These Lying Eyes

by Allen, Amanda A.

  Shadows from the skyscraper trees flickered off her face for a moment, and then she realized it wasn’t the trees at all. It was flying lizards the size of house cats. Mina didn’t look up as one shot fire at the other, nor did she react when one landed on the fence bordering the football field only a few feet away.

  Instead, she took slow deep breaths, counting to ten, cursing the shrink as she got off the scooter. She turned towards the school, and her gray eyes met with startling blue ones. Large, beautiful eyes flashing with humor. Was he laughing at her? He was so amazingly gorgeous he couldn’t be doing anything else. She took a deep breath. It wasn’t going to bother her, she told herself.

  “Nice t-shirt.” He said. “Mind if I join you?” The boy spoke with deep voice, and it sent a shiver down her spine. Stop it, she thought and responded with a shrug.

  He shifted his back pack, pacing next to her.

  Didn’t he know? Surely there was something on her forehead—don’t bother with me, it would say; I don’t have friends, and I might be a little looney tunes. No one else had ever had trouble recognizing it—that sign right there on her face.

  She told herself to not gawk at him.

  “How’s it goin’?” he asked, grinning at her as if he was expecting another reaction. Maybe he wasn’t talking to her, even though his eyes met hers. Mina looked behind her, but no one was there. Was she supposed to know him?

  “Ok.” Mina finally answered, shifting her bag and squinting her eyes against a sudden flash of the sun.

  He rubbed his brow and continued to grin at her. Perfect white teeth flashed, but she was distracted by a dimple on his left cheek. Holy Shiz, Mina thought, he may be the most perfect boy I’ve ever seen.

  And, still he watched at her expectantly.

  “Do I know you?” Mina asked.

  His grin faded for a moment, and Mina felt a rush of inexplicable guilt. But, he grinned again. Relief flooded her; she wasn’t even sure why. He needed to stop smiling so much; she couldn’t think when he grinned. She absentmindedly rubbed the back of her head.

  “I followed you around in Miss Jenkins’s class and then in Mr. Spiegel’s.” Still with the ever-present grin; it was making her all weak-kneed.

  Her cheeks flamed an embarrassing red she could feel to her toes, and she couldn’t help but hope her thoughts were spreading across her face as vibrantly. Mina searched her mind. When had she ever known anyone as beautiful as him?

  “Like a puppy.” He laughed; his dimples flashed, but his eyes rested on her too-bright face.

  And, suddenly she remembered.

  He’d been little. In the same grade, but tiny; smaller even than her. He chased after her and her cousins as they raced through the woods behind the grade school. He used to smile at her flashing dimples and crooked teeth as he showed her his favorite book or gave her a pretty rock. She remembered his daily, squeaky, “Hey Mina!” She could hear his voice again, full of excitement every time he spoke to her; she felt his hand in her as she pulled him up behind her to climb trees.

  Mina’s heart skipped, but her legs recovered their strength. The image of her old, awkward friend overlaid this handsome pseudo-stranger.

  “Max?” She couldn’t hold back her own grin.

  He nodded. It was Max.

  “You moved…you’re back?” She bounced on her toes before she wrapped him in her arms, squeezing him tight. “Max!”

  How could his return not fill her with delight? He’d been her little buddy.

  “Do you remember the frog?” He asked. Even his voice grinned, just like it always had.

  “We named him Herbert,” she laughed, startled by her sheer excitement to see him. They passed through the doors to the school, and she didn’t even care.

  “I used to go back to where we left him and leave flies and stuff.”

  “Me too.” She added, and the shadows of the day fled despite the dark hallways.

  “Mina. Mina. Mina.” Max repeated almost as if he savored saying her name again. “I was just remembering trick or treating that last year—when we were both superman?”

  She nodded, and they revisited memory after memory in a rush, almost unable to help themselves. It was as if the shadows of their former selves were there.

  “Remember swimming in the creek?”

  “Totally, remember the tire swing by the creepy trees.”

  “And the time we landed in the poison oak?”

