Belonging Part III

by J. S. Wilder

  I shut the door and she smiles, whilst wishing me a good day. It’s a nice summer’s day as I walk down to Victoria bus garage and take the number 2 bus to Tulse Hill. I’m not imprisoned in the house and for the first time in the last six weeks that I’ve been living with Roy I actually feel free.

  I send him a quick text message to tell him I am taking the bus.

  Roy: It’s a limo, not a bus.

  He thinks I’m being sarcastic. Yep, I’m dating a billionaire and getting on the bus.

  Me: The Number 2 bus.

  Roy: A real bus?

  Me: Sure. Next time you’re getting on one with me.

  Roy: Double decker?

  Me: Yep, why?

  Roy: I’ll love to fuck you on top of a double decker bus ;)

  I wait, wondering if he’s getting into the car to fulfil his fantasy. I start to get wet at the idea of us on the bus. I’m tempted to go home, but I don’t. I sit on the bus watching the men, women, families, couples all enjoying the hot summer day.

  The bus drives down the familiar Brixton High Street. I’m tempted to get a Jamaican patty, those pies really fill me up. Or even explore the new Ghanaian restaurant that Grandma told me about. I’ve been brought up by the English side of my family. I’d never met my dad’s side of the family.

  I thought about saving up and maybe visiting them one day. Seeing as dad had a new family with brothers and sisters that I’ve never met. I don’t even know if they know I exist. Wonder what he has told them about me? If anything. Maybe, that’s a part of his life he closed after he treated Mum so badly. Either way my siblings have nothing to do with the fact our dad is a piece of shit. They’re still my flesh and blood. I suppose this is the joy of being on the bus because your mind thinks about things, all sorts of different things. Then, the one reason I hate riding on the bus hits home. The dreaded pervert who thinks I’m on the bus to be his woman. As I try to get rid of him by completing ignoring him, I decide to send a few messages to Roy.

  Me: You’ve got competition.

  Roy: How old?

  Me: Old, fifty like you.

  That’ll get him going.

  Roy: You’re going to get a spanking for that.

  Me: Promise?

  Roy: Promise ;)

  After a while, I start listening to the delusional old man telling me about his interest in being my boyfriend or more to the point, my lover. Note to myself, no exposing my breasts on London transport. I look down at my chest the neckline of my top is low. I try and lift it up, to try and hide or create some sort of dignity. I wish I bought a cardigan or anything to cover it up.

  “Me car’s in the garage see, that’s why me on the bus,” the overweight, aging Jamaican man says to me. His accent is so strong and I can just about understand what he is saying to me.

  Good for you!

  “So, when me tek you out. It’ll be in me car and we can—” He winks at me.

  Hell no! Why would I even want to go anywhere with him? Seriously, why am I not moving to sit anywhere else?

  I stop and look around to see not only is the bus full, but the oversized, middle-aged Jamaican man is practically squeezing me in my seat. Moving closer and closer.

  “You see a fly woman lek you can’t be on the bus. You don’t have to worry about the age gap. Me only forty.”

  I must need new contacts because there’s no way the man sitting next to me, constantly mistaking my leg for his own whenever he touches mine, is in his forties. His oversized stomach and his receding hairline give his age away. He’s slurring his words, which is probably the result of the alcohol that I can smell on his breath. He’s no match for Roy, not only in his physique but his bad breath and body odour too. I’m just about to get up because I can’t take it anymore. At first, it was a bit funny, now I just feel sick.

  I realise the bus is at my stop. Finally, I’ve reached Tulse Hill. I jump out of the bus like a cat on a hot tin roof and walk up a small hill to the estate. I can see balloons as I walk up the hill hanging outside the flat.

  Shit, what day is it?

  I’ve been so caught up in Paris, Roy and Hudson that I’ve forgotten my Grandma’s wedding anniversary. She celebrates it every year since Grandpa died. I need to get it together. I need to buy her a present, before I go up there.

  Hmm, there are benefits of having a driver especially on days like this, I think to myself. I wonder what’s open near-by on a Sunday without another bus ride?

