The Sins That Bind Us

by Geneva Lee

  The sparks where we touch kindle into flames. Fire builds slowly inside my belly until it snakes across my skin. I want my skin touching his everywhere. I want to burn alive.

  Jude seems to be on the same page as me. The hand behind my back lifts me against him and my body arches in welcome.

  “I’ve been imagining this since the moment we met,” he says in a soft voice, and I know now that he could have had me at any time. The fact that he waited, that he pursued me, turns me on like nothing ever has before, because I know this isn’t some simple fling. This isn’t just sex. This is real and I can’t be scared of that with him.

  His mouth trails down to the valley between my breasts. “I want to taste you.”

  Oh, God, I want you to.

  My hunger triples as he continues his progress down to my bellybutton, down to the crease between my thighs. He moves between my legs and his lips sink into me. The heat of his breath ripples across the sensitive skin.

  I don’t remember the last time I was with a man like this. I don’t remember the last time I wanted a man like this.

  My head sinks back and I clutch the sheets as he begins his slow assault. His tongue delves expertly between the crease of my sex. I know now that I’ll want this every day. I’ll want him every day. That’s the problem with an addictive personality, I suppose.

  I seek the back of his head and clutch his hair tightly, holding on as he coaxes me toward a release that I’ve denied myself until now. How could I have ever thought I could live without this? I’m alive.

  The French call an orgasm the little death, but I disagree. It’s life. He’s breathing it into me, giving his essence to me. When I shatter over his tongue, I’m so full of his soul that I shake and tremble.

  I’m still quivering when he crawls up my body and slides his arms around my waist.

  “Still sure, Sunshine?” he murmurs.

  This time I can only nod. My body is still spasming from the effects of his expert orgasm. He reaches for the bedside table and I hear the rip of foil.

  “I’m on the pill,” I whisper, “and I haven’t…since before Max…”

  I allow him to fill in the blanks. Heat creeps over my cheeks as I share, but Jude kisses away my embarrassment.

  “I’m clean,” he reassures me. I bite my lip as he rolls on the condom. I’d been too preoccupied with his eyes as he undressed earlier, and slightly too embarrassed to look down as he took off his pants, but now as I feel him nudging against my entrance I brace myself. Jude waits, pausing and allowing me to adjust as he slowly slides inside me inch by inch.

  I stretch and he fills. I take and he gives. Another small climax rolls through me as he takes root inside me. It’s a tiny aftershock of what he’s just given me and a taste of what’s to come.

  “That’s right, Sunshine,” he coaxes as he begins to rock his body against mine. “I am going to give you what you need. I’m going to keep you safe. Let me take care of you.”

  My body goes slack, overwhelmed by the sensations and emotions crowding at my core, but he holds me steady.

  “Oh, God! Yes, Jude.” The strangled cry leaps from my lips, sprung from a place I’d locked away.

  Here with him I find myself and the parts of me that have been missing. He makes me whole and as he gently thrusts inside me, I know that nothing will be the same after today. Nothing will be the same after Jude Mercer and with that realization, I crack apart and rebuild myself around him.

  Chapter 13

  Jude filters into my dreams and I wake, twisted in the sheets and damp with sweat. My eyelids flutter open to the soft glow of the morning leaking in through the windows. I flip over and bury my face in the pillow, trying to sort through what’s real and what came from my unconscious mind. I remember his lips, his hands on my skin. Desire tightens across my belly and I clutch the pillow. It’s morning. I scramble to look for a clock.

  My phone is sitting on the bedside table and I grab it. Amie answers after two rings.

  “I am so fucking proud of you!” she says immediately. “Details! I need details! Was he amazing? Is he huge? Does he ride you like the motorcycle he should have instead of that Jeep?”

  I don’t bother to tell her that he has a motorcycle. There are more important things to worry about.

  “I am so sorry,” I say, bypassing everything she’s just said to me. “I’m on my way home now.”

  “Wait, I told you to stay out all night,” Amie reminds me.

