by Konnie Huq
Worse still, I’m now deaf in one ear.
During our swamp antics, Jake flung a load of mud at me, which went all over the side of my face. It hit me slap-bang on my right ear, partly blocking it. At the time, I hadn’t thought much of it, as the rest of me was also caked in mud, but in the shower, I tried to wash the mud out and now somehow my whole ear is blocked.
Is it mud? Is it water? A combination of the two? More importantly, will it ever unblock itself? Will I be able to hear properly again? Will I be able to use my old headphones that are broken in one ear?
Shivering, I trudge back to the campfire with Suzie to hear all about what our next ordeal (I mean, activity) would be. At least the fire is warm. I sit huddling by it, sticking my hands out towards the heat like a poor person in Victorian times. I’m really feeling sorry for myself.
Surely warmth is one of our fundamental basic human rights, along with shelter, food, water and clothing?
Edmonds’ foghorn of a voice interrupts my thoughts.
‘For our next challenge, I’m going to split the boys up. Axel – you can join Cookie and Suzie. Jake – you can join the other team.’
Great. We’re like a couple now just because we’re sharing a tent!
‘CookieandSuzie’. Ugh! She says it like it’s one word. It just doesn’t have the same ring as ‘CookieandKeziah’. Now that sounds cool. I’m expecting Alison to be annoyed that she’s not with Suzie but she doesn’t seem that fussed. What does she know that I don’t? Is it the bacteria challenge next?!
‘Listen up, teams!’ barks Edmonds. ‘After lunch, you will be … orienteering.’
Edmonds explains that we’ll have to use a map and a compass to find big yellow stars that have eco-facts on them. She’s hidden them around the forest and once we’ve collected them all, we’ll have to find our way back to the campsite. The other team are excited about this activity. I would be too if I was on their team. But right now, all I have are visions of Suzie trying to take the lead and getting us lost by holding the map upside down …
… or something equally annoying.
Imagine getting lost here at night with Suzie. We’d have to scavenge for worms and grubs to stay alive!
What if we become feral and have to live in the forest forever?
After lunch, our two teams assemble in their tents to get ready for the challenge ahead. My ear is still playing up.
‘I’m sure Jake flung that mud at you on purpose,’ says Suzie. ‘So irresponsible of him. All that dirt and bacteria! You might get an ear infection. You might even lose your hearing! I saw a thing on telly once where someone got a tiny spot while they were out in the wilderness. It got infected and the infection grew and grew and grew until they had to have their leg amputated.’
Thanks for that, Suzie! Feeling really good about my ear now!
Suzie opens her giant hot-pink cosmetics bag and pulls out a cotton bud. ‘Here! Clear your ear out with this!’ she says, passing it over.
‘You’re not supposed to use those, Suzie!’ I reply. ‘They can make it worse and even perforate your ear drum!’
‘I’ve got a directional slimline-beam high-intensity torch on here,’ says Axel, pulling out his swanky Swiss Army knife and shining the light in my ear. Suzie peers inside. Aaah! My team are looking after me …
‘We should play a trick on the others. Revenge is sweet!’ says Suzie, screwing up her eyes to get a better look in my ear. ‘It would be soooooo funny!’
‘Err …’ I reply uncertainly. Huh? I’m not really sure what she’s on about.
‘Maps are out here in case you want to do any pre-planning, teams,’ booms Edmonds’ voice from outside. Axel bounds off to get one.
‘That’s it!’ says Suzie. ‘We could swap their map for a fake one, then they’d totally get lost!’
‘Where are you going to get a fake map from?!’ I ask, relieved that this revenge plan would never work in a million years. ‘Jake and Keziah aren’t dumb! They’d never fall for a fake map!’
‘You’d have to do something way smarter than that,’ I point out, ‘like stick a magnet to their compass so the needle keeps pointing in the wrong direction.’
Suzie’s eyes light up and I instantly regret this suggestion. I’d only been trying to highlight how bad her map idea was … not give her a workable plan! Oh well. She’ll never find a magnet in the middle of a forest.
