by DC Renee
Like I said, my word was no good.
The minute I showed up on the front steps, Charles opened the door. “Well, well, well,” he slurred. “If it isn’t the worthless piece of shit gracing me with his presence. Get your fucking loser ass inside. We have business to attend to.”
That was all it took for me to cower into my shell and for me to withdraw inside myself. There I was again, a nothing, a nobody. I was Charles’s nothing. His nobody.
And so the abuse began again, and I let it.
I had said I’d die before anyone ever found out. I guess I had been wrong about that too.
Someone found out, and I didn’t die.
I was angry, embarrassed, and ashamed but also relieved.
Charles and all his agony were gone, out of my life thanks to my guardian angel. I’d like to think my mom had a little part in my saving grace, but I knew that was just a boyhood fantasy—one I still carried with me.
Charles was sentenced and went away just before summer ended. His possessions went to me as his only “relative.”
I took his money only because I needed it. But I refused anything else of his.
I decided that day I would take back my life and everything he had stolen from me. I changed my last name from his—Haywood—back to the name I had been born with—Dents. When the judge asked if I had any other requests, I asked to use my middle name too. Tyler was given to me by my mom and my dad, but I didn’t like the man he’d become. I didn’t like the coward he was behind closed doors and the uncaring asshole he projected to the outside world. I didn’t want to be him. I wanted to be someone knew, someone I could be proud of, and someone who didn’t associate with Charles and that life.
And in more ways than one, I didn’t just want that; I needed that. I needed the strength a new name would give—a clean slate to wash away the filth Charles left behind.
When I started school in the fall, I would be a new person. I would be Cameron Dents.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Present
Genevieve
“SURPRISE,” I SAID after one of Cameron’s roommates let me into their house. I’d knocked softly on his door, and when he said, “Come in,” I shot it open.
“Gen,” he said a little louder than he probably intended and jumped right off the bed, making it over to me in two giant steps. The next thing I knew, I was wrapped tightly in his arms. “You’re back early,” he said, but it didn’t sound like a bad thing.
“Yeah, I guess I missed you more than I thought. I figured my parents could survive without me for a few extra days.”
He pulled away and took in my appearance as if he hadn’t seen me in years. “I’m glad you’re back. I missed you,” he said with a genuine smile on his lips.
Fuck me, but I had missed him too. He needed to stop being so charming because it was a constant reminder that Cam was the enemy.
One of his friends called out to him, and Cam cursed. “Shit. I’ve got to get to practice.”
“No sweat,” I replied. “I know your schedule, but I just came in, and I wanted to see you. You free tonight?” I asked.
“For you, definitely,” he beamed and winked.
“Good. I’ll see you tonight,” I said and gave him a quick hug before heading out.
I headed to my new apartment off campus. Amanda had come back a couple of days before me and had already set it up. It was just waiting for my things.
“So?” she asked when I went inside. “How’d the reunion go?”
“He was happy to see me.”
“Of course, he was. Now you just have to make him realize it.”
“I don’t think that’s the problem,” I responded.
“No, the problem is that he’s too chicken shit to make a move, and you won’t do it either. Tonight, though,” she mused. “Tonight … you have to step up your game. He already knows you have other options. Now, you have to show him what those other options might get if he doesn’t claim you.”
“Okay …” I responded but trailed off, waiting for Amanda to elaborate.
“Sometimes, I forget how inexperienced you are with this whole guy dating flirting thing,” she said. “You kiss him, you dork,” she said and rolled her eyes as if that was blatantly obvious.
“Uh, we’ve kissed before, and he didn’t do anything about it then,” I reminded her.
“That was different. That was before things between you were too hot to handle. He’s just a hair’s breadth away from stepping on the other side of the line, whereas before he was a whole foot away. Now, one push and you’ll send him over.”
Needless to say, Amanda and I spent the day unpacking the things I had shipped to our new place. Then she spent time dolling me up to her standards, of course, and I headed toward Cameron’s place.
“You look great,” he said when I met him. He was generous with his compliments, but every time he gave me one, I still blushed. “Beautiful, really … where are we going?”
“I’m starving.”
“Dinner it is,” he said, and we walked to the shopping center across the street.
I spent the better part of dinner trying to flirt the way I’d seen Amanda do—subtly but sweetly. And Cameron spent the better part of dinner asking me all about my summer even though he knew every detail about it already. It didn’t escape me that he kept trying to ask about “Josh” without being too obvious. I brushed off those questions. There was no Josh, and I was afraid that if I gave too many fake answers, I’d dig myself into a hole. Besides, I figured it might be nice to be mysterious.
After dinner, Cam asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I agreed.
