Undefeated (Unexpected Book 5)

by Burgoa, Claudia

  “Well there’s nothing like the present, let’s get started.” Porter sits the children down. “Finn, I’m going to introduce you to my friends. They’re here to play with us, would you like that?” Finn nods.

  From the couch, I watch Thea and AJ playing with Finn. They’ve been doing that for the past couple of hours. From puzzles, to board games and flash cards they’ve been keeping him busy while asking him questions and directing some to me. Porter and Chris have been spending time teaching Harper music.

  “There aren’t any delays,” AJ informs me, sitting next to me. “If you can forward the hearing study, I can combine that with what I have for today. Would you agree to come to Seattle for a few days?”

  “Seattle?”

  “I run an academy,” she explains. “I also have a therapy consult. My entire team can work with him for a couple of days and come up with a plan to find his voice. Thea believes that it can be a combination of several factors. Grief, change, loss. Did you guys visit a counselor after your husband died?”

  I shake my head. “Once, but the doctor wanted me to talk and I . . . I’ve met with one a couple of times after Christmas. But without my aunt in town it’s been hard to keep up with the appointments. I guess I have handled everything the wrong way?”

  Is there a wrong or right way to handle loss?

  She pats my hand. “Understandable. Losing a loved one sucks. Some stuff happened to me and I handled it by behaving bat-shit crazy, or that’s how my brothers described it.” I try not to laugh, but when she does, I join in. “We can suggest many things for you and your family, but we’re not here to impose anything.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because that’s what we do for our family,” she answers, looking up at Porter who is setting Harper’s fingers on the chords. “Porter cares for you; he loves your kids and worries about Finn.”

  Porter stands up, setting the guitar on the pedestal and walking to where I sit. “Mac, will you be okay if I take the kids to the park with Pops?”

  “Harper is grounded.”

  “Just a few minutes, so she can burn off some of that energy inside her,” Chris adds. “I promise not to let her have too much fun.”

  “Yes, that’s fine.”

  It takes me longer to say the sentence than for them to get ready and leave the house.

  “Have you ever gone to a grief counselor?” Thea asks from where she sits, piling the toys and putting them on the boxes they brought.

  I let out a big breath. “I’ve gone a couple of times, but with my aunt of town, and the cost,” I repeat what I told AJ, adding the second problem I have with the therapies. Fitting the fee into the budget is hard.

  Thea stands from the chair she’s been sitting on and hands me a folder. “There’s a list of counselors who will work pro bono. Call them; find the right fit for each one of you.” She takes a seat next to me. “I think you’re doing great, but there’s nothing wrong with asking or accepting help from others. My card is inside the folder, next to AJ’s. Pria, our other sister would love to meet you and help. No matter what you decide, we’re a phone call away.”

  “Even if I choose not to be with Porter?”

  “Even if,” AJ confirms. “But don’t close yourself off to the possibilities.”

  I stare at the list that Thea gave me last week. Calling a couple of those therapists was easy. Unfortunately, the hours they had available are during the mid-morning. Their times after lunch are full and there’s a waiting list for when they open. But I need to find someone to help all of us. Things are getting worse, like today. Harper is having a terrible breakdown. She arrived home from school with a flyer. Father-daughter dance. There’s a fucking father-daughter dance next month and Leo can’t be here to go with her.

  “I want my dad back,” she starts crying and my heart breaks for her.

  When will the intensity of the pain of his loss diminish a little? At least enough for us to have some kind of happy-normal life. “I’m going to look for Porter. He might want to come with me.” Harper goes to her room and comes back with a backpack and boots. “I’ll talk to Porter. He said he loved me, why can’t he love me enough to be with us?”

  “Harp, I know this is hard for you,” I console my kid, hugging her tight. I don’t know what to tell her about Porter, I’m at a loss. “How about if we prepare some dinner and find a solution? This is hard for the three of us, baby. But I believe that someday it won’t feel as painful.”

