Common Sense Doesn't Become Me

by CJ Hawk

  But I could. I was still sitting on the teeter-totter of decisions, and I knew that discussing my other option with my sister would be hell to pay, so I changed the subject quick.

  "What kind of sedative did you give Snickerdoodles? I've never had her be this quiet in any car ride I've taken her in."

  "Vet Johnson gave it to me. You remember Colton Johnson. He's a vet now. Mostly, barnyard animals but I told him that I was bringing you and that white fluff ball back home, and he gave me a little something in a kitty treat that will have her sleeping the whole plane ride home. He guar-an-gosh-darn-teed it."

  That brought a laugh to my smile. I remembered Colton. He was a shy guy back in high school, but he always had a caring nature around animals. He was serious about his four H stuff, talked about it nonstop. I had no four H interest, just wanted a chance at stardom in Hollywood. Boy was I a star now and not in the way I wanted. However, I could easily work this to my advantage; being pregnant with Mr. Hollywood's baby was a start. Not that I wanted to keep the baby decision based on how it would help me get my start in Hollywood.

  Then my sister did it again. "So Colton is single. He's quite the catch these days. Ladies are awaiting if you know what I mean. I mentioned picking you up, and he mentioned he was available for Sunday dinner. Looks like your return barbeque is going to be one fun time. I invited Bubba, but he mentioned he was busy. Colton, now he's interested. Doesn't care a gosh darn thing about your LA mess. In fact, he says he'd be happy to raise your munchkin as his."

  That stung. Both ways. One that my sister was trying to find me a husband and keep me in Alabama, pregnant. And the other way, well it was the fact that Bubba said he was busy.

  I had to speak up. Not the whole truth, but just enough to keep my sister from meddling in something I didn't want to start, maybe. "Listen sis, I just want to relax for a week or two until this passes over, and then I'm catching a flight back to LA."

  "Uh huh." She didn't sound convinced.

  "I don't think I will be doing much dating while I am here. I just want to hang out with my nieces and spoil them rotten and return home."

  "Uh huh." Even less convinced.

  "I just think I'll relax, make a game plan for my return to LA. I don't want no fancy return BBQ. Just a nice relaxing break from all the starlight of Hollywood and a glass of sweat tea with Mrs. Champ. You know, out of respect for momma. Seeing as they are best friends."

  "Uh huh." We pulled into the driveway of my sister's ranch-style home with the split-rail fence and toys all over the yard; a swing set in the side yard and Ron's silver four door Chevy truck parked out front. Claire turned to me as soon as the car was turned off. "As long as I have known you, you have never done anything laid back or relaxing. There has always been drama attached to your life and as far as this baby goes, I doubt Mr. Hollywood is planning on marrying you. Raising a baby on your own is no simple task. If you want our help, Ron and I, and Mom and Dad, are there for you, but it's here on our turf, not out in LA. Besides; LA is not a place for a southern baby to be raised. Am I right?"

  Was she right? Could I do this on my own back in LA or did I want help from my family here in Alabama? Did I even want to live in Alabama again? Did I want to give up my life in LA? Then again, with a baby in tow, I didn't see me hitting the party scene and making my way up the ranks of journalists in the entertainment business, not to mention those few measly parts in movies I was promised by my manager not so long ago that have never transpired. I was smart enough to know that my time may have come and gone. In less than the two minutes, it took for Mr. Hollywood to inseminate me.

  I grabbed Snickerdoodles in her cat carrier, which, by the way, she was still sleeping soundly, and followed my baby sister into her house. She motioned her finger to be quiet. I sat Snickerdoodle down next to the couch where it looked like Ron had already made up a bed for me for the night. I guess tonight I would not be sleeping with the girls. I might wake them up getting in this late, and no one wants to deal with six-year twin girls super excited that their famous aunt was here to see them. At least in their eyes, I was famous as a golden globe actress and the only thing they know about me and the media is that I report Hollywood news. They have not been allowed near a TV since all of this started. They think I am here to see them, which I prefer it this way.

