Deeper

by Blue Ashcroft

  He’s still making me hot, still keeping me wanting, and even though pain is creeping in because I know I should stop this now, I can’t yet. I sigh against his mouth and open deeper. His hand moves to my belt, and I sit up abruptly.

  That’s it. No more. If I thought I could break my promise, I was wrong. It’s so hard to say no that it’s almost physically painful.

  I scramble back, pushing away from him. He’s gleaming in the night air and the sweat of the moment, looking at me with slightly swollen lips and questioning eyes. His hair is sexy and messy from my hands. I want nothing more than to put them there again, but I back up to the headboard and stick out a hand. “No more.”

  He nods and sighs and flops on the bed. “Sorry. I got carried away. You’re so amazing, Rain.”

  “It’s okay. I got carried away too.”

  “Great while it lasted though, right? Even better than the beach.” He exhales slowly and rests his hand on his chest. I wonder if his heart is beating as hard as mine.

  “Yeah, it was great.” I smile. So that was making out with Knight. Downright dangerous. Consuming. Confusing.

  He looks over at me, smiles, then stares at the ceiling. His shirt is out of place from where I was grabbing it. I can see a glimpse of one sexy pec where his shirt is slid off to one side. “So I guess you are a no-sex girl?”

  “Yeah,” I say, looking down at my hands. I really wish I was a sex girl though. Just for now.

  “Any reason why?” He doesn’t say it like he’s trying to change my mind. He just wants to know. As if he wants to know me better even though he’s not getting any. That feels good, that he hasn’t just stormed out when I told him I couldn’t do that with him.

  “It’s personal. I just can’t. It’s not you.” I fold my arms. Why is it so hard to calm down? It was so easy to get worked up. For just a few moments, I felt like a different girl. A normal teenager. Someone who has never seen anyone die.

  He rubs the back of his neck. “Damn, that sucks. That was hot though, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Thanks for stopping me in there,” he says, straightening his shirt and then waving it as if to let air in. I catch another glimpse of his bare chest. “I have a thing against rapists.”

  The word rapist cools the room immediately. “Don’t most people?” I ask.

  “I have an extra thing.” He frowns and I can sense he’s drifting off somewhere. I wonder if it has anything to do with Camille. Why she killed herself.

  I move toward him and sit next to him, bumping him with my shoulder. “Well, it’s a good thing to have a vendetta against.”

  “Not to mention,” he says, bumping me back but putting a hand over mine on my leg, “that he was doing it to the girl who’s been driving me crazy for days. Maybe since I met her.”

  I can’t speak. I have nothing to say to that. It would do no good to tell him he’s driving me crazy too. It would be too good to be true, if I wasn’t broken and unable to take him up on what he offered.

  “No sex, huh? That sucks, cause I’d love to have sex with you.”

  I grin. “I’m sure you would.”

  He laughs, a low, quiet sound that barely moves him. “Yeah. Not a great idea though, right? Coworkers?”

  “Yeah, not a good idea.”

  He props himself up on his arm and smiles over at me, sexy and relaxed. My favorite version of Knight. “Still, maybe we could hang out sometime?”

  “Hang out?” I ask.

  “Yeah, you know get to know each other?”

  “No sex?”

  “No sex. Unless you want it.”

  I do want it, but I’m never going to have it. “Deal. We’ll hang out sometime.”

  “Cool.”

  “Oh, and can you not bring this up with the other guards? I don’t want Chad to feel awkward. He really was just drunk. I could have pushed him off. I should have done it before you came in.”

  “I’ll have to report him, Rain. He’ll probably thank me for punching him when he hears what he did. I’ll put him on probation for now, but honestly, I want to fire him. That was not even close to okay, even if he was drunk.”

  “All right. Do what you need to.” I give his hand a squeeze, stand, and stretch.

  I look down to see Knight checking out my chest. Fair enough, since I’ve been doing the same all night to him. We grin at each other. At least for tonight, things are good between us.

