Deeper

by Blue Ashcroft

  “Good girl.”

  She sticks out her tongue, but leans back on her hands and lets me work. I put a ludicrous number of waterproof bandages on her after finishing cleaning the cuts and she laughs. Not her regular laugh, but a hoarse one. I just want to hug her and feel that she’s fine, but I have to let her know how stupid that was first.

  “How could you do that?”

  “Excuse me?” She turns to me slowly, meets my eyes wearily. “How could I what?”

  “You should have called me. You shouldn’t have gone in.”

  “So they could have Amy instead? Is that it?”

  “You could have both ended up in trouble.” I put the case away and turn away from her for a moment.

  “But we didn’t.” She hops off the table and comes in front of me. “I got her out. Now you’re gonna tell me not to protect my own guards?”

  “Yeah, not if it puts you in danger. Not your job.”

  “And it’s not your job to protect me,” she shakes her head. “But you still do.”

  “So I shouldn’t have jumped in then?”

  “No, you should do that, it’s just…” She looks down. “You’re not the only one who wants to keep people safe, Knight. I couldn’t leave her there, not when I could be there.”

  Something’s off here. She’s too certain that she’d rather take Amy’s place. Is she really just pure altruistic, or is there something else going on?

  “Just next time, call me.”

  “If there is a next time. I know what to watch for now.” She folds her arms.

  “Just call me. Please.” I run my hands over her shoulders, looking for any other cuts, reassuring myself that she’s fine. “Maybe I should take the guard shift from here on out.”

  “Knight, no,” she says, looking up at me with pleading eyes. “I can handle it. You know I can. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. We’ll do a training on it.”

  I nod hesitantly.

  She leans forward, puts her head against my chest. “Thank you. For saving me.”

  “Of course. Anytime.” I put my hand up over her hair. “But I really think we should talk about how you run the guard shift. You need to be safer.”

  “Look Knight,” she says, pulling back. “I don’t need you to tell me how to do my job. Do you tell the other sups how to do their jobs?”

  “It’s different. You aren’t just my coworker,” I say.

  “What are we then? We kissed, it was fun, sure, but we aren’t dating. You aren’t my boyfriend. You don’t get to tell me how you think I should work, any more than any other coworker. I’m sorry you had to intervene, I’m sorry it bothered you to see me in trouble, but I can’t and won’t leave one of my guards in danger while you come running to do my job for me.”

  “What if we were dating?”

  “What?” Her eyebrows come down and she backs up a fraction, shocked. “What do you mean?”

  “What if we were dating? Would I have a right then?”

  “To what?”

  “To ask you to be a little safer out there when you’re working? To protect you?”

  She frowns. “I don’t know.”

  “Date me,” I say. I lean forward, backing her against the wall. Hopefully to the guards it just looks like I’m doing more first aid. I lean down close to her face. “We’ve been on a date. It’s not that much more to just date me.”

  “I can’t,” she says reluctantly.

  “Can’t have sex, I know. Can’t fall in love. I know all your silly rules. I’m not trying to make you break them, though I’d be proud if I could. I just want to be more to you, Rain. I want to be someone you listen to, someone who has a right to say something when you do something stupid, because it affects me too. Because it already does affect me. Date me.”

  “I don’t know,” she says, looking away. I can tell she wants to say yes, so why won’t she?

  “You’ve been out with me.” I pull her face to me, look into her eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Date me.”

  “Knight…” She puts her hand over mine but doesn’t say anything. She’s my partner, she’s been my other half at work for weeks, and been in dreams when I’m not with her. I don’t see why she doesn’t see what I do. That we’re meant to be, no matter how hard it is on either of us. We’re a perfect fit.

  “I’ve got a shift to run,” I say, because it’s time to pull back and let her come to me if she wants to. I release her and move towards the front door. When I get there I look back. “Come talk to me after work. Let me know your answer then.”