  I squatted down to open Snickerdoodle's carrier and figured by morning, she will wake me up with her fluffy white tail in my face like she does every morning when she wants to be fed. I set my flip-flops by the makeshift bed and laid down thinking it felt safe and comforting to be home. That was the last thing I remembered.

  Chapter Three

  The soft hush toned voices brought me slowly awake. There before me were two short blurry figures of angels. Their soft brown hair in big curls with some kind of light radiating behind them gave them a glow reflection from behind. One of them spoke up first. "I think she looks better with the blue eye shadow." Then I heard. "If you say so." Then the first one spoke again. "I do say so. I am the first born, and I know better." That was Lilly, gently referred to as Lil. May then walked away as Lil shouted over her shoulder. "You better agree with me or else."

  I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the couch. I saw a glimpse of Ron run by after kissing my baby sister Claire and a quick 'good to have you home Julie. See you tonight.' Then he was gone. The next thing I know a gallon size coffee with cream and sugar, appeared in my vision, being offered from my sister.

  "Julie. Good morning princess. Rise and shine. Girls made you toast. Grape Jelly is their specialty. I hate to do this to you but in all the craziness and rush to go get you, the girls are off from school today. Some teacher workday. I 'HAVE' to go to work today. Got a deal to close. You might want to wash off your face before you go anywhere. You were out cold while they played dress up on your face with their doll makeup. I've got some killer makeup remover in my bathroom that will get that tar off. Mom called early this morning. They will be here by Sunday for the homecoming BBQ for you. Don't argue. It's all about you princess. Don't let the girls turn on the TV. You're still on local news. There's a G movie playing at the theatre. I suggest you hide out there or the library with the girls today. I'll leave you the minivan." Just on cue, a car's horn honked from outside. Claire leaned in and kissed my forehead like I was one of her little girls, and then she hugged and kissed the girls asking them nicely to go easy on their aunt Julie. Then she was gone.

  The coffee hadn't made it to my lips before a plate of grape jelly toast was shoved into my face, and two very curious little girls wanted to know if I brought them a present from Hollywood. I wanted to cry and then laugh, but instead I hugged them both for a soothing effect on my body. I ate their toast, gulped the coffee down my sister gave me and told them if they let me take a quick shower that I would take them to the library after I unloaded my suitcases from the minivan.

  One very fast shower later, because I knew that taking time to shave my legs could only mean two little six-year-old girls could find trouble. I came out of the shower and wrapped my sister's pink robe around me to find Snickerdoodles being loved on. My smaller suitcases wide open in the front room and two coon dogs barking like crazy through the glass sliding door at the white fluffy hairball in the girls lap.

  "Aunt Julie we got your suitcases for you. You have a lot of makeup and jewelry." As May turned to me, I noticed that they were wearing my jewelry and makeup. Not the cheap doll or dress up stuff they were used to. I knew that I was going to have to find a way to keep that from them.

  My first mistake, I spoke to May first. "May darling, you look quite lovely in the gold beads. Lil, I am really digging the feather clips in your hair. Who is your hair dresser and where did she get them?"

  No reply from Lil. May came up, and took my hand with her sweet adorable tiny hand and led me outside to the minivan. "Aunt Julie. Mom should have warned you. You have to talk to Lil first. She's in one of her moods." One of her moods coming out of a six-year olds mouth sounds s
eriously hilarious. It sounded like my sister at that age talking about me.

  "I'm sorry. I forgot. Your mom did tell me, but I guess I have to practice at this."

  The minivan was wide open. My two larger pink suitcases look liked they had been pushed or pulled out of the back and plopped on the driveway behind the van. Those two suitcases were packed heavy, and I was glad neither girl hurt herself when getting them out. I grabbed my suitcase and righted it, so I could use the pull handle and wheels to roll it inside.

  "So tell me May. What do I do to make it right with Lil?"

  "First, tell her you're sorry. Tell her she's first born. Give her a gift. You do have gifts for us?" She said it so hopeful I could not disappoint her with the fact that gifts were the last thing on my mind when I left LA, and if it wasn't for the Bubba run in at Stop-N-Go, I might have thought to grab something there. I knew I had a few sample cosmetics that I got not too long ago and had not opened the gift box it came in. Those would have to do for now as I was sure those were tossed in my suitcase at the last minute.

