Lost and Found

by Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough

  "No, it's fine. I meant to tell you, but decided to wait, because I wanted to process everything. I went to see Derek and the kids, to tell them that I wouldn't be able to see them as much as I had been." I looked up at Claudia and she had a knowing look on her face.

  "You knew? That I was visiting them more than I told you I was?" She nodded her head.

  "Yes. I knew and I understood, but it also pissed me off at the same time. I even saw you walking around their graves, moving your hands a lot, which let me know you were talking to them." I look at her with a very confused look.

  "Why did it piss you off? And how did you know?" I really don't understand her reaction.

  "Well, pissed off wouldn't be the right word, I guess. But from my point of view, the more you went to visit them and well, talk to them, it seemed that it would take longer for you to accept that they were gone. As far as how I knew. Sometimes I would have to wait for you to leave, so that I could visit myself and sometimes I would just give up, because you stayed so long." Oh. It never occurred to me that she would want to visit them too. I really had gotten wrapped up in my own little selfish guilt ridden world.

  "I'm sorry, Claud. I guess we should have communicated better and we should have gone together. I'm also sorry I hid it from you, but I just thought that if you knew how much I was visiting them, you would have made me stop going to see them. I guess it's a good thing I figured it out on my own, that it wasn't helping, but holding me back." She grinned at me.

  "I probably would have said something like that, but it's good that you did come to terms with everything. But I am curious about something. When did you decide to take the job offer from Cash?" I was glad that we were sitting down for this. Just picturing him on his knees, sobbing over his wife and the desolate look he had on his face, as he was walking to her grave, was like a kick in the stomach at how much hurt he was still going through.

  "I decided, as I was leaving the cemetery, when I saw Cash." I knew immediately what she was thinking, because she cringed.

  "Poor Cash. If there's anyone that can't accept death, it would be him. I've heard through the rumor mill that he takes her a bouquet of white roses every day. Every day, O. Vanessa died 5 years ago. Do you realize how many days that is? I'll be honest; I was worried you were going to take that long, or longer to deal with your grief. He obviously isn't even close to accepting it yet." Every day? I can't believe yesterday was the first time I saw him. For all I know, we were there at the same time, but were so distracted by our own grief that we weren't paying attention to our surroundings.

  "He was carrying a bouquet of white roses, but he looked so lost. Like he was in a trance, desolate, and mournful and when he reached her grave, he just fell. Like he had given up, Claud. When I saw him at that moment, I don't know. I just felt sorry for him and especially his kids. At least I didn't have anyone depending on me, or anyone to take care of, while I was dealing with my grief, but it just hit me then and there that they need someone to care for them, because I know he's in his own kind of hell still." She rose up and walked over to me and told me to stand up. I did and looked at her questionably and then she grabbed me and pulled me towards her and hugged me fiercely. I hugged her back and we stood that way for a couple of minutes and then she pulled away and looked at me with tears streaming down her face.

  "I am so PROUD of you right now! I'm not sure that I've ever been this proud of you. I know how tough this is going to be for you to be around children after well, after losing your own." She reached for a tissue and wiped her face of her tears and blew her nose.

  "I knew immediately why you got so mad and kept drinking when Cash offered you this job, and I never in a million years thought we would be standing here discussing you shelving your own grief and putting your needs ahead of Vanessa's kids. I wish you had met her, O. You remind me of her so much, because she had such a kind heart like yours and if she were still here and Cash even attempted to ignore his children like it looks like he is, she would have given him a swift kick in the ass."

  "Oh, Claud. I just needed a swift kick in my ass as well. Thank you for that. If it weren't for you dragging me out of bed and not taking no for an answer this past weekend, I wouldn't be able to do this. You have reminded me of how strong I was. I mean AM." She gave me a condescending look and I knew she was going to correct me in telling me that I WAS strong, so I beat her to it.

  "Anytime, doll. You've given me a swift kick in the ass a time or to and actually you've already kicked Cash, so maybe you should just aim for his ass next time. Hahahahaha" She has both of us rolling with that comment. I do agree that Cash needs a kick in the ass, but that's not for me to do. He will be my boss, so I'm just going to do my job and try to avoid him as much as possible.