  I shut the door, and the finality of it all washes over me. I’ve just asked her out. No turning back now. If she says yes, I’ll be dating my co-sup. If she says yes, she’ll be mine. I take a deep breath and put my guard persona back on. Four more hours. Four more hours and I’ll know how she feels about me.

  Rain

  When the last guard leaves for the day, I head over to Knight’s office to give him an answer. I don’t really have one yet, but maybe something will come to me.

  It’s been an exhausting day, and as I enter the office, I can tell by the pity in his eyes that he doesn’t realize today has been a great triumph for me. I know I almost got really hurt. If he hadn’t rescued me I could even be dead. But that doesn’t change that this time I protected someone. This time I took the hit. That’s all I’ve wanted ever since William died.

  I wish Knight could understand how much that means to me. Unfortunately he’s just as serious about protecting me as I am about protecting others.

  “You okay?” he asks, standing up and pushing his chair behind me, forcing me to sit.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

  He scowls at me like I should know the answer. I suppose I do, but I’ve lived once when I shouldn’t have and I know that it’s better to be the injured one than the one that unfairly got away. I relax in the chair, trying not to openly gloat.

  He folds his arms and leans against the desk. “Not to ruin your obviously wonderful and frankly insane mood, but did you think about what I said?”

  “Sort of.” I bite my lip. “It’s been kind of a stressful day.” Kind of a wonderful day, because I saved Amy. And Knight saved me too, so I didn’t have to pay any ultimate price. Except that I probably deserved to pay a price. Like William did. The thought steals the smile from my face.

  “Hey, where are you going in there?” He pulls up a chair and pulls mine over to him, then leans forward and stares into my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You know,” he says, putting a hand up to my chin and turning my face, which I was turning away, towards him. “Sometimes you remind me of someone.”

  “Who?” Is it Camille? Do I remind him of his ex, is that the only reason he’s interested?

  “Me,” he says. He leans in and covers my lips with his. It’s utterly quiet in the building. He holds my arms. It’s our fourth kiss, and something in me reacts stronger each time, maybe it’s the way the day has gone, both elating and terrible, but I dig my fingers into his hair and pull his lips harder against mine. His hands wrap around my waist and he pulls me close.

  Maybe we’re just seeking comfort. Maybe we’re just dealing with released tension. Maybe it’s just stress. I don’t know why we keep touching, when we barely know one another. Can barely stand one another.

  He pulls back, keeping a lock of my hair wrapped around one finger. I look into his eyes. They’re too intense to be sky blue. They’re ocean blue. Caribbean blue.

  “So you can’t fall in love,” he says, wrapping my hair further around his finger, pulling me closer. “You can’t have sex. I’m okay with the things you can’t give me. Just give me what you can, and I’ll let it be enough.”

  My eyes move to his lips as he speaks, watching the perfect, full shape of them wrap around the words. I barely register what he says.

  “I don’t know what I can give you.” I put my hand over his, the one that’s wrapping
my hair. “This is all happening so fast.”

  “Is a month fast? It feels like forever. It feels like I’ve been waiting for you to say you’re mine from the moment I met you.” He doesn’t pull back. “I can’t stay away. Every time I touch you I want more.” He pulls my hair, and me, closer, till he’s whispering almost against my lips.

  I can’t believe he’s saying this. We’re just coworkers. Coworkers who can’t keep their hands off each other. Coworkers who seem to understand each other more than anyone else.

  “Knight,” I say, and my lips brush his. “We can’t. We’re working together. We have to stay professional.”

  “Oh, cause we’ve been so professional so far? You were awfully professional at the party, on the bed, underneath me.”

  I want to be mad at him but his lips are tickling mine as he talks and it’s driving me crazy. Maybe I should listen to Amy and take what he’s offering. It’s a better offer than I ever should have expected, after all. He’s willing to go without the sex. He wants to keep me safe. Hopefully he’ll eventually realize a part of that is letting me keep other people safe too.

