Common Sense Doesn't Become Me

by CJ Hawk

  A wrench gets thrown in her plans to get wild and crazy for one summer, when her best friend who started all this, ups and marries a man she has only known for twenty-four hours in Vegas. What is even crazier is, the man her best friend marries, is her fantasy man's older brother. Planning a wedding, the demanding MIL insists on throwing, so that the marriage can be celebrated by the entire family causes irritations to rise. Mary Cate finds herself in a tug of war of emotions with the man of her dreams. Can one crazy fast planned wedding bring them together again or will Mary Cate decide she needs a man who can commit instead of finding ways to go around commitment?

  Caribbean bound with her best friend until a sip of bad luck makes everything go foggy and dark. Next thing Katy Beck knows is that either her best friend is playing a bad joke, or she just stole her husband, her money and her looks. To make things worse, she just got dumped on the porch of an old run down shack in the middle of a mountain with only her beach bound attire.

  Katy had a way of making the worse seem better and maybe a good guardian angel or two. As luck would have it, she was plopped right in the lap of one very hot war hero and famous journalist. However, life isn’t always as easy as it seems and Katy wants to make sure she offers more back in her life then a set of DDs and a pretty smile.

  With every trick of the trade, Sabrina left a trail of misery for Katy. However, that is nothing a good sense of humor and new friends can’t take care of. Plus, a little shiny thing called gold doesn’t hurt either.

  Sidney Sampson had no idea that one fateful day; while doing fieldwork, investigating a dead officer’s crime scene, her whole life would change. One man, who should be dead, flutters his eyelashes on her cheek. While Sidney squirms needlessly to get off the dead cop’s body, from the recent bomb explosion that landed her there. What happens next is a total misunderstanding between them. The flutter of his lashes and the firm member of his anatomy told her that dead men don’t blink twice.

  Once a simple life and career, following the footsteps of her father who raised her alone, Sidney was more than ready for change. Her job as a police coroner wasn’t her dream job, but it was where life led her while growing up without a mother. In fact, her whole life was in dire need of change. She wanted a better job, but had no idea what. She wanted more fun friends, but only ended up with dull boring friends. She wanted to find her feminine wiles along with a sex life, and all she has gotten lately was a kiss on the forehead after a blind date, and a boring closet filled with durable work khakis and brown comfortable work loafers.

  Life is about to change for Sidney. Could she learn how to be her own woman, finding more purpose in life without falling head over heels in love with a man who is so wrong for her in so many ways?

  Some girls just can’t catch a break. One-minute Samoa Moore’s life had reached a breaking point, and she just had to get away from the life that was dragging her down. The next minute one very hot war hero cop has her slammed up against his police cruiser, and she realizes her plan is not going accordingly. Her body’s reaction immediately betrays her attitude of do it alone from here on out.

  Officer Matt Bourne is no stranger to women the likes of Samoa. However, he can’t help but want to do the honorable thing and protect her. Her irresistible sex appeal is too much for his do right attitude, and Matt’s do right attitude makes Samoa realize that falling back on a man isn’t so weak after all.

  With Samoa’s seedy past fast at her heels, will she get the second chance she deserves, all while falling in love with the man who saved her or will things fall apart once more?

  When two young hearts experience their share of heartache, the last thing they want is to fall in love. Coming back home to take care of a parent with Alzheimer's is enough to make a man insane. Insane enough to fall for a woman that he can't take his mind off of. One that is only visiting his old hometown, that's just like Mayberry, to escape a past that hurt her. This relaxed laid-back town can't slow the pace of their fast beating hearts.

  With a guarded heart and a knack for making the big corporate money, Jill Waltz was no stranger to going it alone. Then one crazy drunken night she is caught in several compromising positions with her married boss, and she knew her life was about to be turned upside down. First of which, she was to be shipped to the branch office in the middle of nowhere. Little did she know that the man that stole her heart ten years ago would show up in the same place to discover that their love never extinguished. Leaving her wondering if happily-ever-after does exist or will she mess up this second chance and hope that third times a charm.

