by K. Renee
He also told me that his friend’s father was about to become a father again and that he took the bullet so his sister didn’t have to grow up without a father.
I watch as Dixon leaves and I don’t bother with the look that Canaan is currently giving me. Instead, I grab my laptop and search the cases for the death. It takes a good twenty minutes before I find the case. I scan over the notes and reports and see that the victim’s girlfriend was the one interviewed by the cops. It also notes that the President of the Wayward Saints is his father.
There were other bodies found around the victim’s and they were known members of the Souza Cartel.
Grabbing my bag off the desk, I grab my phone and start to walk out the door. “Spence.” Canaan calls from behind me. I turn to look over my shoulder at him. “Be careful. You have no idea if this shit will go sideways. I’m sure he cares about you, but you’re not family.” I nod my head before I walk out the door.
If I tried to get words out, I’m sure they would be along the lines of not wanting to do this and that if it gets fucked up, I’m going to lose the only man I’ve ever loved. Shit. Love? Do I love him?
I contemplate this shit the whole way to my house. It’s a little after noon, all I can think about is seeing him. I shouldn’t want to see him when I know I’m just going to end up hurting him and myself in the process.
By the time I get to my front door, I hear his motorcycle roar down the street. I turn to watch him pull into my driveway and put his kickstand down. He pulls his helmet off and straps it to his bike before stalking towards me. His hands are on my face and he’s pulling me in for a long deep kiss. When he pulls away slightly, I can see the lust in his eyes. As much as I want to fuck him right now, I can’t. I can’t betray him and fuck him.
“What’s wrong baby?” he asks. His eyes burn right through me and I hate the feeling it brings. What was once an amazing feeling now makes me sick.
“Let’s go inside.” I whisper. I can’t even look him in the eye anymore. He follows behind me and I unlock the door quickly. I have a feeling that what I’m about to say is going to ruin every single moment between us. Every sweet kiss, every tender touch. I can’t think about it or I might just say fuck my job and run away with him.
The door closes behind him and I hear the lock click into place. When I turn to face him, I see the uncertainty written across his features. “You are a member of the Wayward Saints MC.” I choke out around a dry throat. His eyes narrow on me and I take a step back. I’m not afraid of him, but I know that he’s going to take a step towards me and demand I tell him what I know about him.
“I feel like I’m at a disadvantage,” he says quietly. He takes a step towards me and when I go to move again, he reaches out and snags me by the waist, pulling me into his body.
“You are.” I say quickly. The sooner I get this out, the sooner I can close this case and figure out who killed my mom.
“Why don’t you tell me what you know about me,” he growls.
“I know you are the son of Nick Insico. You have three brothers; Brantley Insico, Jason Insico, and Sebastian Insico. Your mother is Emily.” I pause right there. His eyes darken with anger, I know that he’s trying to figure out how I know this.
“Your brother Brantley is with the Wayward Saints’ President’s daughter. They have twins together and a new little one.” He continues to stare at me. “He’s the next in line when your father steps down.” He closes his eyes for second. When he opens them again, I see the red hot anger in them. It doesn’t get him to release me though. If anything, I can feel his fingers dig into my back.
“Why do you know about my family?” I close my eyes for a second and try to gather my thoughts and a deep breath.
“I’m part of a crime task force.” My voice doesn’t even sound like my own. I feel my heart break at the pain in his eyes.
“How long?” His voice is dark and I know he’s trying to figure out what was real and what was fake.
I don’t answer him. The answer won’t fix any of this. I’m supposed to find out information on their contact with the cartel and I can’t even give him a straight answer. He releases me and walks backwards towards the door. “You let me fuck you to get information? What do you want to fucking know? Huh?” he yells. His voice echoes off the walls in my entry way and I wince at the answer.
He takes a step towards me and reaches out, grabbing me by my neck. He doesn’t squeeze and part of me knows he won’t actually hurt me. “Don’t fucking lie either.” He backs me up until I hit the wall. His hand tightens around my throat and part of me wishes he would just get it over with if he’s going to actually hurt me.
“Tell me Spencer! What the fuck are you looking for?” His face is right in mine and I hate the feelings that are running through me. I want to kiss him and tell him that I won’t let anything happen to him. I want to tell him that I’m falling in love with him. I can’t do either of those things.
“I just found out who you are today. My boss overheard something I said to my partner.” I swallow and I feel his hand tighten. “He wants me to get you to turn on your family.” His fist flies at the wall next to my head and I continue to stare at him.
“I should have fuckin’ knew better.” He shakes his head and squeezes tighter before he lets go. “I won’t sell out my family ever. I’m not a rat.” He pushes away from me and turns to walk out the front door.
“Elijah.” I plead. He turns to look at me and I see the shit I did to him. “I wouldn’t let you anyway. I don’t want to bring your family down. I want the people who killed my mother. The same bastards who left that body on our guy’s doorstep.” He turns to face me this time.
“What do you know about that?” he growls.
“I know she was killed by the same people who killed my mother.” His face softens a bit, but I still see the anger simmering below the surface.
“We didn’t fucking kill her,” he growls. I know that. I don’t tell him that. He probably wouldn’t believe me anyways.
