by BJ Hoff
Daniel got up from his chair. “Well…I’m glad you came by,” he said awkwardly. “I always look forward to seeing you.”
She stopped what she was doing and gave him a studying look. “Do you, Daniel?”
Surprised by her question and the way she was watching him, he said, “Of course I do.”
After another moment, she looked away. “You’ll let me know when you get home?”
He nodded. “I will. I imagine it will be soon.”
Her smile was quick and fleeting. “I’m sure you hope it will be.”
He had intended to kiss her goodbye, but something in her expression made him hesitate. She offered her cheek but then moved away from him so quickly he scarcely managed to touch her. She started for the door, saying, “I’ll just peek in the baby’s room. I imagine that’s where Esther is.”
Daniel didn’t make an effort to follow her. Some instinct made him hesitate and then go back to his chair.
This wasn’t at all the way he’d hoped her visit would go. And yet if he were totally honest, he had to recognize the fact that he wasn’t as bothered as he would have once been.
Long after she’d gone, he sat looking out the window, wondering about the change that had come over him lately. Or had they both changed? More to the point, had Serena ever felt for him what he had once felt about her?
For the first time, he made himself face the fact that, in truth, he had always had doubts about her feelings for him. He supposed that if he were to be totally, even painfully, honest with himself, he now questioned if he could have misconstrued her feelings toward him altogether. Because of the way he’d felt about her, had he simply assumed she felt the same?
Could he have really been that foolish?
It chilled him to admit it, but he supposed it was entirely possible. He wasn’t sure what that said about him. But even though he was in his midthirties, he had had so little experience with women that it was possible that he might have invented a relationship that had never existed. And although he was certain there were a number of things he didn’t know about Serena, he had known her for long enough—and well enough, he thought—to believe it was just as likely that she wouldn’t recognize a genuine love relationship any more readily than he would. Especially given her sheltered background and the supposed lack of eligible, unmarried men in the area.
He was dismayed at the thought that either of them—or even both of them—might have imagined a relationship that had never existed. Yet at the same time something in the depths of his spirit insisted that it was time to face the truth.
There was another truth he knew he needed to face, but before he could give it any further thought the center of that truth—Addie Rose—arrived, followed within minutes by Ted Gardiner.
After visiting for a few minutes, Addie Rose went to see Esther and the baby.
“This is as good a time as any to examine you,” Ted told Daniel.
“I’m feeling good.”
“That’s what you told me last weekend. Not in a hurry to get back to your office, are you?”
Daniel tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair. “You know I am. But I do feel well, Ted. Honestly.”
“Well, let’s find out just how good you are at diagnosing yourself,” the other doctor said, retrieving his stethoscope from its case.
After a few more minutes, during which he conducted what could only be described as an extremely thorough checkup, Ted straightened. He proceeded to study Daniel for a long enough time that Daniel began to fidget.
“Well?” he finally pressed.
Finally, Ted smiled. “Well, I’d say you’re in good shape.”
Daniel broke into a smile. “So I can get back to normal?”
“Within reason. But I want you to take your time and not push too hard. If I don’t miss my guess, you could be your own worst patient because you’re not patient. At least, not with yourself. You need to be careful, Daniel, and treat yourself the way you’d advise one of your patients. I don’t have to give you a list of instructions on how to take care of yourself—you already know the procedure. Follow it. Take time to eat right and get plenty of rest. You may not think you need it, but you do.” He paused. “If you think it would help, I can loan you Brad for a few more days.”
Without hesitating, Daniel shook his head and got to his feet. “No. I hear you, and I’ll do as you say. Believe me, I have no desire to go through this again.”
They shook hands. “I’ll just go and have a look at that baby and give Addie Rose a repeat of my orders for you. I’m putting her in charge of making sure you obey them.”
He turned to leave but stopped when Stephen came rushing into the room.
“Good news, Stephen. You’ll be rid of me—”
But he didn’t get to finish his sentence. Stephen, red-faced and clearly out of breath interrupted him. “Doc Gardiner! Thank the Lord you’re still here! They need your help in town!”
“What’s wrong?” asked Ted.
“It’s the carousel! There’s a fire—a bad one! And people are all over the place! Today was free admission day for the children!”
A sick feeling washed over Daniel. This was a day that brought almost every child in town to the carousel, along with most of the parents, who were intent on keeping watch over them.
“The carousel?”
Daniel quickly explained, and then he turned back to Stephen. “You said the fire’s bad?”
Both Addie Rose and Esther, who apparently had heard Stephen’s shouting, appeared in the doorway, Esther with the baby in her arms.
“Real bad,” said Stephen. “It looks as though it might bring the entire carousel down and spread to some of the nearby buildings. Worse, though, it started while children were waiting in line with their parents for their turn.”
Stephen turned to Ted. “For certain, they’re going to need medical attention—and they’re going to need it right away!”
“Stephen, where’s Clay?” Esther put in.
“I left him at the carousel. They need all the help they can muster to get that fire out.”
The doctor was already moving toward the door. “I’ll get my coat, but someone needs to show me the way.”
