Dwarg in the Seventh Dimension : The Aggie Kellor Experience

by Tony Lourensen

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE – SSJH

  Megan had left very early, before breakfast, and Stephano was waiting for her in the foyer of the hotel. “Well I have the whole day off today Stephano, where are you taking me?”

  “My parents live in Luzern Megan, they have a lovely place right on the lake and the views are like nothing except paradise. It’s a three hour drive each way, are you sure your boss won’t need the automobile for her work?”

  “Nope, Professor Lorenz will collect her and drop her off at the end of the day – she told me that today is my day and didn’t even ask what I was going to do with it. Tomorrow I will be on standby. Anyway I have my mobile, just in case. It’s a beautiful day today isn’t it? Shame the limousine isn’t a convertible. I could stand having the wind in my face, driving along the Alps.”

  “Your wish is my command.” Megan got into the limousine and Stephano drove it into town, into the security holding yard. “I’ll be back very quickly my lovely” and he ran behind the main office. Not a minute later, Megan turned to see (and hear) a large shiny and black Harley Davidson pull up next to the limousine – it was Stephano. “The trunk of the limo has another helmet and jacket – just your size I think.”

  “Why Stephano, you’re quite the planner. Do you take all your ladies out like this?”

  “When I first bought this motorcycle, I also bought the extra helmet and jacket – just for you – true, you will be the first to wear them. See, the tags are new and the plastic is still sealed.”

  “I don’t know what to think. You certainly know to impress, OK, why not - let’s see if it fits.”

  “And also this Megan” he opened a saddlebag and pulled out a long scarf of multi colours from a brown paper bag, “I bought this from a small stall while I was in Venice. As soon as I saw it hanging there, I pictured you wearing it – and now the day has come.”

  “I told you before at the airport, my dreams have really come true and now here we are. Megan, I am so happy my heart is bursting.”

  “How long did you plan to wait for me? Do you know the odds of something like this happening?”

  “Megan, this is something that was destined to happen. I would have waited forever. From the very first time I saw you, I knew that you ladies had something to do with CERN, so I took a job as a driver there as well as a waiter in town. I worked day and night preparing for our meeting which I knew just had to come. I did not even know your names. One day, a glorious day, someone left a magazine in the limousine and in it I saw a picture of your sister, Aggie is it? I made some more enquiries and Professor Lorenz told me that she was coming to Geneva later for some experiments. I made sure I was at the airport for every flight from the USA. I prayed and prayed that you would be with her – the rest you know.”

  “You know, Stephano, and this is a little creepy, I did remember you from the restaurant, you were staring at me. Even Edna and Aggie made some comment about it, and how I wished you would have come over and talked with me or something. I must admit that after that, I thought of you often. Here’s the creepy bit; on this trip, I was planning to go to that restaurant to see if you were still there.”

  They held hands, their faces came closer and there was a clash of helmets. Both laughed.

  -oOo-

  “Aggie, this is a wonderful concept” said Rienus Lien. “the Bose-Einstein condensate has the elements completely suspended and there’s absolutely no activity within the atom. I know that’s been done before, but trying to put them in reverse and giving them a blast, well it hurts my head to think of the reaction. May I see those notes again?”

  “Sure, here you are Professor. I can tell by your tone that you have some reservations as to the outcome. The worse that can happen is that we create a little bit of anti-matter – at least I hope it would only be a little - wouldn’t want a black hole chasing us down the tube.”

  “Anyway Professor Lorenz hopefully, will finally solve the problem of tracing those pesky quarks and find out where they disappear to. Ah, here comes the brew to add to the plasma – if you thought super-cold was cold, you should see this stuff.”

  “Where did you get this from, Aggie?”

  “Compliments of University of Edinburgh - Professor Lorenz and his people. He’s a little protective of the formula.”

  “Well the cylinder’s big enough.”

  “And the funny thing is that we only need a couple of drops. I believe there are over forty protective shells holding the agent in the bottle. Ah, Professor Lorenz, I see your special recipe has arrived safely.”

  “Hello Aggie, Professor. Aye this is the last piece to put in place. I had some wee trouble in finding suitable slings to suspend the crucible, but...up we go lads, easy now...whoa... lock it in. Excuse me Aggie, I just need to get the injector installed and calibrated.”

  Rienus Lien was impressed, “You know Aggie, this experiment may just open up another world.”

  More than you know, thought Aggie. Dwarg knew exactly.

  “Ah, Miss Kellor, may I introduce myself. I am Nic Melczarek, Director of Safety and other protocols within CERN. I have read the papers in relation to Project Dwargone and authorised the procedures.”

  “I must explain that I have a power of veto over any experiment which in my opinion may pose any risk to the staff or the facility.”

  “If you have the time now, I would like you to walk me through the stages and of the methods and conducts of your set up. I see Professor Lorenz is very much occupied up there on the hoists. If you wish, I can wait for him as well.”

  Aggie shook hands and introduced Professor Lien. “That would be fine Mr Melczarek, do you have some knowledge of nuclear mechanics?” Dwarg immediately began his DNA travel – perhaps his last investigation of a Human’s past.

