Going, Going, Gone: Suzie's Story

by Barbara L. Clanton

  "Never, mi vida, never."

  "Then what is it?"

  Susie looked away and undid her seatbelt. She didn't know how to tell Marlee that her mother would kill her, probably kill them both, if she found out her daughter was una lesbiana. She had no idea how her father would react. "You have to give me time, mi amor. I need to break it to them gently."

  "You can tell them I'm your friend. They don't have to know anything else."

  "My mother will know instantly that we're more than friends."

  Marlee pressed her lips together as if she were holding back something she really wanted to say. After a moment she nodded and looked away.

  Susie opened the passenger door and went around to the back of the van. She pulled out her softball bag and then closed the door gently. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the open driver's side window and leaned her elbows on the frame.

  "I'll see you on Tuesday?" Susie flashed her toothiest grin at Marlee.

  "I guess."

  "Don't be mad."

  Marlee took a deep breath. "It doesn't seem fair. I mean, I've talked to your mom, your brother, and even your grandmother on the phone, but for some reason I'm not allowed to meet them."

  Susie checked the time on her cell phone. Her mother wasn't due home from work for at least another hour. If she could get Marlee out of the house and headed back to Clarksonville before then, it might work. "Okay."

  "Okay, what?"

  "Come on in."

  "Really?"

  Susie's heart leapt when she saw Marlee's blue eyes brighten. She leaned in the driver's side window and kissed Marlee quickly, wishing it could be more. "Really. C'mon."

  Marlee whipped her seatbelt off and scampered out of the van. They walked up the driveway toward the two-story colonial. Susie turned around and pointed to the second floor of the detached garage. "That's my room."

  "Can I see it?" Marlee grinned.

  "Sure." Susie frantically tried to remember the state she'd left her room in before Christy picked her up for the game. Did she make her bed? Did she put her dirty clothes in the hamper? She couldn't remember. "Let's go inside the house first."

  Susie heard the blaring television even before she opened the screen door to the mud room. Dark wood paneling and winter coats hung in wait for the inevitable cold to return to the north country of upstate New York. The room was almost depressing. She kicked her thirteen-year-old brother Miguel's muddy sneakers out of the way and shook off her crocs. She gestured for Marlee to take off her flip flops.

  "Oh, man," Marlee grinned sheepishly and slid them off, "I hope my socks don't have holes in them."

  Susie laughed. "Aay, no worries, but that orange clay line on them is quite attractive."

  Marlee looked down and brushed at her socks. "Oh, great. That's gonna make a really good impression."

  Susie pointed to her own socks. "I've got a matching pair right here, so don't worry about it." Susie stroked Marlee's reddening cheeks. "Ready to meet mi abuela?"

  "Your grandmother?"

  Susie nodded. "C'mon." She stepped up from the mudroom into the front hallway. She wondered what Marlee thought about the shrine to the Virgin Mary that her grandmother had set up in the entryway. Her grandmother never failed to cross herself and mumble a prayer of thanks to the blessed Virgin at least once a day.

  "Susana?" Susie's grandmother called from the living room.

  "Sí, soy yo. Y tengo una amiga conmigo, también."

  Marlee raised an eyebrow in question.

  "I told her I had a friend with me." Susie led the way past the shrine to the living room.

  Susie's grandmother sat on the couch crocheting a sweater.

  "Abuelita," Susie said to her grandmother, "ésta es mi amiga, Marlee." She turned to Marlee. "This is my grandmother."

  Susie hid a smile as Marlee's cheeks turned bright red. It was one of the things Susie loved about her.

  "It's nice to meet you," Marlee said and smiled.

  Susie's grandmother peered at Marlee over her glasses. "Ah, tu eres un querubín."

  Susie burst out laughing.

  "What?" Marlee shot a wide-eyed glance at Susie.

  "Tell you later." Susie reached over the couch and grabbed the remote control to the television. She turned the volume down to a more human level.

  Susie's grandmother put her crocheting down, stood up to her full height of not quite five feet, and smiled at Marlee with a twinkle in her eye. "It nice to meet, Miss Marlee."

  Susie coughed into her hand to hide the surprised grin at her grandmother's attempt to speak English.

  "It's so nice to finally meet you, too." Marlee bowed slightly and added, "It's been nice talking to you on the teléfono."

