by Lianne Simon
Mom said the dress arrived a few days ago in a package Jake sent. Maybe it reminded Mrs. Welles too much of me. Or could be the old gentleman thought I needed some cheering up. Anyhow, I’m happy to wear the dress again. Even though the thing is falling apart.
Behind me lies a crazy trail of feathers and beads and little bits of lace—the antique gown giving up everything to delight a young bride.
Mom saved the old lace handkerchief I used in our childhood ceremonies. Like she expected me to need it when I grew up. The thing has gotta look horrible sitting on top of my head, but Beatrice insists it’s fine.
My sister offered me a necklace to cover the one bleak spot of my outfit, but I turned her down. Nothing can replace my missing locket.
Fred checks his watch. “Five minutes yet.” Somebody has to give away the bride, you know, and my sister volunteered him. He’s not my father, but the thought’s still nice. The guy rented a suit that some English butler might wear. The tails hang down almost to his knees.
One of those stretch limos drives up the narrow blacktop that runs through the park. Sleek and black, with heatwaves rising from the hood even on a cool winter afternoon. I pull up my skirts again to make sure the car doesn’t run over them.
The limo stops beside us, and the driver’s door swings open. Out steps Cooper—all dressed up like he’s the best man or something. He gives me a genuine smile before opening the passenger door.
My heart pounds, trying to break out of my ribcage. The last thing I need’s an argument with Mrs. Welles.
Breathe, girl. Just breathe. She can’t stop you now.
Dani’s mother steps out and closes the distance between us—in no particular hurry—till she stands facing me. “I had hoped better for you, child. You have a natural charm my daughter never quite mastered.”
Mrs. Welles slips off her gloves, hands them to Cooper, and retrieves a fine silver chain from her pocket. “I understand now that Danièle’s heart was never mine to give. I’m sorry. In that, at least, I erred.” She fastens the necklace—along with Daniel’s locket—right back where it belongs.
I clench my hands tighter on my dress to keep from grabbing my silver heart. I dip my head and thank her.
She chews on her lower lip for a moment. “Please come back to Victoria Springs when—when you’re ready. I promised your mother I’d look after you when she’s gone.” The woman’s eyes glisten. She turns to leave.
I gape at her back in stunned silence. Too late, I reach out a hand.
As I stare at the retreating limo, the processional begins. Irish pipes float on the breeze—a fairie melody that brings a smile to my face. Daniel and I never had proper music at our pretend weddings.
Fred holds out a white-gloved hand. In my imagination, though, my father stands beside me, dressed in motorcycle leathers and boots—his idea of formal attire. I take his hand and coax my eyes away from his face, lest the illusion fade.
Longing for my father pulses ragged through my body. I miss you, Dad.
Fred squeezes my hand tight and urges me forward. Everything will be all right.
No. Not till this pregnancy’s done. Pain and numbness radiate from my butt down one leg. I pause long enough for a trembling sigh to work its way out. Then take one step. And another. I waddle down the lane.
As we round the bend a gazebo comes into sight—an open-air structure made of cedar. In front of it stands—
Daniel? No. Dani cut her hair in that ubercute pixie style she always wore when young. Her locks tumble down over her cheeks and into her eyes. Atop her head, at a wild angle, is her father’s dusty old top hat. Draped over the girl’s shoulders, like a cape, is the still-too-large tuxedo jacket. Black satin pants and a frilly white blouse replace her old flannel pajamas.
Sweet.
Mom and Beatrice wait on the stairs, off to one side. Grace, Dani’s old college roomie, and Cooper stand on the other. In the shade behind them gather the Welles.
Dani takes off her hat and hands it to the Marine. Then she steps close, brushes a fingertip across my locket, and absolutely beams at me.
Memories sweep me back to the time Daniel first gave me his heart, swore to love me forever, and promised me his children. The sun shone bright over Miami that day.
It was you I loved all along. Small cumulus clouds skip like lambs across the Atlanta sky, chasing the cool February breeze. Pine trees wave at the passing flock. Geese honk in the distance.
Fred-as-Dad kisses me on the cheek and escorts Mom and Beatrice up the stairs to seats around the edge of the gazebo. Opposite the Welles. Cooper offers Grace his hand and leads her up to the center, where Pastor Hawkins waits.
I stand in the dread silence, Dani quiet beside me. Even the birds remain still. The throbbing of my heart pounds loud in my ears. In the cool shade, a bead of sweat rolls down my nose. Darkness clouds the edge of my vision. My body sways.
Breathe. Dani presses a tender hand against the small of my back and urges me forward. Up the stairs to embrace our dreams.
My hair floats unruly on the breeze—even with my veil. Something tugs on my skirt as I near the top—the hem snagging on one of the steps. Grace pulls it loose, leaving behind one more memory of a once magnificent gown.
Cooper, Dani, me, and Grace—we stand abreast, facing the pastor, surrounded by family. In a fairytale park under an azure sky. An impatient squirrel chatters at us to be on our way. Leaves rustle overhead.
“Dearly beloved,” Pastor Hawkins begins. The man says the words I’ve heard a hundred times before. They echo still in my night visions. My heart knows them true.
Heat spreads across my cheeks. I grin my happiness at Mom. Even Mrs. Welles surrenders a half-hearted smile when I catch her eyes.
Dani takes my hand in hers and slides a ring on my finger. That cute one with the vines. “I, Dànaidh Ailean Welles, take you, Melanie Rose Fairbairn to be my wife. To have and to hold. From this day forward. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish. Till death do us part.”
Dani says it with such conviction—her promise kept. Yes. Kept. My dreams abide indeed. Grace presses a ring into my hand. The one with two hands and a heart.
Mom smiles contentment at me. You’ve got Danièle now, honey.
You can’t leave yet, Mom. You gotta wait long enough to see your grandbabies.
Dad, I sure wish you could be here too.
The love in Dani’s violet eyes enthralls me when my gaze turns her way again.
I always imagined you this happy married to me.
“I, Melanie...” Pastor Hawkins prompts.
The smallest cloud of doubt whispers across the calm serenity on Dani’s face. Do you truly love me? her eyes ask.
Well, yeah. You know I do. I will always love you. I slip the ring on the girl’s finger. “I, Melanie Rose Fairbairn, take you, Dànaidh Ailean Welles to be my—” My intersex girl, the father of my children. By whatever name. “—um, yeah—my husband. To have and to hold. From this day forward. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish. Till death do us part.”
Our ceremonies were always simple—the sort a child might invent. I look up at the pastor and wonder if he knows what comes next. He smiles back at me and raises a hand in blessing.
“By the power vested in me by the State of Georgia, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
We did it. My intersex girl pulls me into a tight embrace and kisses me. The way Dani always did. Time slows. My heart thumps loud in the silence. Maybe I do believe in happily ever afters.
The End
Also from Lianne Simon
Confessions of a Teenage Hermaphrodite
From the heart of an intersex teen, one who must ultimately choose male or female—family or true love—comes the story of a deeply emotional and perilous journey home. This is a Young Adult novel unlike any other—an authentic portrayal of the issues faced by a child growing
up with a sexually ambiguous body.
Jameson can be like other boys after minor surgery and a few years on testosterone Well, at least that's what his parents always say. But Jamie sees an elfin princess in the mirror, and male hormones would only ruin her pretty face. For him to become the man his parents expect, Jameson must leave behind the hopes and dreams of a little girl. But what is so wrong with Jamie's dreams that they can't be her life?
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31