I Love How You Love Me: The Sullivans

by Andre, Bella

  “Thank you, but this time I need to do it myself. All by myself.”

  “You’re one of us now—”

  “No, I’m not,” she said in a voice that was becoming more and more shaky by the word. “I can’t do this.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I thought I could, but I can’t.” The tears began to spill. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Everything inside of Dylan clenched, then froze. “You’ve had a crazy day, Grace. You don’t have to do anything more, don’t have to make any big decisions. Not tonight. Not after you’ve just been through the wringer on all fronts.”

  “I knew all along that I should have tried harder to resist you. But I kept telling myself it was just one kiss. Just one night. Just one week. Just for fun. Just for pleasure.” She wiped away her tears as she sucked in another shaky breath. “I’ve been lying to myself, and I can’t lie to myself anymore, Dylan. I can’t lie to you, either, by letting you think that I’m ready for this. For you.”

  “I promised you we’d go slow, Grace. I know I’ve pushed too hard from the beginning. Pushed you to meet my family. Pushed you to give me your days and your nights. Pushed you to let me into Mason’s life. Even though I knew you weren’t ready. You never lied, not once. I’m the one who’s screwed up again and again. Let me fix this. I’ll make sure you aren’t roped into all my family’s parties—”

  “Your family is great. They’ve been amazing to me and to Mason.”

  “Then I’ll back off. I’ll give you space, all the space you need, let you dictate the pace of things from now on.”

  “Don’t you get it?” She pushed out of his arms and spun away. “That’s just the problem. I don’t want any space! I want you all the time. Every single second. I’ve wanted you more and more since the first time I met you, the first time we spoke, the first time we kissed.”

  He didn’t want to spook her any more than she already was, so he made himself stay where he was rather than go after her. “That’s good, isn’t it? That we both want the same thing?”

  “No.” She shook her head, frantic now. “How can it be good to feel so totally out of control with my body, my heart, my head, whenever I’m with you? Whenever I even think about you? How can it be good that I fall deeper and deeper for you every single moment? How can it be good that your family already feels like mine and Mason’s? How can it be good that I want to lean on you for everything? For comfort? For pleasure? For safety?” But she didn’t let him answer any of her questions, just zoomed ahead into more. “I was finally—finally!—feeling in control of my life again. And then you showed up, standing out in front of your boathouse looking gorgeous and perfect and reaching for Mason like you’d simply been waiting for the two of us to walk into your life.”

  He knew it might be the wrong thing to say to her right now, but anything else would be a lie. “I was waiting for you. For both of you. I’ve always been happy. Always loved my life. My family. But I knew there was a missing piece out there, a love and a family of my own, like my parents have with each other and me and my brothers and Mia. I knew I would find it one day, and then, suddenly, there you were. The missing pieces, right there in front of me. I fell in love with both of you that day, and every day since has only confirmed what I knew to be true in that first moment. You’re mine, Grace. Both of you.” He reached for her. “I want to be yours, too.”

  For a moment, as she looked into his eyes, he thought she would move into his arms and give him everything he wanted: her love.

  But then her face was crumpling all over again, and she was moving back. Away from him, rather than closer. “I missed you when you were gone. Not just on this trip when you were racing, but after that first day we met in your boathouse, when you left to ferry the boat up north. Can’t you see how screwed up that is, that I already missed you so much already when I hardly knew you?”

  “I missed you, too, Grace. Missed Mason. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Everything! Everything is wrong with it. Of everyone in your family, you’re the free one, Dylan. You’re the one who has never been pinned down by anyone or anything. And no one has ever made the mistake of trying. Not when they knew that it would hurt you. What about when you want to go sailing or racing on a day I can’t bear to let you go? What if you know I’ll miss you too much so you turn down the chance and don’t take the trip to the one place you’ve been waiting to see? You’ll hate me for stealing your freedom.”

  “Never. I would never hate you. You’re right that I’ve always been free to do whatever I want, to go wherever I want, to live life as an adventure. Now I want to live those adventures with you and Mason.”

  For a moment he thought she might let herself believe that what he was saying was really true, but then she shook her head. “I’ve seen how determined you are, the way you manage to move heaven and earth to turn your dreams into reality. And you’ll never know how much I admire you for it. Or how much I wish I could be like you. But I’ve only just started to get my life back together. And I’ve got a baby to take care of, to find a playgroup for, to enroll into preschool soon. What if I let you give up your freedom for us and then the land starts closing in around you? What if you plan a trip, a badly needed sail so that you can reconnect with who you really are, and then it turns out you can’t go because you have to be here for something with Mason? Then you’ll resent us both.”

  “Grace—”

  “Mason and I are just starting to set down roots. Roots we desperately need. Roots I would never forgive myself for if all they did was bind you up.”

  “The only thing I would ever resent,” he told her, “the only thing that would ever make me upset, is losing you. Losing Mason. I’m ready for this, ready for change, ready to learn how to operate as three instead of just one.” He prayed his heartfelt words were getting through as he said, “Being with you, having a child—or, hopefully, more than one—doesn’t mean I’ll never get out on the water again. Of course I will. With my wife. My son. A daughter, too, if we’re lucky.”