  Harper and I hold onto each other as a second wave of tears hits us, but they wind down by the time I have to serve dinner. Harper falls asleep and I leave her on the couch. Finn stays by the coffee table playing with his blocks. Today feels like one of those take-out kind of days. A day to hide under the blanket and forget the outside world. Instead, I go to the kitchen to cook. Some grilled cheese sandwiches, asparagus soup, and fruit should cheer her up; it’s her favorite meal.

  I set the table with the fancy napkins that Porter used to own, then use the formal silverware and china to go with it. I feel like a thief keeping his furniture, but having it here makes me feel safe. Fuck, I sound stupid. Half an hour later, I’m done preparing dinner, dessert, and setting a fancy table.

  “Time for dinner,” I whisper in Harper’s ear.

  “I don’t want food,” she cleans her eyes.

  “I have chocolate chip cookies.” I brush away the hair that got into her face. “Your favorite.”

  Mom’s right, everything is better with cookies. No matter what kind, they always make you forget your sorrows.

  “Finn,” call for him, but he’s not playing by the table. “Finn, baby, time for dinner.”

  I still hold out hope that he’ll answer, but he doesn’t. So I head to search for him. He’s not in the bathroom or his room. I check in the kitchen and then my bedroom and the bathroom inside it. Nothing.

  “Harper, have you seen Finn?” I call after her. “He’s nowhere in the house.”

  We search up and down, but he’s not turning up. Harper comes down the stairs frowning and shaking her head. “His cow and his guitar are gone.”

  “Don’t panic,” I tell her, but I’m speaking to myself. “He’s in the house. There’s no way he can get out without us noticing.”

  I walk to the door and notice it’s slightly opened. Opening it all the way, I only see the street and cars passing through. He’s not on the step waiting for anyone the way he used to do in the old house. Shit.

  My heart drops as I pull out my phone to call for help.

  “Mac?”

  “I can’t find Finn.”

  “What does that mean?” I bark as I look around the room. I have four teenagers holding their guitars expecting me to continue their lesson. “When was the last time you saw him?”

  “I don’t know,” Mac sobs on the other side of the line. “Half an hour ago, maybe more because we’ve been looking for him.”

  Fuck. “Call 9–1-1,” I order her. “I should be there soon. Don’t move from there; make sure Harp stays with you. Do you hear me?”

  “Yes.”

  I tap the phone, praying that Jacob is still across the street working. “Yeah?”

  “Where are you?”

  “Home, with the wife and kids. Why?”

  “I need to head down to Portland, but I’m teaching a class,” I explain. “Know someone who can cover me?”

  “Why the sudden emergency?”

  “Mac can’t find Finn.”

  “Shit, call Mason. He can help you find him faster,” he orders. “I’ll have someone cover for you soon.”

  I call Mason Bradley, who asks me a bunch of questions and leaves me on hold for a long time, or at least that’s how it feels. A few minutes later, the substitute music teacher Jacob sent arrives. As I’m heading out of the school, one of the agents who used to watch me intercepts me. He’s driving me to a building nearby per Mason’s orders.

  As we arrive at the building, I find Gabe, AJ, Mason T
hea, Matt, and Jacob waiting for me. The other part of the clan stayed behind with the kids. The flight isn’t long and as we’re heading south, Mason explains to me that he already has people combing the area. The police have been called and there’s someone with Mac and Harper.

  The helicopter lands by the park close to Mac’s house. There’s a truck already waiting for us to take us to my old place.

  “Any news?” Mason asks the man outside the door, and he shakes his head.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Gabe says, placing his hand on top of my shoulder. “We’re going to find him.”

  We step inside the house. Mac sits on the corner of the couch holding onto Harper, who is crying. It takes me only a couple of strides to reach them; I take my little girl into my arms and hug her tightly. Then sit beside Mac and hold her against me.

  “Any ideas of where he could’ve gone?” Mason starts asking questions to Mac. “Favorite places? I say we head out to search for him, Porter. You know him, you know the area, and he trusts you.”