  Mmm nothing!

  I’m tempted to call Henry, then I decide against it. I make my way to the flats and then as I approach the door I realise that me showing up will be more important to Grandma than anything I can purchase at the shops. Grandma gives me the biggest hug and kiss as I enter the flat. Her bubbly personality shining through as always.

  “Oh my God, I thought you were in Scotland,” I say as I point to Betty.

  She smiles and whispers, “I was.” She draws near and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

  Every cousin and family relation is squashed into the two bedroom flat as always. It’s overcrowded, but more than usual. It would be fifty years today that they were married. They married when they were only sixteen years old. Grandma loved him then as much as she does today, even if he isn’t still around and it has been over five years since he died from a heart attack. It doesn’t stop Grandma passing the food and making us all try to dance which is difficult when there’s no room to do so.

  ***

  It’s great when the family gets together, but as usual after a while I feel a little suffocated. I walk out for a bit of fresh air.

  “Why are you back so early from Paris?” Betty asks as she stares at me intently. Lately, I haven’t seen her in anything but her smart dress clothes, so seeing her in jeans and a T-shirt makes her look... well normal.

  “It didn’t work out.” I cough while I try to think of a way out of discussing this further. My experience in Paris was painful and I really don't want to be discussing it with Betty.

  “Did you argue?” Mum asks while sipping her drink, she has now appeared to my left.

  Ah, and so begins the interrogation. Someone rescue me, please. I really don’t feel like answering questions about my experience in Paris, it still feels too raw.

  “We argued, but now everything is fine. Okay?”

  They both nod and I make my way back into the crowded flat with my purse by my side as I try to think about how to leave. I tell Betty I will take the bus back home. Mum laughs and says that if she had a driver at her beck and call the last thing she would want to do would be to get on a bus.

  Those that have it don’t want it and those that don’t have it, crave it, I think to myself. I dread sitting on that bus again and wonder what freak of nature I will find on there this time. Another old man claiming to be in his forties requesting a date, or like the last one a blatant fuck.

  I hug my cousin, grandma, mum and other family members and I promise to visit them again soon. A promise I intend to keep. Sunday will be the day that Grandma can either come to the house or wherever we decide to move to or I can come here. I need to keep it real because this is where I belong, but then again so is Chelsea with Roy. I can have both worlds, I don’t need to separate them.

  As I make my way to the bus stop my phone starts vibrating and then as I am just about to check the call or text on my iPhone, it starts to ring.

  “Hey sexy,” I say assuming it’s Roy calling me. He’s the only one that has ever called me on this number apart from grandma and mum and I just said goodbye to them, so I don’t think they would be calling me so soon.

  “Thank you. How did you know it was me?” That voice isn’t Roy’s. I know it too well, smooth and sophisticated with a strong American accent. There is only one person that speaks like that, Hudson.

  I cancel the phone call. I did it again and , I don’t want to talk to him. Rage takes over me every time he calls and then I receive a text from him.

  We need to talk. One time
. I’ll never bother you again. SW9 bar, 1 Dorrell Place, Brixton in an hour. Bar section. Hudson.

  Is he following me?

  How does he know I’m in the area? I look around to see if I can see any car out of place. It feels a bit creepy that he knows where I am. I shake the paranoia from my head. This is Hudson, anything is possible. I run to the bus stop as the number 2 approaches. I’ll be there in less than twenty minutes. I just want this over and done with and afterwards, I’ll call Roy to pick me up. Maybe not! Probably not a good idea.

  ***

  I hesitate as I approach the bar. I remember seeing it as a kid, people going in and now it’s a trendy bar. I open the door and all eyes are on me. I’m wearing a summer dress, which puts me completely out of place. Most women are wearing jeans and trendy tops or mini-skirts, which are miniscule. The guys are pretty much in the same type of clothing, jeans and trendy tops.

