by DC Renee
It wouldn’t be anything too fancy because I knew she wasn’t that type of girl. But I planned to kick my roommates out for the night, make dinner—or at least try to make dinner—and do the whole shebang. Candles, flowers, you name it. Call it cliché if you want, but I had a feeling Gen would appreciate something like that.
Now the only thing left to figure out was her present.
I was shit with that, so naturally, I went to Roger for help.
“Dude, you really need to stop asking me for this kind of help. What do I look like? A relationship guru?”
“Everything you’ve told me so far has worked.”
“That’s because I’m a master with the ladies,” he responded with a head nod. “But that’s to woo them so I can get them into bed. You think I’m buying them presents and shit?” he asked.
“Do I look like the kind of guy who’s ever bought a girl a present before?” I countered.
“Get her a purse or some shoes. Girls love that crap.”
“Too impersonal,” I responded.
“Jewelry then. Something shiny.”
“She’s not that kind of girl. I think she’d appreciate something sentimental more,” I told him.
“Well then, there’s your answer. Get her something personal. Something that she’d know you put some thought into. Think, Cam. What does she like?”
“Me,” I answered haughtily, only half-joking.
“So get naked and put a bow on it,” he responded with a chuckle. “Look, you wanted advice, so I gave you advice. Get her something that will mean something to her.”
“Now I just have to figure out what that is.”
I knew so much about Gen, yet I knew nothing at all. I could tell you she smelled like lavender and jasmine. I could tell you her favorite color was purple. I could tell you she liked her coffee with way too much sugar and creamer. I could tell she was loyal, caring to a fault, selfless, vulnerable, and insecure, never truly realizing her own beauty. I could tell you so many things about her.
I could tell you I loved her unequivocally and without a doubt. I could tell her that. But how would I show her that? What gift could I get her that said I understood her—truly knew what she would appreciate above anything else?
And then suddenly, I knew. I knew exactly what I would get her.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
Present
Genevieve
“TOMORROW’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!” Amanda announced loudly to our living room.
“Yes, thank you for that reminder,” I said as I rubbed my ear from her zealous exclamation.
“You can’t blame me for being excited,” she responded. “You’re one step closer to being able to buy us drinks.”
“As if we don’t drink now?” I asked.
“Legally, Gen, really. You’re such a buzzkill,” she teased.
I’d told her about my night with Cam. I expected her to say something like, “I told you so,” or press me to drop my revenge scheme. She simply patted my back and told me everything would be okay. I cried in her arms at how fucked up the situation was. Since then, she hadn’t said a word. I had a feeling she had assumed I’d come to some sort of conclusion—particularly a conclusion she had been drilling into my head.
What she didn’t realize was that I did no such thing. I was simply stuck in limbo, not knowing which direction to turn but still not walking away completely. I knew no matter what, Cam and I were over, regardless of what I decided. It was just a matter of how. Did I leave him broken and shattered as I had planned? Or did I walk away now before it was too late?
“Besides, this is the best birthday yet,” she declared.
“And why is that?”
“Because you have me as your best friend, first and foremost.”
“Of course,” I interrupted with a smile.
“You’re flying through school. Can you say jealous over here?”
“I have an easy load this semester.”
“Whatever,” she responded. “You’re beautiful, strong, and confident. Way different than the girl I met last year.”
“Only partially true.”
“And modest too,” she added with a smirk. “And you have an insanely hot boyfriend who would kill for you.”
“Fake boyfriend,” I said.
“Not anymore,” she practically sang, her voice awfully cheerful.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Exactly what I just said. You have a guy who worships the very ground you walk on. I’d bet my right boob that he’s already in love with you but is just too chicken shit to admit it. And he’s yummy to look at. And really fucking good to you. Cam’s great, Gen. Admit it.”
“He’s not in love with me yet,” I whispered, her words shocking me, but that part got to me the most.
“And you’re in love too!” she said gleefully.
“I am not in love,” I responded, still dazed.
“Suuure.” She dragged the word out.
“I am not in love,” I said a little harsher this time.
“But … but the other night … with Cam … You said you liked him …” Amanda spat the words out like it was hard to get each sentence to leave her tongue.
“Yeah, I like him. I like who he pretends to be, Mandie. But that’s just it. It’s all pretend. He’s still Tyler. He’s still the asshole who ruined my life and made me want to end it all. I can’t love him. I can never love him.”
“You’re not that person anymore,” she told me. “He’s not that guy anymore either, Gen. Stop living in the past. Just let go of it all. Enjoy your life now. I thought you had finally figured that out.”
“My past is me,” I roared. “Look at these,” I said as I stuck my wrists out. “Look at these bands. You know what they hide and what they represent. I can’t get away from my past even if I wanted to. It’s a daily reminder glaring at me.”
“That you lived. That you’re stronger than you were,” she pointed out.
