Cookie and the Most Annoying Girl in the World

by Konnie Huq

  W Woodlouse – hanging out with the ants under the bark!

  X Xylology – this is the study of wooded plants. It’s on one of Edmonds’ book lists so we put her whole tree checklist in for ‘X’!!

  Y Yew leaf – yet another of Edmonds’ pre-tagged leaf bunches. She’s put quite a bit of effort into this scavenger hunt and all for the benefit of only six pupils. Does this woman not have a life?! As we romp through the undergrowth, clutching our specimen jars and magnifying glasses, we can’t stop giggling. This scavenger hunt seems to be bringing me, Jake and Keziah back together again, and it’s all thanks to Edmonds.

  Z As we rack our brains to think of something for the last letter of the alphabet, Keziah wanders off to search around in the foliage, insisting there must be a tagged picture of a zebra butterfly hidden somewhere.

  Me and Jake laugh as we watch her frantically scrabbling about trying to find it in the closing minutes of the hunt.

  ‘Hey,’ he says, ‘while I’ve got you alone. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you …’

  But that’s as far as he gets, because just as he’s about to say it we’re interrupted by Axel who’s crouched under a nearby tree, chuckling to himself. He’s clearly found something. We both bend down to take a closer look and there, hidden in the bushes, is a sleeping bag tagged with the letter ‘Z’ … well, ‘Zzzzzzz’ to be precise.

  Is this a joke?! More mind games? A puzzle we’re supposed to solve? Does it represent sleeping? Maybe it’s something to do with hibernation? We aren’t sure but all six of us note it down on our answer sheets.

  Making our way back to Edmonds, I wonder whether insects go to sleep like us.

  ‘Mrs Edmonds,’ I ask, ‘do insects go to sleep like us?’

  ‘When insects aren’t active and awake, they remain very still and don’t respond to much,’ she replies. ‘This rest time is called “torpor”. It’s a bit like sleep, I suppose.’

  ‘Wonder if they have dreams?’ Suzie pipes up.

  ‘Unlikely!’ says Edmonds.

  Mrs Edmonds knows an awful lot. She’s pretty cool.

  We’re all on a high after the scavenger hunt. It’s been such fun! Better still, our team won. Yay! Edmonds is really impressed with us. The other team found loads too, but not every letter like we did! They managed to get Xerocomus though, which is quite impressive. It’s a type of mushroom that she’d tagged with the letter ‘X’.

  Mrs Edmonds is delighted that we’ve all found the sleeping bags. She goes on to tell us proudly that she left them there as she wanted to surprise us …

  Because we’ve all done so well in the scavenger hunt, she’s going to take the six of us on our very own camping trip in the wilderness! Not in the wooded area next door to the school … but in a proper forest!!!

  OMG!! We’re all SO excited! This will be brilliant! Me, Jake and Keziah high-five each other. We decide the three of us will go shopping together on Saturday to get supplies for the trip. Suzie looks over, annoyed – she seems instantly jealous that I’ve reunited with my friends. For the last couple of days, she’s been nagging me about going shopping to buy new clothes for the Aliana gig, but I keep making excuses to get out of it. I’m going shopping with my real friends now.

  That’s when I remember that Jake was trying to tell me something before in the woods. I wander over to him as we’re grabbing all our stuff to go home.

  ‘Hey! What was it you were going to tell me earlier?’ I ask. He looks all serious. But before he can answer, Suzie calls over.

  ‘Babes, I just had the most horrific thought! What if the camping trip clashes with our Aliana gig?! That’d be totally awkward! We really should check with Mrs Edmonds. I mean, Aliana has been the highlight of our social calendar for ages!’

  She keeps on talking but I can’t hear it any more. I can’t hear anything. I’ve tuned out and I’m focusing on Jake, who has just realised that I’ve given the Aliana ticket to Suzie and not to him. He looks wounded, shocked and hurt. Tears well up in his eyes.

  ‘I … I … thought you hadn’t given the ticket away yet,’ he stutters, staring at me in total disbelief.