  May opened the screen door for me and Lil sat there looking hurt. "Lil, Aunt Julie is sorry. I brought you a present." She dropped Snickerdoodles, who amazingly always landed on all fours. Wish I could land on my feet with such grace. Then Lil rushed over and tried to help me with my suitcase, but it was too heavy.

  "Lil I need to carry this myself. I need about half hour to unpack if you two could just keep an eye on Snickerdoodle and watch some Dora; I can find where I put your gifts. Ok."

  Reluctantly, the two twins pushed a Dora DVD into the player and sat on the couch with Snickerdoodles between them.

  As I walked back out to get my other suitcase and shut the minivan back door hatch, my mind instantly went to Bubba. Somehow, I had been able to keep him tucked away nicely in the recesses of my mind the entire time I was in LA. But not last night after I saw him, not in my sleep last night, and for some reason, he had this strange power over me. Now he was all I could think about, besides the baby growing in me. I thought how this could be my minivan, and Bubba could play daddy. I thought about the way he used to kiss me at the boondock when everyone else was around on a high school party night. He would kiss me like I was the only one there. I thought of how he could look at me for a split second, and I would capture that look of desire in my mind and keep it with me all day long. Back then, I wanted to save myself for a real man, a prince charming to sweep me off my feet. After seeing Bubba last night looking as real as a real man gets, I wanted him to sweep me off my feet.

  I rolled my suitcase to their bedroom and stopped in the doorway in shock. Pink bubblegum explosion everywhere with bits of purple and yellow, lots of netting and lace and not much floor space, drawer space and the tiniest bed for sleeping. I had to get my wits about me soon. Maybe think about staying at my parents place even though I had never lived well under the roof of my parents. They were strict Baptist and I was, as Claire would put it, the drama princess.

  I found the bed that wasn't trundled and lifted my suitcase up. I quickly found the two cosmetic boxes filled with sample products and set them off to the side. I looked through the girl's dresser and found that only one small drawer was available. However, since the other trundle bed wasn't set up yet, I might be able to fit my smaller of the two larger suitcases underneath. Otherwise, it was looking like the garage for my luggage, and I wasn't thrilled about that.

  Claire and Ron bought this tiny ranch because the rest of the land was what they always dreamed of living on. A two bedroom, two-bath ranch with a single-car garage and a huge barn was a standard living here. I just didn't see me living here long.

  I pulled a few casual clothes out of my larger suitcase, along with three choices of 'I'm too sexy' clothes for the BBQ. If there was a chance Bubba was coming, I was going to look hot, no - hot and sexy.

  Twenty minutes later, I had two little girls just dying to try on all the makeup. A sleepy Snickerdoodles already snuggled on the bed I would be sleeping on. I took advantage of their makeup fixation and went to style my hair. I applied my makeup using my sister's tiny one sink bathroom. I had no idea how she lived like this.

  Pink low cut top, VS denim short shorts and a pair of white wedge sandals and I was good to go to the library with the girls. As I walked out of the bathroom, I was shocked to see how pretty - uh hum - the girls made up faces looked. "Ready to go to the library ladies?"

  Lil spoke up first. "Mom never lets us go out in public with makeup on Aunt Julie." At this rate, we would never make it there or to the movie. I grabbed the minivan keys, my purse, and a pair of sunglasses that screamed 'in disguise'. I motioned for the girls to follow and hollered over my shoulder. "Well ladies, that is one benefit to hanging with Aunt Julie, you get to wear whatever you like."

  A full minute of giggles later and we were loaded up into the minivan with Christian kid songs blaring through the rocking stereo system. A little part of me really enjoyed this time with the girls, but another part of me knew this life in 'Bama' as Bubba would say, is far different than I got accustomed to back in LA.

  We rocked the library. We strolled in like three queen divas. We took over the comfortable reading circle. We picked up books, movies and the girls made me get my own library card.

  Back in the minivan two hours later, it was past lunch, and I was accustomed to forgoing food for the sake of my waistline but the two little girls arguing in the backseat were not. "Where to for lunch?" I shouted over the music to the backseat.

