Hit the Wall (Blythe College)

by Paige, Rochelle

  But I couldn’t focus on that right now. I needed to go out there and dance like I’d never danced before. Less than an hour of acting like an ostrich with its head in the sand and pretending that nothing could go wrong was totally doable. It had to be because the only alternative was failure. And with my aunt out there ready to tell me ‘I told you so’ about my decision to attend Blythe, I wasn’t ready to admit defeat.

  “Kaylie, you’re on in ten minutes,” one of the stage hands yelled to me across the dressing room.

  I moved to do one more round of stretches, warming my muscles up so I’d be ready to go when it was my turn. As I stretched, I visualized the choreography in my mind, picturing myself moving through each step flawlessly. It was a trick one of my dance coaches had told me about years ago that worked really well for me.

  Before long, they were announcing my name. I took one deep, cleansing breath to clear my head and moved towards the stage, waiting for the first beat of my music to begin. I heard my cue and moved onto the stage for what ended up being the fastest three and a half minutes of my life.

  By the time it was over, I was panting heavily from the exertion with sweat dripping down my body. I felt like it had gone really well, that I had made it into the zone where I could do no wrong. As I walked off the stage, I was sure that, no matter what happened, I could be happy with the fact that I’d done my personal best and left everything I had inside me out on the dance floor. If I didn’t get an offer, then at least I wouldn’t have anything to regret about my performance.

  Several people offered me their congratulations as I made my way back to the changing area. I nodded absently in response, focused on getting cleaned up so I could just go find Jackson. Now that it was over, I felt an urgent need to talk to him about everything going on in my head. I just hoped that I hadn’t waited too long.

  ****

  Once I had changed back into my street clothes and made it to the lobby to search for Jackson, the place was packed. I was one of the last performances of the night, and I’d had a ton of makeup on that I’d wanted to wash off. I’d thought I hadn’t taken that long to get ready, but apparently it was still longer than everyone else based on the mob of people I had to weave my way around while I was searching for him. I finally spotted him across the room and was headed that way when I heard my aunt’s voice from behind me.

  “I certainly hope you don’t expect to get a good offer after that performance, Kaylie,” she said in her grating tone of voice.

  Jackson’s eyes were on me, so I gave him a reassuring smile before turning to great my aunt. “Hello, Kathy.”

  Her expression turned icy with my words. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that disrespectful name? You know that it’s either Kathleen or Aunt Kathleen, Kaylie. Really, must you be so immature? You’re getting ready to graduate from college. I would have thought you’d have outgrown this kind of behavior by now.”

  Okay, maybe it was immature to always use a nickname I knew she hated. But I was okay with it because it got to her every single time. And I’d take my wins with her where and when I could. I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to change regardless of how old I was.

  I offered her an extremely insincere apology. “Sorry, Aunt Kathleen.”

  Apparently she either chose to ignore my sarcasm or didn’t catch it. “That’s much better. Now, I’ve made some calls to see if we can get you some extra training before you go out on any auditions this summer. I really wish you had taken my advice on gone to a school better suited to properly train you. You’ve developed some atrocious habits during your years here.”

  “That’s funny because I thought I did very well tonight,” I disagreed.

  “Please, Kaylie. You know you’ve never been a good judge of that. Trust me when I say it will be an uphill battle to get anyone who was here to ever seriously consider you in the future. You have your work cut out for you if you want to undo the damage you’ve already done.”

  Jackson joined us in the middle of my aunt’s tirade, placing his hand on my back in a comforting gesture. When he didn’t walk past and continued to stand behind me, my aunt gave me a questioning look.

  I introduced them. “Aunt Kathleen, this is my boyfriend Jackson. Jackson, this is my aunt.”

  Jackson stretched out his free hand to shake hers. “A pleasure, ma’am.”

  “It’s nice to see Kaylie dating someone with manners,” my aunt replied. “But I hope you understand that we are having a private conversation right now regarding her future. Would you mind waiting over there?” she asked as she gestured away from where we were standing.

  I was mortified by her behavior. Jackson was being perfectly polite to her and she still had to be a major bitch just so she could continue to tell me what a horrible dancer I had become.

  “Jackson, no. You don’t have to go anywhere.”

  He leaned down to kiss my cheek before addressing my aunt. “Actually, I do mind waiting over there. Kaylie invited me to be here with her tonight, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

  “Well,” Aunt Kathleen muttered. “I guess our conversation will just have to wait until tomorrow then since you are too busy with your boyfriend to have a serious discussion with me. Kaylie, plan on my picking you up for breakfast at your dorm at seven a.m.”

  I didn’t even have the chance to respond and tell her that I didn’t want to talk with her about this—let alone sit down for a meal—before Jackson jumped back into the conversation. “If your plan is to spend the whole meal talking down to Kaylie and badgering her, then I don’t think she has time for you tomorrow morning either.”

