When He Was Bad...

by Anne Oliver

  Somehow she pulled her numb lips into some sort of a smile. ‘I understand. I really do. I’ve some business to attend to myself today. It’s been good, Matt, but it’s time to move on, we’re not—’

  ‘There you both are.’ Belle’s voice from the back door had them both turning. Still in her black overcoat, she walked towards them, her fawn hair riffling in the breeze.

  ‘Belle.’ Matt did an abrupt turnabout and strode to meet her, tension visible beneath his jacket’s heavy leather shoulder pads. ‘You should have let me know you were coming back today. I’d have picked you up.’

  ‘No need.’ She pecked his cheek, then looked past him, smiling at Ellie while she spoke. ‘I thought you might be busy. I didn’t want to disturb you so I caught a cab.’

  From behind him, Ellie saw his shoulders lift. ‘We were just—’

  ‘Yes.’ Belle smoothed his cheek, and even from where Ellie stood she could tell by Belle’s expression that she’d seen them kissing.

  And the rest…had she seen the rest? Heard the rest? Ellie’s legs were shaking so hard she thought she might have to sit down.

  ‘I’ll just let you two finish whatever you’re doing and go and put the kettle on, shall I?’

  ‘Be there in a minute, Belle.’ He returned his attention to Ellie. Once more there was nothing in his blank expression when he said, ‘Let’s go and have that coffee with Belle. We’ll talk about us later.’

  No. There was no us. But she nodded and they walked to the house in silence.

  Somehow Ellie managed to sit at the kitchen table with Matt and Belle and make conversation over coffee and chocolate biscuits, though what she said—what anyone said—she didn’t remember.

  But she did remember watching Belle. Slim black trousers, a hot-pink top with black lace edging. Her skin barely touched by her seventy-odd years. Short straight hair, blond barely streaked with grey and touched with gold highlights. Eyes that vacillated between blue and indigo…and something about the shape…almost familiar somehow… She’d never noticed that before.

  Then she heard Belle say that she wanted to speak to Eloise on her own, ‘For a little while, if you don’t mind, Matthew?’

  It wasn’t a question and Matt knew it, had been expecting it even, because he rose, fingers stiff on the tabletop. ‘Belle…I thought we were going to talk—’

  ‘Thank you.’ She smiled at him but her tone was firm. Final.

  He left without a further word or a backward glance.

  ‘We’ll go into the lounge room,’ she told Ellie. ‘It’s more comfortable.’

  Belle chose an armchair and indicated that Ellie should take one at an angle to hers. ‘Eloise, when I went to my room I noticed you returned the angel. May I ask why?’

  ‘My apartment was broken into the other night and I thought it would be safer back here.’ Ellie’s discomfort made itself known in her belly and she shifted uneasily on her chair. ‘I love it, Belle, really, but I think it’s more appropriate that you keep it. I’m only your gardener and Matt told me it’s worth a lot of money.’

  Belle acknowledged this with a nod. ‘It is. I should have perhaps waited till now to give it to you, but I couldn’t stop myself. Guardian angels are very important.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ Her voice quavered. It was such a valuable piece, why give it to Ellie? Her blood was pumping too fast around her body and she had a sudden urge to jump up and run as far away as she could. From Matt, from Belle. Except she was sure she’d fall into a dead faint before she reached the edge of the property. Worse, she didn’t entirely know why.

  ‘Eloise.’ Belle leaned forward, her eyes seeking Ellie’s. ‘Your locket. Remember I asked you about it? You showed me the photo of your mother as a baby inside.’

  Ellie’s fingers rose automatically to the gold heart suspended around her neck on its fine gold chain. ‘Yes…’

  Belle smiled and it was the saddest smile Ellie had ever seen. ‘I put that locket on my daughter the day she was born. The same day she was taken away from me.’

  Ellie’s fingers tightened on the metal and something inside her trembled. ‘But Mum said…’

  ‘It was 1963,’ Belle continued, slower now, her eyes misting as she looked back to a time long gone. ‘I was nineteen, unmarried and alone and I never saw my baby again.’

  ‘Your baby…?’ Ellie stuttered to a stop, the images colliding and coalescing like a watercolour painting in the rain.