‘But where will we get a magnet in the middle of a forest?’ says Suzie.
‘There’ll be one in your speaker,’ chimes in Axel. He’s just re-entered the tent clutching a map with ‘Red Team’ written on it in marker pen. Poor Axel is oblivious to the fact that he’s now helping Suzie with her conniving scheme.
Suzie wastes no time trying to find a screwdriver on Axel’s pocket knife so she can take her brand-new Bluetooth speaker apart. Is she crazy?! What a waste of money! She only just got that speaker!
‘That contains an electromagnet,’ I say, thinking on my feet. ‘It needs electricity to work. Besides, it would be way too big to stick to a compass without the others noticing!’
I don’t want us to sabotage the orienteering and get my friends lost. Jake might be ignoring me but I know deep down he wouldn’t have thrown that mud at me maliciously. There’s no need for revenge. Besides, he’ll never forgive me if I get him lost in the forest on top of the whole Aliana debacle.
‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right,’ shrugs Suzie, putting the rest of the cotton buds back into her cosmetics bag. I breathe a sigh of relief.
‘Got it!’ she yells just as she’s about to close the bag. ‘The magnet in the clasp of my cosmetics bag! That’ll do the trick!’
Oh no! How did Suzie work that out? And how on earth has she managed to find a magnet in the middle of a forest?! Where has this flash of genius come from?! Even I hadn’t thought of that!
Suzie begins unscrewing the clasp on the bag as I try to convince her not to.
‘Suzie! You’ll ruin your bag!’ I protest. ‘It won’t close properly anymore and it’s so nice with all its, err … unicorns!’
‘Brilliant excuse to get a new one, Cooks!’ she says, flashing me a huge grin.
Oh brother! This magnet is perfect. A small round metal disc that’s flat enough to stick onto the back of a compass and go unnoticed.
Suzie’s delighted, whereas I am far from it. I shoot a look of desperation towards Axel but he’s staring at the floor. No surprises there.
Suzie pulls a small bottle of liquid out from inside her cosmetics bag. She looks extremely pleased with herself.
‘What’s that?’ I ask.
‘Nail glue!’ she says, applying it to the back of the magnet, ready to stick it onto the other team’s compass.
Nail glue?! Where did that flash of genius come from?!
‘Hope you’re nearly ready to go, teams,’ Edmonds shouts into our tent. ‘Your compasses and maps are out here!’
‘I’ll get ours!’ says Suzie, zooming off.
‘Yellow Team, you’ll go first, leaving at 1400 hours precisely,’ yells Edmonds. ‘Red Team, you’ll follow on at 1410 hours.’
She’d already explained to us earlier that teams are always staggered in orienteering so they can’t copy each other.
Suzie returns with our map and compass and tells us she’s stuck the magnet onto the other team’s compass. Oh no! They’ll be lost in no time. The needle of the compass will get confused between the magnet’s north pole and the earth’s magnetic north pole.
I’m more worried than I’ve been all trip, and that’s saying something!
This is a total disaster! I really don’t want us to sabotage the other team and I really don’t want them to get lost. I just want us all to have fun. That’s when I enjoy Forest Club the most – like when we did the scavenger hunt or when we cleared the lake of all the floating rubbish. This is NOT what I want AT ALL. I need to let the others know somehow. Maybe I can get the magnet off their compass without them noticing or, better still, swi
tch it with ours.
I grab our compass off Suzie and run out of the tent before she can say anything. I need to salvage this situation.
I dash over to where the Yellow Team have been getting ready … but it’s too late. The tent is empty.
The compass has gone. The map has gone. The Yellow Team have gone. It’s two minutes past two. I’ve just missed them. They’re already off orienteering and soon they’ll be lost. What can I do? We aren’t allowed to leave for another eight minutes …
‘Are you alright, Cookie?’ barks Edmonds.
‘Yes,’ I reply. But I’m not. I feel physically sick.