  “I’ve studied a little, dear girl. I’ve also looked into your background and I’m very impressed with your talents. I read somewhere, oh you know those cheap unresearched sciences magazines, an article about your brilliant ability to tell about someone’s background – and that perhaps you utilise ESP in some way.”

  “Professor Melczarek – it is Professor isn’t it? Would you like me to read your mind or your palm? Sorry for sounding cynical, but it’s not ESP as you may think. I seem to have a gift where, from observation, I can deduce and interpret information about a person. I’ve never met you before this, but so far I’ve figured that you were born and educated in Poland, was restricted in your research, and you are somewhat rebellious with the establishment. Your mother was Polish, your father Dutch or from Belgium and he died before you were six years old. You were an only child and have no other family alive. You were baptised Catholic, had Confirmation, but lost your faith at age thirteen. You suffered from thyroid problems and have had cataract surgery.”

  “Wonderful young lady – I can see how you worked some of that out. Now how about something that will knock my socks off, so to speak.” He crossed his arms – his body language screaming a challenge.

  “As you wish Professor. “Państwo absolwent Uniwersytetu Lotz bo was miał z seksualne z państwa nauczyciela.” Nic Melczarek froze in his tracks. “You said that in Polish - do you know what you just said?”

  “Tak, wiem dobrze jezyka polskiego. Nauczyciel mial rude wlosy. Oh, and her pet name for you was moja mala kielbaska. Chcesz znac slowa szeptal do niej?”

  “Thank you no. The best of luck with your experiments Professor and Miss Aggie, my telephone is vibrating and I must go.” Nic, whose face became a crimson red, very quickly turned and headed back to the safety of his office in the corner of the large room on the second floor. His heart was still beating heavily from that ordeal – he felt he wanted to get away from this place, away from Europe. He reached into the second drawer of his desk and opened another folder – this one contained a letter of offer of employment from the University of Singapore.

  “I see our Safety Officer has just gone through the Aggie Kellor Experience” said a cackling Rienu
s.

  “Why Professor,” replied Aggie with a fluttering of her eyelids, “whatever do you mean?”

  Ethen Lorenz waved to them, “All right people, if you care to inspect this part of the chain, we are all a go.” Aggie looked all over the cylinder, saw that the release valve operated smoothly and held up her thumb in satisfaction.

  “Professor you may now seal the apparatus” she said.

  “Here we go lass, now the only variable is ssjh” he quickly put his hand over his mouth – an unguarded utterance. He looked at Aggie and both looked at Professor Lien. Yes, he had heard.

  “So what is char? Didn’t see that in the process or notes.” Rienus was a little hurt at being left out in the cold.

  Aggie looked at Professor Lorenz again and he nodded in silent agreement. She said, “Professor Lien, ssjh is another interesting and profound concept that Professor Lorenz and I have worked out. If you like I can describe it in simple terms?”

  “Only if you feel that I should be in on such close collaborative discussions.”

  “Well consider yourself so honoured. This would bring Michio Kaku of the Discovery Science Channel in a spin. He’s always going on about an equation which sums up the laws and theories of everything – well we think we’ve got it and we’ve called it ssjh.”

  “You’re trying to tell me you have found the holy grail of the universe? the ultimate of the ultimates? the formula for everything and then some? – before the big bang? the quest that has turned many men into quivering jellies?”

  “Yep” said Aggie “it accounts for just about everything.”

  “assar, you say, it’s a Polish word, yes?”

  “No professor, it’s a simple acronym, and its pronounced ss-j-h, as in shar.”

  “Aye” said Professor Lorenz – “even in this relatively safe and secure environment, the equation cannot be uttered. Here, I’ll write it down on this sticky-note, look at it then I will drop it into that bucket of liquid nitrogen.” Professor Lorenz first passed the note to Aggie for approval; she looked around to ensure no one was watching, and then passed the note to Rienus who eagerly scanned his eyes over it. He took a deep breath, and then slowly breathed out.

  “I can already see the accuracy of this equation. So when do propose to publish this truly wonderful and scientific revelation?”

  “One thing at a time Professor, let’s get over Project Dwargone first. Our Theory of Everything, our ssje, will no doubt pop up somewhere along the line.”

  Rienus tried to keep a straight face. “Do you mind very much if I follow this note into that container of nitrogen?” and he let out a belly laugh – he had never laughed so hard in all his life.

  Between tears, he read the note again. Professor Lorenz had written

  Sometimes

  Shit

  Just

  Happens.

  Rienus did manage to say, “Ssjh...ssjh indeed...hey Aggie, you do know the motto of the UO – don’t you?”

  “Yes Professor Lien, it’s Civi et Reipublicae – “For the Citizen and for the State” - why do you ask?”

  “I wonder if ssjh may make a good motto for our football team – wonder how it would sound in Latin?”

  “Ah, it would be something like excrementa accidit interdum. Good luck selling that to Coach Ray Johns.” They both laughed.

  Must be an inside joke, thought Ethen. “So that’s it ladies and gentlemen tomorrow 10 am, after morning tea, the seals come off. I’ll take you back to your hotel now – may I suggest we all have a good night’s sleep so our cerveaux will be primed and ready for things ahead – it may prove to be a long, long day.”