“We have the tapes from your guy’s cameras.” My voice isn’t my own and I know that it’s because of how I feel about him.
“Then what the fuck do you want from me Spencer?” He yells. I flinch at his tone and I just watch him. He can’t stand still as he waits for me to answer him. He’s pacing in front of me and every time he looks at me, the anger in his expression gets worse.
“My boss wants to know who your contact with the Souza Cartel.” His eyes flash and he stalks towards me.
“You seriously think we are messed up in that shit? You apparently didn’t listen to a damn thing I’ve ever said to you. We are clean. We don’t do that shit. If anything, that fuckin' cartel is the one who dropped that bitch off on our doorstep.” He stares at me with contempt.
“Why would they be after you?” I ask.
“Because we ruined a deal of theirs. They work with the damn Vegas mob. My brother died at the hands of the mob.” His face darkens and he turns away. “Fuck.” He grits out. He told me something he didn’t want me to know.
“Elijah.” His head turns towards me and he narrows his eyes at me.
“What?” His voice is rough and I don’t know if it’s because of the emotions or what.
“I should have told you sooner.” I look towards the ground and wait for him to say something.
“I knew you were too fuckin’ good to be true. Don’t fuckin’ call or come near me again.” He bites out. I feel the rejection in every inch of my body. The cold way his voice snaps at me causes me to pause. I knew this was coming. I should have just kept my mouth closed. I wouldn’t be losing the one thing I care about. The sharp pain in my chest wouldn’t be trying to claim me.
He doesn’t say another word as he makes his way towards the door. I don’t even bother stopping him. I know he’s pissed and I get that. I would have been pissed if it was turned around. As the door slams shut, I whisper into the empty entry way, “I love you Elijah.”
Cha
pter Twenty
The emotions that are running through me right now are fuckin’ intense. I never expected this shit. I never expected to feel that much anger and hurt. He’s a damn cop. Stalking towards my bike, I throw my helmet on and straddle her. Cranking the engine, I don’t even wait before I take off.
He knows everything about my family. He was fuckin’ using me. Shit. I can’t even think straight right now. Instead of heading home, I make my way to the bar. I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t bring myself to go home yet. Not with all the shit that’s been going on. The Feds have been back to interview Prez and a few of the members for whatever bullshit they are trying to get us on.
He was part of this case. He knew and never once said a damn thing. Pulling into the parking lot, I shut off my bike and make my way inside. As soon as I walk in, I see that it’s dead. It’s not even after two in the afternoon yet. Part of me is glad that I don’t have to deal with the crowd yet. I just want to get fuckin’ drunk, and fuck someone else until I get him out of my system.
As soon as I sit at the bar, the bartender comes over to me. He’s cute in a pretty boy sort of way, but he isn’t Spence. I shake my head; I’m done thinking about him. “Hey baby, what can I get for you?” He asks, eyeing me like I’m his next victim.
“A bottle of Jack.” I reply. I scan my eyes over him, but he does nothing for me. Almost like he can tell my mood, he doesn’t stick around. He goes and grabs me a bottle and sets it in front of me with a shot glass.
Cracking the bottle open, I swig straight from the bottle. I can see the look of concern from him as he makes his way over to the other side of the bar. I grew up drinking. As soon as we hit sixteen, we learned how to drink. Mom hated it, but our old man didn’t mind. He knew we were all going to wind up in the life, so he allowed it.
I spend the next few hours just taking swigs from the bottle. My mind is a cluster fuck of emotions and as much as I want to call him, I don’t. He played me. Goddammit! I thought he was someone different – someone who actually gave a fuck about me. God, I’m a fucking idiot.
As the bar starts to fill up, I continue to drown my sorrows in a new bottle of Jack. A hand on my shoulder brings my attention to two twinks standing behind me. These two are slim and baby faced. I don’t even think they are more than twenty-one, but right now I don’t give a fuck. They aren’t Spencer, but that’s probably why I get up and follow them to the dance floor.
Standing in the middle of the dance floor, I have these two all fuckin' over me. Hands running over my body, I force out all images of Spencer out of my head. I just let these two have their way with me. I’m not feeling anything at the moment so they could do anything they want.
I have one of them behind me, grinding up against my ass and the other one rubbing his ass against my dick. The liquor makes me forget who I have touching me. My dick is hard and I want nothing more than to behind him over something and fuck him into tomorrow. An arm wraps around my neck and I’m pulled into a kiss.
His lips don’t feel like his. They feel way too soft and thin. I imagine it’s Spencer standing in front of me. My dick hardens even more and I get the urge to wrap my hand around his throat. As much as I want to make it rough and hard for him, I don’t. Part of me wants to hurt him for the shit he’s done and the other part just wants me to claim him. Make him mine in every damn way possible.
“Elijah.” I open my eyes and see Spencer standing there staring at me. He’s pissed and I’m glad he is. Fuck him. “Get the fuck away from him,” he growls at the twinks. I smirk at Spence and watch him push the one in front of me away. The other one moves away from me when he sees the look Spencer gives him.
Spencer wraps his arm around my neck and pulls me closer to him. “That isn’t your style.” He murmurs loud enough for me to hear him over the music.
