Shattered (Shattered Duet Book 1)

by Bry Ann

  I make a vegan breakfast and put in on the counter for her.

  I check all the locks and alarm.

  Then I slip out quietly, not wanting to work. Not wanting to go face to face with my fucking father.

  But it’s who I am. It’s all I am.

  So I go.

  I’m just careful not to disturb her, cause she’s gonna be much more than I’ll ever be.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Sage

  “Urggg…”

  I throw my arms over my head and stretch like a cat. Then it hits me. I slept. I jolt into a seated position. I read my Kindle last night. I kept Nix’s words in mind and took the risk.

  I turned it on.

  I cried.

  I scrolled to my favorite book.

  I let the pain sear through my system.

  And still, I let the screen flash to the first page.

  And then I read. I read about my all-time favorite characters, Jake and Abby, from Dark Light of Day by T.M. Frazier.

  Then I cried more.

  Who would have thought I’d relate so much to this book one day? I mean… this book has always been my favorite. I don’t want to give anything away, but if you’ve read it, maybe you can see the parallels, too.

  Then I went into a coma. Between the book and all the tears I shed, as evidenced by my swollen, sore eyes, I succumbed to the darkness. It was just dark enough, just a deep enough sleep, to keep me from having nightmares. From having to go back to hell.

  I feel much better.

  Much less crazy. Which I’m sure Nix will appreciate.

  I look to my left and then feel the weight on my legs. I look down to see a small of pile of pillows and blankets covering my prone body. I let my eyes go to the counter to see a bowl of what I know will be oatmeal, something I had to explain to Nix several times was definitely vegan. I smile to myself. Despite the hell of the last few days, I smile.

  I know he does bad things, though I don’t know the details, but I know he does.

  But he’s a really good man. My own personal hero.

  I grab my Kindle, curl up, and continue reading. I must have fallen asleep last night in the middle of chapter three, which is un-freaking-acceptable. The general rule for all book fanatics is never to stop reading in the middle of a chapter. Never ever.

  Four Days Later:

  “How are you today, Sage?”

  Dad sits in front of me, perfectly dressed, hair perfect, posture perfect… all perfect, perfect, perfect. Nix’s in the kitchen, cleaning. I’m on the couch pretending I’m not real.

  “Good.”

  “Sage, it’s time to come home. It’s been a week. I’ve indulged in this for you. I’ve paid for Essie’s care. She’s getting the best help possible. Pamela’s funeral is in three days. I’ve held up my end of the deal, but I mean, you have to come home. This is ridiculous.”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  I look away, feeling my body already start to shut down. The little bit of Sage I let out crawls back into that safe place locked away deep inside her. I already know the answer to this question.

  “Sage!” My dad lets out a sound of confusion, fear and disbelief. “I mean, no. This is insane. You have to come home now. We have everything you need ready.”

  Except love. Except understanding. Except a safe, non-triggering atmosphere.

  “Okay.” Even I can tell my voice is disconnected from my body, cold and distant. My eyes are open, but glazed over. I don’t wait for anyone else to say anything. I numbly walk around the place and start packing. I have no choice.

  I’m more than used to that.

  I go to pack up the bathroom first. I need to be away from everyone. When I walk out of the room, I hear my dad’s panicked whispers and Nix’s calm voice.

  I can’t make out any of the words. I feel like I’m underwater as I start to grab the limited items I unpacked.

  “Sage, look at me right now.”

  I turn to see Nix standing there, leaning against the doorway. I say nothing, but I give him the dead eyes he wants.

  “I’ll still see you. I promise. Your dad’s really committing to—”

  “Stop,” I whisper. “I’m fine.”

  “It’s very clear you are absolutely not fine.”

  “I’m not talking about this with you.”

  I turn away and keep grabbing my shit.

  “Oh, so you’re just done with me now?”

  Ignore him.

  “Sage.”

  Ignore. Ignore.

  I sneak past him to the room, tossing my toiletries in my bag.