  We cleaned the kitchen together and Claud made sure to pack her a lunch with the left overs to take to work with her, so that she could brag to everyone at work about how good of a cook her "wife" was. When we got through, we watched a little bit of TV and then we both went to bed.

  As I was lying in bed, I was thinking about Cash and how he takes flowers to Vanessa's grave every day and has for the past five years. It makes me sad that he has wasted five years of not really spending any time with his children. Someone needed to remind him that even though he lost the love of his life, he still has two lives that were created from that love that need him desperately.

  If I could swap places with him for one day, I would do it in a second. Even though it would have been hard not having Derek around, the thought of my children still being alive and seeing traces of Derek every day in Jenna's eyes, Jordan's smile, and Jeremiah's personality would have helped heal the loss. I do know this. My job will not be helping Mr. Cash Kingston in dealing with his grief. That will be someone else's job, but I can be there for his children. I just hope it doesn't hurt too much being around them.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Every morning seems to get easier, after waking up refreshed. Not having a nightmare the past few nights has been such a wonderful feeling. Today is the day that I get to go meet Gideon and Eden and I'm surprised at how excited I am. Just knowing that I will have a bigger reason to get up in the mornings has made this new journey an exciting one, and I can't wait to come back Sunday to start working.

  I decide to go shopping for a new wardrobe before I head to Cash's. Other than the dresses Claudia and I had bought at the boutique, I really didn't have any nice casual clothes. I was way too excited to stay home counting down the hours until it was time to be there, so I left around lunch time and picked up a burger at the burger shack and went shopping for myself, to which I can't remember the last time I did that. I even splurged and bought me some new bras and panties.

  Mrs. Williamson seemed nice enough on the phone and we had agreed that 4:30 would be ideal, because that would give her plenty of time to get the kids snacks and Gideon's homework over with. She filled me in a little bit about how I might as well be prepared to battle with Gideon every day and that he was the kind of kid that needed watched twenty four seven, but I told her I was pretty sure I could handle him and she wished me luck and that I was going to need it.

  As I'm driving closer to the coast, I check my GPS to see how much further I have to drive and it is saying five miles and I have a turn soon.

  Claudia had prepared me for the size of the house, or shall I say castle. When Vanessa was pregnant with Gideon, Cash had surprised her with the castle and told her that since she was his Queen, she deserved to live like one. Claud said that she had been there many times for birthdays and lunches and said that Vanessa loved the house, but thought it was too excessive sometimes. But it made Cash happy to spoil her, so she enjoyed it.

  I arrive where the GPS tells me to and there's a security booth with gates directly in front of me. That has to be it, because Claudia said I would have to go through security to get to the house. I pull up to the little building, where there is a man sitting watching TV, wearing a security uniform.


  "May I help you?"

  "Yes, my name is Olivia Porter. Mr. Kingston is expecting me." I pull my driver’s license out of my wallet to prove that I was who I said I was and hand it to him.

  "Oh, you're going to be the new nanny. Yes, I have some papers here for you. Next time all you have to do is type in your code over there at the box and you won't have to stop here again. Your code is in with the papers." He hands me back my driver’s license and some papers and a clip board that has my arrival time for me to sign. I sign it and hand it back to him and he then opens the big massive gate. "Just pull in and follow the road. The house is around the trees to the right a little ways. Have a nice afternoon, Ms. Porter. It was very nice to meet you. You can call me Jack.” He tipped his hat at me.

  "It’s very nice to meet you as well, Jack." I nod at him and pull through the gates, wondering how far up the road the house is. I drive around the trees that Jack was telling me about and in the distance I see turrets and the top of the house over the tree line. It takes me about a quarter of a mile before I see the castle. I would say house, but house doesn't even do it justice, because it is truly a castle, turrets and all. And I can see the ocean in the distance.

  I pull up into the drive and a gentleman is outside, waxing a limo and he raises up and motions for me to park over by where he is. I get out and he comes up to me and introduces himself.