  "Ah, sí, sí, muy bien." Susie's grandmother sat back down on the couch and picked up the remote control. "Un querubín," she mumbled to herself as she turned her attention back toward the television and cranked the volume back to maximum.

  Susie steered Marlee through the doorway into the kitchen. When they were out of view from her grandmother, she leaned back against the countertop and pulled Marlee to her. She held Marlee by the hips and leaned in for a kiss.

  Marlee hesitated and looked back toward the doorway. "Where are your parents?"

  "Oh, don't worry. They're at work. Mi hermano is around here somewhere." At Marlee's confused expression, Susie clarified. "My brother Miguel. He's around here somewhere, probably in his room playing games on his computer or skateboarding with his friends."

  Susie pulled her closer. Nervous as she was having Marlee actually in her house, Susie lost herself in the kiss. After they separated, Susie pointed out the kitchen door. "So that was mi abuela."

  Marlee's eyes sparkled. "She's so cute. You didn't tell me she knew English."

  Susie laughed and stroked Marlee's back. "She doesn't. I don't know what that was all about back there." She shrugged, "Maybe she remembered that you're not too fluent in Spanish."

  "I know three whole words in Spanish. That's about it."

  Susie grinned. "I'll teach you more if you want."

  "Hey what did your grandmother call me? Un querubín?"

  "She called you a little angel."

  "A little angel?" Marlee laughed. "I'm pretty sure I've never been called that before."

  Susie reached for Marlee's hand. "C'mon, let me show you my room."

  They made their way to the mudroom, donned their respective shoes and headed to the garage.

  "This is so cool," Marlee said. "I can't believe your room is in a separate building. It's like you have your own apartment."

  "Yup, it's kinda like that. Remember that weekend you almost got to stay over?"

  "I know. Thanks to Christy I spent the night at East Valley Hospital instead."

  Susie opened the door to a set of stairs leading up to her bedroom.

  Marlee followed right behind. "Don't you think your mother would have been suspicious with me staying over, though?"

  "Yeah, she would have. I wasn't thinking clearly when I came up with that plan."

  At the top of the stairs, she opened the door to her room that spanned the width of the two-car garage below. Susie made a quick scan. No dirty clothes in sight and her bed was made. Thank goodness she'd decided to be neat that morning.

  "Oh, look at your weight set." Marlee ran a hand over the barbell resting on the bench press. A rack of hand weights lined the wall next to an exercise ball and a jump rope. Marlee eyed Susie up and down. "So this is how you got so strong."

  Susie flexed her muscles and then laughed. "Yeah, I like lifting. It helps me hit grand slams off Clarksonville pitchers."

  Marlee laughed and then smacked Susie playfully on the arm. "Shut up. I'm never throwing you a hittable pitch again. Ever."

  "Aay, we'll see about that, now won't we?"

  "Oh, wow." Marlee walked over to the bookshelf and laughed. "Most people put books on their book shelves."

  "Not rocks?" Susie put an arm around Ma
rlee's waist while Marlee picked up her rocks one by one.

  "What's this pretty pink one?" Marlee held it up so the light would shine through it.

  "That's my favorite. It's a rose quartz. Silicon dioxide."

  "Isn't silicon what they make breast implants out of?" Marlee looked confused.

  Susie laughed. "I think that's silicone, with an e at the end. It's made with silicon and a bunch of other stuff, too. Sand is silicon dioxide, but in a granular form. Do you know how they make glass?"

  Marlee shook her head.

  "They basically melt sand. Silicon's in toothpaste, too."

  Marlee's eyes widened. "There's sand in my toothpaste?"

  "Kind of. It helps remove plaque and stuff." Susie picked up a piece of granite that Sam had brought her from Maine, "Granite is an igneous rock." She felt shy all of a sudden and her cheeks got warm. "Sorry, I'm a rock hound."

  "That's cool that you want to study geology." Marlee put down the rose quartz and reached for the small piece of granite. She examined it and a few of the other rocks for a few minutes while Susie explained each one, and then she wandered around Susie's room checking out the stuff on Susie's dresser, night stand, and desk.

  Susie sat on her bed. With anyone else, she might have felt that her privacy was being invaded, but she knew Marlee just wanted to know more about her. It was, after all, the first time Marlee had been up in her room. "Do you still want to be an engineer?"