  “Sage!” Nix snaps. Snaps. Nix has never truly demanded anything of me, so it breaks through. I freeze.

  “Look at me.”

  I purse my lips, but do so.

  “Don’t forget to grab Pamela.”

  I can’t help it. I laugh. How does he do that? How is he so calm? How does he always say the right thing?

  “I didn’t want to stick her in a bag. I’m gonna carry her.”

  “Good thinking. Want me to give her to your dad to hold so you don’t forget?”

  “Don’t let him touch her!” I snap.

  “Okay, shh. I won’t. Relax.”

  “You’re not gonna fix this by trying to be cute, Nix. I know you think my dad’s trying. I know you think you get it, but you don’t.”

  “I’m not saying I do, Sage. I’m just going off what I see.”

  “How about what I’ve seen? It’s not what it looks like. I was born for show. To better business. An investment. That’s all. But it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. It was nice knowing you. Thanks for saving my life and all. Be good. Tell your father to go fuck himself for me. Bye.”

  I don’t let him say anything else. My dad apparently had this all planned, because he has his driver inside Nix’s home grabbing my bags. I grab the last of my stuff, stuff it in a random bag, and let the driver handle the rest.

  I only grab what really matters myself: Pamela and my Kindle. I tuck each of those into my sides and face my father.

  “Sage…” In his defense, he really does look pained. “I don’t want to upset you, but I can’t let you live in a stranger’s home. Come on.”

  Oddly, I feel more comfortable in this “stranger’s” home than I have anywhere else.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say,” I whisper.

  “There’s nothing I can ask of you. You don’t owe me anything.”

  I nod at that.

  “You ready?”

  I nod.

  “Okay. Sage…” Dad murmurs. “Please… just try.”

  No. I stare at him blankly.

  “Alright, come on.”

  As dad takes my upper arm and leads me out, I look over my shoulder.

  Nix is standing there with his arms crossed, watching us leave with a look in his eyes I know all too well.

  Pain.

  Loneliness.

  When he sees me looking, the pain vanishes. He smirks and does this wave with his pointer finger.

  “Bye,” I mouth.

  “Bye,” he mouths back.

  And that’s it.

  That’s the last time I see Nixon Marketta while I’m somewhat sane.

  Three Weeks Later

  “Have you been reading lately, Sage?”

  Nothing. Three weeks of silence. Internal. External. The last words I spoke were to my father, in the car leaving Nix’s house to come here.

  As soon as I entered my old house, something happened. I don’t know how to explain it. I just… shut down.

  Coming here was too much for a splintering mind. And it broke.

  Then it was sealed shut when I attended Pamela’s funeral, only to find we were the only people there. Such an incredible person, who gave so much, and no one was there, including Tammy. Essie. I didn’t cry. I didn’t do anything. I just let the walls come up higher and lock me inside, keeping the feelings away.

  Mom’s done her best to reach m
e. I’ll give it to her. She’s tried to teach me makeup. Tried to have “girl talk” with me. She basically acted like she googled “how to be a mom” and did all the things on the list, but she has been doing her best.

  It hasn’t reached me. I feel like I’m locked in a cage inside of myself. I can’t get out.

  Dad’s called in all the best specialists from all over.

  Still no words.

  Not read or spoken.

  Nothing comes in or out of me.

  It’s just dark.

  “I really don’t want to do this, Sage, but if you aren’t talking by tomorrow, I’m… I’m going to be forced to do something more drastic. I’ve tried to reach Nix, but I haven’t gotten a hold of him. I’m worried. You’ve lost so much weight, Sage.”

  Dad grabs my shoulder and shakes me lightly. When he speaks again, I know he’s close to crying, but none of it registers.

  “Sage, you’re dying and I don’t know how to help you! No one… no one I’ve called can help you in this atmosphere. I don’t want you to hate me more, but if you don’t say or do something by tomorrow, you leave me no choice. I won’t let you make it this far just to fail. I won’t let you do that.”

  It’s weird. I hear him, but the words just don’t click in my mind.

