Brandon, I don’t know what to say,” she answered honestly. “I never thought, I mean I didn’t expect--”

  “Why not? Is it so shocking that I would be attracted to you?”

  “Well, yes. It is,” she said.

  “Why?”

  “Because.”

  “Because why?” he challenged. “Give me one good reason.”

  The one that came foremost to her mind she set aside. “For starters, I’m not Allison,” she said.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “You know what I mean,” she countered.

  “I don’t think I do. Enlighten me.”

  “Allison is gorgeous and you know it,” she said, not believing she was having this conversation.

  “So are you.”

  She looked away, feeling thrilled by his interest but cautious at the same time. “My schedule is crazy.”

  “We see each other a fair amount as it is,” he said. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

  She sighed, her mind returning to her first thought, the one that kept her from saying yes. Taking a deep breath and feeling close to tears, she knew there wasn’t any way to say this but straight out.

  “I have a son, Brandon.”

  “I know that. I spent most of the afternoon with him.” His words were soft and caring, but she didn’t look at him. Tears stung her eyes. She blinked them back.

  “Is that why, Brandon?”

  “Why what?”

  She lifted her eyes, knowing they were shooting darts toward him. She couldn’t help it. She’d been burned before. “Have you been spending time with him to get to me?”

  A look of hurt filled his brown eyes, and she instantly felt bad. A group of young couples invaded their private moment, taking seats at the adjacent table. She didn’t know what to say and remained silent.

  Brandon stood without another word and took the check with him to the cash register. Josie grabbed her purse and headed for the door. She stepped outside and leaned against the cold wall, listening to the rain falling and waiting for what seemed like an eternity.

  He stepped out, appearing relieved she hadn’t decided to walk home alone. He led the way back to his truck parked along the wet street. Brandon opened the door for her, and she got inside the dry cab.

  He joined her from the other side, but she kept her eyes glued to the dashboard. Brandon started the engine and turned down the music, then sat back, placing his hands in his lap. She didn’t know what to say. She felt like she should apologize, but maybe she was right. He hadn’t denied it.

  When he finally spoke, his voice was low and even. “I’m not sure where that came from, Josie, but I’m assuming that’s what you’ve encountered in the past?”

  “A few times,” she admitted. “More commonly though, it’s the opposite. Guys don’t want to be bothered with--” She didn’t finish.

  Brandon reached out and took her hand gently. She didn’t resist him and turned her face toward him as he spoke, feeling on the verge of tears.

  “I will continue to spend time with Tommy whether we are friends or something more. I would never use him to get to you, Josie. That honestly never crossed my mind. If anything, I was trying to keep my distance because I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I wasn’t sure I could do anything about it, but I kept running into you and then I couldn’t stay away. From either of you.”

  She believed him.

  “If you don’t want to go out with me, Josie, just say so and we can continue on as we have been. But if you do, you don’t have to push me away. I have no ulterior motives. I like you. I just want to spend some time with you.”

  She knew she felt the same way. She was scared and had no idea what the future held, but she wanted to find out.

  “Are you sure you still want to?” she asked, feeling embarrassed by her behavior but also forgiven. She knew Brandon wouldn’t hold it against her.

  He smiled and leaned close, kissing her on the cheek. “Absolutely.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The store clerk smiled. “Have a nice afternoon,” she said, handing Josie the purchase that made the outfit for her date with Brandon complete.

  Wanting their first date to be comfortable and easy going, Josie had suggested they stick with a casual dinner and a movie. She wanted to maintain the simple friendship they already had fallen into and take this new path in their relationship slow. She expected tonight to be about getting to know each other better, not falling in love.

  She met Natalie at the check-out counter of the store next door where Natalie had gone to look for some new shoes. She’d found three pairs. They went to the food court to have a late lunch and then returned to the apartment. It had been a busy week. Between working, sleeping, helping Tommy with homework, and long chats with Natalie, Josie hadn’t had time to think about the impending evening.

  Since waking this morning to an overcast but dry Thursday, however, the date she had tried to put out of her mind for the past five days had consumed her thoughts and seemed to get stronger by the hour. With her stomach in knots, her mind spun with every scen
ario she could imagine. She was excited deep down, but in a cautious sort of way.

  She and Brandon had spent enough time together that it wouldn’t be like other first dates she had been on, and she didn’t know what to expect. Up until now, they had been comfortable around each other, just being themselves. She hoped tonight wouldn’t change that.

  She went to her bedroom and tried on the complete outfit. The jeans she had bought were a deep blue denim that looked and felt soft, and they were really comfortable. The older she got, the more difficult it seemed to be for her to find new things to wear that she liked. The clothes in the junior section were either too trendy or didn’t fit right, but the clothing in the women’s section didn’t appeal to her tastes. She had discovered a store today that seemed to be targeted toward herself and other twenty-somethings that were looking for what they might have worn in college, only more up-to-date fashion-wise.

  She removed the tags from the top and slipped it over her head. Turning this way and that, she allowed a smile to emerge. She liked the color and the way it fit her shape. While shopping today she had been looking for something she liked, but now she was thinking more about the way Brandon would see her, and she knew it had been a long time since she had cared about dressing a certain way for a guy.

  “I love it,” she heard Natalie say from behind. “What shoes are you going to wear?”

  “I haven’t decided yet,” Josie said, wiggling her toes inside her dark socks.

  “I have the perfect ones,” she said and pulled out a pair from one of her suitcases. “Here, try these.”

  Josie obeyed. They felt a little big on her, but pulling the laces tight made them feel snug enough. Standing to survey the addition, she knew they completed the casual look. She pictured herself walking next to Brandon, standing in line at the movie theater, and eating dinner across from him engaged in pleasant conversation and laughter.

  “Did you reach your editor?” Josie asked her sister. Natalie had been trying to call him since before leaving this morning.

  “No. But I left a message this time. He should get back to me this afternoon.”