Going, Going, Gone: Suzie's Story

by Barbara L. Clanton

  "There's that, too." Lisa laughed and patted Susie on her good calf. "Try to chill out and relax, okay?"

  "Pfft. Easier said than done."

  "I know." Lisa smiled again and sat back against the bleachers.

  Susie's own smile faded when she glanced toward Marlee and Bree. Marlee was laughing at something Bree had said. Marlee wasn't supposed to be enjoying Plan D.

  Two fingers snapped in front of her face. "Stop that." Sam pointed to the Mohawk/Grasse River game being played on the field in front of them. "Just watch the game. We play Mohawk on Thursday and Grasse River on Saturday, so take notes or something."

  Saturday. Susie's heart lightened. Maybe after the Grasse River game, she and Marlee could find a place to be alone. But for now, she had at least an hour of Plan D to suffer through.

  MARLEE PULLED THE van into Susie's driveway and put the car in park. "Stop worrying, okay?"

  "I know," Susie said, "but you and Bree were over there for two whole hours. It killed me watching her come on to you."

  "I know." Marlee shivered. "She gave me the creeps, man. I mean, hanging out alone with her tonight was, disturbing."

  "What do you mean, Jelly Bean?" Susie hoped the playful nickname would at least make Marlee smile.

  "Well, Jelly Bent," Marlee flashed a quick grin, but then got serious again, "it's hard to describe. It was like I wasn't even there, like she had me captive and that's all she wanted. She didn't really listen to the things I told her about pitching or anything. I think Lisa was right. It's all about the conquest."

  "Lisa would know, right? Because of her ex-girlfriend?"

  "Tara? Yeah, her part-time stalker." Marlee looked toward the front door at Susie's house. "I wish I could come in with you, to make sure you're okay."

  Susie smiled. "Why don't you?"

  "Don't kid, because I will. I mean, you haven't seen your mother for three days. You know, since--" Marlee gestured at Susie's feet.

  "Actually, for once I'm not kidding. I think it's time I introduced you to my mother. You've met everybody else, right?"

  Marlee nodded, but flashed Susie a concerned look. "Okay, I'll go in, but how out are we going to be?"

  "Aay, we'll take it one step at a time. I'm going to introduce you as my friend."

  "Okay, I'll follow your lead." Marlee took a deep breath. "Ready?" She put a hand on the door handle.

  Susie's stomach had been quivering ever since they'd headed home, but as soon as Marlee's hand went to the door, it went totally topsy turvy.

  "Are you okay?" Marlee placed her hand on Susie's arm.

  Susie let out a sigh. "I'm okay. My dad's home. You're here. I'll be okay." She reached for the door handle. "Let's do this." She opened the door and gingerly put her weight on her aching feet. She met Marlee in front of the car, and they headed toward the house.

  Susie opened the door to the mud room and shook the crocs off her feet. She desperately wanted to keep them on, but didn't want to risk giving her mother anything more to fuss about. Marlee took her sneakers off as well, and they headed inside.

  The blare from competing televisions assaulted Susie's ears. She followed the sounds of a baseball game and beckoned for Marlee to follow her into the kitchen.

  "Hi, Papi," Susie leaned down to hug her father. "You remember Marlee?"

  Susie's father nodded to Marlee. "It's nice to see you again."

  "Nice to see you, too."

  Susie motioned toward Miguel who was intent on watching the game. "Miguel," she waved a hand in his face, "say hi to Marlee."

  He glanced at Marlee for a second and said, "Hi." His attention went right back to the small television on the kitchen counter.

  "Hey, how's your ankle doing?" Marlee asked him.

  Miguel tried to hide his smile as he said, "Good. It's better now." Susie couldn't help the grin on her face. He and Marlee were going to get academy awards for their performances.

  "That's cool." Marlee looked at the television. "Who's playing?"

  "You're favorite team," Susie said.

  Miguel narrowed his eyes and looked at Marlee. "Don't tell me you're a Braves fan."

  "No way," Marlee said with disdain. "Let's go Mets. All the way."

  Susie's father laughed. "Not this year." He pointed to the screen. "We're losing in the bottom of the ninth. Again."