  “Fuck! Fuck! I’ll have Lucinda bring you something to eat. Sage, please try to eat something. Real food, but just in case, I had Beth make you a smoothie. I know you’re comfortable with liquids. At least the smoothie will get some calories in you, versus just water or juice.”

  I feel his eyes on me for a long time before he fully leaves the room.

  Then I go numb again.

  Numb, except for the part of my brain telling me exactly how to escape this emptiness.

  The part I’ve been itching to listen to for weeks.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Nix

  “You owe twenty grand, Devin. You think he’s gonna let that slide?”

  “Nix, come on, please. You… you don’t k-kill,” he stammers.

  I burst out laughing and cock an eyebrow. “I don’t?”

  “Come on. You’re a fucking kid. I have a son at home.”

  “Then why the hell would you take money from Aaron?”

  Piece of shit…

  “He’s in fucking prison. What could he do?”

  I throw my hands to the sides. “Hello.”

  “Fuck, give me two weeks.”

  I grab my gun. “I’ve given you plenty of time.”

  “I’ve never seen you!”

  “You don’t think I’ve seen you? You don’t think I’ve been keeping fucking track? Waiting for the moment you got your shit together? It never happened.”

  Real fear crosses his face.

  “Help! Someone, fuck! Someone get out here,” someone screams frantically from the side street.

  I glare at the POS in front of me. “This is your lucky day. I will be back.”

  I run out of the ally I trapped Devin in to find some small-time dealer panicking on the side of the road in the bad side of town.

  “What’s up, kid?” I call over. I realized quickly that most of these dealers aren’t bad people, simply desperate people in shitty circumstances. Some are absolutely awful, but where I live, most aren’t.

  “The girl seemed fine. She had the cash, but I… I can’t wake her.”

  My adrenaline spikes, springing me into action.

  “Well, get moving. Take me to her. Is she conscious?”

  He’s shaking hard, from drugs or fear, I don’t really know, but the kid’s freaked.

  “No, she was quiet, gave me cash for some smack, I sell it, and before I know it, I find her around the corner, out cold.

  Shit. “Okay, hurry it up.”

  We both take off at a run. It’s dark. It’s late. I don’t have Aaron’s money yet. Some girl’s knocked out. This fucking sucks. It all sucks since Sage left. I was lonely before, but having such a cool person around and then being all alone again has been awful.

  “Here.”

  Shaking rapidly, the kid extends his arm around some street corner. Hissing out a breath, I turn the corner. It’s hard to see in the dark, but there’s definitely a girl out cold on the tar-covered ground, her hair spread all around her.

  “Hey,” I say softly. “Can you hear me?”

  Nothing. Damn it. It was worth a try. I jog over, crouch down and extend my arm to move the hair out of her face, when I freeze, bile rising up in my throat.

  I move the hair, and yep. Damn it, it’s her. I knew it as soon as I saw the green hue in the hair.

  Sage.

  “Kid, get over here!” I scream. “What’d you give her?”

  “I don’t—”

  “I’m not accepting ‘I don’t know’!” I growl, feeling her pulse and finding it fairly steady.

  “Smack, heroin,” he clarifies. “It wasn’t a ton, but enough to last a couple days. She didn’t talk. She handed me a post-it and a wad of cash.”

  I frown at her. A post-it?

  Sage, what did you do?

  I scoop her up in my arms and nearly collapse when I feel how light she is. Fuck. I’ve been out of town for Aaron and then when I got back, I have to admit, I screened her dad’s calls. I just… Sage and I were getting too attached. I thought if maybe I put some distance between us for a month, it would give her and her father a chance to mend things. I was wrong.

  So, so wrong.

  Like always. I’m seriously not good for anything.

  “Why, Sage? Why?”

  I tuck my head into her shoulder to take a shuddering breath before throwing my shoulders back and righting myself.

  “She needs to go to the hospital.”

  The kid’s eyes widen. “What if this gets back to—”

  “It doesn’t matter if we both get fucking arrested. She could die!”