  "You must be Ms. Porter, the new nanny. My name is Lucas. I'll be the one driving you and Gideon back and forth to school every day, or wherever you need to go for that matter." He extends his hand out to shake my hand and I'm amazed that I have my own driver. Claud had told me that Cash made a lot of money in his computer software company, but he definitely lives a life of luxury. I don't know why I'm so shocked at the idea of a driver taking me where I needed to go, considering how much he is paying me.

  "Nice to meet you, Lucas. Please call me Olivia, Ms. Porter sounds too formal. When you say driver, that doesn't mean we'll be going in a limo, does it?" I chuckled at the idea of pulling up at Gideon's school every day.

  "That would be up to you. Gideon does go to a stuffy private school and Mrs. Williamson always insisted on me driving the limo, because she liked riding in style like all of the other nannies, but if you prefer something smaller, Mr. Kingston has a town car and an SUV at my disposable. Whichever you prefer is up to you." He winked and smiled at me.

  "Thank you, Lucas. I really could care less about competing with the other nannies and I'll let you decide which you prefer of either vehicle." He whistled and clapped his hands like he was excited.

  "Well alright then. I can tell that we are going to get along just fine. I see that Mr. Kingston not only hired you for your beauty, but common sense as well. If you don't mind my saying, I wasn't a bit disappointed when I heard that Mrs. Williamson was retiring. She's a stuffy old woman and she's a bit mean to the children, if you ask me. They are really good kids and that little Eden is an absolute doll and Gideon is just a little mischievous is all. Yep. You're going to fit in real good around here, I can already tell." He grinned at me and went back to what he was doing.

  I looked up at the humongous door and knocked on it and heard yelling coming through the massive door. I knock again and no one answered, so I go ahead and turn the knob and open the door, while saying hello. I walk into the foyer and the yelling is even louder and seems to be coming from the left of me. I yell hello again and still no answer, so I walk to the left and I was shocked at what I saw transpiring, in what looked like the living room and kitchen area. A little boy, who I am assuming is Gideon, is standing on top of the kitchen table throwing whatever he can grab at, who I assume is Mrs. Williamson. Little Eden is in the corner holding a baby doll, bawling her head off and some other woman is telling everyone to calm down.

  "I HATE YOU! You never let me have dinner when I do something bad and I'm telling my DADDY!" He is throwing flowers, plates, tea cups, candles, and candle sticks and whatever else he can find on the table at Mrs. Williamson.

  "You can tell your Daddy whatever you want. He's not going to do anything to help you out of this little tantrum you're having. You're lucky I'm only sending you to bed without dinner and not going after you with my yard stick again young man! You get down from there NOW, and quit throwing stuff at me!" Yard stick? No dinner? He's only 7 years old. What is going on here? The other woman in the room is now consoling Eden and has her sitting in her lap, trying to reassure her. She looks up and sees me.

  "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear anyone at the door." She sits Eden down and stands up and walks up to me. All of a sudden, the whole room goes silent and all eyes are on me. Mrs. Williamson is the first one to say anything and Gideon has a tea kettle above his head ready to throw it and he slowly puts it back onto the table.

  "Oh, you must be Olivia. I'm sorry you had to witness this little tantrum, but Gideon got into trouble again today at school and we were just discussing his punishment." Gideon jumps off of the table and stands behind Mrs. Williamson with his hands on each hip.

  “You said that I had to go to bed without dinner AGAIN! That's not fair! I'm very hungry and I don't care what you say about it, because I'm telling my Daddy!" She went to raise her hand, as if she was going to slap him and I rushed over and stopped her before she connected and I'm shaking so bad and absolutely enraged.

  "Whoa! Don't you DARE touch him! No child deserves to be hit! I don't care what he's done!" I stood between Gideon and Mrs. Williamson, staring her in the eye, daring her to buck me. I see Gideon out of the corner of my eye, look around her with his arms crossed, daring her as well. I wanted to laugh, but I was too infuriated.