  "Yeah, I think so. Maybe environmental engineering. Maybe physics. My math teacher from last year was pushing me to apply to Cornell. I think she went there, but I don't know. We'll see." She stopped in front of a closed door, but didn't open it. "Is this your closet?"

  "Nope, that's the bathroom." She pointed toward the door near her rock collection. "That one's the closet."

  "That's so cool that you have your own bathroom."

  "Shower, too."

  Marlee blushed and sat down in the desk chair. She swiveled around in the chair to face the desk and ran her hands along the old wood. "Is this where you do your homework?"

  "Mostly. Sometimes I sit on the bed." She smoothed the bedspread with her hand. "This is usually where I am when I call you." She raised a suggestive eyebrow.

  "Oh, yeah?" Marlee's expression spoke volumes.

  Susie patted the bed in invitation.

  Marlee stood up never losing eye contact. She sat next to Susie and leaned in for a kiss. Susie put her arms around Marlee's waist and met soft receptive lips with her own. Susie, still holding on by the waist fell back against the bed and pulled Marlee on top of her.

  Marlee put her hands out to brace herself. "Am I squishing you?"

  "Not a chance." Susie pulled her down again, enjoying Marlee's weight on her. She shimmied her body so that her thigh landed strategically between Marlee's.

  "Ooh," Marlee moaned and increased the pressure. Susie was a little surprised by Marlee's boldness, but didn't question it and lost herself in Marlee's kisses. Marlee kissed Susie along her jaw line to her ear. She suckled Susie's tender earlobe sending delightful shivers down Susie's body. Marlee continued her exploration sending kisses down Susie's neck and collar bone. She pulled the collar of Susie's shirt down and kissed the tender skin underneath Susie's throat.

  Susie heard herself moan. She was reaching the point of no return, so she clasped her arms around Marlee's back and then with one swift movement rolled Marlee onto her back. She put her own weight on top, but leaned on one elbow so that Marlee would be able to breathe. She left a trail of kisses copying Marlee's path and was just about to pull the neck of Marlee's shirt lower when she opened her eyes and her clock came into view. "¡Aay, mierda!" She bolted off of Marlee. "C'mon, get up. You have to go."

  "Why?" Marlee sat up quickly and raked her fingers through her hair. "What happened?"

  "My mother."

  "What about her?"

  "She should have been home by now." Susie leaped off the bed. Marlee stood up, and Susie grabbed both of her hands. "Lo siento, mi vida, but--"

  "Okay, okay. I'm going."

  The dejected tone in Marlee's voice made Susie's heart clench. Aay, Dios, there was no way she could make it right. She'd call her later and beg for forgiveness.

  They hurried down the stairs, but Susie stopped at the bottom and opened the outside door a crack. She sighed in relief. Her mother's car wasn't in the driveway.

  "Okay, c'mon." She opened the door, and they hustled to Marlee's van.

  Once Marlee was safely inside the driver's seat with her seatbelt fastened and the engine running, Susie leaned in the window, "Please forgive me, mi vida. I'll make it up to you."

  "Promise?"

  "Yup." Susie gave Marlee a quick kiss and stepped back hoping Marlee wouldn't hate her.

  "Bye." Marlee waved and turned her head, so she could back the car out of the driveway. Marlee stopped at the end of the driveway because a car was heading her direction on the road. Susie groaned. It was her mother. Her mother's car slowed down and then stopped.

  Marlee, obviously confused, looked to Susie for guidance. Susie waved the back of her hand toward the road indicating that Marlee should continue to back out. Marlee nodded, and Susie held her breath waiting to see what would happen. Marlee backed out, put the van in drive, and headed down the road past Susie's mother.

  Susie wasn't sure if Marlee waved back one more time or not, she couldn't think over the pounding of her heart. Her mother pulled into the driveway. Susie uprooted her feet and went over.

  "Hola, Mami. You're late today."

  "Aay, Mrs. Johnson gave me a ton of things to do just as my shift ended."

  "She works you too hard."

  "It's okay. I enjoy my work." She opened the trunk of her car. "Ah, Susana, can you get the bags from the trunk? I went shopping on my lunch break, which is probably why my boss made me work late."

  "Because you didn't work through your lunch break like you usually do?"

  Her mother shrugged.