  Who knows what will happen once the season opens tomorrow? A prickle of apprehension runs through me. For some reason, I think this summer is going to be more complicated than I ever imagined.

  Chapter Five

  Knight

  I’m glad the season has started. I need to clear my head. I got here early to get things ready, and I’m surprised Rain isn’t here yet. Hopefully when she walks in, in that stupid, frumpy supervisor polo and shapeless jeans, I’ll be able to forget the sexy girl from the other night.

  Everything about her, from how she looked under Chad and how it enraged me, to how she looked under me on the bed, pleased and excited. My neck feels warm and I rub it. Maybe I’ll mess with climate control, maybe it’s hot in here.

  But then she comes in, a shadow against the sunlight, then clearer as she moves closer. Hair in a tight pony, not the sexy one from last night. Shapeless clothing.

  Damnit.

  She’s still beautiful.

  She walks over to the break room to drop off stuff. I head into the senior guard office to finish some paperwork.

  I’m scratching my head over which guards to put on the slides for the first rotation when she pokes her head in.

  “Got a minute?”

  “Sure.” I put down my pencil and pull a chair over with my foot so she can sit with me.

  She smiles, it’s a quiet smile, but one that makes my heart beat faster. “Working on rotations?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How do you want to divide the senior guard duties?”

  One of us will be more on managing the staff, taking spots for guards during saves and helping if needed, making sure everyone is going on and coming off break at the right time, and auditing the guards and making sure they are watching their water.

  The other will be dealing with escalated customer service stuff, non-drowning related emergencies, client satisfaction, and recording pool chemicals logs with Pat.

  I already know which job I want, but I’m not sure this is going to go over easily. Luckily I thought it over last night and I think I’ve figured out a way to suggest it without coming across as an overprotective jerk.

  “So I was thinking that since you’re better at rescues, you should handle the guard stuff and I’ll do the client stuff.”

  She wheels the chair closer and stares into my eyes, so I look away. She’s going to figure me out.

  “You don’t think I can handle the patrons.” She narrows her eyes on me suspiciously.

  “Not true,” I say, picking up my pencil and turning back to the schedule. “I think you’d be great, I just think you know some of the park maneuvers better instinctively than I do.”

  She isn’t buying it. She stands and comes to sit on the desk, between me and my papers. She folds one long leg over the other and it makes my mouth dry. I want to run my hand over them.

  “I’m your coworker now,” she says. “Why are you trying to protect me? Is this because of last night?”

  “No.” Yes.

  She folds her arms. “Because you can’t treat me differently just because we have a habit of making out.”

  I fold mine. “Yes, I absolutely can.”

  She glares. “No, you absolutely can’t.”

  I’d pull her on my lap right now if I could, but it wouldn’t look right at work on opening day. “Yes, I can. Plus I’m great with the patrons.”

  “I could be too.”

  I doubt it. I bet she gets a complaint first day with her hard-ass attitude. “Let me do it. I’ve been doing it forever.”

&nbs
p; Her expression goes flat and she stands up to leave the office. “Fine. Whatever. We need a smooth first day. If that’s what it takes, so be it.”

  I can appreciate that. She’s willing to put the park first. “Rain. One more thing.”

  She turns back, her hand on the door. “What?” She’s impatient now. I get that.

  “Do you know what whirlpooling is?”

  “No,” her mouth turns down in a hesitant frown.

  “Well, let me put it this way. All the female guards know this. If a guy reaches for your hand, and he’s in the pool, don’t take it. Don’t walk too close to the pool, don’t walk within reach of anyone in the pool. Don’t go in the pool when a guard can go. If a guy is drowning, the male guard on the area has priority.”

  She turns to me, stalks over again. Her blue eyes stare into mine, wide and angry. “The sexism here never ends, does it?”

  “What?”