  “You don’t even know if I can sail,” she protested. “Maybe I’ll only get in the way out on the water.”

  “I’ve seen you navigate meeting my family. And today, the way you dealt so bravely, so brilliantly, with your ex. You’ll be a natural out on the water, Grace. Mason will, too.” He reached for her, pressed her hands to his chest, right over his heart. “Give us a chance to figure all this out together as a team.”

  “I wasn’t supposed to fall for you.” Tears were spilling down her cheeks. “It was just supposed to be me and Mason. I planned to do anything, everything, I could to keep him safe. But then you came into our lives and turned everything upside down so fast. Too fast.”

  Dylan knew why she was reeling, understood that her ex appearing out of the blue combined with thinking she might be pregnant again had dragged up all of her fears, all of her worries, all of her trust issues. Especially when she already felt as though her feelings for him were spiraling out of her control.

  But just because he understood didn’t mean he wasn’t beyond frustrated. He wished he could just keep talking to her until he’d convinced her to see things his way. But all he could do, for tonight at least, was draw her into his arms and hold her for as long as she would let him.

  She didn’t break down in tears again, simply held on tight as he felt her gather her strength. He didn’t know how long they’d been standing together in the middle of her living room when Mason woke up, crying.

  “I have to go get Mason.” She had already drawn back from Dylan’s arms, far too quickly for his peace of mind. “I got him down too late for his nap today and now everything’s off.”

  Before, she would have invited him into the bedroom to soothe Mason. Would have let him lift Mason out of the crib and into his arms. But now, she was simply waiting for him to leave.

  “Tomorrow,” he said, desperate to know that leaving now didn’t mean never seeing her again. Des
perate to have some time to think of a way to persuade her to change her mind about taking a risk in loving him. “We were going to do the sail tomorrow. The missing piece for your story.”

  “Your mother was going to watch Mason, but now—”

  “She loves him, Grace. You know that. Nothing that happens between you and me is going to change that. Let her watch him tomorrow while we go sailing.”

  Mason wailed again from his crib, louder this time, and the sound pierced Dylan’s heart. God, how he hated not being able to go to him, to comfort the little boy whom he’d been praying would soon be his.

  “Okay,” she said quickly. “I’ll meet you at your boathouse at three o’clock. But I need to get Mason now. And I want to make sure that I lock up behind you.”

  Which meant she needed him to leave.

  But when she opened the door for him a few seconds later, even though he knew he had no choice but to go, there was something he needed her to know. “I told you before that I’d never experienced heartbreak, never truly regretted anything. But now I know that if you don’t let yourself love me back, I’ll finally be broken. And I’ll never stop regretting losing you and Mason.”

  * * *

  Dylan’s phone was ringing on the front seat of the Jeep, where he’d left it. When he saw his brother Rafe’s name on the screen, he immediately picked up.

  “Richard Bentley is in Seattle,” Rafe said without preamble. “I’ve called you a half-dozen times in the past hour to try to tell you. Where the hell were you?”

  “With Grace. Dealing with the aftermath of his visit. He threatened her and tried to make her hand over Mason.”

  Rafe swore. “Is she—”

  “She stood up for herself. She told him to leave her and Mason the hell alone and has leverage to make sure he does.” He quickly told his brother about the recording and that he needed Rafe to get the best damned custody lawyer on board ASAP. “Where is the bastard staying?”

  “You’re planning to hurt him, aren’t you?”

  “Hell, yes.”

  Rafe could have told him that he needed to tread carefully with such a big name to make sure he stayed out of the press, out of jail. But Dylan knew that if Brooke had been threatened, his brother would do whatever he could to avenge her…and protect her.

  Rafe gave him the name of Richard Bentley’s hotel and the suite number.

  * * *

  Dylan knocked on Bentley’s door hard enough that he would have made a hole through the heavy wood if her ex hadn’t opened it. One little crack was all he needed once the doorknob turned, and then Dylan was pushing in and slamming it closed behind him.

  Fear immediately leaped into Bentley’s eyes. Of course, by now Dylan had seen plenty of pictures of the guy, both in Rafe’s report and online. But Richard Bentley had been smug and totally in control in all of those images. Now, there was naked fear on his face.

  “Who the hell are you? What are you doing?”

  Dylan slammed his fist into the guy’s jaw, enjoying the crunch of bone on bone.

  That one hard punch was enough to have the guy begging. “Take my money. My wallet’s by the TV. Take whatever you want, anything from my luggage, from the room.”

  With anyone else, the pathetic begging might have stopped Dylan from doing more violence. But what this guy and his family had done deserved more than one punch. Richard needed to feel enough pain, and enough fear, that he would never dare come near Grace or Mason again.

  Dylan slammed his fist into her ex’s gut. “I’m only going to tell you this once, so you’d better pay attention. Stay the hell away from Grace and her son. Forever.”

