“I think you’ve been great.” She had the same gushing admiration she always did, but I really wasn’t up to it this morning. “All that stuff you’re dealing with, and you haven’t broken down.”
I had kind of broken down, but she wouldn’t know that.
I cleared my throat, suddenly unable to deal with this girl in my trailer. “Anyway, did he have anything else to say?”
Something almost palpable cracked on her face, her smile. “What?”
“The director? You said there was a message?”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” There was a new note in her voice now. Shrill. A little too much to be a reasonable response to what I’d just said.
Shit. I’d offended her somehow, even though I was doing my best to be polite. “I’m sorry. I’m just really tired and need a little downtime on my own.”
“Of course you do.”
I opened my eyes at her brittle tone. “What?”
“Of course you need some downtime. Of course you need to be alone even if it means slamming the door in the face of other people.” Janelle sounded bitter and ice cold, and it was so shocking I felt a shudder of cold anxiety run through me.
The transformation was so surprising I couldn’t process it immediately. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you. Always the center of attention. Everyone catering to your every whim. Treating you like you’re something special. All the way back to when you were twelve.”
“When I was twelve?”
“I bet you don’t even know. Don’t even remember, do you?” Something new was growing on Janelle’s face, a kind of wildness, an irrationality that was utterly frightening. “I bet you don’t even remember me. I auditioned for the role of Emma too.”
Emma was the first role I played on the cable show. It had made my name, and I’d been fighting the stereotype for my entire career.
“You did?” I breathed, trying to catch up, even as my heart was pounding with growing fear in my chest, my throat, my hands.
“Yes, I did. But of course you got it instead of me. I was just as good as you. I could sing. I could dance. But it didn’t matter. You always get what you want, don’t you? Everyone always bows and flatters and gives you whatever you want. When it should have been me!”
My brain finally started to work, even through the chaos of shock and fear I was experiencing. Janelle was the stalker. Not Matt. Not some crazed boy with a crush.
And I was alone in my trailer with her.
Cole had let her in, thinking it was a safety precaution.
I started very slowly to stand up.
“Don’t you dare move,” she hissed, pulling something out of her pocket.
It was a flat black object about the size of a credit card, but she unfolded it to reveal a scary-looking knife.
I froze, on my feet but not quite straightened up.
“It’s time someone gave you what you really deserve.” Her voice was cold, her eyes a little crazed. “You take and you take and you take! And everyone is too stupid to realize that you’re nothing special.”
My hands were shaking helplessly, and my legs felt ice cold. It was surreal, so bizarre. The world didn’t work this way. Perfectly nice girls didn’t turn into unhinged stalkers this way in the matter of two minutes.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to say, vaguely hoping I could calm her down until Cole came in.
Surely he’d come in here soon. He’d notice that Janelle wasn’t leaving.
“I’m sorry if I ever did anything to hurt you.”
“You did, but you’re not sorry. You never even knew I existed. When you stole my role, my career. My life! That role meant everything to me! It was my chance to finally be somebody! It was finally going to be my time to show my parents that I wasn’t useless. I was going to prove to everyone that I was special! I should be you!” She took a few steps closer to me, brandishing the knife.
She was going to kill me. Right here in the trailer, with Cole right outside standing guard.
I could see it in her eyes. I knew it was true.
If I didn’t do something right now, she would do it.
I opened my mouth, but the knife was suddenly at my throat. “Here’s a little direction for you, Emma. If you make a sound, I’ll kill you.”
She was going to do it anyway. She’d lost whatever touch with reality she’d ever had. She would kill me if I screamed, and she would kill me if I didn’t scream.
Cole wouldn’t get in here quick enough either way.
I took a step backward and felt a vase of flowers behind my hand—Jimmy had sent them to me a couple of days ago.
With a flick of my hand, I knocked them over, hoping for a crash that would alert Cole and distract Janelle.
The knife was too close to my throat now to try to fight her off. I’d never get an arm or leg up in time.
The vase toppled slowly and then turned over on its side. It made a noise but not a very loud one.
The flowers kept the vase from rolling off to the floor, where it would have made a much louder sound.
Janelle didn’t even seem to have noticed it.
“When you’re gone,” she was saying, her eyes crazed, almost inhuman, “then I’ll get my career back. Pete will cast me to replace you. I’ve been practicing all of the lines, and I know exactly what to do. And then all of this—the dressing room, the assistants, the money and fame, will all be mine. Just like it should have been.”
The trailer door suddenly swung open. “Evangeline,” Cole said, “are you—”
He took in the scene in about two seconds and was across the trailer before either Janelle or I could react. He moved so quickly that I could have imagined it.
He tackled her, pulling her arm down before she could make a slash toward my throat.
I stumbled back instinctively, as far from her as possible. I bumped into the wall and lost my balance, ending up on the floor.
Janelle was screaming obscenities at him and thrashing now, but Cole had her in a wrestler’s hold so she couldn’t move or raise her arms.
