by BJ Hoff
THIRTY-FOUR
COMING HOME
To thee I’ll return, overburdened with care;
The heart’s dearest solace will smile on me there.
JOHN HOWARD PAYNE
When Daniel stepped into the hallway of his home the next day, he was surprised at the memories and thankfulness that washed over him. It wasn’t as if he’d been gone that long, after all. Yet somehow it seemed like forever. Perhaps because so much had happened since he’d last stepped through his front door.
Sarge bounded in ahead of him with enthusiasm, of course, as if he too had greatly missed their familiar surroundings. But after only a few moments, he came loping into the kitchen to find Daniel.
And a snack.
“Yes, you big lug, I’m glad to be home too.”
Daniel took the time to find one of the bones he kept stored in the pantry and placed it at Sarge’s feet. “Have at it,” he told his companion. “We’ll get you some real food later.”
In the bedroom, he looked around and then sorted through his mail and hung up his few remaining clothes that were still clean. He spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning himself up a bit, checking on things around the house, and entertaining Sarge, who had been left to his own devices for quite long enough.
Later he and the Newfie went for a walk. They made their way to the remains of the schoolhouse first. He found the site even more depressing in the stark daylight than when he’d viewed it the night before. It no longer resembled the squat, cheerful building that had provided the learning center for more than two generations of Mount Laurel children. Today it simply appeared to be a place of charred, abandoned rubble.
How long would their youth have to go without a place to gather together, to grow and learn? And how upsetting must this be to Serena, losing this place where she had spent her past few years doing a work she loved with the children she loved and who loved her?
After a few minutes, they went on to the square where the carousel had once played its music and entertained both residents and visitors. The lingering smoke and charred wood and metal made for a thick, irritating stench that had Daniel coughing and his eyes burning in only seconds. Even more painful, though, were the poignant memories of the cheerful music and excited laughter of children, families, and friends at the park. Their meeting place would be greatly missed.
Even Sarge seemed sensitive to the desolate mood that hung over the site. He circled Daniel restlessly, uttering subdued whimpers as if questioning what they were doing there.
The heaviness of the atmosphere soon began to weigh them both down, and Daniel delayed leaving no longer. As they walked away, he felt a sudden wave of longing for Addie Rose’s presence, her steady cheerfulness and optimism. It buoyed him to think about tomorrow, when he’d be back in the office with her and her brightness that somehow managed to lift his spirits, even on the most difficult days.
He was tempted to stop and visit her and Miss Gladys, but he decided he needed to be sensitive to her likely need for some rest after the long hours she had put in yesterday.
Probably the last thing she needed right now was company. Feeling somewhat lost and at loose ends, he finally turned toward home, reluctantly facing a solitary evening.
Sarge chuffed just then and tried to pull ahead of him. “Well, not altogether a solitary evening,” Daniel muttered to the Newfie. “I suppose you’re pretty good company most of the time.”
Sarge made a short puff of agreement before picking up his pace as if to urge Daniel on.
THIRTY-FIVE
WORDS SPOKEN TOO QUICKLY
What’s left unsaid says it all.
ANONYMOUS
Shortly before noon the next day, as Daniel and Addie Rose were readying the examining room for the next patient, he mumbled something about feeling as if he’d been gone for months rather than merely a few weeks. It seemed as though they had seen twice the number of patients as was usual in a full day.
“You were missed. Can you tell?” Addie Rose said dryly.
“But it wasn’t as if you didn’t have another doctor here. Brad indicated he was keeping up with the patients well enough.”
After tucking a clean sheet into place on the examining table, she straightened and turned toward him. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but Dr. Nolan had a way of…overstating things sometimes.” She paused. “As far as keeping up with the patients—well, a few of the ones I met outside the office mentioned that they were waiting for you to get back before coming in again.”
Daniel looked at her. “That surprises me. I was under the impression that he was doing a good job.”
“He’s a good enough doctor, I’m sure,” she hurried to say. “I just meant that he might not be quite as… exceptional as he seems to think.”
Unexpectedly, she flushed and quickly added, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I just meant—well, our patients really missed you, that’s all.”
“No, you have a right to your opinion about anything that takes place in this office,” Daniel said, meaning exactly that and wanting to reassure her. At the same time, he chose his next words carefully. “I expect if Brad seemed a little… self-important, it might have been because he was trying to reassure himself. When you’re new in your work, it’s sometimes easy to exchange insecurity for overconfidence.”
“I’m sure that’s what it was,” she murmured, quickly turning away.
As Daniel watched, she began scrubbing the sink almost furiously, as if it were coated with grime. Puzzled by this unusual behavior—Addie Rose was usually the soul of steadiness and composure—Daniel studied her for another moment.
There was no time for speculation, though. They needed to get on with the next patient. Even so, as the day went on, he found himself occasionally wondering about her uncharacteristic actions.