CHAPTER 19
Orienteering
‘Fourteen hundred and ten hours!’ booms Edmonds. ‘That’s army speak for 2.10 p.m. Off you go!’
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. My hands are sweating. I’ve never felt this panicky in my entire life. I can’t even look Suzie in the eye – it would just make me angry – so instead I look at the ground like Axel usually does. Only he isn’t this time … he’s in action-mode.
For some inexplicable reason, he’s wearing a rucksack that’s almost larger than him, with lots of bits and pieces hanging off it. It’s like a larger, wearable version of his Swiss Army knife! He’s scrutinising the map while Suzie is relishing wearing the compass around her neck. She’s striding two metres ahead of us as though it gives her some sort of authority. It’s like she thinks she’s our leader.
I feel like I’m not even with the other two. It’s like my brain isn’t connected to the rest of my body. I’m numb. I just can’t shake the feeling of utter guilt. How could Suzie do something like this and not feel bad about it? Maybe she’s a psychopath? Roubi once told me about psychopaths. They’re mean people who do mean things and don’t feel sorry or guilty about it.
They can often be charming and big-headed, like they think they’re special and important! That’s Suzie all over. They can’t help lying lots either … uh oh! I hope I’m not one. Mind you, I don’t think I’m special or important, so hopefully that rules me out. Psychopaths often have complex criminal behaviour too. Hmmmm … like sticking magnets to compasses? They’re also cold and unemotional. Phew … I’m pretty emotional, so hopefully I’m safe! Unlike Suzie …
How have I ended up as part of ‘SuzieandCookie’? This is all a terrible mistake. I had perfectly good friends and now I’ve probably lost them forever. Lost!!! Aargghhh!!! I’d almost forgotten … they probably ARE lost by now in the deepest part of the forest. Keziah will be freaking out about the darkness and Alison will probably be hallucinating ghosts. Meanwhile, Jake will be getting angrier with me by the minute, as they wander around aimlessly with a mad, broken compass.
‘You’re being very quiet, Cookie,’ says Suzie, who’s been wittering away with Axel as if nothing is wrong. Psychopath!
You’ve just got three people lost … potentially forever!! And I’m not being quiet – it’s very noisy in my brain right now, I’ll have you know. It’s going into overdrive with worry. It won’t stop talking to me!!!
Axel won’t stop talking to me either. He’s obsessed with the map and is poring over every single little detail.
Poor Keziah! Poor Jake! Poor Alison too!
‘How come you’re being so quiet?’ Suzie persists.
‘I just don’t feel well,’ I lie. Psychopath?
‘Hope your ear isn’t still playing up,’ she says, winking at me, acting all charming. Psychopath.
‘Poor you!’ she says. ‘You don’t deserve an ear infection!’
‘My ear’s fine now,’ I lie. Again. Psychopath?
My ear’s actually still blocked but I don’t want her blaming Jake or being mean about him again. Nice person. Not a psychopath.
‘I hope the others aren’t too lost,’ says Axel, like he’s just read my mind.
‘Who cares!’ says Suzie. No guilt. Psychopath.
‘I CARE!!!’ I yell. And I mean it. Phew! I’m definitely not a psychopath.
Suzie says nothing but continues to march ahead, wielding her compass in a power-crazed fashion. That girl has delusions of grandeur. She thinks she’s more important than she is. Psychopath.
‘Are we walking due south-east?’ asks Axel. ‘We need to walk due south-east till we hit a stream.’
‘Errrrrr … I’m not sure,’ says Suzie, who clearly has no idea how to actually use a compass.
‘You’re holding it upside down!’ says Axel, grabbing it off her.
If we can’t find a star without a magnet stuck to our compass, who knows what the others are going through right now?!
‘The stream!’ shouts Axel, pointing to a small channel of running water. ‘There’s our first star!’
Suzie rushes over and picks it up. ‘Yey!!!’ she yells, jumping up and down and hugging Axel.
Weird! Most unlikely combination of two people hugging ever! Axel stiffens up like a robot and looks super awkward.