  May spoke up first. "I want a hamburger." Then Lil chimed in. "Well I want a cheeseburger." Then May argued. "You don't like cheeseburgers. You're just saying that because I said hamburger." "Nut uh." "Are too." "Am not." "Are too."

  "Girls. Please. Aunt Julie doesn't do this very well." I pulled into the first fast-food place I could find and grabbed a twenty out of my wallet. "Here girls. You run on in and get what you want. I need to make a phone call, and then I'll be in."

  Lil grabbed my hand. "Aunt Julie. You can't send us in alone. Stranger danger."

  Oh gosh. What was I thinking? I had a million things on my mind. "Right."

  One very sticky table later in the play area of the fast food and two well fed girls; we decided that maybe saving the movie for another day would be best. May suggested we clean out their mom's minivan at the colored carwash. And for once, Lil agreed. I had no idea what a colored carwash was, but I knew I was about to find out.

  From a window inside, we watched several young adults wash the car with multicolored magical soap bubbles. Then when they rinsed with a pink colored water, I was fascinated. They finally rinsed with clear water, and then we got to watch them dry the van off. I had ordered the multi deluxe package and asked that they bagged up all the trash and leave it inside in the back, seeing as my sister was notorious for tossing receipts on her car floor and then would go looking for them later. I didn't want to be held responsible for a tossed receipt.

  Being home less than twenty-four hours brought back a world of memories. Good and bad. Bubba was the first. He was both, good and bad memories. However, the more I thought of the way he looked, tan, muscular, rugged and a bit older looking than the high school boy I left behind. I got all soft inside with warm fuzzy feelings about Bubba. Then I remembered Bubba represented the fact that I would never have had the chance at stardom if I stayed with him. Thinking back, I probably caused a ruckus with him just to keep my options open for LA. At the time, it seemed reasonable, but not after seeing him at the Stop-N-Go that I had internal doubts about if I made the wrong choice and should have stood by the man I loved.

  Being here with my twin nieces made me realize that I was aunt material with a possibility for mom but did I want to go it alone? Thinking about Colton's offer to my sister made me smile. I wasn't in love with Colton like Bubba, but he was easy on the eyes. I hadn't been in love with Crispin or Mr. Hollywood, but that hadn't kept me from sleeping with them. Although in the two minutes, Mr. Hollywood and I were toge
ther, we didn't sleep. We just inserted slot A into slot B, grunted, adjusted with the toilet seat stall and held on to the metal walls more than each other. I could still remember the way he checked himself in the mirror before he left, like he had scored another one.

  I wasn't exactly excited about my options at the moment, but I knew I had enough cash to get by for a few months, but selling my condo was just going to have to happen. Even if I did go back, I doubted I would have the type of paycheck I had before.

  As for my parents, I was sure that having a sweet tea with Mrs. Champ, Bubba's mom, was just her way of preparing me for what my momma was about to bring to the table. They were due home in a few days, and Claire's planned welcome back BBQ was on the same day. I figured the sooner I had that sweet tea with Mrs. Champ, the better off I was.

  Mrs. Coralline Champ was a retired beauty queen and my momma's best friend, as long as I could remember. She was also very good at being a buffer between my momma and me. She was sad when I choose to leave Alabama. She only told me once that she had hoped that things between Bubba and I had worked out.

  I let out a huge breath of air from all this hard thinking and was brought back by the twins giggling. Someone had sprayed colored soap on the other side of the glass at the girls and that someone was Hooch Turner, a bad boy and troublemaker whom I knew from back in high school.

  He was having fun with the girls, but he was looking at me with those waggling eyebrows like a man on the prowl. Hooch was the last man I wanted to be with, but he was always good for a laugh.

  A few minutes later, Hooch was out giving the girls a sucker of their choice and thanking me for visiting his business. I was a bit impressed that he owned the place. He asked a few questions, about how long I was staying, and if I would be interested in going out while I was here. I darted my eyes to the girls several times and brought up the fact that I was here strictly on aunt visitation and that hanging out with old friends would have to wait.