  He’s right, and I try to get Harper to sit with her mom again, but she’s clawed onto my body. So far, she hasn’t said a word to me, but she can’t seem to be able to let me go.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” Thea squats right in front of me. Gabe sits down right next to me. “Remember me?”

  Harper huffs and turns around, holding me tighter.

  Thea tilts her head. “Do you remember the last time I was here? You promised to show me your dolls. Why don’t you do that? Porter has to go in search of Finn?”

  Harper jumps out of my lap and takes Thea’s hand in hers. I’m glad that Thea knows so much about my girl that she’s able to distract her. Once she’s gone, I hold Mac closer to me. “I’ll bring Finn back in a few; keep your faith.” Mac holds on to me tightly for a few seconds before she lets me go.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her,” Gabe promises.

  I didn’t understand why everyone joined the search until I step outside the house. AJ and Gabe are with Mac. Thea is with Harper and Matthew, Jacob, and Mason are with me. They wanted to make sure everyone was taken care of. We walk around the neighborhood. Visit the ice cream shop, the convenience store, and finally arrive at the park.

  “Porter, they already combed the park,” Mason informs me. “I need you to think of another place. Where did you go with him often?”

  Often? We visited the park regularly. The days I had afternoons off we’d come to the park to practice on his bike, or just play on the playground. Sometimes we played hide and seek, but he was the only one hiding, until I’d find him in . . .”The tree house,” I whisper, rushing through the trails toward the house. The place where he always hid and I’d always find him. Reaching the handle, I swing it open and find him squatting in the corner hugging his legs.

  “Hey, sport,” I call after him.

  Finn lifts his head; his eyes brighten when he finds me. “Porter,” he says, standing up and extending his arms towards me.

  Fuck. My entire world comes undone and comes back together in an instant. One word, that’s all I needed to know that this boy is mine.

  Holding onto him tight, we march back to the house to check on Mac and give her the good news. As she sees us, she rushes towards us with her eyes filled with tears and a gratifying smile lighting up her face.

  “You found him!” Her voice wavers, “Thank you.”

  “Anytime,” I whisper, trying to hand Finn to her, but he tightens his grasp on my neck.

  “Porter,” he repeats, and doesn’t let me go.

  Mac gasps, staring at both of us. “He said your name. That’s a miracle!”

  “I know.” I pull her into a hug and rub her back as she cries. The emotions, after such a big night, must be running too high for her to keep it together. “He’s going to be okay, everything will be okay.”

  Porter’s family is a force to be reckoned with. One moment they storm into my house and the next, they’re dragging me out with my stuff and taking me to some secret house in Malibu. When we arrived, the house was silent. Thea showed me to my room. The kids are sharing a room, but Harper doesn’t mind because there’s a pool in the house. Porter’s parents treated me like their daughter from the moment I stepped in here. Everyone has been wonderful to us, as if we are part of the family. After settling down, and Porter telling me he’d take care of the bedtime story, I decided to walk down to the beach.

  “How are you feeling?” AJ sits on the sand next to me.

  “Better,” I respond, staring at the ocean. “Maybe I should’ve stayed at home, instead of coming here to relax.”

  She shakes her head. “This is much better than murky Oregon. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I grew up and where I live. But coming here to enjoy the sun, the sand, and the sea helps a lot.”

  I nod because I do enjoy the ocean. The two times I’ve visited my parents, going to the beach is one of the things I did first. “Thank you, for opening your home and helping me.”

  “The house is Thea’s, and we’re happy to help,” she responds. “I heard Finn. He said Porter’s name several times. That’s a huge step. I’d love to introduce you to my team; I think they can do a lot of great things to help your kiddo.”

  “Thank you,” I tell her, not wanting to discuss the subject. At least not after the day I had.

  “Found them,” I hear a voice, looking over my shoulder I see Thea walking toward us with another woman. “Mac, how are you feeling?”

