by Leah Banicki
The next day went pretty smoothly; by mid-morning I was extremely bored so Janette figured out a way to get me into the hot tub with an abundance of plastic wrap on my arm. It was a laugh getting into my bathing suit, but the bruises I could see in the full-length mirror were horrific. I looked like a battered woman.
If I was brave enough I would let the show take a picture. Beyond the bruises I still had my tan and abs from the “death-by-trainer” they sent me. I wondered how long, after no workout, before the “soft me” turned into the real me.
I didn’t really want to know.
Janette escorted me out to the private swimming area and slowly I eased down the steps and let the hot water work out all the pain. We arranged it so I could rest my bad arm on the side while I sat on a few underwater towels, propping me up high enough, so my arms wouldn’t go under. Crazy ingenuity, my dad would be proud.
* * * * *
Janette was back from her date. I heard her goofy “shave and a haircut” knock and knew that she had returned. She put on a silly grin came into the bedroom. We plopped down and started talking to each other.
"Anthony is kinda dreamy." She said.
I nodded forcefully, I totally agreed.
"There is no chance for romance but I can add him to my long list of buddies now." Janette grinned with one side of her mouth.
"Awe Janette, I am sorry." I said, sincerely. My heart felt for her but inside my head there was a strange twinge of gladness that Anthony might actually be mine. I disliked myself a little at that moment.
"Don't frown, Hannah Banana. You don't have to have any guilt over the weird show jealousy junk with me. This is a complicated relationship we are part of. He is currently dating 15 girls. We all might be fighting the same feelings.”
She grabbed my hand.
"I still love you." She said with her sweetest smile.
"So how was the date, did you have fun at least?"
“Yes, it was a fun date, we went to a park and rode a ferris wheel and then had a fancy dinner. I was really tongue-tied. There were a lot of awkward pauses, but he laughed at a few of my jokes.” Janette plopped down on the bed.
I smiled weakly to give her support. “He has a great laugh!”
“Yeah,” Janette agreed.
“Let’s get a movie rental from our assistant and I will order a ton of room service. The show will treat us to the good stuff tonight. I barely ate while on the date. I kept thinking about food sticking in my teeth on live television.”
That remark got a chuckle out of me. “I totally understand that, I panic about stupid things like my zipper being stuck or toilet paper sticking to my shoes. I am not a graceful person and I have a great imagination with how stupid I could look on TV.”
Janette got to work quickly on the movie rental and room service. Soon we had a great meal and a romantic comedy to distract us for the night.
* * * * *
I had high hopes for an easy-going date with Anthony today. From his letters it didn’t look like he knew about my fall and I didn't have the nerve to tell him about it before. Also, I wondered if they had told him about Danielle’s exit and why she left. It was all a mystery to me.
I chose a simple outfit with a soft burgundy v-neck sweater, with thick soft cashmere. My mother bought it for me last Christmas. I only wore it on special occasions and it always comforted me and made me feel beautiful. I needed that today.
The schedule was to have me ready by 2 pm and it was already 2:30 and still they had not called me to leave. Usually he came up to retrieve or they escorted me out to meet him at a location.
I wondered what was going on when the cameramen came to life. That was my cue that something was about to happen.
Heidi wandered up to me holding her ear. She had an earpiece for receiving instructions.
"He is coming up now. I was informed the date for today was changed due to your injuries. They are wrapping things up. The producers apologize." She said.
I nodded and smiled. It didn’t matter if they were sorry or not. It seemed odd for them to be sorry. Just another quirky part of the show, I guessed.
Anthony arrived a minute later with roses in hand. All thoughts about the show are gone. It was just Tony and I for the rest of the night. I smelled the roses and handed them off to Heidi but grabbed the enclosed card before she did. I would read it later. I shoved it quickly into my handbag.
Five minutes passed and we were in a limousine headed to places unknown. We ended up at another hotel. I gave him a questioning look but he smiled.
"Well since your little scuffle the show suggested a night in, and I wanted you to be comfortable so we rented a penthouse at a completely different hotel. We have movies, popcorn and the camera crew as chaperones to protect your reputation. I wanted to spend time with you and have you be completely comfortable. I cannot believe you didn’t tell me about what happened. That was very unfair. How am I supposed to be your man if I cannot take care of you?" His speech was sincere, though a little unrealistic.
"I am sorry but I felt awkward. You had dates with other girls in the last few days; I felt strange trying to take your focus away from them when it was not my turn. That whole thing with Danielle was unfortunate. I just need a few more days to heal and I can hopefully never think about it again." I hoped that speech made sense.
"Yes I concede. I am also frustrated that they only told me about the Danielle issue this morning. It was a shock to me. But they showed me the video footage, and I totally agreed. It was malicious and thoughtless of her. I was so angry I could barely think straight for a while. I hope you are doing okay." He leaned in and gave me a sweet soft kiss.