  The guy’s eyes got big. “You’re a Sullivan. The one she’s fu—”

  Dylan’s hands were around the guy’s throat before he could finish the word. “She told me what happened. Everything that happened, everything you and your parents tried to get her to do. I know she has it all on tape, every last word those sick people said to her. If you try to force her up against the wall to try to get at a kid who isn’t yours in any way, you’re going to pay.”

  The guy was gasping, wheezing now, but Dylan didn’t want him to pass out. Not yet. Not until he heard every word.

  “I know you think you’re powerful. I know you and your family have probably won every legal battle you’ve ever been in. Between her word against yours and your parents’, you probably think you could win because of your track record with charity. Even after hearing what she has on you, you might still be cocky enough to think you’ll win. But Grace and her son, they’re with me now. With my family. And if I were you, I wouldn’t make the mistake of taking on a Sullivan. We’ll tear you apart so fast and break you into so many pieces that your family will never recover.”

  Dylan had to force himself to drop his hands from around the guy’s neck before bones were crushed. The bastard dropped to the ground, clutching his throat with both hands as he tried to choke down oxygen.

  “Jesus, you’re crazy.” Her ex could barely scratch the words out. “You could have killed me.”

  “You haven’t even seen crazy yet,” Dylan said in an ominous tone, even as he smiled a joyless smile, one full of the promise of more pain than the guy could imagine even after nearly being crushed beneath Dylan’s hands. “If I ever hear that you’ve come near Grace or her son again, if you ever try to sneak contact with them, if you ever threaten them in any way at all, my family will hit yours from all sides. We will leave no stone unturned. We will drag up every dirty, messy, ugly thing you and your ancestors have done, personal and business, for the past hundred years. And we will make damned sure the entire goddamned world hears about it all.”

  The guy had scooted back from him by then, still on the floor, with his back against the wall. “We don’t want anything do with them anymore. It was a mistake. All of it was a mistake. Coming here. Ever being with her in the first place.”

  “You could have had everything.” Dylan had seen stupid before, but never on this scale. Money and power often took everything good and bad about people and amplified it—but whatever good there might have been in Richard Bentley had long been buried by the cocky belief that he could get away with anything because no one could touch him. “One misstep and I’ll make sure you’re left with absolutely nothing. Do you understand?”

  “I won’t speak to her,” Richard said, his voice a whine of pain. “Won’t do anything to her or the kid. I’ll make sure my parents don’t, either. We won’t bother her again. Never again.”

  Dylan didn’t trust the snake’s words, but he trusted the fear he saw in his eyes, which said more than any spoken promises would have. He forced himself to rein in the rage still burning through him. Any more violence, however satisfying, would only take him down to her ex’s level.

  Without giving the worthless heap another look, Dylan left the building and headed for the harbor. He needed a fast, wild sail tonight to clear his mind and burn through his frustration, and most important of all, to figure out a way to win Grace and Mason forever.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  “Grace, Mason, it’s so wonderful to see you again!” Claudia Sullivan’s smile was wide and genuinely happy as she opened her front door to let them inside on Sunday afternoon.

  Dylan was so close to his mother that Grace figured Claudia would know what had happened yesterday. The whole horrible story, from thinking she was pregnant to Richard showing up, and then Grace pushing Dylan away. But Claudia’s expression didn’t show so much as a trace of anger.

  “Thank you so much for watching Mason again,” Grace said. “You’ve been so kind to help out while I’ve been working on the story about Dylan.”

  His name hitched in her throat, and she knew his mother must have heard it.

  “I love spending time with Mason,” Claudia said in a gentle voice. “But I also know how hard it can be to let go. And to trust someone else.”

  She could easily hear Claudia’s message: I know you’ve been hurt. And I
agree that you have every right to be wary and cautious before trusting again. There was no judgment, just understanding. And that’s what made Grace feel even worse. Because even now, even after she’d pushed Dylan away, his family wasn’t doing the same to her.

  Again and again she’d told herself that only fairy tales worked like this—where the single mother of the baby meets the perfect guy with the perfect family and he falls head over heels for them both. She’d reminded herself just as many times that it had all happened too fast and had felt too good for the blaze of heat not to cool as quickly as it had ignited. But none of those painful truths meant she wanted to hurt Dylan or anyone in his family. Not when they’d all been so good to her and her son.

  “Claudia, I need you to know...” She instinctively drew Mason closer, even though she knew he couldn’t shield her heart and that she should never use her son for that purpose even if he could. “Dylan has been wonderful. He’s been amazing with Mason. And if I could—”

  Claudia stopped her impromptu and very painful speech by putting a warm hand over hers. “Go for your sail with my son. It will help make things more clear. I just know it will.”

  Repeatedly over the past two weeks, Dylan had said that sailing with him would give her the answers she needed to finally write a compelling magazine story about the heart of a sailor. But could it also give her the answers to her other questions about how to learn to trust—and love—again?

  * * *

  Dylan hadn’t shaved and looked as though he hadn’t slept, either. But he’d never looked more beautiful to Grace. Or more real and raw—as raw as she’d felt every second since she’d bolted her door behind him the day before.

  She wanted to run to him, wanted to throw herself into his arms and never let go. Instead, she stood in the doorway of his boathouse and tried not to cry as she said, “Hi.”