  “Better, still shaky. Finn’s disappearance is the scariest moment of my life by far.”

  “I’m glad you’re better.” She gives my shoulder a slight squeeze. “Mac, this is Pria Decker, our other sister. Jacob’s wife. Pria, meet Mac. She has a couple of adorable kids.”

  “Hi, Pria.” I shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mackenzie.” She takes a seat and looks around. “Finally some peace.”

  “Where’s everyone,” AJ asks.

  “Let see, Mason is taking care of your kids. Jacob is with his twins. Though Gabe and Chris are helping him. Piper is asleep.” Thea lifts the baby monitor in her hand. “Matt and Tristan went to check on a couple of our bars.” Thea releases a laugh. “Tristan has a thing for having sex at his bars. They invited me but I’m exhausted.”

  I look around, making sure I’m not the only one hearing that she’s talking about her husband Matt planning to have sex with another man

  “TMI, Thea,” AJ complains. “Matt is my brother. Knowing when, how and where he’s having sex is disgusting.”

  “I’ll remind you of the same the next time you mention sex with my brother.”

  By now, I’m so confused I have to ask them to stop. “Is your brother Tristan or Mason?” I ask Thea.

  “Mason is my brother, Tristan is my husband,” she explains. And then adds to it. “Tristan and Matt . . . and I together. A couple—triad.”

  My mind goes into shock. The behavior of the other guy, Tristan, now makes sense. He held onto Matthew and Thea when they arrived. Then the three of them disappeared for a little while.

  “But that’s impossible,” I say out loud. “You can’t love two men at the same time.”

  She smiles at me and bobs her head. “Yes, I can and I do. Just as they love each other. It’s beautiful to see them together. The two of them love me so much I feel cherished every second of my life. It’s all about love, not rules.”

  I shake my head wondering if that’s true. Could something like that apply to someone like me?

  “I don’t think I could love anyone other than Leo,” I spit, but the words don’t feel accurate. “We made promises, plans. How can I move on? I’m not sure if it’s fair for him. Or if I can be whole again.”

  “Losing your loved one isn’t something you get over with,” Pria says. “More like you learn to live with their absence and move into a place where you can find happiness. It’s a process; finding the new place is difficult. But once you reach it, you fi
nd you survived. There are cuts and a few bruises, but you made it—undefeated.”

  I’m not sure if I’ve learned to live without him, but I have survived. So far I’m still standing. Maybe she’s right. Things might not be as bad as I think they are. Certainly they aren’t as bad as they were when Leo died.

  “It’s getting late,” Pria says, squeezing my hand. “Tomorrow is a long day, try to get some rest.”

  “Mackenzie, you’re not alone,” Thea reassures me. “You have this family to give you a hand. We’re noisy and nosy, but loving.”

  “One call and we’ll come to the rescue,” AJ adds.

  “Our house is always open, and we can do so much for you in Seattle,” Pria concludes. The three nod, while smiling. “Are you coming with us?”

  “I’d like to stay a little longer.” I touch my temple. “Thank you, for everything.”

  They make their way away from the beach, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

  “Hey,” I hear his voice before he sits next to me.

  “Are they asleep?”

  “Yes, they finally settled down,” Porter confirms. Earlier, Harper begged him to help her with her nightly routine. Finn didn’t ask for much. However, he wouldn’t let go of Porter at all. “Harper mentioned a father-daughter dance.”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “Nothing,” Porter responds. “There’s not much I can say until you and I can move forward, Mac. I want to offer so many things, but not until you’re ready. I wish I could offer you more than my patience and love. I have this dream where you let me into your life and we build one of our own. I love you and your children and you mean everything to me.”

  I gulp, because as he speaks, I can imagine his dream. “Part of my dream died years ago. Replacing him sounds wrong; the guilt stops me from enjoying life.” I tilt my head and our eyes connect. “It’s hard, but. . . .” I want to work on it. The words don’t make it out, because even when my heart feels them, I don’t feel they are strong enough to voice them out—yet.