  ‘That baby was your mother. Eloise, I am your grandmother.’

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ‘NO.’ ELLIE shook her head as much in denial as to try and make sense of it. ‘My grandmother—Gran—died in an accident with Grandad and Mum when I was eight.’ Twisting her locket in her fingers, she looked at Belle. The eyes…now she knew why they were familiar. Because they were her mother’s eyes. ‘How is that possible?’ She heard her voice as if it came from somewhere outside her.

  Belle reached out, took Ellie’s hand in hers. ‘You also have John’s surname—Rose. Your grandfather and I were lovers. He was older but I had no idea he was married. I thought he loved me. Until I got pregnant. My parents disowned me, I had no one and I was desperate.

  ‘John’s wife, Nola—your gran—couldn’t conceive, so he took the child on the condition that I never made contact. That I never saw my child again. Legally the baby belonged to him and Nola. I signed an agreement to that effect.’

  ‘Oh, Belle,’ she murmured, her eyes stinging as she imagined the pain of losing a child. ‘How could he make you do that?’

  ‘In those days there were very few options and I decided Samantha would have a better life with them than I could give her. John gave me this house as a form of payment.’

  ‘But Mum knew this house belonged in her father’s family.’

  Belle smiled. ‘Oh, I dare say John slipped up there at some stage. Or perhaps it was his pride. He was a wealthy man and my, oh my, he loved to flaunt it.’

  Using it to tempt women like the pretty young Belle, Ellie thought, and hated her grandfather with a sudden and vehement passion. He’d cheated on Gran, stolen her grandmother from her and from her mother. ‘You knew all this before you went away.’

  Her smile faded. ‘I did. When I saw your advertisement for gardening work in the paper, the surname leapt out at me, as it always does. But, Eloise…’ She paused. ‘Eloise was your grandfather’s mother’s name.’

  ‘I know,’ Ellie said. ‘And I hate it. I only put it in that ad because I thought maybe it sounded more professional and would attract more clients. I’m not sure it worked.’

  Belle smiled. ‘It worked for me. You’d rather I call you Ellie?’

  Ellie nodded. ‘Please.’

  ‘Then Ellie it is.’ Belle folded her hands on her lap. ‘But the name got me thinking. I did some research into his family history and made a startling discovery. I had no idea about the accident, or the fact that I had a granddaughter. Believe me, darling, if I’d only known years ago…’

  ‘That’s why you hired me? To get to know me?’

  She nodded slowly. ‘But after all these years…I wanted to decide whether I had the right to turn your life upside down. I went to see your grandfather’s sister, Miriam, to talk it over with her, since she was one of the few people who knew the whole story.’

  ‘Grandad never said he had siblings.’

  ‘That’s because Miriam never spoke to him again after what he did.’ She took a deep slow breath. ‘So, Ellie, I need to know…did I do the right thing? Your gran was probably a very important person in your life.’

  ‘She was, but it was so long ago.’ And now…now she had Belle. A miracle. And her whole being rejoiced. ‘Yes, Belle, you did exactly the right thing.’ She leaned forward and took both Belle’s hands in hers. ‘It’ll take time to get used to the idea. I’ve been on my own so long. Matt will—’

  Matt. Ellie’s heart missed a beat. ‘If Matt’s your nephew and I’m your granddaughter…’
r />   ‘Matthew’s not my biological nephew.’ She turned her hands over in Ellie’s. ‘He didn’t tell you?’

  ‘No.’ She let a relieved breath out slowly. ‘Closed book on that subject.’

  Belle nodded but didn’t elaborate. ‘You two got close while I was away.’

  She had seen them kissing. Ellie’s eyes lowered to their joined hands and lingered there. ‘Past history already.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘For one, he lives in Sydney. And secondly, he’s not the settling down, one-woman type.’

  Belle was silent a moment. ‘He’s been working in Sydney for several months but his base is Melbourne, and where he works doesn’t matter. As for the second…I need to know, what are your feelings for him, Ellie?’

  Ellie bit her lip but tears sprang to her eyes anyway. ‘He’s the most…’ She shook her head, unable to express the gamut of emotions he invoked in her—joy and love and pain and frustration. ‘He’d do anything for you, Belle. I’ve learned that about him. He’s loyal.’