  “Well, I don’t recall asking you for your opinion,” she snapped back at him.

  “That’s the great thing about being her boyfriend. You don’t have to ask. It’s my privilege to protect her from harm, and that includes you if necessary.”

  My aunt chose to ignore his comment. “Kaylie, I will be at your dorm in the morning, and I expect you to be ready when I get there.”

  I took a step closer to Jackson, gathering strength from his presence at my side. “Here’s the thing, Kathy. You can show up at my dorm as early or late as you want tomorrow morning. It won’t do you any good because I won’t even be there. I’ll be over at Jackson’s place instead. So if you really want to spend time with me, then you can pick me up from there and invite him to come along with us.”

  “But be prepared to be nice to Kaylie or it’s not going to be a pleasant meal,” Jackson warned.

  “If that’s going to be your attitude, then I guess I’ll just go back home earlier than planned. But I have to tell you that I am even more disappointed in you than I was when I watched you dance earlier, Kaylie. Not only have you wasted your talent by going here, but it appears that you’ve decided to follow in your mother’s footsteps and allow a man to dictate your future,” she shot back at me before marching away.

  I watched my aunt disappear into the crowd with mixed feelings. I was happy that I’d stood up to her again. I was angry that she’d given me yet another reason to need to be firm with her in the first place. And I was sad because it felt so final, like this was the end of our relationship. Even though it was a strained one, she was still family and I hated to think that we’d never be able to get past our issues and be close to each other. I missed having family in my life, but I didn’t think that my relationship with her was salvageable.

  “You okay, baby?” Jackson murmured in my ear, sounding worried.

  “Not really, but it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it to make things better unless I want to totally cave and do everything she says exactly when she wants me to do it. And I just can’t do that.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t really make the situation any better. I think I made it worse,” he apologized.

  “No, Jackson,” I reassured him. “That was all her. It really wasn’t about you. If you hadn’t been here, my conversation with her wouldn’t have gone much
better. In fact, I was happy that you were here to take my back. I liked how we felt like a team. I’ve never had that before, and it’s kinda awesome.”

  Jackson smirked at me. “A team, huh?”

  “Yeah, definitely.”

  He tilted his head like he was considering the idea. “I like the sound of that.”

  “And teammates share stuff with each other—even the hard stuff. Right?”

  His teasing expression immediately sobered. “Yes, Kaylie. Sharing is important if we’re going to be a team.”

  Shit. I was totally busted. He already knew something was going on, so I must not have been as good at hiding it as I’d thought I’d been. “When we’re done here, we need to go somewhere to talk,” I uttered the dreaded words no guy ever wants to hear.

  Jackson didn’t look too worried though. “I will always have time for you, sweetheart. If you ever have anything you want to talk about, I’m yours. Got it?”

  I loved the sound of that, and I could tell that he wasn’t joking either. He really meant it, and he’d never done anything in the time we’d been dating to make me think otherwise. That was going to make our conversation even more difficult since he was an open book to me while I’d been less open with him. If our roles were reversed, I would be pissed. And my feelings would be hurt. Knowing that I might have made Jackson feel bad or doubt how I feel about him was not a good feeling at all, especially with how much care he’d taken with my feelings.

  I glanced around the lobby and watched all my classmates chatting, looking excited. Between my aunt and my upcoming talk with Jackson, the evening had lost some of its luster for me already. There wasn’t anything keeping me here right now, so why wait any longer?

  “I’m yours too, Jackson. So why don’t we just get out of here now?”

  “Don’t you have people you need to talk to here before we leave?”

  He made a good point. There was one person I needed to check in with before we could go. “Let’s just stop to say goodbye to my mentor, and then we can head out.”

  We held hands as we walked through the crowded room over to my teacher. She was surrounded by a circle of people, so I waited until I could get her attention. She beamed a smile at me as soon as she noticed us standing there.

  “Kaylie! I am so glad you found me,” she greeted me before pulling me into her group, Jackson following behind me since I didn’t let go of him.

  “This is the dancer I was just telling you about. Kaylie Rhodes.” She introduced me to several of the people with whom she had been speaking before we’d arrived. “And Kaylie, there are a couple people here who are going to want to talk to you about your plans for after graduation.”

  I was blown away when a couple of the women with her nodded their heads and smiled at me before introducing themselves. “You danced beautifully tonight,” one of them said. “I’d be very interested in talking to you if you’d like to give me a call.” Then she handed me her business card.

  That conversation was repeated a few times. By the time Jackson and I left, I had four business cards held tight in my hand. Four different opportunities to dance professionally and make my dream come true. I could hardly believe it. I wanted to jump up and down and do a victory dance, but that hardly seemed appropriate right here in front of everyone. Besides which, my celebration might be too soon without knowing how the rest of my night would go now that the cat was out of the bag since Jackson had been right there with me as it all happened. And he’d been very quiet through it all, just giving my hand a quick squeeze here and there.