Later, Addie Rose could have slapped herself for saying what she did to Daniel about Dr. Nolan. The way Nolan looked at her was upsetting, but no doubt Daniel found her words surprising and possibly even rude. She couldn’t expect him to understand. She wasn’t sure she understood, other than the fact that she supposed Dr. Nolan’s freshness with her had engendered a poor opinion of the man in general.
Still, if she really thought things through, her dislike for him was most likely unreasonable. Yes, he was something of an egoist, and from what she had observed, the patients didn’t warm to him as they had Daniel.
But why would they? Nolan was only temporary. And besides, Daniel had a natural warmth and concern about him that the younger doctor didn’t. She had never sensed the genuine attention and personal patient interest from Brad Nolan that Daniel seemed to find so easy to offer.
She came to the conclusion that she disliked Dr. Nolan so intensely because of the unwanted advances he had made toward her. The fact that he had behaved in this way when his wife was carrying their baby somehow made it seem even worse. But Daniel didn’t know about any of that, nor would she want him to. Dr. Nolan had filled in for him when it was needed, and there was no reason to tarnish his reputation. Still, she had skirted around the real reason for her dislike of Dr. Nolan, instead giving vent to things that were relatively minor—at least in comparison to the real reason he troubled her.
She had seen the puzzlement and confusion in Daniel’s eyes, and she hated that her pettiness had caused it. The idea that he might think less of her—or Dr. Nolan—because of her actions today was painful to the extreme. She had spoken out impulsively and unnecessarily, and she would need to be more careful in the future that it didn’t happen again.
Even long after he reached home, Daniel was still mulling over Addie Rose’s puzzling behavior during the day. She had grown steadily more silent and remote after making her few less than complimentary remarks about Brad.
He found that strange. Nothing she had said was particularly harsh, but the fact that Addie Rose had made any sort of negative comment had surprised him. It simply wasn’t like her. But her withdrawn behavio
r afterward was what really puzzled him. Maybe he was making too much of it, but he couldn’t help but wonder if there were more to it than her somewhat thin explanation.
In any event, it probably shouldn’t concern him as much as it had. Now that he was back to his practice, it wasn’t likely they would have any future contact with Nolan, so he needed to let it rest.
Later that night, though, as he tried to concentrate on a journal he’d been reading, he realized that putting any questions about Addie Rose or Brad out of his mind might be easier said than done. His thoughts continued to wander in their direction.
Impatient with his restlessness, he turned out the light and resolved to go to sleep. Unfortunately, that seemed to be a lost cause as well. Instead, he couldn’t stop thinking about Serena.
What would she do now? As far as he knew, the only work she had ever undertaken was in the classroom. Her parents seemed fairly well to do, so she probably didn’t need a job. But he knew Serena well enough to know that she had an independent spirit and wouldn’t likely be content to depend on her parents’ support indefinitely.
She had once indicated that her main reason for living with them this long was that her father’s health wasn’t good, and she wanted to be there for her mother. Somehow he couldn’t see her remaining idle for too long.
Of course, the town couldn’t remain without a school. They would have to find a way to build a new facility. But that would mean raising funds and erecting a building. All that would take time. Maybe they could find a temporary location in the meantime. For the children’s sake, and for Serena’s as well, he hoped so. He determined to talk with some of his friends in the business world—men like Lawrence and others—as soon as possible to get their ideas.
After tossing and turning for another half hour, he forced himself to shut off his tangled thoughts and try to get some sleep.
On the floor beside his bed, Sarge exhaled a disgruntled sigh that signaled his agreement.
THIRTY-SIX
DELIVER US FROM EVIL
God, protect me from anything that wasn’t sent by You.
ANONYMOUS
A week before Christmas, Addie Rose was on her knees at the bottom drawer of the file cabinet behind the reception counter when the outside door opened. By the time she stood up, Brad Nolan was on the other side of the counter.
Surprised, and none too pleased to see him there, she could scarcely manage a civil greeting. “Dr. Nolan?”
He gave her a broad smile. “Oh, come on, Addie Rose. Surely you know me well enough by now to call me Brad.”
She made no reply other than to fix a questioning look on him.
“Is Daniel here?”
She hesitated and then shook her head, saying, “No. Not right now.”
“Out on calls?”
“Yes. He should be back anytime now.”
He glanced at his pocket watch. “I thought you usually went with him on patient calls.”
“I do. But we’ve been busy lately, so I stayed in this afternoon to catch up on some things.”
“Well, I can get what I need without bothering him. I left in such a hurry last week that I forgot my appointment book and my fountain pen. Dr. Gardiner wasn’t all that busy today, so I thought I’d drive up and retrieve them while I had a free afternoon.” He paused. “I’m sure they’re in Daniel’s office.”
“I haven’t seen them, but no doubt that’s where they are.” When he made no move to go into the office but simply stood there, watching her, she began to feel uneasy. “So, how’s the new baby? And your wife?”
Still smiling, he leaned his arms on the counter. “They’re doing just fine. And how about yourself? You seem to be staying busy.”
“Yes. And I probably should get back to work. Why don’t you go on into the office and see about your things?”