  "Figures." Marlee laughed. "That's why they call us diehard fans. We stay with them through thick and thin. Even though it's usually thin."

  Susie's heart warmed as Marlee chatted with her brother and father. Would her mother ever warm up to Marlee the way they obviously had?

  "C'mon," Susie smacked Marlee gently in the arm, "let's go."

  "Good luck," Susie's dad called after them.

  Susie grinned at her father and then she and Marlee headed toward the television blaring in the living room. Susie's stomach knotted itself even tighter. Her grandmother and mother sat on the couch watching some sort of reality show.

  "Abuelita? Mami?" Susie said. "Marlee came in to say hi."

  Susie's grandmother stood up, shuffled over to Marlee, and gave her a big hug. "Nice to see you, Marlee."

  Marlee pulled out of the hug. "Gracias, Abuelita. ¿Cómo estás?"

  "I am good. You Spanish so good."

  "Gracias." Marlee smiled. "Usted Ingles es muy bueno, también." Marlee grimaced probably knowing she hadn't quite gotten the Spanish right.

  Susie's grandmother grinned and headed back toward the couch. After she sat back down, all of the air seemed to get sucked out of the room.

  "Mami, this is my friend Marlee." Susie swallowed hard against the lump in her throat.

  The molten glare that Susie's mother sent her could have melted granite. "I'm glad to see that you're okay." It was the first time her mother had seen her since she fled the house three days before. Her mother's expression changed from fire to dispassion as she faced Marlee. "I've heard a lot about you."

  Marlee smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Torres."

  Susie's mother didn't respond, but turned back to face Susie. The angry glare was back. Her mother was obviously less than pleased with Marlee's presence in her house.

  The awkward silence grew louder than the television show.

  "Okay," Susie grabbed Marlee's shirt sleeve, "I'm going to walk Marlee out." She pulled Marlee with her and tried not to run.

  "Come right back in here after she leaves," her mother said in clipped tones.

  When they got to the mud room, Susie couldn't get her crocs on fast enough. "Hurry, hurry," she pleaded to Marlee.

  "I'm going as fast as I can. Believe me, I want outta here, too."

  Once Marlee finally got her sneakers back on, Susie practically shoved her out the door. Marlee unlocked the van, scrambled into the driver's seat, and slammed the door shut. She whipped on her seatbelt, started the engine, and rolled down the window.

  "I'm sorry, sorry, sorry." Susie put her forehead on the windowsill in misery. "Do you see why I didn't want you to meet her? She hates me. She hates you." Susie picked her head up and looked at Marlee through a haze of tears. "She hates us."

  Marlee leaned out the window and rubbed Susie's arm. "Man, oh, man. Your mom really has a problem with this."

  "Understatement."

  "I was daydreaming that I'd walk in, and your mom would see how wonderfully charming I was, like you did with my mom, and everything would be all right."

  Susie attempted a smile. "Dios mío. I'm so sorry my mother was rude to you."

  "No, she wasn't that rude. Not really. I think she wasn't expecting me to waltz right into her house unannounced. Me--the devil who corrupted her daughter.

  Susie softened her expression. "You're not the devil, and you didn't corrupt me. If anything, I corrupted you."

  Marlee flashed Susie a mischievous smile. "I do remember somebody dragging me behind a shed and, uh, compromising my reputation."

  "Mmm, such a nice reputation it was." Susie grinned back, but then sighed. "I
hate to say it, but I think you'd better leave now. I have to go back in and face the music."

  "I'm not leaving you."

  "I'll be okay, really."

  Marlee narrowed her eyes. "I'm gonna drive to that Stewart's, the one where that lady saw us. What was her name?"

  "My former employer?" Susie said icily.

  Marlee nodded.

  "Mrs. Johnson."

  "Right. That Stewart's where Mrs. Johnson saw us kissing. I'm going to wait there until you call me and tell me what happened."

  Susie paused for a moment wanting to tell Marlee to just go home, but something made her reconsider. "Okay."

  "Good, and if you don't call me within an hour, I'm coming back." Marlee caressed Susie's cheek.