It was just like any other night we hung out together except I had a definite mission this time. When I snuggled up to him, that hadn’t been necessarily out of the ordinary, but it had been deliberate. He didn’t seem to notice; he just wrapped his arm around me and pulled me deeper into him. I didn’t know how I’d kiss him; would I just lean in and smack one on him? Would I wait until we said goodbye and then brush my lips against his? I was worried about this during the entire movie. The perfect opportunity came when a romantic moment in the movie came up, and I looked over at Cam. I had done it out of instinct and purely to see what was going through his head. I was surprised to see him looking directly at me, his eyes locked onto mine. It was one of those moments. I was no longer surprised by them. We stared at each other like we’d done a time or two before. We were so close, so very close. Normally, I’d wait, hoping he’d lean in, touch his lips to mine, and tell me he wanted me. But not tonight … tonight I was done waiting.
I leaned forward, my gaze dropping to his lips. I inched closer, and I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. He must have known what I was about to do and realized I was just a moment away from kissing him, but he didn’t move. He wanted it, but Amanda was right—he was just too scared.
And then our lips were one—both tentative, both testing the other out. It was slow and sensual. It was the sweet kiss you read about in books. Our lips moved together, our breaths mingling, our mouths parting in sync. A moan escaping mine, a groan escaping his. Our mouths fused together, finding passion together. Our bodies stayed the same, not moving—waiting for the other to grab hold and pull the other closer. I had kissed Cam, but a moment later, his hands found my face, and he pulled me closer to him as if he couldn’t get enough and just tasting me wasn’t going to cut it. He needed me as a part of him, an extension of his very being. I melted into him, melted into the kiss, into his taste, his touch, him.
And then he pulled away so abruptly, I was left with my lips still parted, my eyes closed, and my breaths shallow and heavy.
“I’m … Gen, God, I’m so sorry …” he said, and I opened my eyes to see the utter agony and shame written in his eyes.
The kiss wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but I had forgotten the purpose once our lips met. It did mean something … but apparently, it meant something different to Cam.
“I gotta go,” I said quickly, my cheeks flushed from the kiss and from embarrassment. He’d rejected me; he’d all but said kissing me was a huge mistake. My skin was burning hot, and only part of it was from the remnants of the feelings I’d experienced during that kiss.
“No, Gen … that’s not—”
I couldn’t hear his excuses or how it wasn’t me; it was him. “It’s all right. It’s just that it’s late, and I just got back today. I really have to go.” I tried to seem unfazed. I was anything but.
“It’s not like that. Please don’t go,” he said as he tried to block my way.
“Cam, really, it’s fine. I’ll talk to you later. I just have to go now.”
I didn’t know if it was the pleading in my voice or the imploring in my eyes, but he nodded in defeat, stepped to the side, and let me walk out.
It took everything I had not to run out of his house, but when I had cleared the front door, I ran all the way home to Amanda where I cried in her arms about the kiss that shouldn’t have mattered but did more than anything.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Past
Cameron
Three months earlier …
FUCK, I WANTED her. I wanted her to the point of insanity. I hadn’t expected us to become such close friends. I just knew initially that I liked being around her, and she was a great partner. Somewhere along the way, things had changed, and I didn’t just like being around her. I practically craved it. Had I been a different man, I’d have claimed her by now … but I didn’t do relationships. Yet there I was, wanting one … with her. I’d have gone full caveman on her, beating up any guy who came within ten feet of her, pissing around her in a circle every damn day, and tattooing my name on her forehead.
But I wasn’t a different man. Hell, I wasn’t even really a man. A boy in a man’s body.
When Charles had been sent to jail, things changed. I became more confident, stronger, and took on the world like I had meant to rule it. It was all for show, though. Deep down, I knew what had been rooted inside me. I knew the type of “man” I was—no man at all.
I tried, desperately, every damn day, to be the man I hoped I could be. I fought the ones who put others down, I befriended the ones who looked like they hated the world, and I gave the women I was with all my attention—at least while I was with them—for however short of a time that was. Why? Because no woman deserved me—not in the “I’m holier than thou” type of way. No woman should be with some piece of shit loser like me. For a night, for fun? Sure, why the hell not. But I wouldn’t saddle any woman with the burden of me. Not permanently, at least.
Which was exactly why I didn’t understand how I could befriend Gen. She wasn’t just a girl looking for fun. She was pure, genuine—a fucking angel. I should have told her to run far and fast away from me, but I couldn’t bring myself to let her go. At least I didn’t cross that invisible line. I came damn close, but I didn’t step over the threshold. It didn’t stop my mind, my body, and even my traitorous heart from wanting her like my life depended on her for survival.
The summer … that would be good. She’d be in San Francisco, and I’d be in Los Angeles. I knew we’d talk, but I also knew the distance would be good for me. It would give me time away from her, away from willing my body not to touch her, caress her, savor her every time I was around her. God, the thoughts my mind held toward her … She’d probably slap me six ways to Sunday if she got even a glimpse into the daydreams I had about her.
So the summer … Yeah, this separation would be good …
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Present
Genevieve
YOU KNOW HOW hard it was to avoid someone who really didn’t want to be avoided? Very, very hard.