  Some suburban moms just can't catch a break. There is humor in raising kids, guinea pigs, soccer moms and Nutella. Toss in two new roommates to make ends meet, crazy daily chaos and a desire to have the green grass she once had, and you get a story about a mom that makes it all work out. A light, uplifting read, that any mom could easily relate to. Humor in all the right spots and just a touch of romance to give it all a happy ending.

  This book is dedicated to all the moms in my life. We have laughed through the most diverse oddities and cried about the worst. We talk about our kids with hopes and wishes, and we complain about them like nobody's business. We are the most important people in our family's lives, yet we are often the most under appreciated. This book is to you. May you remember that the grass IS NOT always greener on the other side.

  Metaphorically speaking, we as women are our own worse critics. We need these things, so we can look in the mirror to say, 'ah, my grass is looking pretty green'. If it takes a box of hair color, a new outfit or to shed a few pounds to make the grass seem green, then so be it. However, Maybelline Briggs isn't looking for the Holy Grail of Eternal Youth, just a way to get back on her feet through all the chaos.

  Light hearty funny mystery with quirky characters and laughable discretions. Chick Lit General Audience meets Funny Mystery.

  Sometimes luck gets turned around, so what does a gal have to do in this town to get it back? Fired from her secret government job seemed like the tip of the iceberg in her streak of bad luck. However, that was nothing compared to the business of leprechauns, frozen bank accounts, credit cards, and having to drive an eighty's green Gremlin car around town.

  With the luck of the Irish on her side, Katie McAllister, endures a calamity of eccentricity to get her luck back while solving the mystery of the leprechaun. With the help of old friends and new, and a very adorable white puppy, she not only gets her luck back; she finds the man that almost got away.

  This quirky chick lit mystery will have you smiling or shaking your head in disbelief at every chapter. In the end, you'll be quoting the Irish.

  Sample chapters of all my ebooks are available to read on my website.

  hhtp://www.cjhawk.com

  Sample Chapters of Something To Talk About

  When trouble strikes, Kia is there. If disaster is dealt, Kia holds the cards. If catastrophe is calling, Kia will answer it. All a girl needs to cope with all of this is her three best friends and maybe a handsome hero that's been hired to replace the Sheriff. Old Sheriff Cleat has had his fair share of bailing Kia out of trouble or coming to her rescue, but the last one has put him out of commission. There is a new Sheriff in town, and the local women are all a twitter - literally. Kia gets her first run-in with the handsome new sheriff just after she runs her car into a hillside while watching him jog without his shirt on. By the week's end, the new sheriff is beginning to think that Kia is either short for catastrophe, or she is trying to find ways to spend more time with him. Kia's best friends have spent a lifetime of dealing with Kia and her God given attraction to trouble, but they also know Kia needs a man like the sheriff to keep her in line and bail her out once in a while. While Kia quickly becomes short on patience with the handsome hero, she isn't short on need and quickly realizes that having a man like the sheriff on her side isn't such a bad idea after all, but will they meet on the corner of Trouble and Catastrophe or will chaos keep them apart?

&
nbsp; Chapter One

  "Did you know there is a twitter following on you?"

  "Excuse me?" I practically gagged on my spring lettuce salad with sprigs of things I am sure they pulled out of the weed lot next door. With summer just around the corner and our hearty winter eating habits, this was the new lunch favorite for all four of us. That would be my three best friends and I; they have stuck with me through thick and thin, literally. My three best friends who were practically designed by God to help me make it through life without too much catastrophe aftermath. There was Jodi, with an 'i' but born with the name of Jolene. She didn't like it, so she changed it. She is a take no shit and tell you like it is gal. Then Meg, short for Megan. She too was a tell you like it is gal, but she is sometimes the one right there next to me in the thick of things. She saw no reason for me to go through all the chaos alone. Then Katelyn, dear sweet Katelyn. Sometimes we call her Kate for short. She is the one that would bake the goodies that soothed us over after everything was over. Then there's me, Kia Catastrophe. That's not my real last name, but it might as well be. Starting at the age of three all the way until current, I knew how to attract disaster, cause chaos or just plain make a catastrophe out of things. My average build of five foot six, and single digit size - if it wasn't winter; was accompanied by my fair skin, brown hair and Irish blue eyes. Right now, Jodi was asking me if I was aware of the fact, there was a twitter following on me through my arch nemesis's blog. I did not.