“I’ll go with you,” Stephen said.
Daniel didn’t have to think about it. “I’m going too. Esther, where’s my coat?”
“It’s there, with your other things in the closet. Your medical bag is still in there too. But, Daniel, surely you aren’t going! You’re not—”
“Ted says I’m fine,” Daniel said, heading for the closet. “I’m going.”
“So am I,” Addie Rose said, giving Esther a quick squeeze on the shoulder and the baby a peck on the cheek before moving toward the door.
“Well, all right. But all of you come back here later. I’ll have food fixed.” She looked at Stephen. “Go on, then! I know you think you have to go. But be careful! And keep an eye on Clay.”
He nodded, hesitating only long enough for a quick kiss for her and the baby.
Outside, Daniel remembered that Brad Nolan still had his buggy. “I’ll need a ride—”
“You can go with me,” Addie Rose said.
Still pushing an arm into his coat, Daniel set his bag in the back of her buggy with his free hand and climbed up onto the bench.
“You’re sure you’re all right to do this?” Addie Rose queried as they started off.
“I’m sure.”
Even so, he began praying at that moment that he could handle whatever was ahead.
THIRTY-THREE
NIGHT OF FIRE
These are the times when we are faced with a not-so-welcome homecoming.
ANONYMOUS
The scene at the carousel could have been stripped from somebody’s nightmare.
Panicky parents stormed the fence, trying to get near the gate, but most were being held back by the sheriff and Jamie MacPhee, along with three helpers, including Clay. A few unattended children went hurtling in
to the crowd of adults, while others stumbled and, rather than trying to make their way out of the gate, ran in different directions, seemingly oblivious to where they were going.
Thick black clouds of smoke snaked upward and coiled toward the fence as the fire gained momentum. Daniel could feel the heat as they drew closer. Before they even reached the carousel, his eyes and throat began to burn. He dug into his pocket for a handkerchief and masked his face as best as he could, while Stephen and Ted followed suit.
Lawrence Hill, who was headed toward the burning carousel from the newspaper building, spied them and stopped, moving in beside Daniel. “Good to see you up and about again. Though this is a sad welcome home for you.”
“How did this happen, does anyone know?” Daniel asked him.
Lawrence shook his head. “Lots of folks wondering about that, but no one seems to know. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d be tempted to point the finger at a group of older boys I saw building a bonfire behind the maintenance building. Other folks saw them there earlier too, but they disappeared real fast once the fire started.”
As they drew closer, the sheriff said something to Jamie and then made his way toward Daniel and the others. “Boy, am I glad to see you, Doc! We already have some injured! I hope you’re fit to work!”
“I am, Lon.” He quickly introduced Ted Gardiner, and the sheriff’s face lit still more.
“Two doctors? Great! And we’ll likely need both of you. Right now we’re trying to figure out where to put the injured. Somebody suggested the schoolhouse since it’s so close. But I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Too close, it seems to me,” said Lawrence. “With this wind, that fire has a good chance of spreading. I don’t like to think it, but the schoolhouse might go too.” He paused and then said, “Why not use the newspaper building? I have plenty of room in back. And we’re close enough that it won’t be a problem to move folks there.”
“That’s all right with you?” the sheriff asked.
Lawrence nodded. “I think that might be your best option. The injured need to be placed into some kind of shelter as soon as possible.”
The sheriff looked at Daniel, who nodded his agreement, saying, “Sounds like a good plan to me. And I think Lawrence is right. The sooner the better.”
While Daniel and Ted cleared the back of the building, Addie Rose drove to Daniel’s office to load the buggy with medicines and other supplies. When she returned, they set up a makeshift working area.
Once that was done, Daniel went back outside. By now the fire was out of control. His eyes burned, and he felt his lungs struggling for air as he started for the flaming carousel. He passed a number of adults herding children away from the blaze and saw Stephen and Clay guiding folks past the fence that circled the carousel. He glanced behind him to the newspaper building, where Lawrence stood at the door beckoning inside a number of people who seemed dazed and in search of a place to go.
By now Daniel was all too aware of his recent bout with exhaustion. He felt as though a fist were pounding at his heart, and he was gasping for air as much from exertion as from the smoke billowing around him. He knew he’d have to get back inside quickly. Otherwise, instead of taking care of fire victims, he’d be the one requiring attention. He caught one more glimpse of the blaze that was fast turning into an inferno before turning and hurrying back.
Within minutes, Clay and Jamie appeared at the office leading a small boy and a woman who identified herself as the child’s mother. They were soon followed by Stephen with a man and a little girl Daniel recognized. Adam Gilroy was a widower who had been in Daniel’s office more than once with his daughter, seven-year-old Sally. The child seemed unable to get through even an ordinary cold without difficulty breathing. At the moment, she was clearly gasping for breath.
Ted took over the care of the little boy while Daniel saw to Sally.
And so it went. An ever-increasing number of patients, most with breathing problems brought on by the smoke, came through the door while Daniel and Ted did their best to treat them.