  ‘And once you’ve earned his loyalty you have it for ever, but you’ve not answered my question.’

  Ellie’s breath soughed out along with the emotions she’d just discovered. ‘I love him—and, oh…I tried so hard not to.’ She swiped her eyes and willed herself to toughen up. Take control. Smile. ‘But I’ll get over it.’

  ‘Why would you want to?’ Belle said softly.

  ‘Because he doesn’t want more than temporary.’

  ‘If he gave that impression it’s because he’s been hurt before and worse, by people he loved that he should have been able to trust.’

  ‘It wasn’t an impression, Belle. He spelled it out loudly and clearly in capital letters and I was the fool who thought I was sophisticated enough to handle it.’

  ‘I’ve never seen the look in Matt’s eyes that I saw this morning when he looked at you,’ Belle said.

  Oh… If Ellie didn’t get out of here right now she was going to blubber, so she stood, still watching Belle. Her grandmother. ‘Matt. You… This is all so overwhelming. I want to stay and talk and ask questions. There are so many things I want to know, but I have to get home and change for an appointment at Healesville.’

  Ellie explained about the employment prospect but reassured Belle she intended finishing the herb garden. That it was a good career opportunity but out of the city which was now not so appealing since they’d just found each other. Belle offered her the use of her car for the month if she took the job so that Ellie could remain in Melbourne with her.

  They both rose and sealed the deal with a hug. A family hug of warmth and trust and welcome.

  ‘I have to get the job first,’ Ellie said, not wanting to end the embrace but finally pulling away. ‘The bus leaves the city at one o’clock, which doesn’t leave me much time.’

  Belle squeezed Ellie’s shoulder. ‘Of course, darling. You do what you have to do.’

  ‘But I can come back tonight and we’ll talk some more…’

  ‘Yes. Stay the night.’

  Under the same roof as Matt? ‘Oh, I—’

  Belle hugged Ellie again before Ellie could say that wasn’t going to happen, her grandmother’s eyes glinting with purpose as she stepped back to look at her. ‘I insist. And you’ll come live here with me. However, I don’t think Matthew has to know about any of this yet. But he and I do need to have a conversation.’

  He should be packing. The aircraft would be ready for take-off at 2:00 p.m. Instead, swinging the spade, Matt vented his frustration on a patch of soursobs. He stopped a moment, scowled at the lounge room windows, but all he saw was the sky’s reflection. No way of telling what was happening beyond those sparkling clean panes of glass.

  The spade sliced through the soft earth. Dig, lift, toss. Dig, lift, toss. He concentrated on the fresh smell of soil-rich air, the repetitive sounds of his own grunts and the soft plop of mud building up beside him. Not allowing his mind to stray to a pair of soft eyes clouded with hurt.

  Dig, lift, toss.

  Throwing the spade aside, he swiped the sweat from his forehead, blew out a long laboured breath and stared back at the faceless window.

  ‘Matthew. Are you digging your way to China?’

  ‘Maybe I’m just digging my way into a big black hole,’ he replied before turning. So focused on his own inner turmoil, he hadn’t heard Belle approach. ‘Is that what I’m doing, Belle?’

  She folded her arms across her chest and looked him straight in the eye. ‘I’d say that’s highly likely.’

  ‘Where’s Ellie?’ He was painfully aware that her name rasped up his throat like sandpaper and came out dry, scratchy. Parched.

  ‘She left ten minutes ago.’ Belle turned back and picked her way over the damp grass and towards the house. ‘Come inside, we need to talk.’

  ‘Talk to me about Ellie,’ she said when they were seated in the lounge room.

  He could still smell her sweet berry fragrance in the room. ‘Not until I know what’s going on, Belle. What did you talk to her about?’

  ‘That’s between me and Ellie for the moment.’

  ‘I thought you—’

  She held up a hand, the flash in her eyes daring him to continue. He shut his mouth. Belle was the only person who could cut him off with a look.

  ‘I promised, I know,’ she said, ‘and I’ll get to that. Right now I’m more interested in what’s going on between the two of you.’ She shook her head when he opened his mouth. ‘And don’t even think of denying it.’