  She reached into the trunk for the Wal-Mart bags. One was heavy with cans of condensed milk. Ooh, maybe her grandmother was going to make flan for dessert. Susie breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled out the bags. At least her mother wasn't giving her the fifth degree about who Marlee was.

  "They had the cutest little sundresses at Wal-Mart today. You should stop by and get one."

  Susie groaned. She wasn't out of the woods yet. "Okay, Mami." She had no intention of going to Wal-Mart to shop for sundresses. She had enough in her closet already, and only wore those occasionally, like the one she'd just worn to Christy's graduation.

  They headed toward the front door. Her mother reached for the handle, but didn't open it. A lump formed in Susie's throat. Here it was.

  "Who was that girl?" Her mother pointed toward the end of the driveway where Marlee had stopped the van.

  Susie swallowed hard and cursed herself for doing it because her mother had seen. "Oh, she pitches for my summer team. She gave me a ride home from the game." And she's just a friend, Mami, just a friend.

  "Was that Marlee?"

  Susie willed herself to get her nerves under control. "Sí, Mami. Should we go in now?"

  Her mother looked at her hard and steady as if trying to read her mind, but just when Susie was starting to crack under the pressure, her mother turned back toward the door and opened it.

  Susie breathed a slow sigh of relief and followed her mother into the kitchen. She put the bags on the kitchen table. "I'm going to my room to take a shower, okay?"

  "Come back and set the table for dinner in an hour."

  "Okay."

  Susie turned around thinking she was free and clear when her mother blurted, "I want to meet this Marlee girl."

  "Okay." Susie didn't wait for her mother to add anything more and bolted toward the garage like an antelope running from a lion.

  She reached for the garage door knob, but stopped when she smelled cigarette smoke. Miguel. It had to be. She sneaked around the bac
k of the garage, the side hidden from the house, and found her brother and his friend Scott. Each of them held a cigarette inexpertly in their hands, trying to look cool.

  Susie stomped her way toward them. "Miguel Rafael Torres, put that cigarette out." She stood over the two barely-teenage boys.

  Miguel looked up at his sister and took another puff, which infuriated her. She reached down and swatted the cigarette out of his hand. She stepped on it with her crocs.

  "Scott," she shook a finger at him, "you'd better get outta here before I kick your ass, too." She glared at him and tried not to smile when his eyes grew wide.

  Scott mashed his cigarette out on the ground and leaped up. "See ya later, dude," he said to Miguel and scooped up his skateboard before scurrying away.

  "You," Susie pointed at her brother, "what the hell are you doing? Trying to ruin your life? You're thirteen." She glared at him.

  Her brother glared back. "Oh, yeah? Well I saw you kissing her."

  Chapter Four

  A Real Job

  SUSIE SCARFED HER dinner, reheated arroz con habichuelas from the night before. They were having leftover rice and beans again because her father wouldn't be home from his Vermont business trip until much later that evening. It was one of his quirks; he didn't like leftovers. Susie tapped her finger on the table lost in thought. She and her brother had reached a tentative truce behind the garage. He would keep her secret about Marlee, and she would keep his about smoking. Of course, expecting a thirteen-year-old boy to keep a secret was scary business, and Susie knew it.

  She wished her family would hurry up and finish so she could do the dishes and then bolt to her room to see if Marlee had texted her back yet. When Marlee left earlier that afternoon, Susie ran back to her room and sent a text that read, "Luv u," but Marlee didn't respond. After Susie took a shower, she threw a towel around herself and grabbed the phone off the bed. Still no text. She got dressed, blow dried her hair, and even did a few sit-ups to pass the time, but her phone remained agonizingly silent. Her mother had a strict rule about cell phones at the dinner table, so she left it on her bed when it was time to help with dinner.

  After setting the table, and eating quickly, Susie sat as patiently as she could. She faced her brother, but didn't really see him. That is, until he stuck his tongue out at her. She didn't take the bait. She just rolled her eyes. Maybe she could bribe him to help her in the kitchen, but she doubted he'd go for it. Her parents never made him help out in the kitchen, so why would he bother? Especially when he had Marlee to hold over her. Her grandmother would probably try to help, but Susie never let her almost seventy-year-old grandmother do dishes. She had earned the right to go back to the television after dinner. Most of the time her grandmother made dinner anyway, since both her parents worked long and sometimes strange hours.