“I’ll do that. Shouldn’t take more than a minute.”
Relieved, she watched him go. Instead of returning to the file cabinet, though, she remained standing, rifling through some papers on the reception desk, at the same time wishing Daniel would get back soon.
When Nolan didn’t appear after several minutes, she went to the door of the office and looked in. He glanced up from Daniel’s desk, saying, “I can’t seem to find them.”
“Try the top left drawer,” she suggested. “He might have put them in there to keep them safe for now.”
As she watched, he opened the drawer, looked, and then shook his head. “No. Not there.” He scanned the top of the desk again. “Any idea where else they might be? I don’t want to go rummaging through his things with him not here. Would you mind having a look?”
Addie Rose hesitated, but she stepped inside and went around the desk to search through the other drawers. She hadn’t realized that he’d stepped behind her until she felt his arms go around her waist.
She whirled around. A mistake, because he easily pulled her closer and tightened his grasp on her.
“No! Stop it!” She twisted, trying to pull herself free, but he held her fast.
He brought his face closer to hers then, murmuring, “I’ve been wanting to do this ever since I met you.”
Terror, then fury shot through her as she again tried to twist away from him, but he wouldn’t budge. “Let go of me!”
“Come on now, Addie Rose. You don’t really think I came all the way up here just to get an appointment book and a fountain pen, do you? I thought you were a lot brighter than that.”
Nausea threatened to overcome her at that point, and on instinct she lashed out and slapped him as hard as she could.
He reared back but didn’t loosen his grip on her. Instead, he grasped her arms and shook her, hard. “No more of that!” His voice had turned to a snarl. “You can’t tell me you and Dr. Dan are strictly business when you’re here alone together. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and—”
“Let go of her. Now!”
At the sound of Daniel’s voice, Nolan pushed Addie Rose away with such force she almost fell. Overcome and trembling with both shame and relief at the same time, she grasped the corner of the desk for support.
“Now, Dr. Kavanagh,” Nolan began, raising his arms in a gesture of surrender as he started around the desk. “Just give me a minute, and I’ll explain.”
Daniel walked the rest of the way into the room and stopped directly in front of Nolan. He dwarfed the other man, who stopped moving and turned pale at the sight of him.
Addie Rose had seen Daniel truly angry only once that she could remember—the day of the mine disaster. But the look in his eyes that day in no way even resembled the rage that flamed in them at this moment. And his voice when he finally spoke was so thick with the tremor of disgust and anger that, had she not been looking directly at him, she might not have even recognized him.
“You can do your explaining to Ted Gardiner,” Daniel said. “But keep in mind that I’ll be talking with him as well. Now get out.”
“Dr. Kavanagh—”
“I said get out!”
Nolan practically ran from the room.
Only after they heard the door slam shut did Daniel turn to Addie Rose. In that moment his expression faded from fury to a look of sad regret.
He started toward her but stopped when he took in her appearance. She stood, not looking at him, her shoulders hunched, her arms hugging herself. Then, despite the resistance toward him that he could feel in her, he gently led her to the small office sofa and helped her sit down. He lowered himself to sit beside her, but not too close.
“I’m so sorry, Addie Rose,” he said quietly.
She looked up at him as if his words had startled her. “No. There’s no reason for you to be sorry. You couldn’t know—”
He put a finger gently to her lips. “But I should have known. I should have realized…it wasn’t like you, not like you at all, to feel the way you obviously did about another person. It just didn’t occur to me…he was here such a short time—” He stopped. “Was this the firs
t time he’d been that way with you?”
“Yes!” she said quickly. “Oh, he’d made a few remarks, and there was something about the way he looked at me…”
She visibly shuddered and Daniel reached to steady her, but he stopped before making contact. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.
“Please, don’t be. I’d hate it if you felt bad for something you couldn’t know about, and couldn’t do anything about even if you had known.”
“Oh, I could have done something about it, all right, and I would have. I wish you’d told me—”
Now she put a hand to his arm, and he quickly covered it with his hand.
“I know you would have. And that’s why I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t as if he’d actually tried anything before today. He hadn’t said anything, not exactly. And I knew Dr. Gardiner trusted him to fill in for you, a least part-time. I simply didn’t feel right saying anything.”
“But you have such an acute sense of awareness about people. I would have trusted your suspicions.”
Again she started to protest, but Daniel stopped her. “You don’t have to explain anything, Addie Rose. I just wish none of this had happened, but you’re certainly not responsible for any of it. And please remember that I do trust your judgment. Completely.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
And you mean a lot to me…
He wished he could tell her how much. But until today he hadn’t been honest enough with himself to realize just what she did mean to him. At this moment, with his heart aching as he witnessed the raw pain in her, he finally realized he couldn’t deny it any longer. And yet he would have to. It wouldn’t be right to bare his soul to her. Not yet. At least not until after he’d had a chance to talk with Serena.
And more and more he was feeling as though that needed to happen soon. Very soon.