“And you think being with Cam will make me even better? The man who brought me to this? You think I can just live happily ever after with him like nothing happened just because he puts on a good show? Look at me, Amanda. I put on just as good of a show. All this time, I’ve been pretending to be someone I’m not. Cam didn’t even recognize me. Didn’t even think twice about who I was. How’s that, huh? You want me to ride off into the sunset with a man who tortured me and doesn’t even remember? I’ve been manipulating him, and he didn’t even realize it. Acting, Mandie. That’s all this has been.”
“That’s not true, Gen, and you know it. You haven’t been acting with him. You care about him. You truly do. Say whatever you want to say to me, but don’t lie to yourself.”
“Enough,” I yelled. “That’s enough. The only person lying here is you. I’m done with all this. I’m done.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked as I grabbed my purse.
“I’m ending it all.”
“Gen, think. Think about what you’re doing,” she urged.
“I already did. I’m telling him everything. I’m telling him the truth. It’s time this whole charade was over.”
I stormed out before she stopped me.
The blood in my veins was boiling, encouraging me to drive faster, get it over with, like ripping a Band-Aid off, but my heart felt heavy. I drove slowly, taking my time to process the words I’d utter when I saw Cam.
I was too amped up to knock, so I just walked right in.
“Cam,” I called out as I walked into the living room and stopped short.
“You’re early,” he said as I watched him light a candle.
He’d asked me to come over and hang out, which I had been planning on doing before my conversation with Amanda. I just … I hadn’t expected this.
“What’s all this?” I asked, taking in the room.
He’d decorated practically every inch of space with cheesy birthday decorations from signs to balloons to stuffed animals. It looked like a party
store had thrown up in his living room.
And in the center was the usual dining table, but it had a fancy tablecloth on it, two place settings laid out perfectly, a giant bouquet of my favorite—pink roses and tulips—near the center, and two candlesticks on each side. I took a moment to take in the smell of the house. It smelled like pasta and garlic, like my mom’s lasagna—the one she made when I begged her for it.
“Amanda stole your birthday tomorrow,” he said sheepishly, “but I wanted to do something for you myself. I might have gone a little overboard,” he admitted as he looked around the room himself. “The guys helped,” he added, and I knew he was referring to his roommates. I nodded because I didn’t have words.
“I cooked,” he announced. “I don’t think it’s going to be as good as your mom’s, Gen,” he said almost sorrowfully, “but she said it was your favorite.”
I still hadn’t moved from the spot where I’d stopped when I’d first walked into the room. I stood motionless even as I tasted the salt from my tears falling slowly down my cheeks.
“Happy early birthday, Gen,” he said as he walked slowly toward me. He was tentative, afraid of my reaction. He needn’t have been. I’d never … No one had ever … This was something else. “I was planning on giving you this later,” he said as he reached into his pocket. “But you’re kind of scaring me,” he told me as he opened the box.
My eyes followed his movement, and when I saw what was inside, I gasped.
Two tiny elephants on a chain, their trunks up, facing each other, just a breath away from kissing, only a small heart-shaped diamond stopping them from touching. Each elephant was stamped with an initial. “G” on one and “C” on the other.
“You told me that elephants were good luck, that they were big and gentle, but aggressive when they needed to be.” He’d practically recited what I’d once told him word for word. “They remind me of you.”
“Me?” I asked.
“Well, you’re not big”—he chuckled—“but you’re so gentle, so kind, and so loving. You have so much to give and so much warmth in you that people just want a piece of it. But I see the way you are with those you love. You’d lay down your life to protect them. You’d fight tooth and nail if you ever needed to. And the good luck part? The day I met you was the luckiest moment of my life.”
“Cam,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.
“There’s more,” he added as he flipped the necklace over so I could see the back of the elephants. They hadn’t just been engraved on the front. They were stamped on the back as well.
“I love you,” I read the first one aloud before my eyes moved to the second one. “Forever.”
“I love you, Gen,” Cam repeated my words as he took the necklace out of the box and put it around my neck. “I don’t expect you to say it back, but I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know how I feel about you. You deserve someone to love you with every fiber of their being, and I do. God, I do. It should be a better man than me,” he added quietly, “but I’m the luckiest son of a bitch because I get to love you. And no matter what happens, no matter what you say or don’t say, just know that it’s not just for right now, and it’s not just while things are good. It’s forever. A guy like me doesn’t get a chance to fall in love with a girl like you and ever walk away. It’s always and forever with me, Gen. I love you.”
My intentions were always to get Cam to fall in love with me and then break his heart. I guess I got him to fall for me, but I hadn’t anticipated my heart being the one that broke. Right then, at that moment, it splintered in half, straight down the middle. And not because he’d hurt me but because I had been hurting myself.
Fuck it, I thought to myself. Fuck it all. Amanda had been right. The past was the past, and that was where it belonged. I wasn’t that scared little girl anymore. And Cam was no longer Tyler. He was different, truly and utterly different. He didn’t put me down; he brought me up. He didn’t call me names; he called me beautiful. He didn’t push me around; he cherished everything about me.