  His hand under mine feels so right. I know I should think about what Amy said happened to him. I should probably think about what’s happened to me.

  But it’s like the broken parts of us seem to fit together so well that we are both willing to fall into this and not question it. I don’t want to question it. For once I just want to go with something and worry about it later.

  “Want to talk about this in the hot tub? I’m sore,” I say. I’d rather tell him there, where my body can relax and I can see him shirtless.

  He looks at my scratches and anger flares in his eyes. “Are you going to be okay in there?”

  “Yeah, some idiot covered me in waterproof bandages.” I grin.

  “My bad.” He stands and pulls off his shirt and heads over to the hot tub. He slides in and watches me walk over. I slowly pull off my jeans, then my shirt, and throw both on the bench near the hot tub. There’s a window high up on the wall through which we can see the sky. Too bad clients don’t get to sit here on a nice night, letting the warm water soothe them while they watch the stars. It’s really an experience.

  It’s more of an experience with Knight. He leans back on his arms, watching the sky with me, and I can’t help but think that if I’m going to fall into something stupid with someone, it’s a plus for them to come in this package.

  He’s all tanned, rippling muscle, from his shoulders, to his abs, to his ken doll lines. The edges of a tattoo wrap the very sides of them and go around his back. Thorns. A thick line of thorns. I’ve never had a chance to really look at it from the back.

  “Can I see your tat?”

  He shrugs and turns around, planting his arms on the side of the hot tub. “It’s ugly.”

  “Yeah,” I say. He turns around in mock offense but I laugh and get in and come over to him. I put one finger lightly over each edge that wraps his waist, right above his board shorts, and he does a quick intake of breath. “Why thorns?”

  He shrugs, puts hands over mine, pulling them around him. “No reason.”

  I pull away. “That seems like a lie.”

  “Then maybe it’s something I don’t want to talk about. At least not yet.”

  “So there are some things you can’t put on the table too. Maybe we should get this all out in the open.”

  “Sure.” He sits on his side of the tub and I push away to sit on the bench on the other.

  “So you know what I can’t, won’t, do. What about you?”

  “Hmm.” He thinks about it, rubs his tat with one hand. I want to touch him there. “I can’t answer every question. I can’t talk about the thorns. Not till I’m ready.”

  “Okay.”

  “I can’t promise not to want more from you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Most of all, I can’t watch you get hurt,” he says, and he stares up at me with vivid intensity as he says it. “Don’t ever ask me to do that.”

  “Alright,” I say. “Is that all?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” He taps a hand on the side of the tub and it makes a slapping noise. “Oh, and I get to pay whenever we’re out. No dutch.”

  “Fine.” I need money for school anyway.

  “Oh, and this one is really important. I want to kiss you underwater.”

  I grin. I’ve been wanting the same thing. Pros of dating a lifeguard. “Deal. Someday.”

  “Someday is fine,” he says, coming over to me, picking me up and setting me on his lap in the tub. “It’ll be fun to keep you guessing when it could happen.”

  “I’m okay with that.” I float so easily in his lap in the water, yet I can feel his skin and muscles all around me. It’s wonderful.

  “Good.” He touches his nose to mine, and looks like some kind of alien up close because my eyes can’t go cross eyed enough to bring him in focus. He looks like he has an eye in the middle of his head, between his two regular ones. I laugh.

  “Oh, I’m funny, huh?” He pulls me closer, tries to look menacing, but I slip off his lap and edge away.

  “No, not funny.”

  “I see,” he says, folding his arms and walking towards me. “I’m trying to be all romantic and you think it’s funny.”

  A thrill runs over me. I love cat and mouse. I turn to run but don’t even make it out of the tub before he catches me around the waist and starts to tickle me. How different it is from how I felt about William. I was never excited then. Well, maybe for the 6 seconds prior to his death. Not the right kind of excited.

  Knight growls while he tickles me, pretending to be mean while I pretend not to like it, but after a minute he lets me go so that I can breathe and I settle against him in the tub with a sigh.