Two other members of security came running in too, and then they were hauling Janelle out of the room. There was a lot of commotion outside the trailer. People were yelling and asking questions.
And I totally lost it. The world just wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. Everything had turned painfully inside out and upside down.
I burst into embarrassing tears, still huddled on the floor where I’d fallen.
Cole had been snapping out orders to the guys who had taken Janelle outside, but he turned around when he heard me. He slammed the door closed.
Then he was there on the floor beside me, pulling me into his arms, holding me as tightly as he’d held me before.
And he was murmuring, “It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s over now. You’re safe.”
But I could feel the rapid beat of his heart and how his body was trembling almost as much as mine.
For some reason, it was reassuring.
“You’re going to be okay,” he said softly.
After a few minutes, I believed him.
This hadn’t changed everything. The world wasn’t all set to rights again. Even now I was sure that Cole hadn’t changed his mind about me.
But at least I had an answer. At least this one part was over.
At least I was safe and, for the moment, wrapped in Cole’s arms.
Twelve
Cole
I was back in uniform.
I was standing at attention.
All around me, people were talking, but I couldn’t hear a damn thing.
My heart was pounding so loudly in my brain that it was all I could do to just remember to breathe. In a matter of minutes, I knew my life was going to change.
For the worse.
By the time our CO finished reading the report in his hands, I was going to lose everything—my friends, my career, the life that I’d built for myself.
<
br /> And I’d completely deserve it.
It would almost be a relief to have it all be over.
I was so focused on a spot on the wall—anything to keep me from actually having to engage in conversation with anyone—that I didn’t immediately realize we’d been asked to sit. Levi nudged me discreetly and motioned for me to take a seat. I was almost thankful to do so since my legs felt as if they were about to give out.
The CO was talking again, but in my mind, it was muffled. My throat was dry, and I felt like I was going to be sick.
I needed to focus, to listen. I needed to hear it for myself—to know that what they’d found just proved what I’ve known all along—that Gavin would be alive right now if it wasn’t for me.
I looked over at Levi and realized that I cost his wife her brother—and her parents, their son. He’d never want anything to do with me ever again after this. Even if no formal charges were ever brought against me, I’d be nothing more than a horrible reminder of everything I cost his family.
Levi had been a good friend. One of the best. I wouldn’t make it hard for him—or for Harper. I’d just sell my share of the company and just… go away.
It would be for the best.
Declan and Sebastian would probably wash their hands of me as well. How could they not? They’d pretend we were all fine—probably even try to convince me that someday Levi and Harper would forgive me. But it wouldn’t matter. These three guys… they were the best thing that had ever happened to me. When I met them in boot camp, my life was a mess. I never had any real friends—had never known what it was like to have people who really cared about me. A family.
And now I was going to lose them and go back to where I belonged.
Alone.
On my own.
With no one to give a damn if I was dead or alive.
My brain immediately conjured up Evangeline’s face. I knew that, somewhere inside her, she actually believed we could be something together, but once Sebastian told her about what the report had found, she’d be thankful that I walked away. After all, it wouldn’t look good for one of Hollywood’s biggest actresses to be linked to a guy who got his best friend killed.
It would be too much for any tabloid magazine.
I must have missed more than I thought because suddenly I was hearing, “And in conclusion,” and my heart just stopped. I felt myself leaning forward. Waiting.
“…it is found that through all our investigation—interviews and eyewitness accounts—that Gunnery Sergeant Gavin Murphy rushed the orders and in doing such, moved into an area that hadn’t been cleared or secured.”
What?
If I wasn’t mistaken, the CO was a little choked up by the news. He placed the report down on the podium and looked at the four of us. “He was a good man,” he said solemnly. “I know I don’t have to tell any of you that. What happened was a tragedy. An accident. The United States Marine Corp was proud to call Gavin Murphy one of our own.” And with little more than a nod of his head, he exited the room.
Not one of us moved.
I couldn’t speak for Sebastian, Declan, or Levi, but I still felt like I was going to be sick. I knew I heard what the report said, and I knew I should be relieved… but I wasn’t. Basically, the report cleared me of any wrongdoing. But it was just as hard to deal with the fact that there was no one to blame for Gavin’s death.
It would have given me closure.
It would have given all of us closure.
Sebastian stood and raked a hand through his hair. I watched him pace silently back and forth a couple of times, and I could see the same restlessness in him I knew I was feeling. It didn’t take long for Declan to stand and then Levi.
He was the one I was worried about the most. He had to go and tell Harper and her parents what the report had found.
I refused to say that Gavin was to blame. I couldn’t. Gavin was passionate about what he was doing, and deep down to the very bottom of my soul, I refused to lay blame on him. He paid the ultimate price. Wasn’t that enough?
“I’ve got to go and call Harper,” Levi said quietly. “I’ll meet you all outside.”