  With that, I take off, leaving the stupid kid behind. Damn it, Sage. Damn it. I know the hospital is fourteen minutes away by foot, four by car. I take off the .15 mile distance to my car, throw her in the back, and slam on the gas.

  “Sage, you can’t give up. You hear me back there? I won’t let you quit. I won’t fucking let you. Pamela needs you here. You made a promise.”

  Of course, nothing is said back, but I needed to say the words. I needed to beg her to fight. As I swerve through traffic, I can’t help but keep looking back at her.

  My dad’s gonna flip.

  This is gonna get back to him.

  Even in fucking prison, nothing happens without his say-so. Not to mention, that money will not be paid to his offshore account tonight.

  Rod will tattle on me.

  I don’t give one shit.

  Not one.

  I won’t let Sage implode. I won’t let her self-destruct. I won’t.

  I need to call her father, but I have to know she’s with a doctor before I do that.

  I spin the back of my car to the front of the emergency doors.

  “I need help!” I scream, bursting through the doors.

  “Nix?” One of the redheaded nurses I have an arrangement with comes running over. She knows: don’t ask, don’t tell. When she sees Sage, she springs to action, giving orders, getting Sage on a stretcher to move her.

  “What happened?” she asks amongst the chaos.

  “I don’t know! Something with drugs. She was seen purchasing heroin. That’s all I know.”

  She levels me with a glare as she feels for Sage’s pulse. She sends a harsh whisper to another nurse, who rushes Sage away before approaching me and snatching my arm. It’s only when she feels how hard I’m shaking that her anger dissolves. She looks at me curiously.

  “Now’s not the time for vague, Nixon! That girl could die.”

  She must see something in me akin to panic, because she freezes.

  “Who is she?”

  “A friend. Honestly, Ray, I don’t know what happened. I know she has a history of drugs, and was seen purchasing heroin t
oday, but I don’t know much more than that. That’s it. I came here as fast as I could.”

  “If you remember anything else, tell me.”

  “Ray?”

  She turns, twitching to get to work.

  “Please don’t let her die.”

  Cocking her head, she nods. “I won’t, Nix.”

  And she’s off. Ray is the best of the best. I know if there’s a way to save Sage, Ray will find it and, if it comes to it, won’t give a damn if it’s approved or not. She’s here to save lives. Bottom line.

  Trying to ignore the rattling inside me, I grab my phone. I’m shocked to see how hard I’m really shaking. I don’t understand it.

  “Charles,” I say quickly into the speaker.

  “Nix! I’ve been trying to call you,” he roars, with an undercurrent of panic. “Sage is—”

  “With me. At the hospital. Charles, you and your wife need to get over here. It’s the hospital off Gateway Drive.”

  I click off. I can’t hear his worry, his panic. I need to be with her. I need to try to figure out why my insides feel like they are shaking.

  “I need to be with that girl who was just wheeled off. She’s underage.”

  “Of course, hun. Let me take you to the waiting area.”

  Ring! Ring! Ring! The first call from my dad’s men. I know it’ll be one of many, but for the first time in my life, I turn that damn phone off, because I have something more important than him to attend to. Even as brainwashed as I am, it doesn’t register to pick up the phone, not with Sage sick. I turn off the phone to be sure no one tracks me here.

  With that done, I follow the nurse and let her lead me back.

  I don’t know what waits for me.

  Her father and mother arrive later. The mother is in a weird state of shock and uncertainty, and her father looks riddled with guilt.

  “I knew I should have sent her to a treatment center of some sort. I knew it. This is my fault.”

  “A treatment center? Why? She doesn’t want that.”

  He glares at me. “If you would have answered your phone and fucking helped me, you’d know that Sage hasn’t uttered a single word to anybody in weeks. The last time I heard her voice was in the car leaving your place three weeks ago. She hasn’t eaten solid food since then, either. She’ll drink liquids, but actually eating, no, nothing. I’ve hired all the best help, but no one’s been able to reach her. She’s dying, Nix. She’s giving up.”