The Rake's Vow

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “How are things between you and Lord Steinbeck?” Loretta asked since there didn’t seem to be anything else to discuss.

  “Good,” Iris replied. “I heard you married recently.” Before Loretta could ask her how she found out, Iris added, “Damara told me about the marriage. Also, I heard Lady Eloise was impressed with the gentleman you managed to, as she put it, snag. I didn’t hear this directly from Lady Eloise. One of the ladies in Ladies of Grace told me.”

  It was on the tip of Loretta’s tongue to ask her if this lady was Celia, but that didn’t make any sense. Why would Celia say anything to her? Maybe Celia told Damara. But if that was the case, then why wouldn’t Iris come out and say it was Damara who’d said it?

  No. It had to be one of the members of the group, and if that was the case, then someone in the group was disobeying Lady Eloise’s command that they not associate with Iris. Just as she was disobeying Lady Eloise right now. Loretta bit her lower lip. Even if she was disobeying Lady Eloise, it was for the right reason. She owed it to Iris to talk to her, especially after the way she’d treated her.

  But if someone saw her and reported to Lady Eloise that she’d been talking to Iris in her carriage, then would that make Lady Eloise think less of her? Even if she had managed to impress her by marrying Tad, she didn’t think Lady Eloise would let her get by with talking to Iris. Would she?

  The carriage came to a stop, and she turned her attention back to Iris, who was still talking.

  “I’ll talk with my husband about sending an invitation,” Iris finished.

  Invitation to what? Loretta wasn’t sure if she should ask. If she did, then Iris would know she hadn’t been paying attention to anything she’d been saying. She should have known better than to let her mind drift off like that.

  The footman opened the door, and Iris said, “I’m glad you talked to me.”

  She hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake in not asking Iris to repeat everything she’d just said over the past couple of minutes. But that was the option she chose to go with. With a smile, Loretta replied, “Thank you.”

  Iris nodded she was welcome, and figuring that was the end of the conversation, Loretta stepped out of the carriage. She turned back and waved to Iris then watched as the coachman directed the carriage back onto the street.

  Though it only made her appear guilty, she scanned the area, looking for anyone who might be well acquainted with Lady Eloise. She didn’t see anyone she recognized, though. Breathing a sigh of relief, she went into her townhouse.

  Chapter Sixteen

  A short time later, Tad returned to the townhouse, thinking his visit with Malcolm and Warren at White’s had proven very fruitful. As had become his habit, he searched for Loretta. They had made it a point to greet one another upon returning home, but since he didn’t find her in the drawing room, he asked the butler if she was in the townhouse.

  “She’s in her bedchamber,” the butler said.

  That wasn’t like her. She didn’t make it a habit of going there this time of day. In fact, she wouldn’t be due to go there for another hour when it was time to get ready for dinner. Maybe he would be better off respecting her privacy and leaving her alone, but he sensed that something was bothering her. Perhaps if he’d been here when she came home, she would have sought him out. If that was the case, then she would have wanted to talk to him.

  He debated whether or not he should go to her. He hadn’t stepped into her bedchamber since the day they married. She’d never told him he wasn’t welcome to come into her room, but it seemed to be an unspoken rule. Bedchambers, after all, were personal. If they had a normal marriage, he wouldn’t even think twice before seeing her. But this wasn’t a normal marriage.

  He paced the hallway a couple of times, glancing at the stairs and wondering if he should go up there. Then he decided he should offer her comfort if she needed it. It wouldn’t be right to let her suffer alone if he could be there to help take some of the burden from her. They were friends, after all, and friends sought ways to help each other out.

  His mind made up, he went up the stairs and to the closed door of her bedchamber. After a moment’s hesitation, he knocked on it.

  “Come in,” she called out.

  He slowly opened the door and peaked into the room, just in case she wasn’t fully dressed. When he didn’t see her at the vanity or armoire, he scanned the rest of the room and saw her resting on the bed. She was wearing the same gown she’d left the townhouse in earlier that day, and she was lying on her side, curled up into a ball and holding her pillow to her chest. As he suspected, she was upset. She might not be crying, but she was staring ahead, lost in her thoughts.

  He came into the room and shut the door behind him. “It’s Tad,” he said. “I’m not your lady’s maid.”

  She glanced over at him. “Oh. I thought she wanted to see if I wanted something to drink. She does that from time to time when I’m in my room.”

  “Since we married, I can’t recall you spending much time in here during the day.”

  “When I lived with my family, I used to spend considerable time in my bedchamber.” Then, as if it was an afterthought, she added, “Especially after I found out Anthony married Damara.” She rose up into a sitting position but still hugged the pillow. “You were right. I never would have been happy with him. I had no idea he was such a coward until today.”

  To his surprise, she choked on the last part of her statement and tears sprang up in her eyes. He hurried to sit beside her and offered her his handkerchief. “If I was right, then why are you crying?”