  “Yes, but I told you I wasn’t going to. Is Max upset?”

  “Max is at preschool. I made him pancakes this morning and told him that Mommy was sleeping in.”

  I can’t remember having slept in once in the last five years. “And he bought that?”

  “Yes, he also mentioned that he thought Mommy should sleep in more often, but that might have been because I made him chocolate chip pancakes.”

  “You spoil him,” I say, but relief washes over me. Max is okay, the world didn’t end, and I’ve just had the best night of my life.

  “Well, someone has to spoil him. His hussy mother was out all night long,” Amie teases.

  “So much for being proud of me. I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. I’d better go. I need to go figure out where Jude is.”

  “You mean he’s not lying next to you naked?” I can hear her pout through the phone line. “You’re ruining my visual.”

  “I’m naked,” I admit.

  “I’ve seen you naked,” she says with a sigh, “and it looks like Jude is off the market.”

  “He might be.” It feels good to say that. “He let me sleep in.”

  “I think you’re the spoiled one,” Amie says. “First Max wants to let you sleep in, and now Jude. All these men taking care of you. You really should share.”

  There’s nothing I want more in the world than for Amie to find the right guy. A small squeeze of guilt constricts my chest.

  “Uh, uh,” she says as if reading my mind. “I should really know better than to joke right now. You are not allowed to feel bad today. Go find Jude and don’t come to work until you’ve had at least three more orgasms.”

  “That might be sexual harassment, Boss.”

  “I’ll be sure to get HR on it. Now, go, get! But remember, I expect details tonight. If you can find a measuring tape, feel free to come back with specifics.”

  I hang up on her before she can ask me to start taking surreptitious selfies with him.

  Without Jude here to distract me I can appreciate the luxury of his bedroom. I was aware last night that we were in a California king bed, only because there was a lot of room, and we used every inch of it.

  It takes a lot of effort to push myself out of the luxurious sheets. When I stand my knees are still a little bit shaky. I pad over to the windows and take in the spectacular view. On one side the forest encroaches. Tall Douglas firs tower past the window. It’s like being in a five-star tree house. From the other adjoining glass, I take in a sweeping view of the ocean. It’s the same as the one in his living room, but it feels more intimate as though he’s bottled up perfection. All in all, the space has the effect of making me feel like I’ve found myself in paradise. The world outside the house ceases to exist. The only thing I can think of is the man and the memories he gave me last night.

  My clothes lay scattered across the floor, but I’m not ready to get dressed yet, not while I’ve been given half a day off. Not that it will take Jude that long to fulfill Amie’s demand. I tug the sheet off the bed and wrap it around my form.

  Outside his room I find a narrow hallway. I can’t even remember passing through it last night, but I was rather preoccupied. I peak in doorways to see guest rooms and bathrooms until the corridor opens into the airy living room and kitchen.

  Jude is at the easel, which is the only thing blocking his nudity from the floor to ceiling windows. I pause and drink in his toned back and the bulge of his calves. I can’t see what he’s painting, but I admire his technique and
the tight curve of his ass. His muscles tense as the brush flickers across the canvas. Occasionally I catch a glimpse of color. He knows exactly what he’s doing. There’s no hesitation as he works. But his body on display, haloed in sunlight, is the true work of art.

  “I left fresh fruit on the counter and some coffee,” he calls out, not bothering to turn around. “I figure your blood sugar might be a little bit low. We didn’t really have dinner.

  But God, did we ever have dessert.

  At the kitchen island I hop onto a bar stool and discover a bowl of pineapple, grapes, strawberries that he’s obviously cut up himself. The coffee is in a stainless steel travel mug. When I flip open the top, steam rises out like smoke. Apparently Jude thinks of everything. After last night I should already know that.

  I stab a strawberry with my fork. “What time is it?”

  I hadn’t even bothered to check my phone. I’d called Amie in a panic and had other things on my mind when I hung up.

  “Around 9:30.”