  “Kaylie!” Char screamed as she came running towards me, interrupting my line of thought. She threw her arms around me for a big hug before stepping back. “Ohmigawd, you were amazing up there! So beautiful I could hardly believe that was you. Not that I didn’t already think you were amazing. But tonight you took it to a whole new level!”

  I held up the business cards for her to see. “Yeah, well. It looks like you weren’t alone in thinking that.”

  She shrieked as she grabbed the cards from my hand to look through them—something I hadn’t brought myself to do yet because I was too focused on Jackson right now.

  “Holy fuck, Kaylie. This is some pretty amazing shit right here. Please tell me your aunt was here when this happened and you got to rub it in her sour face.”

  “No such luck. Jackson and I had already run her off before the good news.”

  Char glanced at Jackson standing next to me and back to me again. She knew damn well that I hadn’t talked to him about what might happen tonight, and she gave me a worried look before greeting him.

  “Hey, Jackson. Don’t you think our girl was amazing tonight?”

  “Yes, my Kaylie was fan-fucking-tastic.”

  She nodded her head, like that was exactly the answer she’d been looking for. “It looked like you two lovebirds were on your way out when I interrupted. I take it I won’t get Kaylie back until the morning?” she asked Jackson.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a safe bet to take.”

  I was so relieved at his reply. He already knew that I might take a job dancing somewhere, but he still planned on being with me tonight. That tight feeling in my chest, the fear that I’d fucked up so badly I wasn’t going to be able to fix it, loosened slightly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I told Char as I gave her a quick hug.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, slipping the cards back into my hand before taking a step back.

  “Love you,” I mouthed to her as we walked away.

  I’d walked to the auditorium, another one of my rituals before a big performance. It was convenient tonight because it meant I could ride with Jackson without having to worry about my car. The atmosphere in his truck was tense though, and my nerves started to come back when I realized he were headed to his parents’ cabin. It wasn’t an unusual thing for us to do, but it pretty much meant that this was going to be a conversation for which he wanted us to have privacy.

  When we got there and made it inside, I used one of the oversized chairs instead of the couch where Jackson sat down. He gave me a strange look before shaking his head at my choice of seats and scooting down the couch so he was closer to me.

  “I think you left out some details about your showcase tonight,” he started, pausing so I could explain.

  “I know, and I am so sorry. I would totally understand if you’re completely pissed at me.”

  He shook his head in response. “Kaylie,” he sighed. “I’m not mad exactly. Disappointed? Yes. Worried that you felt like you couldn’t talk to me about shit like this? Yes.”

  “No, Jackson! It wasn’t that I felt like I couldn’t talk to you. I know that I can and you’ll always listen. I’m not sure how to explain it though.”

  He ran a hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture. “Just tell me what you’re thinking. What’s going on in that mind of yours?”

  “You know how much I love to dance,” I began. He nodded his head because this was something we had discussed before. “The showcase was my best opportunity at a chance to dance professionally after school.”

  “So the people your dance teacher introduced you to tonight—they could offer you a job?”

  “Yes,” I sighed as I reached into my pocket to pull out their business cards. “This is huge. I had hoped that someone might possibly be interested, but this is more than I even let myself dream.”

  “Where are they from?” he asked, gesturing at the cards.

  I shuffled through them and was shocked at the variety. “Chicago. San Francisco. And two are from places in New York.”

  “They’re all pretty far away,” he pointed out.

  My heart sank at the thought that we wouldn’t be able to figure this out somehow. Dance was my dream, but Jackson had quickly become a huge part of my happiness. If keeping my dream meant losing him, I just didn’t know what I was going to do.

  “Yeah, unfortunately they are. There just aren’
t a whole lot of opportunities to dance around here. I swear to God, if there were I would be interested because you’re here.”

  “And this is what you want to do? Go somewhere to dance?”

  I thought about how to explain it so that he would understand and moved to a kneeling position at his feet as I answered. “Yes, Jackson. It really is what I want to do. It’s my dream, and if I don’t chase it now, then I will lose my chance forever. I’m just not ready to let go of it yet.”

  Jackson pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. “I think that’s what bothers me the most, Kaylie. That you would honestly think that I’d want you to give up your dream for me. You should know me better than that. I want what’s best for you. Always.”

  I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Even if it means that I have to move a thousand miles away?”

  “Yes, Kaylie. Even then. But I need to know right now. Do you also want our relationship? Because I can’t do this thing alone.”

  “I absolutely want you in my life,” I whispered against his lips before kissing him.

  “You need to fucking learn to talk to me,” he replied after our kiss ended. “I know it’s hard. Hell, after meeting your aunt, I don’t know how the hell you ended up so sweet. And I definitely get why you learned to keep shit to yourself living with her. But if you want this thing to work between us, it’s something you need to work on with me. Especially if you’re going to move a thousand miles away to dance.”