  The way they’re all dressed makes them appear younger than me. Shit, am I getting old before my time? I only graduated a few weeks ago. I spot Hudson sitting at the bar and head toward him. I can see a couple of girls eyeing him off. Gosh, he looks hot in a black shirt and matching trousers. Even with his sophistication he fits in more than I do.

  I don’t even get to order because as soon as I arrive he kisses me on the cheek and hands me a glass of wine. Like I’ll be drinking with him again!

  “Let’s get a table,” he nods toward outside. It’s eight, but starting to cast a shadow meaning that darkness will soon fall. The music is too loud inside, so it’s a good job he chooses for us to sit outside. As we sit down I try not to stare at him. I have to keep my composure as I want this talk over and done with sooner rather than later. I left home at one and I feel like I’ve been out too long.

  “Let’s cut to the chase. What do you want Hudson?”

  He smiles showing off his crystal white teeth and says, “To tell you the truth.”

  I sigh and I take a sip of my drink. I know where this conversation is going and he has no right, no right at all to constantly try and damage my relationship with Roy.

  “I know the truth,” I blurt out. I sigh again because this is old news. I watch him squirm. Shocked that I know about his true relationship with Roy. Shocked that Roy has told me. Possibly disappointed at my revelation. “If that’s all?” I take a couple of sips of my wine, then I start to get up. He’s boring me and more importantly, making me feel uncomfortable. Smiling. Stroking his hands. Intimidating me.

  “No, easy way to say this,” Hudson pauses as he is just about to open his mouth to tell me something, which is probably all lies.

  This manipulative man wants me to believe that he’s nervous. He’s interrupted by his phone ringing and he answers it. Then, he accidently drops it on the table and this is when I see the face of the person who’s calling him. I pretend not to notice and continue to leave. I’ve had enough of his games.

  He holds on to my arm preventing me from leaving. There’s only one thing on my mind. The person. The leak is a lot closer to home than we thought. Why else would they be calling Hudson? Why else would he be trying to hide this person calling on his phone? He picks up his phone and turns it off. I watch him and know because I have an iPhone too, so I know exactly what he’s doing.

  “I’m going home to my boyfriend, Hudson. Your brother. He’ll be keeping me warm tonight. And every night. Get over it,” I hiss as I release my arm from his strong grip.

  He murmurs, “Let’s hope you don’t end up like his wife.”

  I pause, I’ve listened to enough. He said that loud enough for me to hear. I don’t want a conversation about it. It’s clear what he’s doing. Yet, why is there a nagging feeling in my mind. I walk with pride as I pass him and make my way to the bus stop to catch the bus and then a lovely summer walk to Chelsea.

  The way I’m feeling right now I need to think – long and hard. My feet are hurting, but compared to the thoughts running around in my mind I don’t feel much.

  The leak.

  The car crash.

  Roy.

  I need to think and the long walk hopefully will help to make things clearer in my head.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Where are you?” Roy asks as I pick up the phone.

  “Walking.”

  “From where?”

  I hesitate in my reply. I know the consequences of telling him where I am because he will come and pick me up. I am only in Vauxhall I realise as I look across to the bridge. Deborah and heels don’t go together.

  “Vauxhall Bridge?” He hesitates in his reply, probably wondering why I’m walking across the bridge if I took the bus. “Coming to pick you up now.”

  I stand on the bridge like a lost child. Luckily, it’s Sunday night and it’s quiet. I’ve been walking for over an hour most likely longer. I never even noticed how long I’d been walking but then again my feet are aching so I hold onto a post as I massage my feet one by one.

  I see a Porsche beeping its horn and then I look at the plates, RSL8TR and realize that it’s Roy. I forgot about his treasured car, the one he drives only once in a while. He loves this car too much to drive it all the time.

  I scoot in next to him and give him a quick kiss and then he blurts out, “What am I going to do with you? You’ve been gone for hours. Then, you decide to do the craziest thing and walk from Tulse Hill to Chelsea.” I try to act as natural as possible. I have something to tell him. If I reveal the leak then he will question my meeting with Hudson. I’ve had enough drama for one night. I can’t take any more questioning tonight. I just want to go to bed with him in my arms holding me tight, keeping this nightmare away from me.

