The Curve Ball

by Emilia Beaumont

  Stalking to the door, I wrenched it open. “What?”

  “Marcus.”

  I stared at my father, who was standing on my doorstep yet again and knew I couldn’t deal with him right now. Clenching my jaw, I went to shut the door but he stuck his booted foot in the doorway, blocking it. “No, we have to talk, now.”

  “I don’t have anything to say to you,” I said wearily. “I’m not in the mood right now. Just leave me the hell alone.”

  He pushed against the door, forcing himself inside until I gave up and he was standing in the living room, his face red. I ran a hand through my hair before crossing my arms, giving him my best glare. “So? What’s so important that you thought to fuck up my evening? You already fucked up my life, so I guess you think it doesn’t matter?”

  He reached into his coat pocket and threw a folded-up paper at me. “This is what is so important! Damn it Marcus, why the hell did you think that was a good idea?”

  Frowning, I picked the paper off of the floor and unfolded it. Dread sank and settled into my bones. It was a photo from the charity game. There I was, clear as day, recognizable. “It was a charity game,” I said nonchalantly, tossing it on the counter. “Not a red-carpet event.”

  My dad looked at me with an incredulous expression before throwing up his hands. “You really do not get it do you? This isn’t about you at all. This is about this family that I have to protect. It’s about your mother and you, Mark.”

  “It’s one picture,” I argued, wondering why he was making such a big deal out of it. “You’ve been hidden this long and so have I. I doubt there’s people still out there looking for us.” It was then that I remembered the text message and weird phone call, how I had thought it was someone trying to draw me out.

  “I thought by now that you would understand the ramifications of what would happen if any member of this family was found, but apparently not. Do you not know what danger you have put yourself in, Marcus?”

  “Do you not know how much my life sucks because of you?” I exploded, all of the anger and rage boiling over. “I was going places. I would have been a Major League Baseball star if I’d been allowed to live my life. But no, instead a fucking United States Marshal hunts me down and takes me from everything I used to know. Hell, I couldn’t even pack my shit!”

  “I gave you time to do that,” he argued, his eyes flashing with anger. “You chose to pull that little stunt that could have gotten you killed. I had no choice, Marcus, and neither did you.”

  I sighed in frustration. “Because you fucking screwed up.”

  I watched as he visibly swallowed, wanting to refute my words. But he and I both knew he couldn’t. I was right. He had screwed up… but it was only because he felt the need to do the right thing. He put his damn conscience before his family.

  Everything my dad had been involved in had been because he was an innocent party who’d stumbled on a huge scam. Once he had discovered it and blew the whistle, we were being moved halfway across the country for the sake of our safety.

  He straightened and looked me in the eye, pointing to the photo that had brought him here. “You screwed up, too, Marcus. You have successfully ruined years of careful observation and blown the damn thing wide open. Now the FBI is in an uproar and your mother is scared to go to the damn grocery store.”

  I swallowed then, not wanting to have this become bigger than it should be. Hell, it was one picture. The text messages had started way before then. For a moment I thought about telling him about them, but then he would just blame them on me as well and we would be yelling at each other until dawn.

  “I wanted a life as well,” I finally said. “I never wanted to be a construction worker stuck in this hellhole of an apartment because I can’t afford a place of my own. I never wanted to hide the fact that I fucking love baseball, but the moment I allow myself just a tiny bit of joy, the past comes back to haunt me.”

  I wanted to throw in the fact that I couldn’t even have a normal relationship with Cara because there was this whole secret side of myself that I had to keep hidden. What if someone tried to get it out of her one day? What if she was hurt because of my past? I couldn’t allow that to happen.

  My dad walked to the door, clearly upset by my reaction. Right before he turned the knob, he turned back to me. “The trial is soon. The district attorney is finally ready to proceed and I will be called to testify. That was why this was so important, Mark. I never want to see you or your mother put into a position were you could be hurt. I did my best by you. I thought I was keeping you safe. I thought you’d be proud of me. But this is a dangerous game I’ve put us all in. I get that you’re furious with me. But for your own sake you have to be more careful.”

  “Dad,” I started, not realizing the trial was finally going to court after all this time. Had that been why he had come to see me the first time? Had I known, I, well, I might would have been more cautious. Maybe.

  He held up his hand. “Whatever you are going to say, it doesn’t matter. I’ve got something else to tell you. Your mom, this is breaking her heart. She wants to see you; she needs to see you. She’s not doing well. I wasn’t going to tell you like this—she didn’t want you to worry—but she’s got cancer, son, and is going through a rough time with the chemo. If you can get past the selfish anger you are harboring for me, I think you should come for a visit.”

  I watched as he walked out before I could process and respond to the bomb he’d just dropped in my lap.

  The door slammed and my head pulsed.

  Mom had cancer? What type? What was her prognosis? Why hadn’t they told me before now?

  “Damn it!” I yelled, wanting to throw something badly. How dare he leave on that note! I knew why. I wasn’t stupid by any means. He wanted me to come, he knew that I would if he dropped that kind of bombshell, and hell, I was going to. My mom had been my biggest supporter growing up and if she wanted to see me, she was going to see me.