  “Oh my gosh, I’d forgotten. Remember the time we made brownies with salt for Hailey and them?”

  “Man, I laughed for days over that.”

  The grinned at each other with the shadows of their old selves dancing around them. Mina, still tiny, still overburdened with her mop of hair. Max, smaller still, squeaky.

  They laughed until Max brought out his class schedule, “Spent the summer at camp, so I missed that whole orientation day,” he pulled her out of her thoughts with a laugh that didn’t reach his eyes. “So now I get to wander around the school, trying to find my classes, and pretend high school doesn’t freak me out.” His voice had the slightest tinge of anger.

  She so identified. “We can wander together,” she pushed her hair behind her ear and tried not to bite her lip. “I don’t know where I’m going either.”

  Max waved his schedule, asking, “Where’s yours?”

  Mina produced her own and bit her lips to remind herself to not see Poppy flying down the hallway towards them. The sprite landed on Mina’s shoulder and said, “Zizi and Hitch went home for the day.”

  Mina didn’t react as she and Max discovered they had English, Health, Geometry, and Horticulture together. The first class, the two classes after lunch, separate study halls, and the last class. If he turned out to be the old wonderful Max, their schedules couldn’t be more perfect.

  “You got stuck in horticulture too, huh?”

  “Everyone wants that class.” Mina said surprised, “You have to be a junior or senior or know someone to get in. It’s supposed to actually be fun. You do nature walks. And y’know, mess around in the school gardens. The teacher’s really awesome. How did you get in, if you don’t want it?” As she spoke, she adjusted her hair, so Poppy wasn’t sitting in a forest of it.

  “All the classes were full. I missed the scheduling day too. But the counselor said that the teacher could just get over being above the limit. I guess she gets kind of weird about it.” He tapped her shoe with his toe, and still he grinned at her.

  She grinned back, unable to help herself and found she didn’t want to.

  “I can’t believe Max is back,” Poppy squealed as Max spoke.

  “How did you manipulate your way in?” he asked as Mina tried not to react to Poppy.

  “It’s super nerdy, but I’ve been pals with the town librarian for a while. She got me in cause she’s the teacher’s sister. She said I needed some more sunshine.”

  “I remember.” Max said. “Grace, right? She only ever gave me cookies if you were there.” Max grinned; the dimples flashed, and then he teased, “You didn’t want to take wood shop?”

  “Please, I’d cut off my finger.” She said, and a sort of auto pilot took over. Before she knew what was happening, she was joking, laughing with him, amazed that she wasn’t dreaming, amazed that they were able to talk about something other than their past. Mina pinched her shoulder, but she didn’t wake from this dream.

  Max poked fun at Mina, and she tried not to let her jaw drop too often while, just for these moments, she was her old self again. She felt her soul settle comfortably where it wanted to be.

  As each chuckle escaped, the feeling of dread she’d had all morning lightened. It was so strange to walk through school with someone. Like she had a friend, only she realized it was better. Max knew the old Mina, and when he laughed with her, the old Mina stretched luxuriously in the sunshine of his smile.

  * * *

  “Do you have any idea where our class is?” Max asked as they passed classroom after classroom with
no discernable order.

  Mina shook her head, frustrated, but…happy.

  “Oh, there’s my brother.” She said, stopping and finding an angry shout escaping before she could hold it back, “Hey, you big jerk! You were my ride.”

  Erik grinned at her. Thank goodness her oldest brother was at college cause one brother to deal with was too much.

  She scowled at him. It wasn’t fair that he was too big to shove into that locker—the lumbering idiot. Erik peered over his shoulder, eyes resting on Max, before turning back to his things. Mina peeked at Max too; she should probably contain the certain-to-fail violence while he was watching. But then, Erik turned to smirk at her, and her vision turned red, clouding her gaze. He might be three times her size, but she would force him to tell her how to find English—and she would get revenge.

  “Not good to be late on the first day of school Mina,” he laughed, delighted with his stupid quip.