I wish I could have joined in the celebrations. Usually I’m all for problem-solving and mental challenges but I just can’t get enthusiastic right now.
After this, Suzie lets Axel have both the map and the compass and soon we’re on fire. We whizz around from point to point finding stars like we do it every day of the week. Axel’s a natural at this. When we’re halfway through, we sit down on some logs in a clearing and he pulls three cups and a flask of hot chocolate out from his rucksack.
‘Where did you get this from?’ asks Suzie.
‘I made it back at camp,’ says Axel.
‘Nice one,’ I say, glugging back the hot chocolate, which is warm and comforting, and makes me feel a little better.
‘I won’t get germs off this, will I?’ says Suzie.
‘The cups are clean and the hot chocolate was made with boiling water, which is safe to drink, I think,’ says Axel.
‘Most bacteria can’t survive at such a high temperature,’ I explain.
‘Safe to drink as long as you don’t burn your tongue,’ laughs Axel.
‘I won’t burn my tongue!’ says Suzie, blowing on her hot chocolate to cool it down.
‘Shame!’ I mutter under my breath.
‘I heard that!’ says Suzie. ‘You’re acting really weird, Cookie!’
‘Why?! Because I’m not a psychopath?!’ I shout. ‘Because I feel bad about sending three Year-Fivers off into the woods to get lost for who knows how long without the basic needs of food, shelter and warmth? Yes, Suzie, I’m SO weird. Welcome to the weird team with me and Axel, the weirdos.’
There’s an awkward silence.
‘Weird is cool!’ says Axel, trying to diffuse the situation, but it doesn’t really work. Suzie is quiet for the rest of the challenge, as am I, which means Axel has to do most of the chatting. Talk about role reversal!
Axel navigates us back to camp with ease, having found all our yellow stars in no time at all.
‘Goodness!’ remarks Edmonds. ‘You managed to beat the other team back even though they started first! How impressive!’
‘And we stopped for hot chocolate,’ boasts Suzie. Psychopath.
‘Wonderful!’ says Edmonds. ‘The other team will be so jealous when they get back.’
If they get back. And furious is probably more accurate.
‘How about a piece of Kendal Mint Cake for each of our winners?’ says Mrs Edmonds.
Winners?! We’re saboteurs, not winners! The only reason that we’re back first is that the other team are LOST! Potentially FOREVER! And it’s ALL MY FAULT for giving Suzie my excellent science advice. If only I’d kept my big mouth shut then none of this would ever have happened.
I feel too sick to eat. It’s not like me to turn down cake. I must feel bad. Plus, I’ve never even tried Kendal Mint Cake before and I still don’t want any. Axel gobbles his down and Suzie spits hers out, claiming it tastes like toothpaste. It smells like toothpaste, to be honest. Pretty strong toothpaste.
‘Looks like it’s just me and you, Axel,’ chuckles Edmo
nds as they polish it off between them.
Half an hour passes and Edmonds starts looking at her watch, a little concerned. ‘Hmm … they should really be back by now … the course wasn’t too hard … and you lot seemed to manage it OK.’
It’ll be getting dark soon. Poor Keziah. She must be terrified. And Alison will be thinking there’s a ghost behind every tree. Another half an hour passes and Edmonds is now starting to get really worried.
‘I’m leaving you this phone,’ she barks at us. ‘Call the police if I’m not back by quarter to.’ Then she disappears off into the forest.
For the next half an hour, I clock-watch as the minutes tick away. Suzie is clearly starting to worry too. Not a psychopath after all?
It feels as though we’re waiting there for hours. If you told me that days had passed, I might have almost believed it. It’s getting properly dark. No light except for the moon. No Edmonds. No Yellow Team.
‘I think you should make that call,’ says Axel, staring at the ground.
Sickened to the core, I begin to dial 9-9-9 into the phone … and at that exact same moment Edmonds re-emerges from the forest followed by none other than Alison, Keziah and Jake. All intact. All alive. Alison and Keziah both look pale, like they’ve seen a ghost. Jake doesn’t look scared … just angry.