Let go of the past. Live in the now, my heart told my mind.
And for once, my mind listened.
Before Cam could say another word, before he could react, I grabbed him and pulled him to me, kissing his lips with the force of every emotion I was feeling.
He recovered from his momentary shock instantly as his body pressed into mine, his lips and tongue moving to the beat of our racing hearts. His arms reached around me, pulling me even closer to him and trying to turn us into one person instead of two.
“No one,” I said against his lips as I broke away. “No one has ever done anything like this for me. Never. You don’t know what this means to me,” I told him, and he couldn’t possibly understand even if I tried to tell him.
“I love you, Gen,” he responded. “I love you so much, and you deserve so much more, but I’ll gladly give you everything I have.”
“You,” I told him. “Give me you.”
“You have me.”
“Give me all of you,” I said as I pulled away so he could read my eyes and my lips, so he could know that I truly meant what I was saying. “Make love to me.”
“Gen, this wasn’t about that. I wasn’t trying to get you to sleep with me,” he said in half-panic.
“I know, Cam. I know,” I said with a nod. “But it doesn’t change what I want. And what I want is you.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” I responded without hesitation. He nodded in response before kissing me. A moment later, I felt him lift my legs, encouraging me to wrap them around his body. I complied.
And without breaking our connection, he led me to his room and closed the door behind him before setting me down on the bed and kneeling in front of it as if I was a queen and he was at my mercy.
“Gen, you have to know that this is the single most important moment of my life. The gift you are about to give me … I can’t even … I don’t know how to express how much this means to me. But if you want to stop at any point, tell me, and I’ll stop immediately.”
“I trust you,” I told him, and I think my words hit him like a ton of bricks. He had once asked me if I trusted him, and my answer wasn’t yes. That was because I was still holding onto Tyler. I trusted Cam. I trusted him not to hurt me. I trusted he would take care of me. I could see the way those words affected him, making him want to pound on his chest like a caveman who’d just clubbed his woman and dragged her to his cave. Those three words were more powerful to him at that moment than the other three he was waiting for me to say.
“I’m honored,” he told me before getting up and getting on the bed, his body covering mine as his lips laid claim of my mouth.
With his mouth caressing my jaw and then my neck, he slowly undid every button on my shirt with his hands. He removed it as his tongue darted out against my skin, tracing little circles along my collarbone. I was a ball of pent-up nerves and desire so strong that I barely registered when he removed the rest of my clothes. It was only his stare, his transfixed stare as he took me in, his eyes roaming every inch of my body, his mouth uttering words like beautiful, stunning, exquisite, and so lucky that I understood the enormity of what was about to happen. And I didn’t mind … I didn’t mind one bit. I wanted this. I wanted him. I wanted Cam.
In a matter of moments, Cam was naked himself. I had never seen a naked guy in real life. In pictures, sure. In movies, of course. But up close and personal? Never. TV didn’t do the male form justice. Or maybe it was just the men I’d seen that didn’t do it justice. Cam was … he was something special, his body a work of art, every ridge and smooth muscle as if it’d been carved by a famous artist. I drank in my fill. I wasn’t scared, not with him. I was anxious, maybe nervous, but not scared.
And then he covered my body with his, his fingers moving adeptly across my skin, his mouth and tongue following, stroking, touching, licking, and sucking on every curve of my body. His hands kneaded my breasts as his tongue
drew lazy circles around my nipples, puckering them, making me crave more and more.
“I want to taste you,” he told me, and I moaned in response as his lips went lower and lower. I’d never know how intimate that act was, how bare and exposed I felt as his tongue worked on my clit and his fingers opened me up. But I didn’t feel vulnerable. I felt empowered as he told me how wonderful I tasted, how sweet I was. I knew I was affecting him maybe even more than he was affecting me. I’d never had that kind of control over my own life, let alone someone else’s. This was … this was something else. Something out of this world.
“Cam.” I cried out his name as I felt my climax rush over me. It was more powerful than any I’d ever given myself, and my whole body shook with the force of it.
“I love you,” he told me as he climbed over me again, a condom in his hand, waiting silently for my permission to continue. I nodded. “Tell me this is okay, Gen. I need to hear you say this is what you want.”
“This is what I want,” I repeated. “You’re what I want. Please,” I begged, needy and heavy with want. I’d never felt more cherished in my life, more loved, more appreciated. And as he slipped on the condom and found my entrance, even the pain I felt couldn’t take away from how Cam made me feel at that moment and how awestruck he was.
And as he moved in farther and the pain slowly subsided, my body moved in time with his as he whispered every feeling, every thought, every declaration of amazement against my lips.
“I love you,” he said with his body and his lips. “You’re everything to me,” he declared. “Thank you,” he told me. “I’ll never hurt you,” he announced. And as our bodies moved as one, and he told me everything I needed and wanted to hear, our climaxes washed over us like a tidal wave, and I believed his words. I believed his body. I believed him because I believed in him.