  “Oh, my God, I don’t think I’ve slept that long since I was a teenager.”

  “Well, you weren’t sleeping most of the night.”

  “Do I detect a cocky undertone, Mr. Mercer?” I dig around in the bowl, my appetite giving way to butterflies in my stomach.

  “I have to admit, I’m pretty pleased with myself.”

  I’m pretty pleased with him, too.

  I can see his canvas now. Today it’s full of violent strokes of blue and grey, with splashes of yellow.

  “Do you always paint the ocean?” I ask.

  “I haven’t grown tired of it yet. I don’t think I ever will.”

  I understand exactly what he means. It’s how I feel about it. He continues to paint as I finish my breakfast, marveling that I feel so at home here. A girl probably shouldn’t settle in after the first time she sleeps with a guy, but Jude has gone out of his way to make me feel welcome. Plus, I can’t deny the pitter-patter of frantic heartbeats in my chest as I look at him.

  When I finish, I deposit my dishes in the sink, then walk towards the sliding door that leads onto the balcony. I pause and wait for Jude to acknowledge that I’m closer. I don’t want him to stop painting but, God, I want him to touch me. His eyes leave the canvas and drink me in slowly.

  “Suddenly I’m finding the view more inspiring.”

  A long-lost boldness comes over me and I drop the sheet.

  His Adam ’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Now it’s very inspiring.”

  I lick my lower lip, remembering how he tastes, and turn my attention back to the water. The ocean isn’t hiding its strength today. Foamy white caps crest as the tide rolls in and the water bursts against the shoreline. The sea never ceases to soothe me, but today it seems to understand that I don’t want to be calmed. I want to be ravaged. It’s as raw and powerful and hungry as I feel.

  Without thinking, I slide the door open and walk out onto the balcony. The early spring air nips at my naked body, but I don’t care. I am free. The roar of the water fills my blood, invigorating me, and I hold out my arms. The wind batters my skin and I breathe in the smell of salt. It’s better than any high I’ve ever known.

  Jude comes up behind me. His nearness brings a heady rush of adrenaline. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulls me back against him. Paint smears across my bare belly. I want to be his canvas.

  “Aren’t you cold?” he asks.

  “Not with you around.”

  My words are an invitation, and he accepts. Spinning me slowly, our mouths meet, and although I want him, this kiss is more than enough. Still, I can’t deny the effect he has on my body, and after a few moments I pull away. Turning around I lean over the balcony’s railing. I glance over my shoulder. In this moment nothing can touch me but him. He seems to sense that, moving closer and gripping my hips.

  “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” His words rake through me as his hand glides down to reach between my legs. I’m already ready for him and, my legs widen instinctively. “Do you want me, Faith?”

  “Yes,” I whisper the truth into the wind, but he catches it. His fingertip begins to move in a steady circle as he urges the head of his dick gently past my swollen seam. I bloom open, welcoming him as he stretches me. It’s a delicious sensation to be filled by a man like this. He could ask anything of me in this moment and I would grant it to him.

  “I want to hear you, Sunshine.”

  That’s definitely a wish I’m willing to grant. I grab onto the railing and hold tightly as he begins to move. Stroke after stroke, he creates the scene. The ocean before me continues to storm violently. In the far horizon gray streaks foretell rain. The whole world is in upheaval, just like the clash of emotions overwhelming my heart. Jude is at my back, storms are in my future, and I can’t find it in me to fear either. He’s pulling me under and I’m dying to drown.

  His fingers pinch and knead as he continues to drive deeply inside me. On the surface I’m in control. I’m hanging on, but underneath, I’m stirring. Pleasure builds at my core, rolling in quietly as I gather strength, and then I crest, my cries escaping my lips like the roar of the ocean below. Jude leans down, kissing my neck as he begins to groan. “You feel so good.”

  I let go of the railing with one hand and grasp his hand between my legs, pulling it up to my belly and entwining my fingers tightly with his as he comes. When he stills we stay like that for a long time, two souls tangled in nature: man and woman, primitive and timeless.