  As I eased myself back onto my bed, my head even worse after the yelling, I mentally calculated how quickly I could leave town. Three days’ tops. We were almost done with the work on the building. After that I could get away without the foreman raising too much fuss and I had the last address of my parents somewhere in my shit. I had some money saved up for a rainy day and while the plane ticket would set me back a few hundred, I would be all right. After all, I only had one mom unless I was like James and had two.

  Cara’s face flitted through my mind and I swore under my breath, knowing it would be a while before I could talk to her as well. I couldn’t begin to explain to her what was going on and I knew if I made any move to do such a thing, I would be putting her in potential danger until this trial was over with. No, I was better off not saying anything right now and hope that she would still talk to me when this was over.

  24

  Cara

  With my hands in my pockets I kept walking, telling myself I was doing the right thing by going there. The baseball field came into view as I emerged out of the trees. I had debated all day if I should continue my pursuit of learning more about my son. There were so many things that could go wrong with me trying to be in his life, but I was willing to put myself on the line for him.

  But that wasn’t the only reason why I was at the park. I also had a hidden agenda and needed to see Luke after the disastrous night. I’d received no word from him after the floral arrangement whatsoever. It was surprising given I thought he would have followed up to see if his flowers had worked. But nothing, nada. Total silence on his part. So I guessed he assumed the ball was in my court.

  I figured the decent thing to do would be to give him one last chance before calling it quits. I owed that much to myself… my feelings had grown exponentially for him, and I was in danger of it becoming more than just lust. If he was truly an asshole, it was better to find out for sure and then move on, than pine for him. The obvious place I thought I’d start looking was the baseball field. If all went well I’d be ki
lling two birds with one stone; spending some time with James and Luke.

  As I approached the small cluster of kids and adults—the session finishing up—I couldn’t seem to spot Luke anywhere. He should’ve been right in the center of the chaos, surrounded by the squealing, happy kids. Instead there was a short guy giving them high-fives as they exited the field, his hat clearly marked “coach.” I hung back until nearly all of the kids were off of the field before I approached the imposter.

  “Hi,” I said brightly, attempting not to look desperately. “Can I ask where Luke is tonight?”

  “Luke?” he asked, giving me a grin. “What’s he done now? How do you know him? Hey don’t I know you from somewhere?”

  “Erm, we’re just friends, and I think we met at Friction once,” I said, returning his smile with one of my own.

  “Oh, yeah!”

  “So, he’s not sick, is he?”

  “Nah,” he replied as one of the kids ran up to him and threw his arms around his waist. The new coach gave him a tight hug before the little boy ran to the fence. The coach followed the kids’ movements looking in the distance, and his face softened. His gaze had fallen onto a pretty woman, one I thought I recognized, and her arms were now wrapped around presumably her son. “Is that your wife?”

  “Nah,” he answered again. “But she might be mine soon… one day. Maybe they both will.” He paused and then quickly added as an explanation, “I want to adopt her kid, you see. He’s great.”

  “That’s wonderful,” I answered honestly, feeling the tears clog my throat. That was how it should be. “So, anyway. Where’s Luke again?”

  “Oh yeah, right. Well, you don’t look like a psycho so I think it’ll be all right to tell you.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  He gave me a little shrug. “He’s working some extra hours this week. Said he needed the funds. It was my idea for him to cover this Little League in the first place and hell, he was a natural, but I kinda owed him so here I am picking up his slack.”

  “Yeah, I agree, he seems pretty great with the kids,” I said slowly, thinking of how the kids loved him from the very first day. “So will he be back?”

  “Man, I hope so, I’m a crap coach,” the coach replied, giving me an apologetic smile. “Hey, I really need to go. The kid hasn’t had supper yet.”

  “Oh, sure, of course,” I responded, stepping back. I watched as he jogged happily over to the woman and her child, throwing his arm around her shoulder before taking the boy’s hand.

  “Ms. Young?”

  I looked down to see James at my side, an apprehensive look on his face and a smudge of dirt on his nose. He looked adorable and my heart constricted. Swallowing the tears, I kneeled down to his level. “Hey, James, how was practice?”

  “It was good,” he said, kicking at the dirt. “We miss coach Luke, but coach Darren wasn’t half-bad.”

  “I imagine you do,” I murmured, thinking the same thing. Where was he? Was his friend covering for him, or was he avoiding me?

  Bringing my attention back to my boy I asked, “So what have you learned?”

  “I learned how to throw a knuckleball the other day,” James said, his eyes brightening as he looked at me. “Would you like to see?”

  “Of course I do,” I said, giving him a smile. Spying a forgotten glove near the fence, I picked it up and walked a few feet away. “This far enough?”

  “No.”

  I walked a few feet more. “What about this?”

  “Yeah, that’s good,” James said, tossing the ball up in the air and catching it with his glove. I squatted and assumed the closest thing to a catcher as I could remember.

  “All right!” I yelled, holding the glove up. “Give it your best shot.”