  His hand rides up my dress. I see his eyes are fixated on the road and his erection is straining in his pants. He doesn’t care who sees him. I am his and he wants me, here and now. I try to forget all the events that have taken place earlier.

  Seeing him in his white shirt and his length fighting against his jeans, I release him. As we drive in the darkness I move my head down and he doesn’t resist. I want to relieve him. The car is low down and the darkness of the night hides our secret. I suck him for forgiveness, for betraying him and seeing Hudson behind his back. I lick him for pleasure, so that he will desire me forever more. I fondle his balls with my hand. I want to be forever in his life.

  As his cum shoots up inside my mouth and he cries out, “Deborah. Shit, that was good.”

  I lick my lips and smirk. “You’re welcome Mr Sparks.” As I regain my composure in my seat.

  “I’ll return the favour soon.” And he does as soon as we pull into the garage at the bottom of the house. All thoughts about the talk with Hudson are erased. I am where I want to be and who I need to be with. I hope.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  In the morning, Roy leaves early and I’m left to my own devices. The only thing that I can think about is confronting Henry. I need to find a way for him to confess. I can’t have Roy knowing that I was with Hudson. He’ll think that I’ve been seeing him behind his back or even worse sleeping with him.

  I can’t stand the man. He gets on my nerves. Trying to come out with new ways for Roy and I to split up. With his good looks and American accent, he just reminds me of a slithering snake. The more I think about it.

  Err, I hate him!

  “Henry, can you get the car and meet me outside?” I question. I need to have this out with him, but we can’t talk here. As they say, walls have ears. Some of the staff here are too nosey. You can see it written all over their faces, especially when they come down here.

  I heard a couple of them whispering, “So, she hasn’t moved back up yet. She’s like a yo-yo!” They’re referring to me switching rooms. My room downstairs has become our room. Whereas when I first came here I had a room upstairs.

  The sooner we get out of this house, the better. Which reminds me I need to book a few agents. I want to be near the teacher training college, which I have finally decided is going to be my path in life.<
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  Roy doesn’t seem to keen. He may have money, but it doesn’t mean I should just sit down and be a lady of leisure all day, every day. The thought of it sends shivers down my spine. I only graduated a few weeks ago and now I’m settling down with a billionaire.

  I quickly shower and put on some white trousers and a matching blouse. I feel like I should look a bit sophisticated if I’m going around looking at flats. Roy’s face cringed when I said to him that I want something that I can afford to contribute toward. So, the agreement is he pays the rent and I pay the bills.

  I know, I’m kidding myself and Roy has more than enough money to support us. I just need to take responsibility for something and that is the only way I know that our relationship will work.

  “Are you ready Miss Withers?” Henry questions as I step outside to the car. I take a moment to look at him. He looks the same, nothing different, and nothing showing that he is the leak.

  I’m not sure what I was expecting!

  “Yes...” I stare into his dark eyes hoping that he will reveal the truth and confess because of my intent stare.

  Instead, he looks back at me and says, “Maybe you shouldn’t go out today?”

  I shake my head and hop into the back of the limo. I watch as he slowly, yet gracefully enters the driver’s side and starts to drive. It’s then it hits me. How comes he hasn’t asked me where I am going? Maybe he’s taking me to some place to kidnap or even kill me?

  The idea is even more ludicrous when he pulls up outside Knight & Frank. “We’re here, Miss Withers. I’ll just park the car,” Henry shouts over the intercom. Of course, Roy probably told him that I wanted to go and see some estate agents to look at flats.

  Or maybe he was listening in our room or he has some secret bug in there and this is all part of some conspiracy? As he opens the door I nearly jump out of my skin.

  “Miss Withers are you all right? You’re acting... strange,” he says as I sit unable to move.

  I nod and shake my head back to reality. Then, I step out of the car I walk straight into the agent’s office and ignore Henry’s demand for a phone call when I finish. I’m too busy mumbling under my breath.