  ‘We arranged it a while back,’ says Suzie, twisting the knife. ‘Sorry, Jakey-pie – did you want to come as well? I’m afraid we only have the two tickets.’

  I stand there dumbfounded, unable to say anything. I go to open my mouth and explain but it’s too late … Jake has gone.

  CHAPTER 13

  Shopping Centre Disaster!

  Jake is in a really bad mood with me for the rest of the week. I figure he won’t be able to keep it up though, especially as we sit next to each other in class. Once he stops being annoyed with me, I’ll fix everything. I’ll explain to him that I actually sold the ticket to Suzie in exchange for the much-needed funds to stop me missing out on Forest Club. Forest Club: the one thing that currently gives me enjoyment in my otherwise dismal life.

  Surely he’ll understand that? It was simply a financial transaction. My relationship with Suzie is purely business. Maybe I should just give him the other Aliana ticket and then everything would be OK again …? I don’t even know how much I want to go to the gig with Suzie anyway. Suzie must have picked that exact moment to let Jake know she was coming to the concert with me to upset him. I reckon she did it on purpose as she was jealous that we’d just made up.

  It’s going to be tricky but I’m determined to smooth things over. I just need the chance to explain myself …

  But Jake’s mood doesn’t improve. He’s back to giving me one-word answers to everything and going out of his way to avoid me. No lunch together, no walking home, no lending me his sharpener in class, and when I ask him if I can borrow it, he pretends not to hear me! We’ve sunk to new lows.

  He doesn’t even look me in the face once the whole of Friday, despite me trying to catch his eye at every possible opportunity. He’d beat Axel hands down in the ‘No Eye Contact’ World Championships right now.

  I decide to go round to his house after school and confront him. His mum will let me up to his room and then I’ll have him captive. He’ll have to hear me out.

  I ring the doorbell but when his mum answers she seems surprised to see me.

  ‘I thought Jake was with you at Forest Club,’ she says, confused. ‘He said there were meetings till late every day after school in the weeks leading up to the big camping trip.’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ I say unconvincingly. ‘I forgot!’

  What on earth is going on?! Where is Jake? Why isn’t he at home? Why’s he lying to his mum? Have I pushed him over the edge? Has he run away? Is he abroad already? Is he remembering to put sun cream on? My mind is running away from me. Of course he isn’t! Whatever he’s up to, he’s been doing it every day this week.

  When I get home, I decide to email him on Dad’s computer but get no reply. I send another and another … still nothing.

  I feel like a stalker. How late is he gonna stay out?! At bedtime, he still hasn’t responded to me! UGH! SO ANNOYING. I’LL CALL HIM AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO …

  I don’t get to call him in the end as Roubi is on the phone the whole night and I’m so exhausted from my long week that I fall asleep. I’ll try him tomorrow.

  The next morning when I actually get to try him, the phone rings out for ages – very normal in Jake’s house. After what feels like a year, his younger brother Will answers.

  Will?! Oh no! Not Will! He can’t stop talking at the best of times! People have rung Jake’s house before and have had to put up with Will babbling on for a good fifteen minutes before they even realise that no one else in the house is going to notice and intercept the call. He literally talks to complete strangers on the street! Anyone and everyone! He can talk about anything …

  ‘Mum says Tesco is launching a new own-brand healthy-eating no-carb range,’ he says. ‘She’s going to try it. I like their own-brand prawn cocktail crisps best. They’re better than all the other ones …�
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  ‘Will, I really need to speak to Jake …’ I interject.

  But it’s no use …

  ‘Did you know that prawn cocktail crisps are made without any prawns? I don’t actually like prawns. My favourite food is peanut butter. The smooth stuff, not the crunchy stuff, because the crunchy stuff gets stuck in your teeth. I lost a tooth last week …’

  I might have to give up on this. I’ll try one last time before hanging up.

  ‘Will! Is Jake there?!’ I say.

  ‘Huh? Jake? No, he’s out. He’s always out these days. I wish I could go out more. Mum never lets me out on my own or without a coat. I got a new coat the other day. It has Super Mario on it and Yoshi but not Luigi. Do you think that’s strange?’