I watched him go, and honestly, I wished the news was different. I wished for Harper’s sake that there was a face to put on this tragedy that wasn’t her brother’s. I’d gladly take the responsibility all on myself just to give her and her family a different outcome. And peace.
But I couldn’t.
I was numb. I was expecting a different outcome, and now I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t feel any joy. I didn’t feel any relief. I just felt… nothing.
It was easy to believe that I had screwed up. That was my life’s story. It was what I’d always been told and what I’d always lived up to. But for once, when it really mattered, I didn’t screw up.
“Hey,” Declan said, sitting back down beside me. “You okay?”
I looked at him for a long moment—as if seeing him for the first time. He said my name, and suddenly it hit me. “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I am.”
And I actually believed it.
***
It was a familiar scene—the four of us sitting around a table at a bar. We’d been doing it for years. The drive over was spent in silence, and even though no one asked where we were going, Sebastian—who was driving—seemed to know exactly where we needed to go.
“Someone please say something,” Declan finally said. “I… I can’t stand the silence anymore. I mean, that was some pretty heavy shit we heard today. How could we not have something to say about it?”
“What is there to say?” Seb asked. “It was all right there in black-and-white.”
Another long silence. Each of us seemed lost in our own thoughts as we drank our beers, our whisky, our gin.
“I thought I killed him,” Levi said lowly.
“What?” we all asked collectively.
He looked up, his expression bleak. “All this time”—his voice clogged with emotion— “I thought I was responsible for killing him.” He paused. “There were times I couldn’t even look at my wife, my in-laws, because I was so riddled with guilt. All I could think of was how they were going to hate me when it was proved that I was responsible. As it was, I couldn’t help but imagine that every time they looked at me that they were wishing I had been the one to die rather than Gavin.”
“How could you even think that?” Seb asked. “You were… You always…” He seemed to struggle to find the right words before he finally sighed. “I thought it was me.”
“You? How?” Levi asked. “I was in charge. I was the one…”
“I wasn’t paying attention. Or at least I thought I wasn’t paying attention. All this time I kept wondering what I’d missed or what I could have said to stop him…”
Declan gave a mirthless laugh. “That about sums up how I was feeling too.” He looked at the three of us sadly and shrugged. “We all know that I’m the slacker of the group. You guys were always picking up after me. I’ve been replaying that day in my mind all this time—trying to figure out what I didn’t see. I remember thinking that the whole exercise was a bust. That there wasn’t a threat. If I had taken it a little more seriously…”
“I was next to him,” I finally said, my voice raw. “I saw everything he saw, and I never saw it coming. I heard the order, but when I turned to look at Gavin… he was gone. He had moved. I… I thought I heard the order wrong. That we were supposed to move. I was getting up and then…” My voice trailed off, and I took a moment to just breathe. “I thought I had missed something, and because I hadn’t moved when Gavin had that I’d… That it was my fault… and…”
“Fuck,” Declan muttered, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Why haven’t we ever talked about this? It’s been two damn years; why are we all just sharing this now?”
“Why didn’t you share it?” I snapped.
He looked away, uncomfortable. “I… I didn’t want anyone to… I thought you’d all…”
“Ye
ah,” Seb said. “We know. Because we’re all guilty of the same damn thing. We all felt responsible and didn’t know what the hell to do about it. Who the fuck wants to admit that they were responsible for someone’s death? Especially when that someone is like a damn brother to you?”
“So what do we do now?” Declan asked.
“I don’t feel…,” I began and then cleared my throat. “I don’t feel… absolved. There’s a part of me that still feels responsible. Like I wasn’t watching his back. I should have pulled him back when he moved. If I was paying attention…”
“He still would have moved,” Levi finally said and then shook his head. “I loved Gavin. We grew up together, and he really was like a brother to me. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a pain in the ass.”
I wanted to jump up and yell that he shouldn’t say something like that, but I knew he was right.
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about Gavin,” he continued. “And not just because of Harper or my son. I think about him because he was a part of my life for… for my whole life. I miss him every day. That’s never going to change. But we all know that Gavin was… well, Gavin. He didn’t like to take orders. He could be arrogant. That mission… He argued every point of it with me and with anyone who would listen.”
“Yeah, but…” Declan interrupted.
“He didn’t deserve to die,” Levi said immediately. “He didn’t deserve… to die.”
“We couldn’t have stopped him,” Sebastian said quietly, and Declan agreed.
Levi looked directly at me. “You couldn’t have stopped him, Cole. You have to know that. No one could have.”
I looked at the three men who were my only family and saw it in their eyes—what Levi said was the truth. No one blamed me. No one hated me. No one thought I was a killer.
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
Sebastian reached over and put a hand on my shoulder before reaching for his drink with his other hand. “I think it’s time we let the past stay where it belongs—in the past. It’s time to start looking toward the future.”
Protecting the Movie Star (The Protectors Book 4) Page 15