  Susie leaned in the van for a quick kiss. She was done caring who saw them. She backed up to watch Marlee's van head out of the driveway and down the street. Once the van was completely out of sight, she took a deep breath and looked up at the star-filled night trying to find the strength to go back inside.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Enemy Number One

  SUSIE TRUDGED BACK into the house, but purposely left her crocs on for two reasons--her sore feet were swelling up big time and, more importantly, she wanted to be ready if she needed to make a speedy exit. The baseball game in the kitchen was apparently over, but her father and brother were watching the post-game commentary. The reality show in the living room continued to play and seemed to be reaching a pivotal moment. As much as Susie wanted to hide in the kitchen with her father and brother, she headed to the living room to face her mother.

  Without making eye contact, Susie sat on the couch next to her grandmother and watched some poor woman on the television screen try to eat a bowl of worms. Susie might have taken more of an interest in the show, but the air in the room was thick with tension. Every time she tried to calm her shaky nerves, they flared up even worse. She tried to take a couple of deep calming breaths, but was afraid she would start hyperventilating, so she settled on watching the woman fail in her worm-eating attempt.

  After a painful ten minutes both on and off the screen, the show was finally over. Susie's grandmother reached for the remote control and changed the channel to Univision for some kind of nighttime drama. Susie didn't have time to figure out what the show was about because her mother stood up, took Susie in with a long glare, and said, "Follow me." She walked out of the living room, past the kitchen, and up the stairs to the second floor. Susie followed behind like a prisoner being led to the gallows.

  Her mother opened the door to the master bedroom and let Susie enter first. After closing the door, she gestured for Susie to sit on the bed.

  Her mother paced back and forth silently in front of the closed door, but then stopped in front of Susie. "How could you do this to me?"

  "Do what?" Susie knew her mother was talking about bringing Marlee over, but wanted to hear her mother say it.

  "That girl. How could you bring her kind in here?"

  "What kind is that, Mami?" She wanted to remind her mother that a few short weeks before, she'd wanted to meet Marlee. Susie had to be careful, though. She never knew what would send her mother completely over the edge.

  "You know what kind I mean. It's disgusting."

  Say the word, Mami, just say it.

  Her mother began pacing again. Susie exhaled, not realizing she'd been holding her breath. The shakiness of it surprised her. "Do you--are you like her?" Her mother stopped moving and leaned against the closed door.

  This was the moment Susie had been dreading ever since ninth grade when she realized she seriously liked girls--the moment she would have to tell her mother. Her stomach clenched as she tried to figure out how to answer. She blinked back tears, took a deep breath, and nodded once.

  Her mother smashed the bedroom door with the back of her fist. Susie jumped at the violence of it. She wanted to stand and run, but couldn't. Her mother blocked the only exit.

  Two short strides was all it took for the slap to sting Susie's face. Susie put a hand over her cheek. At first she looked at her mother in shock, but her mother's piercing glare forced her to look away.

  "How dare you!" Her mother roared.

  Susie hid her tears behind both hands. She never expected her mother to get this hysterical.

  Her mother began pacing again. "I can't even go to work without people staring at me. They say, 'There she is, the mother of a lesbian.'" She pounded the door again. "They whisper behind my back when they think I can't hear them. 'Her daughter likes girls,' and then they laugh at me." Her mother stopped pacing and glared at Susie. "Aay, Santo. Do you know what that's like? To have shame? No, because they don't say it to you. They say it to me." She began pacing again.

  Susie cowered wondering why her mother thought she was such a monster.

  "What did I do wrong?" Her mother demanded. "Why did you turn out this way?"

  "Mami, there's nothing wrong with me." Susie wiped at her eyes, determined to get back in control. Her mother didn't answer, but went to the window to look out. Susie had a clear escape route, but didn't take it. Somewhere inside, she knew that she and her mother had to have this out. "I'm sorry your work friends are giving you a hard time because of me."

  Her mother continued to stare out the window. "I walked in on Mrs. Johnson and the other supervisor in the break room the other day. They didn't see me, but Mrs. Johnson was saying, 'I don't know why I ever let that dyke in my house. I left her alone with my children all day.'"

  "You can't catch it." Susie wasn't trying to be flip, she was just confused.