  She dabbed the tears from her eyes. “Because I can’t believe I was foolish enough to fall in love with him. I’ve been recalling everything about our betrothal. At the time, I thought everything was perfect. Now I can see that he didn’t care for me at all. I keep remembering the observation you made about Corin’s reaction to Celia when we were at the ball. Anthony had done the same things with me that Corin did with Celia. He didn’t try to touch me. I had to be the one to touch him. He leaned away from me whenever I was near. He didn’t even make any attempts to visit me or write to me.” She shook her head in frustration. “How could I have missed all of that?”

  “You missed those things because you didn’t want to see them. That’s how people are. They see what they want to see.”

  “I think you’re right. Back then, I wanted to be his wife so badly. I don’t think I would have listened to anyone else tell me he didn’t want to be with me, either. I would have needed to hear it directly from him.” She turned her gaze to him, her eyes flashing with anger through her unshed tears. “But he was too much of a coward to tell me that he didn’t want to marry me.”

  With a sigh, he put his arm around her shoulders and drew her against him. Resting his cheek on top of her head, he said, “Unfortunately, some people are afraid to be honest. They find it easier to lie so they can avoid unpleasant confrontations.”

  “A lot of good that does anyone. If he hadn’t run off with Damara, I would have ended up with him. And as you rightly pointed out, we both would have been miserable.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief again. “Marriage is for life. It’s not like escorting a lady to dinner for the evening. You’re making a vow to spend the rest of your life with another person, and more often than not, you’ll have to deal with this person every day.”

  She shifted and sat up so that she could look at him. “I don’t understand how Anthony was willing to let us both end up like that. And you want to know what’s worse? He’s willing to put Celia through the same fate he almost put me through. You remember Celia, don’t you?”

  Hoping to lighten the mood, he offered her a teasing smile. “If my memory hasn’t failed me, I seem to recall seeing her at our wedding, which wasn’t all that long ago.”

  Her lips curled up into a smile, and she let out a light chuckle. “Yes, she was at our wedding, but so were all the ladies from Ladies of Grace.”

  Glad he
had succeeded in making her feel better, he rubbed her back. “Celia has dark hair and wore the peach gown.”

  Lowering the handkerchief to the pillow, she stared at him in awe. “You have a good memory.”

  “I notice things about people.”

  Especially ladies. He’d made it a point to notice things about them in the past, and whether he liked it or not, he couldn’t stop noticing things about them now. There were always subtle details he picked up on that most missed. Like, at the moment, Loretta’s cheeks were flushed because of anger and humiliation over the past, and the dimple in her chin had deepened. He had the urge to caress that dimple, but he resisted it. Such a move would be much too personal. So he settled for rubbing her back in slow, methodical motions instead.

  “Anyway,” Loretta continued, “I asked Anthony to tell Corin to tell Celia the truth about his feelings. I don’t want her to end up going through the same pain I had to endure. I know Celia. She’s stubborn. When she wants something, she does whatever she can to get it. I also don’t think she’s going to listen to anyone but Corin. She’ll only end up waiting for him until she’s too old to be marriageable anymore. I want better for her. She’s wanted to have children ever since she was a little girl. She’s not going to get that if she keeps pining for him.”

  “When you asked Anthony to talk to Corin, he said no?”

  “He said no because he’s afraid to ask Corin to talk to her.”

  She let out a long sigh and turned her gaze, once more, to him, and by the hopeful expression in her gaze, he suspected she was about to ask him for something. He already knew what that something was, and he also knew he wouldn’t tell her no. If he could do anything to make her feel better, he would do it.

  “I realize you barely know Corin, but I was wondering if you’d talk to him,” she requested.

  “Yes, I’ll talk to him.”

  Before he had time to blink, she released the pillow and hugged him. “Thank you, Tad. I was hoping you’d say yes.”

  It took him a moment to return the hug. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy it. She was warm and soft, and better yet, he could feel the curve of her breasts as they pressed into his chest. The gesture she offered was one borne of sincerity and innocence. He knew there was nothing sexual in it. Not on her part anyway.

  But it was bringing back a swirl of latent passions he’d put to rest three years ago when he vowed to never be with another lady. Still, there was no way she could possibly know what effect she was having on him. And because of that, he returned the hug. He didn’t want her to think he was rejecting her, because he wasn’t.

  He enjoyed being with her. Actually, he was enjoying it a little too much at the moment. He should have known that sitting on her bed was a bad idea. All it did was conjure up images he’d sworn to never think of again. It sure would be a lot easier to avoid those thoughts if he’d never seen a lady naked before.

  When she pulled away from him, he pushed aside his disappointment. He didn’t want to think of her this way. He was done with that part of his life.

  What he needed was to get out of this room. He should have known sitting on a bed with her would stir up old desires. She was one of the best things in his life. After years of only doing things for himself, he was doing things for someone else, and he could think of no one better to do something for than someone with her blend of sweetness and sincerity—two things hard to come by in London.

  Giving her arm a reassuring squeeze, he rose to his feet. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’m due to go to White’s then. He’s a member there.” He smiled. “We can discuss what you’d like me to tell him at dinner.”

  As he headed for the door, she called out, “Tad?”

  He paused and glanced back at her.