  Mina’s glare only caused him to broaden his smirk to a sneer. He leaned against the lockers and slid his arm around the brunette next to him. The girl grinned and wrapped her arm around his waist.

  “I need to know where room E5 is,” Mina ground out, imagining kicking Erik in the shin like one of their triplet sisters. He gazed at his girlfriend, rubbed his hand along her arm, and stared at Mina, saying nothing. The girl simpered at Mina’s stupid brother until Mina wanted to smack her a little bit.

  “Please.” Mina said almost breaking into a cough from the tightness in her throat. This was a game to him. Oh, he deserved bad, bad things.

  “Why should I tell you?” Erik asked.

  He knew; she could see it in his eyes. He saw how she was gritting her teeth, holding back her anger. As usual, it made him happy to see her squirm.

  “Because you are her brother, and you know she’s nervous.” Max said staring at Erik.

  Erik frowned at Max, standing taller, straightening his shoulder to loom over both of them.

  Max stared back, unconcerned and stalwart. Mina let her eyes drill into her brother until Erik finally met her gaze. There was a flash of shame, and then he gave them the directions, nodding at Mina as they left.

  “Thanks.” Max said ending the tension.

  “Don’t be rude.” Erik said when Mina didn’t say anything, laughing at her again. She slowed. Blind anger tittered at the edge of Mina’s mind, only one tiny prompt, and she would snap.

  “Don’t let him get to you,” Max said, “Clearly he’s a jerk, so you can revel in being better than him.”

  “Oh there’s no question of that,” she said following Max into a crowd of shouting and laughing kids. They wore marching band uniforms and were herded by a harassed teacher.

  “No instruments in the hall!” he commanded. It was like a challenge; a blast of the trumpet, the teacher spun. The twitter of a flute, a few beats of the drum. The teacher could have been waltzing as he attempted to catch the culprits.

  Mina could see Max laugh. His mouth moved, but it was too loud to hear his voice.

  The band pinned them to the wall, and Mina’s eyes met Max’s. An arch of energy seemed to pass between them, a memory of the good friends they’d been, and it reminded her how much she used to love her life. Before she’d become so lonely.

  Even with the clatter of the instruments, there was no sound, but the huff of his breath, just like when she’d pulled him up a tree after her. Goosebumps appeared on her flesh, and she felt something awaken within her as if the memory of her childhood self brought a new energy to life.

  * * *

  “Mina!” Before she even registered her name, someone was lifting her and twirling her.

  “Peter,” she gasped as Max stepped back, and Poppy took flight.

  Peter’s thick arms squeezed her. “Finally, you’re back where you belong—with me,” he said. His blue eyes dominated his freckled face, and he squeezed again before dropping her and lifting his guitar.

  “I’m not a toy, you ox,” She punched his shoulder, “don’t do that. Petey, do you remember Max? He was in all our classes in grade school? Max, you remember my giant dope of a cousin, right?”

  Peter squeezed her again, slung his guitar over his shoulder before saying, “Course I do. Dude, you’re not miniscule anymore. Moved back, huh?”

  Before Max could answer or even nod, Peter continued, grinning at whatever was running through his head, “We’ll need to go catch frogs, climb trees, or start fires with Ben and Hailey to bring back the old times.”

  “You look happy,” Mina said to Peter.

  “Well, yeah.” Peter said, “It’s my lucky day, or so I’m hoping. I’ve got jazz band tryouts, and you’re here. You’ll have to be my lucky charm, but don’t worry, Mina-Lina. It’s a lucky day for you. Cause you’re back to where you belong. Going to school again with your favorite person, ever.” He pointed to himself.

  A grin spread over her face, and she wanted to touch her cheeks and experience that smile fully. Her favorite cousin, and Max.

  “Gotta go,” Peter chucked her on the shoulder calling after himself, “wish me luck.”

  He was gone before Mina or Max could reply. They walked down the hall together, and the crowd almost seemed to part before them; maybe there was something magical about Max. Like how he moseyed along without a care in the world even though it was the first day of high school. Mina watched him for a moment before trying to mimic his relaxed persona.