  Okay. Where to start? ‘We…she…’ He trailed off, unwilling, unable, to put his thoughts and feelings into words he wasn’t sure he wanted to acknowledge to himself, let alone voice to another. ‘Ah, Belle, since the age of ten, you’re the one person I’ve always been able to come to for guidance and advice….’

  ‘So what’s changed?’

  ‘This is different.’ So different he’d never had to deal with anything remotely like it.

  ‘There’s something I’ve never told you, Matthew,’ she said quietly. ‘When I was nineteen, that man I told you about, the man I loved… We made a baby together.’

  A baby… His gaze arrested on the woman who’d given him everything a child could want, and read the lingering sadness in her eyes. ‘Belle…’

  She shook her head and her eyes glinted with moisture. ‘I listened to what others were telling me instead of my heart. I gave her up for adoption…and I’ve regretted it every day of my life since.’

  Oh, Belle. Knowing Belle’s gentle and loving nature, it must have killed her to have been forced to do such a thing. He leaned out, caught her hands. ‘I’m sorry.’

  She tightened her fingers around his and looked deep into his eyes. ‘What I’m trying to say here, Matthew, is that sometimes you have to make hard decisions, life-altering decisions, even when you don’t have all the facts, knowledge or experience. Sometimes they’re the right decisions, sometimes they’re not. But you have to do what your inner voice tells you, not what others say is the right choice…or you may regret it the way I have.

  ‘So, the question here is, what are you going to do about Ellie? If you love her, the decision will be easy.’

  Love. Was that what this gut-wrenching pain and heartache and soul searching was all about? Love?

  He didn’t believe in love—not the foolish whimsical romantic kind. But he loved Belle. His love for her was rock-solid and abiding. He loved the honest, open, beautiful person she was both inside and out.

  And when it came right down to it, wasn’t that what he admired about Ellie? Admit it, Matt. It was what he loved about Ellie. The kind of love that wasn’t going to fade. The kind that lasted for ever.

  Without family support, Belle had made all her decisions by trusting her inner voice. Years ago she’d taken a chance on a kid called Matt with a murky background and a sullen attitude.

  Now she expected the same of him. To take a chance, go with that gut feeling. He took a deep steadying br
eath to calm the hailstorm roiling within him. ‘I take it you’re not going to tell me why I’ve been here this past week as you promised you would.’

  She shook her head. ‘There’s something you need to do first.’

  Resigned, he acknowledged that.

  ‘So I’ll tell you only what you need to know. Ellie’s leaving for Healesville this afternoon. The bus leaves at one o’clock.’

  ‘Healesville? Why?’

  But Belle only shook her head.

  ‘Okay, go ahead and be stubborn.’ There was no sting in his reply as he checked his watch. It didn’t leave him much time. He kissed her on his way out. ‘Thanks, Belle.’

  The Southern Cross Station, a Mecca for travellers with its undulating steel roof floating above the vast cavernous space, usually fascinated Ellie. Today she didn’t give it a second glance.

  Her mind was still spinning with this morning’s events. Belle. Matt. She felt as if she’d been forced through a meat mincer, dragged through a cyclone, then hurled onto a roller-coaster.

  She presented her ticket and climbed aboard with moments to spare. The bus was crowded and already overly warm. She took a seat near the front beside a plump middle-aged woman who smelled of butterscotch. Ellie smiled at her then closed her eyes to forestall conversation. The engine’s grumble vibrated through her bottom, passengers talked. The vent above her seat blew a refreshing draught over her face, letting her relax for the first time since she’d climbed out of bed.

  It seemed like a lifetime ago. And in so many ways it was. Somehow she had to get her mind to focus on the afternoon ahead, if that was possible. For her own self-esteem as much as an income, she needed this job. She needed to get as far away from Matt as possible…except now she had a grandmother to consider.

  Family.

  Miracles did happen. A warm tide of emotion swamped her. She wanted to shout it to the world, to forget this job prospect and rush back to Belle. To throw her arms around her neck and tell her things she’d wanted to say to her mum all these lonely years, to tell her all about the daughter she’d given up.