  I’ve wasted three-quarters of an hour of my life already. I NEED to get off this call!

  ‘Hey,’ I say quickly before he can start talking about anything else, ‘how was Disneyland?’

  ‘Disneyland? That’s in America, although there is one in France. And Japan. I’ve never been but I have been to Balls and Bounce, the new soft play place by the retail park. The ball pit is really big and it has giant foam shapes in it as well as balls and numbers and letters too …’

  Another fifteen minutes pass before I finally get Will off the phone. Where on earth is Jake? Maybe Keziah will know. I call her but she isn’t home either. Where is everyone?!

  Roubi is going shopping with her friends this morning. I decide to tag along to see if there’s anything I need for the camping trip, as shopping with Jake and Keziah won’t be happening now. Roubi and her friends couldn’t be less enthusiastic about having me – ‘the little sister’ – in tow.

  To be fair, Mum kind of forced her to take me along. She gave us five pounds each as bribery so we could have lunch in the shopping centre’s brand-new food hall. Break the bank, why don’t you, Mum?! That place is SO expensive. We probably won’t even be able to buy a peanut!

  I make sure I have a massive breakfast before we leave so I can save the money and put it towards the bike I’ll never be able to afford.

  I also bring extra food in my coat pocket to snack on in case I get hungry. Always thinking ahead!

  ‘Cookie, babes!’ I hear a voice call out as we come around a corner in the shopping centre. There, waving frantically in my direction, is Suzie. She’s out shopping with her mum, who is wearing the brightest pink coat I’ve ever seen.

  ‘We’re getting stuff for the camping trip,’ Suzie says. ‘You should join us! Wouldn’t it be funny if we got matching stuff?’

  Before I even have time to speak, Suzie’s mum says, ‘Great idea! We can drop you back home later, Cookie!’ and Roubi replies, ‘Perfect! That way you can go to all the right shops instead of us dragging you wherever we go. Have fun! See you later!’

  And with that, Roubi and her friends disappear off in a flash. They couldn’t have got rid of me any quicker.

  Judging from the number of bags they’re carrying, Suzie and her mum have already bought half the shopping centre. It’s like they can’t spend money fast enough!!

  In the first shop we go into, Suzie’s mum buys her a bright pink Bluetooth speaker without even pausing to think about it or looking at the price.

  In the next shop, she buys Suzie a pop-up tent, despite the fact that Edmonds said she’s going to provide everyone with tents. Why buy something you don’t need?! What a waste!

  The tent is perfect for Suzie though, as it doesn’t need to be assembled, you just open the case and it pops up! No brain power necessary!

  They ask me if I’m going to buy anything so I lie and tell them I’m gonna buy stuff online instead.

  While we’re in the shopping centre we decide to stop for lunch. Suzie kindly reminds me that I’m still fasting. Thanks, Suzie! I sit there eyeing up the pack of Mini Cheddars poking out of my coat pocket while Suzie and her mum each wolf down a hamburger, fries and milkshake.

  I’m starving. I’ll need to end the holy month of Ramadan before the camping trip or it will be unbearable. For some reason, every time I try to tell Suzie it’s over I chicken out. It’s become such a big lie now that I don’t know how to get out of it. How is it that I can lie so easily and convincingly about stuff when it’s spontaneous but pre-planning lies is really difficult?!

  Suzie’s mum is really impressed that I’m still fasting (!) and says it’s great that I have so much determination and drive (which I definitely do to be able to keep up this whole pretence). She tells me I’ll go far (which I definitely will … I hope.)

  Just as we’re about to get up and leave the food hall, who should come and sit down at the table next to us but … Jake AND Keziah! We spot each other at the same time. Keziah tries to smile but Jake pulls a face and comments snidely: ‘Hi Cookie! Out with your NBFF, are you?! How sweet. That means “New Best Friend Forever” by the way.’