  “I mean, you just can’t forget that some of us are girls, and some of us are guys, can you?”

  “Why should I? Guys don’t get whirlpooled.”

  “I don’t know what that means.” She waves her hand. “No, I don’t want to know. I’ll do what I need to do on the floor, and you stay out of it.”

  I’ve gone too far. I should have let her do the client round, or anything else, so she’d listen to me about whirlpooling rather than shutting me off like this. “Rain,” I plead, because I really need her to hear me on this.

  “No. You don’t get to make any more suggestions. I’ll do the damn guard round, and you do the damn client round, and stay out of my way.”

  “Will you at least call me with your whistle if there’s a problem? Just let me—”

  She freezes on her way out the door, pulls a pencil from behind her ear, turns, and throws it at me, hard. It pings off my head before I can even think about it. Did she just try to stab out my brain? I look down at the ground and see it’s a pencil that hasn’t even been sharpened. Well, that’s a relief.

  Now if only I felt reassured that she wasn’t going to end up whirlpooled this season.

  Rain

  I storm out of the office, sort of wishing I had something more than a pencil to throw at him. I can’t believe he can be so charming and hot one night, and then infuriating and sexist and insulting the next day.

  I should have known. He has to be on top in the bedroom, and he has to be in control at work. How can I show that I’m his equal if he’s determined to protect me? We can’t be partners that way, and that’s what I am. His partner. I snort and storm to the breakroom. I sort of want to ask Amy what whirlpooling is, but I’m not going to give him the pleasure of taking him that seriously. Seriously.

  Guards are starting to trickle in, and I head to the white board to post assignments. There’s a general feeling of excitement in the building, everyone is excited to put their new skills into play. No one is sick of it yet. No one has tired feet from pacing a hard ceramic floor for 10 hours. No one has had to save three-year-olds ad nauseum while the parents yell at them for it. I give it a week before the energy wears off and they all start whining every day.

  “First day!” Someone grabs my shoulder and I turn, startled. Still not used to how friendly the staff is.

  “Amy.”

  “Hi!”

  “You ready? I’m giving you a tough rotation. Slides.”

  Her eyes widen slightly but she smiles. “Great. I was hoping.”

  “You’re one of my best.”

  “Favoritism,” Dane complains next to her. Dane’s easy to spot because he has a green fauxhawk. Kind of like Kyle is easy to spot because he’s the only guard who can wear his badge with no shirt because of his nipple piercing. Kind of an image that gets burned permanently into your brain.

  “You’re on slides too, Dane.”

  “Sweeet.” They both go to their lockers and pull out their gear. I sit down and zone out while the rest filter in. Fifteen of them for the first daytime park shift. Thirteen spots and 2 guards on break who also double as the first aid station if needed. Just bandages and stuff, anything higher and we do it, or Nate who has his EMT but no desire to do anything with it full time.

  When everyone is finally ready and in gear, with a half hour till the front gates open, I pull them all into a circle. “Everyone pull out your whistle.”

  I go in a circle and make them each blow a double whistle. It has to be quick and loud, so if there’s an emergency Knight will hear them, and it needs to not sound like one long whistle, because that signals a save and I need to be alerted to that.

  They all do pretty well. I have to pull Amy aside and explain how to use your tongue to stop the sound so it’s sharper and more separated, but overall, I’m happy.

  They file out. I check to make sure they are all in position and then walk the length of their position with each of them, then explain my own pattern. I’ll be making a figure eight around the slides and the lap pool, to each guard station, following the lazy river for the most part.

  I look up to see Knight is already talking to the patrons that are slowly filtering in, ahead of schedule. Must be family of the guys at the top. I look behind him to see a huge line. Outside through the glass doors, I can see it goes all the way out to the street. It’s going to be chaos if we aren’t perfection in our roles.

  Knight strides up to me and leans in with folded arms. The sup polo looks way better on him than it does on me, and I’m only a little bitter about it. I remember I’m angry at him and pull my eyes away from his chest.