“You don’t know shit about me.” I bark out. I know I’m just fucking pissed at him still but fuck. Just having him this close to me right now makes me think of all the shit I want to do to him. Instead of waiting for him to make a move, I slam my mouth down on his.
I push my tongue into his mouth and I kiss him like it’s the last time. Hell, it probably will be. There is no way in hell I can even think about letting my family get locked up because I was fucking a Fed.
My hands run down his back and they grip his ass, pulling his lower body into mine. His moan is low and throaty. He wants me just as much as I want him right now. Just thinking about him while the twinks were all over me made this even worse than I planned. At least with them, I wouldn’t be fuckin’ the enemy.
“Let’s go.” I demand in his ear. I bite his earlobe and drag my teeth over the soft skin. His hands on my arms tighten and he nods his head in agreement. “I’m going to fuck you.”
He follows me out to his truck and I push him up against the door. His head connects with the window, but he doesn’t say anything. His eyes never leave me. Pushing my hips into him, I kiss his mouth roughly. “There’s a hotel down the street. Meet me there.”
His eyes darken and I bite his lower lip, pulling it into my mouth. “Okay,” he says quietly. He and I are about to have one last fuck before I disappear.
I release him and push myself back and away from him. I watch as he gets into his truck. Making my way towards my bike, I straddle her and start the engine. His truck starts up and I watch it as he pulls out of the parking lot.
The ride is short and the minute I stop, the only thing I can think of is getting him naked. I go through the motions with my bike before making my way over to his truck. He’s leaning against it, staring at me. I walk straight for him and grab his face, pulling him into me. I kiss his lips roughly before I pull away and walk towards the lobby.
Entering the dingy little area, I walk straight for the guy standing behind the desk. “Can I help you?” He asks with an eyebrow raised. I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and pull two bills out.
“I need a room. Without it being on the books.” He looks at me strangely before I flash the two bills. He grins and grabs a key off the back wall.
“Room twelve.” His smile widens when I take the key and hand him the cash. “No one comes near the room until the morning.” My voice is dark and he nods his head, not caring what I’m about to do in there.
Walking out, I make my way towards the room. I don’t even say a word to Spencer. I still don’t have anything to say to him. A fuck, that’s all this is going to be. I’m going to use him like he used me.
Unlocking the door, I push it open and the smell of the room hits me. It smells just as bad as it fuckin’ looks. Growing up in the MC life, I’ve been in my fair share of dumps and this doesn’t even hit the top of shitty places I’ve stayed.
The minute the door shuts behind me, I don’t have to turn around to know he followed me. He wants me just as much as I want him. The pull between us is undeniable, but I’m not letting that cloud my judgement right now. I want answers first. I want to know why he would do this shit. Why he let me fall for him when he knew that he was going to just fuckin' use me for a case.
“Why?” I demand. I don’t turn around, because I can't look at his face as he lies to me.
I can feel him get closer to me, but I refuse to look at him. “I was forced to. I tried to get out of it because I was already falling for you. I didn’t know who you were until today.” His voice breaks slightly and when I turn around to face him, I see the truth in his eyes.
“Yet you still called me and asked me to come over even knowing what you knew about me.” he nods his head and reaches out for me.
“As much as I want answers, I want you more. I would give this shit up all for you Elijah.” I shake his grip on me off. I start to walk further into the room and when I turn to look at him again, I can see the rejection on his face.
“I fuckin’ trusted you!” I yell. “You fuckin’ lied about what you did for a damn living.” He looks to the ground for a second before he looks back up at me. “You told me you work
ed in a damn office. How the fuck can I trust you now? Huh Spence?” I slam my hand into the wall and he flinches.
He slowly walks over to me and puts his hand on my cheek. I have to close my eyes from the intimate touch. It means nothing now. Fuck, but I want it to mean everything, like it did the other night when I fucked him slowly. When all this shit finally made sense to me and I realized something more powerful. I realized that I loved him.
I was in love with the sexy, nerdy man who made me feel like I was the most important person to him. It was almost like I hung the damn stars for him. Who am I kidding, I still love him. He only wanted one thing from me. Now that he has it, he doesn’t need me. I sure as hell don’t need him.
I’m a biker and he’s a Fed. Shit between us will never be more than that.
Chapter Twenty-One
The look in his eyes breaks my heart. I knew I’d hurt him when I told Dixon that I’d do what I had to in order to get information. As much as it pained me to say those words, I said them. Part of me wants to find the answer, but not at the price of losing him. Digging into the case the way I have been is dangerous.
Some of the case information is missing and I can only assume that there is someone on the inside giving information to the Souza Cartel. I haven’t said anything to my team yet because I don’t know if any of them are involved. Hell, I can’t even tell Elijah. I’ve hurt him and he could be the one giving information about me to them.
No, he wouldn’t do that. I can see it in his eyes, he still cares about me.
Walking over to him, I put my hand on his cheek. His eyes close and I move closer to him. “I’d give all this shit up for you Eli. I can find new work. Being with you these last few months has made me feel more alive than anything else I’ve ever done.” His eyes open and he nails me with a look of anger.