I was mortified beyond belief. I’d thrown myself at my mortal enemy, “knowing” he wouldn’t reject me. Well, guess what? He rejected me. Honestly, I think I would have been humiliated if I had thrown myself at anyone—enemy or lover—and they pushed me away. But somehow, this was worse.
I knew I wasn’t being subtle. I knew Cam could see through my excuses and my antics. I mean, I hid in the closet a couple of times even when he came over. Might I add that was just as mortifying?
“I think you should talk to him,” Amanda said after a couple of days.
“Yeah, that would be a big fat no,” I responded.
“Come on, Gen. He’s been calling, texting, and showing up more than a crack addict looking for drugs.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked.
“It’s supposed to make you realize that maybe things aren’t what they seem, and you should talk to him.”
“No thanks. One rejection is enough,” I stated flatly.
“You can only tell him you have other plans or are sick so many times,” she said. “I can only tell him you’re not around so many times. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started standing outside our door just to get a glimpse of you.”
“Can’t you be a good friend and let me wallow in peace?” I asked.
“So damn stubborn. Whatever,” she answered and threw her hands up in defeat.
This continued for a few more days. And then Amanda decided I wouldn’t be hiding anymore.
“Game time,” she announced.
“I’m not going,” I told her.
“Uh … I don’t recall asking,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Well, I don’t recall agreeing,” I countered.
“That’s it. I’m done with this bullshit attitude. You kissed him. You liked it. I’m two hundred percent sure he did too. He’s just an idiot. Get. Over. It,” she pronounced each word like a sentence. “So suck it up because we always go to the games, and this is no different. Get your ass up and get ready because we’re going to the fucking game.”
“But Cam will be there,” I whined.
“Well, no shit Sherlock. He’s the freaking star quarterback.”
“I don’t want to see him.”
“Last time I checked, football players play during football games. You won’t actually be seeing him, so let’s go.”
There really was no arguing with her when she got into that mood. So I got out of bed and got ready. Something about getting dressed in non-pajama pants, Amanda’s infectious attitude, and the insane amount of school spirit surrounding me actually had me feeling better almost instantly.
“This isn’t the student section,” I told her as she led me down the steps toward front and center of the Coliseum.
“Yeah, I scored us better seats,” she said with a shrug and a smirk.
“Obviously. But this is too close. Cam will see us.”
“Gen, no offense, but you give yourself too much credit. You’re an ant in this giant place. Stop fretting, and let’s enjoy the game.”
So I did … as much as I could have while zeroing in on Cam’s athletic body, the way his torso moved as he threw the ball, and his ass in those tight pants. Asshole, I reminded myself. Tyler. Enemy. Rejection.
Saying those things in my mind did help.
At least one of us was doing okay.
USC was down three points with twenty seconds left. To say it had been an intense game wouldn’t be giving it enough credit. I hadn’t been much into football. I usually only went because Amanda forced me to, but tonight even I got into this game. Cam was good. He was damn good. He’d been great in high school—even I knew that, but the guy in front of me was something else. We had been favored to lose, yet here we were with a fighting chance at winning. And everyone knew it was all thanks to Cam.
Amanda held my hand—more like crushed it in her grip as we watched the last play. Cam had one shot to get a touchdown. It was a long shot as USC was at midfield. It was a blur of motion, yet everything seemed to be going so slowly. He moved like a dancer as he bypassed the defense and threw to the wide receiver who had reached the end zone. A Hail Mary. A Hail fucking Mary o
n his first game, and the crowd erupted like we’d won the Super Bowl. Even I shot up; Amanda and I turned toward each other, jumping up and down as if we’d just won the game ourselves. It was less than a minute, but it felt like a lifetime as we celebrated. I turned back to the field to watch him coming toward us—directly toward us.
“What the …?” I started.
“Sorry, Gen,” Amanda interrupted, but she didn’t look apologetic . “He asked me to help,” she said with a shrug and then practically caged me against the railing in front of me, preventing me from escaping.
“You traitor,” I said slightly frustrated.
And then I felt his hands on me, whipping me around. Amanda helped him turn me toward him.
Just like in the movies, he leaped up, balancing on the railing as he grabbed my face in his hands and then his lips were on mine. I stiffened, but that didn’t stop him. He held me like I was his lifeline. His mouth moved against mine, and then I couldn’t help it; my lips danced with his. It was brief, shorter than the one we’d had the other night, but it was somehow better, more powerful. It wasn’t just an “I’m sorry.” It wasn’t just an “I’m an idiot.” It was a statement. And not just to me, but to the entire world that Cam Dents wanted one woman … and that woman was me.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Past
Cameron
One week earlier …
I LOST. I LOST to myself, and I didn’t mind it one bit.
The problem was that Gen didn’t know it. She didn’t know I had been fighting a losing battle since the moment I met her. I should have known it was a matter of time before I wasn’t strong enough to ignore what I felt for her. I wasn’t good enough, and that hadn’t changed. I was dirty. Still true. A coward. Tainted. A worthless piece of shit. But somehow, Gen had seen beyond all that to the man underneath it all.