  "Well I guess your arch nemesis, Carlene Thomas, has decided that you are worth making a fuss over. And quite frankly, by what I can tell, most of the town has made a comment or two about you. The more she writes about you, the more people go to her blog, the more they go to her blog the, well you get the picture."

  This time I did gag on the last bite of salad that looked like a dandelion leaf. It probably was, and I saw a whole slew of those things in the empty lot next door as I came in. Since this is the healthy restaurant Meg insisted we meet at for lunch, it was not the type of place I normally desired to eat at. I took the day off from work to meet with my friends and take care of one last minor detail to my latest, hopefully final, big blow-up of a catastrophe. However, some days around here, nothing surprised me.

  Katelyn added her typical repertoire of trying to soothe things over. She was the peacemaker in the group, and she always tried to make us see the brighter side of others. With my arch nemesis Carlene, there was no trying; there was just plain hatred there. "I suppose since Carlene lost her job over at the Booty-n-Busters she has to make a living somehow. I'll have to admit; I caught wind last week but wanted to do a little investigative work first. You know, make sure it's not another tactical maneuver to outshine our Kia." She said it in such a polite happy voice you just had to stare at her as she took a long drink of her water with a pasted smile and then set her glass down as the smile never left her face. It was killing her not to say something mean about Carlene, she has never said a mean word about anybody but there is a first time for everything.

  Meg nudged her elbow to Katelyn and proudly instructed Katelyn. "Spill it. I know you want to. First I've heard of it, by the way, but I've been super busy. Since Katelyn here has done the investigation on it, she owes it to us to tell all."

  She nudged her one more time with her elbow and Katelyn's smile disappeared, and a stress look grew across her face. She blew out a puff of air through her lips and caused her short loose blonde curls on her head to move. "Alright, she's a bee-ouch. There I said it. Well, as close as I'm going to say it. That woman has some nerve. She has twisted every little thing anyone in this town has ever done into a fairy tale of lies and alibis. Unfortunately, Kia, you are front and center of her blog and twitter following. That woman has people from all over the US following her. I don't get it; I just don't get it. Someone ought to blog about her and that skanky online porn thing she's doing."

  Meg, Jodi and I all stared at her with super big eyes and the biggest shocked look on our face. The last thing she said was the first we heard of it. Carlene bashing me or outshining me was not new, but the last part Katelyn just spilled, well that was something we had not heard about nor did we really want to know. Except now, we had some new ammunition for making fun of Carlene. It made me feel better any ways.

  Katelyn's frustration over the whole matter was showing her discomfort as she squirmed in her seat. "I really don't want to talk about it. It was my brother who texted me the site and told me that Kia might enjoy the laugh. I don't know why he does those kinds of things. He's a good-looking guy with such potential, and then he goes and looks at sites like those."

  In unison, Jodi, Meg and I said it with such conviction. "He's a man!" There was so much truth to those three little words. We three figured it out at an early age. Guys were guys, and they were going to do stupid stuff that we women thought were, well, either wrong, gross or just plain stupid. I for one was willing to overlook all that as long as the man was cute, could kiss well and could accept the fact that a life with me was a life of bailing me out of a bunch of mishaps or misfortunes.

  Katelyn looked at us funny and then started to eat her salad. Jodi reached for my hand holding my fork in a stabbing position and about to stab my salad as if it was Carlene. "Look, it's to be expected with that woman. She did however, change your name a bit on her blog and twitter thing, probably so your dad won't sue her dad - boy those two go way back don't they. I think those two hate each other as much as you two do. Any ways, the locales know it's you and from what I can tell they are defending you. People here love you. They know your heart is always in the right place; it's usually your foot that's not."