  “I just want you to know I’m glad we’re married,” she said. “I know we don’t have the same kind of marriage other couples do, but I think in some ways ours is better. Besides Celia, I can’t think of anyone that I can bare my soul to without fear of being laughed at. I consider you to be a good friend.”

  Surprised she should hold him in such high esteem, he replied, “You’re one of the few good things I have in this life. I’ll do anything I can to make you happy.”

  Her face brightened, and he had to fight the urge to return to her. Instead, he turned back to the door and left.

  ***

  The next day Tad went to White’s before he was due to meet with Warren and Malcolm. His first obligation was to Loretta, and because of that, he needed to talk to Corin before he did anything else.

  As he searched the establishment, Ethan and Christopher came up to him. He sighed. It seemed that every single time he stepped into White’s, they sniffed him out. He felt too much like a fox being hunted by a group of hounds.

  He had hoped the two wouldn’t be here so early today since Warren had assured him they made it a habit of showing up later in the afternoon, but as luck would have it, they were already here, and worse, they looked far too eager to talk to him.

  He honestly didn’t understand their fascination with him, but he was going to put a stop to it. Before either one could open his mouth, he said, “First of all, I’m not a rake anymore. I left that life behind me three years ago. Second, being a rake is not as satisfying as you both seem to think it is. Ultimately, it only makes a gentleman feel empty and alone. If you want to know the truth, I wish I could do it all over again and live the kind of life Mr. Jasper and Lord Steinbeck lead. Now, I would appreciate it if both of you would stop worshiping me. I don’t deserve it.”

  Both gentlemen stared at him as if they hadn’t expected him to say all of that. Well, given how much they idolized him, he couldn’t be surprised. All he could do was hope they would finally leave him alone. But first…

  “Is Lord Durrant here?” Tad asked.

  After a moment, Christopher nodded and gestured to the other room. “He’s in there.”

  Tad thanked him and left the two of them, knowing full well they continued to stare after him in shock. Upon entering the room, he scanned the many gentlemen who were there. Most were playing games, but a few were lounging in chairs, talking to a friend or two and drinking brandy.

  He was beginning to think Christopher had been mistaken—that Corin wasn’t here. But then he caught sight of a lone gentleman who was sitting in the corner of the room, his head bowed over the paper. Yes. That was him. And better yet, he was alone.

  Now was the perfect time to talk to him. Tad strode across the room, trying his best not to notice most of the stares coming from a good majority of the gentlemen. Though he had been back at White’s a couple of times since his first visit after returning to London, there were still some who either seemed wary of him or had the same admiration for him that Ethan and Christopher had.

  He wasn’t sure if that would ever change. For all he knew, this was how things were going to be for the rest of his life. If that was the case, the sooner he learned to ignore the stares, the sooner they would no longer bother him.

  When he reached Corin, he asked, “May I have a word with you?”

  Corin jerked and almost dropped the paper.

  “My apologies,” Tad said as Corin looked up at him. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He offered the gentleman a smile, hoping to set him at ease. “There’s a matter I wish to discuss with you. It’s rather personal.” He glanced around the room, noting that some of the gentlemen were still staring at him. “It might be better if we talk somewhere else. As much as I hate it, I seem to attract a crowd wherever I go.”

  Corin’s gaze went to the gentlemen. “All right. We can talk elsewhere.” Rising to his feet, he put the paper on the chair. “We can go to one of the private rooms.”

  Since Corin took the lead, Tad followed him. As they left the room, Tad saw that Ethan and Christopher were still standing where they’d been when he left them, both looking at him as if he had dashed all of their dreams. He could only imagine the kinds of fantasies they had entertai
ned about his past.

  He supposed he shouldn’t find it so amusing, but a chuckle rose up in his throat. “I’m sorry I had to shatter your fantasies, but I did you a kindness. It doesn’t do either one of you any good to believe my past was something it really wasn’t.”

  In that moment, whatever spell they been under finally broke. They mumbled an apology for bothering him, bumped into each other, and then hurried off to another room.

  From beside him, Corin shook his head. “I’ll never understand those two.”

  “They’re harmless,” Tad replied as they continued heading to a private room.

  “Harmless? Ethan used to be a rake, just like you.”

  “No.”

  “It’s true. He was featured in the Tittletattle almost every week.”

  “I don’t believe it.”

  “That was before you started coming back to White’s. You were probably in the country when all of it was happening.”

  Tad shook his head. “I know a rake when I see him, and there’s no way that Ethan was ever a rake.” In fact, compared to Tad, Ethan was a saint. Tad doubted he’d even kissed a lady before his marriage.

  “It’s true,” Corin insisted. “He was notorious for his conquests.”

  “Did you ever talk to any of those conquests?” Tad asked.

  “No. Nor would I want to. I don’t want to live that kind of life. I stay as far from Ethan as possible.”

  They entered a small room, and Tad shut the door. Whatever Corin, or anyone else in London, wanted to believe about Ethan was their concern. If Ethan had managed to fool them all into believing he’d been a rake, then Tad had no reason to interfere with it. He had more pressing matters to tend to.

  “I’m sorry that I’m taking up your time,” Tad told Corin as the two sat down. “I’ll try to be brief.”