  "Excuse me, Ms. Porter, but you better learn your place around here! You have no idea what he did to his teacher today." She leans around me and glares at Gideon. "HE put thumb tacks in his seat, before he joined the class room and his teacher sat down on them. If he gets in trouble one more time, he will be expelled from the school. Mr. Kingston will not be happy about this at all and he trusts me to discipline them however I feel fit to do, and if YOU don't think he needs to be disciplined in the right way, then maybe THIS isn't the job for YOU, Ms. Porter!" She stared back at me, as if she thought she was going to bully me, which was NOT going to happen. I made a decision right then and there.

  "It is EXACTLY the job for me and I will discipline Gideon for what he did, because as of now, I'M their nanny and YOU can pack up YOUR things and LEAVE! THIS INSTANT!" The shocked look on her face was priceless. I see that Lucas has entered the room and has a shocked look on his face, as well and then he grinned from ear to ear. He must have heard all of the screaming from outside, but I can tell that she wasn't going to back down.

  "WHAT? YOU'RE FIRING ME? YOU CAN'T DO THAT! I'm calling Mr. Kingston RIGHT NOW and telling him that YOU ARE NOT the kind of nanny THESE children need." She pulls her cell phone out of the pocket of her dress. She was right, I couldn't do that, but why wait until this weekend when she obviously needs to go right now. I just hope I can undo the damage that she has done to these kids. I spoke to her in a calmer tone and go about my threat in a different way.

  "You were already leaving Saturday, right? You can tell him that you got a call from your relatives and needed to leave tonight instead of Saturday. I can tell Mr. Kingston that you met me and felt comfortable leaving me with the kids. Why concern yourself with staying any longer than you want to anyway." That had her thinking and looking at her phone. But I had to have her hang up, so I used whatever ammunition I had. "Or, I COULD tell Mr. Kingston that you were about to hit his child. I bet he has no idea does he? How you mistreat them? “Jackpot! This had her closing her phone and glaring at me.

  "Well, children. This is your NEW nanny, Ms. Porter. Please make sure to mistreat her like YOU HAVE ME. Oh and Gideon? You will NEVER amount to being anything, but a spoiled LITTLE BRAT! Goodbye Carmen, goodbye Eden. Hopefully you won't turn out like your BROTHER! Lucas? Would you get the car ready to take me to the airport? I won't be lo
ng, I can ASSURE you."

  "Yes ma'am." He looked at me and grinned and gave me a thumbs up sign behind her back. I had to hide my smile, but I now knew what he meant when he said she was mean to the children.

  Mrs. Williamson walked out of the room and went to get her things. I looked around the room and Carmen had Eden back in her lap and they were both looking at me, shocked at what I had just done. I fell in love with Eden immediately, just by looking into her deep soulful brown eyes that looked like Jenna's and the prettiest brown hair that was cascading down her back in ringlets. I looked at Gideon, and he was staring at me with his mouth wide open and then he grinned at me and his brilliant deep blue eyes, that he inherited from his father, started twinkling.

  "So you're our new nanny?"

  "Yes, Gideon. I'm your new nanny, it’s very nice to meet you. Please don't call me Ms. Porter. You can call me Olivia." I don't want them to have to be too formal with me. I think they've had enough of formalities to last a lifetime. Gideon does something that I wasn't suspecting and I had to ready myself, as he ran up to me and hugged me around my waist.

  “This is so awesome! I don't care what that old mean woman said! I promise, I will be good from now on! No one has ever taken up for me like you just did. However you want to punish me for what I did, I'm cool with it." I looked down at his cute little face and realized that he looked just like his father, with the same jet black hair and deep blue eyes. How anyone could be mean to this child, I will never know. I hugged him back and I could see little tears that he was holding back fall down his cheeks and my heart just melted. It was in that moment that I realized I was doing the right thing. I look over towards Carmen and Eden.

  "Carmen, is it? Is there anywhere that we can go to get away from here, so that Mrs. Williamson can leave peacefully and we can get to know each other a bit?" Eden beat her to it.

  "Can we go outside, Owibia? We never get to go outside." She's looking at me with pleading eyes. I just look at her and grin.