  That caused Meg to start laughing. "Oh my God, that reminds me. Remember the time that Scooter thought he should attempt third base with you. You kicked him so hard in the nuts he had a bag of frozen peas stuck between his legs for weeks. You couldn't get a guy in high school to date you let alone kiss you for two years."

  "Ha-ha. I forgot about that. Let's all shall we." I finally stabbed my salad like it was Carlene and then raised my hand to signal to my waitress. I ordered a beer. One for lunch did not make me an alcoholic, just a person trying to cope.

  "Make that a round." Meg instructed to the waitress. "I think we all could use a drink."

  I watched Meg grab a hair clip out of her bag, twist her beautiful Latino brown hair up in a twist, and clip it. "Change of subject. Ladies, that is the last time you will see my long brown hair for a bit. Love For Locks is doing a benefit at the Indigo Curl-n-Beauty Parlor. Getting it all cut off."

  I envied her hair. My hair grew so slow and was so much thinner than her gorgeous thick brown hair. She would cut it and a few months later; it was back. We weren't shocked about it; it wasn't the first time she had done this. The rest of us would if we could. Katelyn's blonde hair had always had this natural soft curl to it, and she could never grow it past her shoulders before she went in for a cut. Jodi had her hair in a short punk style, for as long as we could remember. Her jet-black hair always had some strip of color in it. This month was bright purple. My brown hair stayed in a simple brown shoulder length cut that framed my face with a shag and was usually up in a clip or ponytail. What could I say? I was a simple girl who did not think playing up my features was an important thing. That being, because I was so busy getting myself out of some type of conundrum or another.

  The waitress dropped off the four light beers in a bottle and four cold frosted glasses. Not a one of us worried about the glass. Katelyn wanted to, but Jodi was already holding hers up for a toast. "To Kia. May her last disaster, be her last and all her others be forgotten. May luck shine upon her face as the wind blows all her bad luck away. May those that have been misfortune to cross her path forgive you and those that are still recovering, be steadfast and strong."

  Our bottles clinked and the three cheered. "Here. Here." I just guzzled the entire beer down in one long drink. I slammed the empty beer bottle against the table and let out a ferocious belch. Just t
hen, one of the local deputies walked by shaking his head in disgust on his way to the men's restroom. I wasn't sure which, but I figured that was my clue to end lunch soon and get as fast away from the law as possible. I had enough of them in the last week and one man in particular, Sheriff Cleat, was finally well enough for me to visit. It wasn't like I tried to blow him up, but I guess that man had spent a lifetime of rescuing me from catastrophes and the last one just almost did him in.

  How was I to know that after Sheriff Cleat pulled me up from the rock ledge I had slipped down while hiking by myself, was also located next to an old coal mine? How was I to know that the funny pipe sticking up out of the hillside was also an old airway for miners? Furthermore, I had never smoked a cigarette in my life, but I found a pack with a lighter while I sat there contemplating how I almost died falling over that edge, and if it wasn't for Sheriff Cleat being out on a call for minors - children - tagging a historic rock with spray paint - I might have died. Therefore, I did what any logical person might have done. I grabbed that pack of cigarettes just calling my name, pulled a cigarette out of the pack and lit up. It was then, that all my gagging and coughing got Sheriff Cleat off his radio and rushing to my side once more. It was also then, that I flicked the cigarette away as fast as I could, because I didn't want to be smoking by the sheriff. Not that it was illegal; I just did not want anyone to see me do something I had never done before. It felt sinful to me at the time. Once I assured the sheriff that I swallowed a bug, he took the few steps back that landed him right above where that funny pipe stuck out of the ground. Right where that lit cigarette fell down that four-inch hole. Put two and two together, and add my luck, and you can only imagine what happened next.