Addie Rose kept their supplies ready for use and scrambled to make sure they had whatever they needed. At one point, Daniel asked her where Brad was. “He went home,” she said. “Apparently, their baby is on the way. And that reminds me. His brother came for him, so he left your buggy at the office. Mr. Holliday and Clay said they’d take it and your horse back to their house tonight.”
For a moment Daniel wondered at her tone of voice, which seemed unusually chilly, but his attention was quickly diverted by more patients coming into the office. He was so focused and intent on treating their injuries that he soon lost all track of time. Although he could see from the window that it was growing dark, the flames from the fire cast an erratic, sinister light over their surroundings, so he had no real idea of what time it actually was.
When he finally caught his breath and glanced up from his treatment of little Eamon Fahey, he was surprised to see that the number of waiting patients had dwindled considerably. And a few minutes later, when the sheriff walked in and announced that the volunteer firemen had finally gotten the blaze under control, Daniel drew a long breath of relief. At that point he began to feel extremely thankful that most of the parents and their children seemed to have escaped the worst of the injuries that could have occurred.
That thought brought with it the memory of one of Evan Whittaker’s common remarks in the midst of trouble: “No matter how bad a situation might be, we need to always consider how much worse it might have been…and give thanks.”
Even now, tired as he was and aware that there were still a number of injuries awaiting treatment, Daniel could recognize the wisdom of his stepfather’s words. All he had to do was consider the possible destruction and even loss of life the carousel fire might have prompted, and he could do no less than thank God that it hadn’t been worse.
Ted had left for home, and Daniel was tending to his final patient when Serena walked into the treatment area. Other than a couple of minor smudges on her forehead and one lock of hair that had escaped above her ear, she appeared as neat as usual. Her features, however, were anything but composed.
Daniel motioned for her to wait a moment while he finished bandaging the cut on young Lena Walsh’s arm and sent her on her way with her older sister. At the same time, he saw Addie Rose start to leave the room and head for the front office. She said nothing, but she paused when Daniel motioned for her to wait.
“I’ll help you clean up in here,” she said, glancing toward Serena and then back at Daniel. “When you’re ready.”
“No, you go on home. You’ve done enough. I’ll go back to the Hollidays’ with Stephen until tomorrow. I’m too tired to deal with anything else tonight. In the morning I’ll collect my things and get Sarge and go home.”
She hesitated for another moment before finally saying, “You’re sure? Are you all right?”
Daniel nodded. “I just need some rest. And so do you. You go on now.”
“All right. Da was here helping with the firemen. He’s gone now, but he said to tell you if you need anything—anything at all—you’re to let him know.”
“That’s good of him. You go ahead now.”
Keenly aware that Serena was watching them, Daniel nevertheless waited until Addie Rose was out the door and on her way to her buggy before turning back. He noticed again that Serena appeared noticeably distressed, and only then did he remember the possible danger to the schoolhouse.
He went to her. “How long have you been here?”
“Long enough to see the school burn.” Her voice was tight with strain, her face pale and lined.
Daniel reached for her hands. “Oh, Serena. I’m so sorry!”
She nodded but didn’t look at him.
“Is it a total loss?”
Again she gave a nod, finally lifting her face to him. “Everything’s gone except the stove.” She gave a short burst of a bitter laugh. “Imagine that—everything burns except the s
tove.”
Daniel tried to pull her to him but dropped back when she resisted his embrace.
Unsure how to offer comfort, he stood motionless, watching her.
Finally she glanced around and then began to rub her arms. “I’m going home now,” she said, her voice wooden. “There’s nothing I can do here.”
Again, Daniel made a move toward her. And again she stepped back. Daniel remembered then that he was undoubtedly a wreck, given the smoke, the wounds, and the medicine he’d been exposed to. Well, there was nothing to do for that now. Besides, somehow he sensed that his appearance had little if anything to do with her resistance.
“I didn’t realize you were back in town until Stephen told me,” she said, her voice still dull and unfeeling.
“I wasn’t. Not until Stephen came home with the news about the fire. Ted Gardiner was there too—in fact, he’d just told me this afternoon that I could go home.”
“Well, it’s a good thing there were two doctors in town,” she said, her tone now dismissive. “But more exhaustion and smoke inhalation aren’t going to help you get well.”
“I am well,” he reminded her, too tired to keep the impatience out of his voice. “And I wasn’t about to sit by and do nothing with all this going on.”
“Of course not. I doubt that you’ve ever in your life thought of yourself before others, Daniel.” She stopped. “Well, I just wanted to come by and see how you’re doing.” Again she paused. “I’m glad you’ve recovered. And I’m sure you’re glad to get back to work.”
“Yes, I am. But I wish it were under different circumstances.”
She nodded. “I need to go now. My parents will be worried. We’ll…talk later.”
In the distance, Daniel saw Lawrence making his way from the debris of the carousel to the newspaper building. Daniel started to move away from the door, but then he stopped and, unmindful of the cold, continued to watch Serena leave.
As she pulled away in her buggy, he felt a strange cloud of sorrow fall over him. In some inexplicable way, it seemed as if tonight marked the beginning of a goodbye.