  I can’t believe they’ve gone on our shopping trip WITHOUT ME! Traitors! Again!! Well, this time they’re welcome to each other!

  CHAPTER 14

  Camping in the Mud

  The camping trip has been organised for the coming weekend. We bring our permission slips in on Monday and the six of us receive a letter containing all the information we need to know and a list of everything we’re required to bring with us. Wow! This is becoming real. How fun! We’re going on a camping trip with NO adults! Well, apart from Edmonds, but she’s kind of one of us now!

  The whole class are crowding around to look at the list of camping essentials in the classroom before afternoon lessons begin.

  ‘You’ll be sleeping in sleeping bags?’ says Tayo. ‘Amazing! You should totally sneak into one tent and have a midnight feast when Edmonds is asleep!’

  I like this idea but it might be tricky what with Jake not speaking to me, and Keziah not saying much either. She isn’t totally ignoring me like he is, but she’s definitely being colder than usual.

  Jake has obviously brainwashed her against me! They probably both think I’d pre-arranged to go shopping with Suzie – not that I’d been ruthlessly dumped on her at the last minute by my heartless sister. They’ll be sorry when they realise they haven’t got the full picture and see how unfairly they’ve been treating me.

  In class, everyone seems to be getting FOMO over the whole F Factor thing. FOMO factor!

  Some of them even ask Edmonds if they can come on the camping trip too, but she tells them it’s only for us Forest Clubbers. Her ‘gang’. There’s a waiting list in case any of us turn out to be busy that bank holiday weekend and can’t go or if someone has to pull out at the last minute. But we’ve all cleared our diaries. Mine never has anything in it anyway!

  We’re all really looking forward to it. If it’s even a tenth as fun as the scavenger hunt, it’ll be so worth it.

  ‘Do we have to take matches and eat off a fire?’ asks Alison.

  ‘Edmonds will bring special fire-lighting sticks and we’ll probably get plates to eat off,’ replies Jake.

  ‘Plates?! Luxury!’ giggles Keziah.

  Great! He and Keziah are now having fun with Alison instead of me. What if he starts becoming friendly with ALL the others, including Suzie? Then I’ll be left completely friendless on the trip. Maybe I should be best buddies with Suzie? After all, she’s the only one communicating with me normally at the moment!

  On Saturday morning, we all assemble in the school car park. It’s strange seeing the school on a weekend. It’s so lifeless and empty compared to the chaotic hustle and bustle we’re used to on a weekday.

  Everyone’s parents have come to wave them off. Jake’s mum is there with nearly the whole family: talkative Will, his sister Helen and their baby brother Archie are all present and correct, as Edmonds would say (it’s an army term, you see). It’s like a family outing, only his dad isn’t with them. It’s a bit weird he’s not there as his dad’s the type that loves barbecues and camping trips. This is his kind of thing! He’s the sort of man who would look more at home in a harness
and helmet scaling a cliff face than sat on a sofa.

  He’s probably given Jake a pep talk about the trip, unlike my parents who just wanted to give me a snack bag, which I declined. It had enough in it to feed an army – Edmonds would have approved. They also offered to collect me in the evening so I could sleep at home overnight!! Errrr … that kind of goes against the whole point of camping!!!! Duh!!!

  We all pile into the school minibus and wave our goodbyes. Luckily, it’s a beautiful crisp sunny day – perfect camping weather. Everyone is in good spirits considering half of us have fallen out with each other!

  Edmonds tries to get us to have a sing-along on the journey. ‘A thousand green bottles sitting on the wall!’ she begins in a gruff, deep voice – it’s mildly scary. We all duck down out of sight so she can’t see us in the rear-view mirror.

  As hardly any of us are speaking to each other, getting us all to sing together would be nothing short of miraculous. After a couple of hours, we stop at a service station and are allowed to look around the mini arcade, go to the toilet, eat our packed lunches and check out the magazines in the newsagent’s. I can’t shake Suzie, who is making me look at an Aliana Tiny fanzine. As the two of us end up hanging out together for the entire lunch stop, I don’t get to eat anything.