  "Don't take this lightly, young lady. Una lesbiana, sola con las niñas. ¡Aay, Dios mío, sálvame!"

  Susie translated her mother's sentence out loud. "A lesbian, alone with little girls. God save me." In a flash, she realized what her mother was implying. She stood up so fast, that her mother seemed startled. Susie bit back her disgust as she picked her words carefully. "Is that what you think? That I'm a child molester?" Anger made her voice shake. "Just because I like Marlee, doesn't mean I hurt children. I have never hurt baby Emma or Bethany. I never touched them in any wrong or disgusting way. That makes me sick, Mami. Why did you let her say those things?" Her mother looked a little lost, but Susie kept talking, the anger in her voice clear. "I can't believe you would ever think that of me. Dios mío, Mami, what kind of monster do you think I am?"

  Her mother glared at her, but when Susie continued to hold her head high in defiance, her mother steeled her chin, eyes glistening with tears. "I don't know. What kind of monster are you?"

  "Mami--" Susie groaned not sure what to say next. "I'm not a bad person. I'm still me. I just love somebody. I would never hurt anybody. Not on purpose. I didn't mean to cause you stress at work, but, c'mon, Mrs. Johnson is a bigot. You said it yourself."

  Her mother's eyes grew wide. "Don't disrespect her. She's my boss."

  "But you'll let her disrespect me?" Susie's voice rose in anger. "What about my feelings? What about my reputation? I've done nothing wrong, Mami. Nothing. You said so yourself that Mrs. Johnson treated me bad at her house because of our darker skin. She probably treats you the same way at work. She does, doesn't she?"

  Her mother avoided Susie's eyes.

  Susie slapped the side of her leg. "I knew it. You couldn't stand up to her, so you made me take that babysitting job, even though you knew she was treating me as badly as she treats you. Do you know how hard I worked for her? For those kids? I did the jobs of a whole crew of people. I cleaned, cooked, did yard work, and cared for her children. And for all that, I got paid shit."

  "Don't you curse at me."

  "I'm not cursing at you." Susie's voice got softer. "I'm trying to make you see something--"

  "I see plenty." Her mother's voice boomed. "I see that my daughter has turned into somebody I don't know."

  The door to the master bedroom creaked opened, and Susie's father stood in the doorway. Susie thanked the universe for letting him have
the courage to come up the stairs.

  Susie narrowed her eyes at her mother. "And you've turned into somebody I don't know, either."

  "Don't you dare be disrespectful to me," her mother roared.

  "Isabella, that's enough!" her father bellowed. Her mother shot him an angry glare and then turned her back. He turned to Susie. "Go up to your room. I'll be there in a few minutes."

  When Susie hesitated, he said quietly, "Just go."

  Susie groaned, feeling like she and her mother had just gotten started, but she obeyed her father and fled the house as fast as her swollen feet would take her. She barely noticed her brother looking petrified in the doorway of the kitchen as she flew by. She cursed the universe that her car wasn't there, because this time she had shoes on and her cell phone in her pocket. She pulled the cell phone out to call Marlee. She wanted Marlee to swoop in and rescue her from the madness, but then thought better of it and snapped it shut.

  She opened the outside door to the garage and headed up the stairs. She'd stay long enough to hear what her father had to say. He was the one, after all, who said she should stick up for herself. He was the one who said she needed to stop running. When she got in her room, she locked the door behind her. She needed to feel safe, because there wasn't a lot of that going on in her life lately.

  She flopped onto the floor of her bedroom and did a hundred crunches so she wouldn't have time to think. She was about to turn over and do pushups, when she heard her father coming up the stairs. She leaped to her feet and unlocked the door just as he knocked on it. She threw her arms around him.

  He hugged her back and then held her out at arms' length. "Are you okay, mariposita?"

  Susie shrugged and then sat on the bed. Her father sat in the desk chair and spun it around to face her.

  "Mami hates me."

  "She doesn't hate you."

  Susie grunted. "Did you hear any of that?" She pointed toward the main house.

  "I did. I was standing outside the door for a long time. Your mother is upset that things aren't going the way she planned for you."