  “So we’re good then?”

  “I think so, princess.”

  I wrinkle my nose. “That’s the second time. Don’t call me that.”

  “Why? It makes sense. If I’m a knight, then aren’t you the princess?”

  “No. Gross. I’m a knight too. Or a queen.”

  “Are you married?”

  “No. I’ll be a knightess.”

  “Ugh. That’s worse than princess.” He thinks for a moment, then his handsome face lights up and he laughs. “I’ve got it, you can be the dragon.”

  “What?”

  “That works, right? That’s the other thing knights hang out with, I think.”

  “I’ll keep princess. Actually, how about just plain Rain.”

  “Plain Rain. You want to be plain Rain?”

  I frown because it’s not exactly flattering, and I feel like he always comes out ahead when we verbally spar. “Fine. Princess is fine.”

  I shouldn’t like the sound of it. It sounds spoiled and bratty. I’ve always been my own knight. But it’s nice to have someone to depend on. It’s nice to not feel like everything is on my shoulders. With Knight, I feel like I’ll be even more equipped to keep everyone safe. What happened to William won’t happen again.

  “Hey Knight, do you know why your mom named you that?”

  He tilts his head and his eyes twinkle down at me. “I was wondering when you’d ask. Everyone does.”

  “I bet. It’s unique.”

  “She was really into romance novels. She says I saved her life when I was born. She calls me her knight. It’s a dumb name I guess.”

  “I like it.”

  “What about Rain?”

  “My parents are from Texas. My mom says I was as welcome as summer rain.”

  “Interesting,” he says, pulling me close.

  I snuggle against him. “This is going to be sort of fun, isn’t it?”

  “Sort of?” he says, pulling me closer. “It’s gonna be a blast.”

  Somehow, despite all of my fears and doubts, I believe him.

  Chapter Seven

  Rain

  Ryan smiles at me and shakes his head from the other side of the lap pool. He can’t believe I’m
actually guarding.

  I don’t have to look up to know that Knight is stalking me in the background. He’s certain something is going to happen, that every guy is waiting to molest me after the whirlpool the other day. Never mind that half of the kids in the pool are children.

  My legs ache and I can’t wait for Knight to come take me off the shift and out to lunch. It’s Tuesday and there’s a break from free swim at noon. Two hours off, and the patrons have to leave, and only come back if they’ve paid for the evening as well.

  “Enjoying your blast from the past?” Knight’s voice startles me, and I know he’s behind my chair even though I’m smart enough not to take my eyes off the water. It’s the oldest sup trick in the book to test lifeguards on their commitment to their post.

  “I’m not going to look at you. I’m watching my water.”

  “That’s too bad, ‘cause I’m looking pretty sexy today.”

  “Damn,” I mutter. I want to look. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve felt this way about someone, and I’m enjoying it. Lunches together, talking about everything and anything, laughing about the guards’ antics while trying to hide our relationship from them.

  He’s a bit overprotective, but it works to have someone watching out for me while I obsessively watch out for everyone else.

  I’m only nineteen, and when I’m with Knight I actually feel that age, rather than the old maid I was, hiding in my dorm every night while the others went out and enjoyed college life. I pulled off great grades, but I wasn’t happy.

  “Chris is coming in for you.”

  “Great.” I shift my weight from foot to foot. Because I’m sore.”

  “I could switch out with you.”

  “No thanks. It’s good to see what the guards put up with once in a while.”

  “I wish they could see everything we put up with,” he mutters with a sigh.

  “Speaking of which, looks like you’ve got an issue in the slide pool.”

  He groans and jogs over, and I’m glad it’s in my line of vision because the scene is entertaining. Adults always think they can go down the slide, even if they can’t swim, because it’s only three feet deep at the bottom. It doesn’t work that way, and now a man is flailing there even though he’s clearly over six feet and just too panicked to touch the bottom. His head isn’t even submerging.