  James assumed his stance as a pitcher would, looking around at the empty bases before nodding toward me as if I had given him the sign. He then wound his little arm, bent his leg, and threw the ball toward me. I caught it and was surprised to feel the sting from the force of the throw. I gave him a thumbs-up, standing. “Great job, James! Wanna go again?”

  He nodded and I managed not to embarrass myself as I threw the ball back to him. We spent a few minutes just playing catch and had to say it was the happiest I’d felt in a long time.

  His smile warmed my heart as I walked back to him, handing him the ball. “So,” I said needing to address the elephant in the room. “Did you get in trouble for the other day?”

  He shrugged, palming the ball. “Nah. Mom and Dad never punish me. Mom cried a lot afterward, though, and I was sent to my room, but that’s it.”

  “Are they good to you?” I asked, wanting to know what kind of life my son had. I had no rights, of course, since I had signed them all away, but it didn’t mean I didn’t care. I cared way too much.

  He looked puzzled for a moment. “I think so. They love me and I have my own room and loads of toys,” he said, looking out onto the baseball field. “And lots of cousins to play with. Timmy is coming over this weekend to spend the night with me and mom lets us stay up all night!” He then looked at me, his expression pensive. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course,” I said, giving him an encouraging smile. “You can ask me anything.”

  “Why did you give me away? Was it that I cried too much?”

  It was like a sucker-punch to the gut as I struggled to maintain my composure, torn between gathering him up into my arms or running the hell away from the question. It was probably the hardest question I ever wrestled with, even though my rationalization back then was completely on point.

  “No, James,” I finally said, crouching down to his level to look him in the eyes. I took his little hand in mine. “You did absolutely nothing wrong, okay? Please don’t ever think you did anything bad. I was too young to look after a baby, to look after you. Even though I wanted to so badly. I loved you so much. But I wouldn’t have been able to buy you the things you needed or give you the life you deserved.”

  His little face scrunched up and for a moment I thought he was going to burst out into tears. I knew I was on the brink of it myself. I didn’t want to hurt him, and I could only hope by telling him the truth would be the right thing to do. He was old enough to understand the information I was telling him.

  “Now you have a wonderful family, two loving parents who are able to take care of you, and wanted you so so much. I couldn’t have asked for anything better for my son.”

  “So I’m still your son?” he asked hesitantly. I nodded and squeezed his hand. “You will always be my son, my baby, if you want to be. Isn’t that why you reached out to me in your letters?”

  He nodded then. “I saw the adoption papers and wanted to know what you looked like. We do look alike, don’t we?”

  “Yes,” I answered. “We look a lot alike.” I softly bopped him on the end of his nose with a finger.

  “Can I ask you another question?”

  “Yes, you can ask me as many as you want.”

  “Who’s my dad then?”

  I sighed, wishing I could give him an honest answer that wouldn’t break his little heart. I hadn’t seen his dad since the day we’d graduated high school. He barely acknowledged my existence after I had gotten pregnant, and in the months I spent homeschooling because I was unable to attend classes, not once had he come by to see how I was doing. But I couldn’t blame him either. I mean we were kids, he was probably as confused as I was.

  “Your dad,” I began, searching for the right words so I wouldn’t completely throw him under the bus. “He was young like me and wanted a better life for you than we could provide you, James.”

  “Oh,” James said simply, looking away. “Well I guess that’s okay then.”

  “I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I did James,” I said gently, “but I’m so happy you contacted me. Especially now cause I got to meet the future most famous pitcher in all of baseball history.”

  His grin was quick and I knew that the grilling of the qu
estions was over for now. I had satisfied his curiosity for the most part. There would be more to come, and even though they would probably feel like daggers to the heart, I wasn’t lying when I said he could ask all the questions he wanted.

  “I guess I better go,” he finally said after a moment. “Mom will be wondering where I am.”

  “You better hurry then,” I said, feeling the tightness in my throat. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to learn all about him, his likes and dislikes, his fears, what he wanted to be when he grew up. But I also didn’t want to seem like the instigator who was withholding him from this real family, either. If I was going to be allowed in his life, I would have to play by their rules from then on. “Go on, before she worries.”

  “See you later!” he called as he ran off, disappearing from my sight a moment later. I sighed and kicked at the dirt with my own shoe, hating the fact that I couldn’t be more involved in his life. All I had was an empty apartment to go home to, a missing man/boyfriend to find, and a lot of time on my hands suddenly. But slow and steady won the race. I couldn’t rush it… and as if a light had magically turned on, I realized I couldn’t rush Luke either.

  If he were a patient I would’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, waiting patiently for him to come around, building up the trust until one day the real reason for the visit would spill out. I nodded, I had to go slowly. But of course that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to not try and find him. The only way to build trust was if one was in contact with the other person.

  I wasn’t dressed for a night out, but Friction wasn’t really that kind of place anyway. It was packed, though, and as soon as I entered a wall of chatter hit me. A second later the smell of sweet-stale beer wafted over me, too. The singles’ speed-dating event was on and it didn’t seem like there was an empty seat in the place. But I wasn’t there for that.