  “You’re starting to tremble,” he says. “Come inside. Let’s get you warmed up.”

  I don’t feel cold, but I follow him anyway. I can’t refuse his desire to take care of me. It’s been so long since anyone’s tried. Jude goes for a blanket and I walk around to peer at the canvas. He’s added something to it: lines, a railing, and then the soft, abstract figure of a woman. I know it’s me.

  “I’m not ready to add the details,” he says as he puts the blanket around my shoulders. “I want to get it just right, and I suspect it might take a lifetime.”

  I suck in a long breath and hold it in until my chest burns with exertion.

  “I know you don’t believe you can ever truly know anyone,” he continues when I don’t speak, “but I’m not giving up.”

  “I want you to know me, but it’s impossible. You might not like me when you get to know me,” I say softly.

  He enfolds me in his arms as we stare at the woman on the canvas—anonymous and named. She’s a contradiction just like me.

  “I might not like you then,” he agrees. “I suspect I might fall in love with you instead.”

  Chapter 14

  Sometimes life flies by you and you’re left trying to hang on to every precious moment. When your child is born and they smile for the first time or roll over or begin to walk. It happens so quickly. When Max was a baby, I fell in love with him more each day. I never thought it would happen like that again.

  I’m not quite ready to admit that it has.

  Jude sits on the living room floor with Max practicing sign language as I consider this. He’s been at it for nearly a month, not long after I finally gave in and kissed him again. The night I found myself in his bed. The time is flying by, and in moments like this as I watch him with my son, it makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I want to say it’s moving too quickly, but it’s exhilarating.

  There are rules though.

  He never spends the night. We don’t kiss in front of Max. Sometimes Jude sneak-holds my hand, but he is not my boyfriend and I am not his girlfriend, even though we both know we are.

  I can’t risk Max getting any more attached to him than he already is. Who am I kidding? We’re both attached. I keep peeking in at their progress. Max is delighted to be a teacher. He’s a natural at it. Of course, he has a very willing student. I’m spying on them when Amie comes home.

  “How are things holding up?” I ask her. Spring has officially settled into Port Townsend with its misty fog and ever
steadier stream of tourists. It also means that preschool is out for spring break, and that I’m not at the restaurant.

  “We’re fine.” She waves off my concern, but dark rings circle her eyes.

  She’s been there more than usual. I’m doing what I can from home, placing orders and paying bills, but honestly, she needs me there if for no other reason than to keep her sane. Someone has to be able to haul the chef out of the kitchen when she’s losing her shit.

  “It’s only a few days,” I reassure her, “Then you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

  “What’s only a few days?” Jude asks coming into the kitchen.

  “Max is out of school the rest of the week,” I tell him, but he already knows. We’re both trying to pretend that he’s not playing the father figure.

  “Leaving me without my right hand,” Amie adds, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Remind me to give you a raise when you get back.”

  “I will do that,” I promise her.

  “You know, if you need her that badly”—Jude hesitates—“I could take care of Max for a few days, even just for a few hours.”

  Amie and I share a glance. It’s a touchy topic. I’ve required most babysitters to pass through a level of security the FBI would find astounding. If I had ever had a boyfriend before, I certainly would never have left Max with him.

  “That would be great,” Amie pipes up.

  I gawk at her and mouth traitor. Jude notices and gives me a reassuring smile, the one that makes my stomach flutter.

  “If you’re not cool with it it’s completely fine. All you have to do is say no.”

  But I’m so used to saying yes to Jude.

  “Okay,” I say at last. Surprise flits across both of their faces, but wisely neither of them say anything.

  “Okay, I’ll pick up him tomorrow,” Jude can’t quite contain his excitement. Boyish things have been filtering into our house for weeks. A new PlayStation, dinosaur toys, a Spider-Man mask. He might be as big of a kid as my own. I can only imagine how much he’ll spoil Max this week.