  He sighs and stares forward with a relaxed posture. Only a slight glare at me lets me know he’s still angry, either about the pencil fiasco, or because I didn’t agree to his sexist plans for my day.

  “K. They’re coming in.” He sounds oddly resigned. I don’t know what is bothering him but if he thinks making out with me gives him the right to tell me what to do at work, he needs to get over it.

  “I’m ready on my end,” I say with the same resignation.

  “Patrick’s ready on his.”

  “Great.” I nod.

  “Great.” He nods back.

  There’s a quiet moment between us. The moment between storms, like the one last night where we were caught up in a range of emotions and each other’s arms, and the one that is coming today when 400 people rush through those doors. As soon as that happens, we’ll be partners. As soon as that happens, I’ll try to forget he’s ever kissed me. I need to be in the moment. Focused and perfect, or people won’t be safe.

  As soon as that door opens, I’ll prove I don’t need him to protect me. I’ll prove I can keep everyone safe. I’ll prove to all of them, and myself, that I didn’t die along with William, and that I’m doing everything I can to deserve this existence.

  “Go ahead and let them in,” I say, heading over to the first station by the lap pool. “I’m ready.”

  But a slight shiver comes over me and I get the feeling that I’ll never be ready enough for what’s coming in the next few weeks. I know better than most that you never know what to expect.

  We’ve been open a week with no issues. I lock up the last of the equipment and head into the senior office where Knight is slumped over the desk staring at the computer and the next two weekly schedules.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  He sits back and drags his hands through his hair. It stands up at odd angles after a long day in the chlorinated air. He looks over at me and there are lines under his eyes. He yawns and stretches. “Yeah, just going over schedules.”

  We’ve made it through the first week of opening without issue, save for losing a couple of guards. It just isn’t meant for everyone. So now the schedule needs to be reworked, even though Knight has already worked a ten hour day and we should both just be off now.

  “Need help?” I straddle a chair next to him and rest my head on my arms on the back of it. A sense of peace comes over me. The patrons and guards are all gone, and now it’s just Knight and I in a quiet office.
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  “Nah, I got it.” He clicks a few screens and puts the screensaver on and turns to me. “So, good first week?”

  “Yeah.” I peer at him sideways. “And you have to admit, I’ve done a pretty good job not ending up in any kind of peril.”

  He sighs, rubs the back of his neck and laughs, a quiet tired laugh that crinkles the lines under his eyes. He seems more tired than the rest of us, even considering it’s opening week. “Yeah, you have.”

  “What’s wrong Knight?”

  He looks up at me, blinks dark lashes over his astonishing blue eyes, then looks away, out to the pools and slides. “Nothing. Just been a stressful week? Not a great time of year for me anyway.”

  “How so?” I shouldn’t keep trying to get to know more about him. It’s taking me deeper than I’m allowed to go. I can’t seem to help myself when it comes to him.

  He closes his eyes for a moment, as if he’s bracing himself against something. His chest rises and then falls with a deep sigh. “Just one of those things.”

  I roll a little closer, get right up next to him so that when he opens his eyes, I’m right there. When he does, I’m expecting him to laugh and shove me away, or tweak my nose, or flirt, but he doesn’t. His eyes just stare into mine, intense, sad and angry. Like he’s showing me what’s inside him, because I’ve forced him to.

  There are so many Knights. There’s Knight on the pool deck, settling arguments between patrons over deck chairs, and Knight training the guards, and Knight in a dim room kissing me, and Knight here, doing his job but pausing to look into my eyes with the horror of someone who knows hell.

  “Knight…” I don’t know what to say. I want to tidy his hair, caress his cheek, anything to comfort him, to wipe that look away. It’s a look that is silently screaming.

  He stiffens, as if he can sense my pity. Then he stands. “I need to get out of here. Wanna do something?”