  “The thing about high school is,” Max said suddenly during a lull in the roar of chatter, “that you’re on the downhill side. Only four more years and you’re free.”

  He had just voiced the promise she’d made to herself that summer. The downhill side, you can make it through, she had said. He spoke her thoughts, and he did it with that familiar smile.

  “Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll never get away from here. It gives me nightmares,” Mina confessed as they spied their classroom. “I’m even taking extra classes to get out early. Whatever, I have to do.”

  “I just want to go to college,” Max said. “My grandparents took me to visit a few this summer before camp. They want me to go all Ivy League or whatever, I just want to get a dorm room, bring my X-Box, and have a mini fridge.”

  Mina cocked her head at the picture he painted. It sounded heavenly. But even though, his voice was calm, there seemed to be a flash of frustration?

  Their eyes met as they paused in front of the classroom door, and Mina was amazed to see anxiety in his face. She could feel his dissatisfaction. The twin to her own feeling that something was missing. It was as if there was a truth hovering in front of them, mocking them in its invisibility but letting them feel its weight.

  Mina looked around his shoulder—that phantom awareness hovering between them. In the back corner, she saw her once-best-friend, her cousin Hailey. There were several kids from the last couple of years, people who had never bothered to notice she existed.

  Max gestured for her to go ahead of him, but she didn’t want to go first. She didn’t want to go in at all, but if she had to, Mina wanted to cower behind him before she slunk to an obscure seat. She peeked again through the window and back at Max.

  And then she saw it again. That glimpse of his nerves. Guilt welled in her, and she realized she couldn’t do this to him. She couldn’t drag him into the land of the invisible.

  “Ladies first,” he said, pulling the door open. Mina surveyed the classroom again, finding the faces she knew and watched their eyes sail past. And then, she stepped back into the hall.

  Max glanced into the room before letting the door go and joining her in the shadows by the windows, “Mina?” he asked.

  “So,” she said, fighting for the right words. “You have to know I… Man, how do I say this,” she trailed off again, caught the memory of little Max calling her name.

  He looked at her so patiently, with those big familiar blue eyes.

  “Max, I don’t have any friends except Peter. Probably, my other cousin Ben. Even Hailey and I ar
en’t friends any more,” she said.

  Max’s eyes widened as she spoke, and a zombie monotone took over her normally husky voice. “You don’t have to be nice to me just because we were friends in grade school. If you enter that room alone, you will be pulled into the popular crowd and the next four years will be happier without me.”

  He shook his head, so she continued, “Max, you’re all tall and pretty.”

  The slightest of flushes crossed his cheeks, and Mina nodded to emphasize her words, adding, “Don’t let me ruin it for you.”

  She made herself meet his eyes. She wasn’t going to be self-sacrificing while blinking tears away and staring at the ground.

  “Mina…” He trailed off.

  She clenched her jaw, preparing for him to slide away, missing her old friend again already.

  But, he took in a slow deep breath, almost in unison with her. She could nearly feel him thinking.

  “Really.” Mina said. “It’s cool. Go. You know. Have a good life.”

  An awkward tension filled the space between them, and Mina waited for him to flee it. After all, grade school was a long time ago, and Max was no longer the squeaky little kid he’d once been.

  “Mina, I’m not interested in those things. Being popular or whatever.” Max said. “I’ve never cared about it.”

  He lowered his voice, stepping closer, and the movement thrust him into the light while she lurked in the shadows. “If we’re going to be embarrassingly honest, seeing you again is the only good thing about being back. I know we aren’t little squirts running around the forest anymore, but we were. And I’d rather run through the woods again with you than do whatever those popular types have to offer.”

  He tugged one of her curls. “I like you, Mina.” He said. “I rather be friends with you again than sucked into a crowd of superficial people who probably turn on each other.”

  “Max.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  They waited. Ill at ease, uncomfortable, shifting their feet, avoiding the other’s eyes, but even still, each felt as if they were standing on stone, rather than the shifting sands of moments earlier.