"Yeah, I am okay. Just keep praying for me. I've been a bit emotional since it happened. I just feel so alone in this process sometimes. I will be okay now that I have your support. I missed you this week." I leaned in and whispered in his ears out of range of the microphones on the other side of the limousine. "I appreciate your letters. They are the one thing that keeps me going, as well as, my friendship with my roommate.” I blushed when I smelled his cologne.
“Who is your roommate?” He asked.
“Nope, no way. Won’t tell. That goes beyond my boundaries. You will find out when you watch the show. It’s already strange enough without adding roommate weirdness with you, too.” I gave him a stubborn grin and he nodded in agreement. It was fun to be in control for a half of a second.
“Well, are you ready to just hang out tonight? I am told we will have a beautiful view, a delicious dinner, you can rest and we get time alone together with the world watching of course.” His chuckle warmed me up. I snuggled into his side and just enjoyed the ride.
The evening was everything I could hope for, almost a normal date. We never had any dull moments and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company. Dinner was elegant and stunning with our table facing the city lights on the river Thames. The Palace was in view and made us both speechless. When the boats passed with their shimmering lights, it was fairytale time. For me this was magical. His gentle hugs and kisses that night made all my troubles float away. It was a perfect night with my man.
* * * * *
The next day was the date card ceremony and I had to say goodbye to Janette and a few other girls. I was devastated. We received our date cards and watched as three girls left the show.
Janette was full of gracious smiles, her long red hair swirled as she looked around for me. Bravely, she kept a smile on her face until she got to me and then a few tears escaped after I said goodbye. We promised to keep in touch. I planned to talk to her often. She was a one-of-a kind girl.
Later, I opened my date card and learned it was a group date, but I was still happy. It was for New Year’s Eve so I was already hoping for a kiss to “ring it in!” Silly me, I was such a dreamer. I spent the evening organizing my luggage, a little heavy-hearted. Two large bags were moving forward without me and just a carryon and small bag were traveling with me for my trip back home.
I prepared ahead of time and had all my Christmas gifts, more clothes sent to my parent’s home in Granger, Indiana. The show had promised to take care of my things for the week that I was home. We got another run through of our confidentiality agreement and what that means to our friends and family at home. What we can say, what we can’t say. Basically, keep your trap shut about the show. We were “happy and thrilled” to be part of Soulmate, anything else and we walk the plank!
* * * * *
Christmas at home, with my parents, completely recharged me. The week was spent leisurely. I downplayed my injuries by calling it an accident. Everyone bought the story and we moved forward with our holiday plans. Allison flew over to Indiana to spend two days with me and we escaped to the mall, along with my cousin, Chrissy. A few fans recognized me when we walked in. I felt so strange having to run back to our cars to escape the crowd before they caught up with us. It was surreal and we laughed the entire way home. From that point on the holiday was slow and I kept to low-key activities. My parents told me that I had looked good on the show and everyone in town was talking about me in glowing terms. ‘Elegant and beautiful,’ everyone was saying. It was better than everyone hating me.
Three days after Christmas I flew out. My body felt better again, my bruises faded and I was ready to be with Tony, once again.
Dear Hannah,
Thanks for the encouraging note this week. I got so discouraged after having the two girls go on their single dates with me. I do not like telling someone they aren’t my Soulmate, (probably as much as they don’t like hearing it.) I am sorry that the New Year’s date was such a bust, again, so much drama in one room. It was very upsetting watching those two girls fight and argue through the countdown. I think the show’s pressure is getting to everyone. You’d think you would be on your best behavior when the cameras are rolling, but you suddenly start losing your mind and stop caring that the cameras are present. I hope this week in Madrid has kept you entertained. I hate it that we have had no time alone with each other. You are the person here that keeps me sane. The date card ceremony is tomorrow and I have to let two girls go home. I hope you are not worried. You are the one who has a special place in my heart. I cannot wait until I can tell you how much you matter to me. Thanks again for your kind letter and all your prayers and encouragement. You are my rock.
Affectionately,
Tony
I read the letter and felt satisfied. Madrid has been a strange reality. One group date and I got very little time with him. Two of the girls were fighting in the hotel and yelling everywhere they went. The mood in the hotel was thick with their venom for each other. I thought they were friends but my guess was something happened, or indeed as Tony said, maybe the show was getting to them, too. I was hanging on by my fingernails. The letters from Tony were the only sanctuary the show had to offer, and I was pretty sure they were breaking the rules with how much he told me. He was never supposed to make promises about a date-card ceremony or tell me he cared for me. On other shows it was always interesting to see how the people falling for each found sneaky ways to say, “I love you.” Like ‘I am falling for you’ or ‘my heart leaps and bursts when I am around you’. My thoughts go back and forth from thinking the stupidest things to the best feelings I have ever had. I decided to write Tony back before I left for the day, on another sight-seeing bus trip around Madrid. It was something to do besides think about my Tony on dates with the other girls.
Dear Tony,
Take care of yourself today. I am off to see more museums and touristy places, wishing you were with me. Someday soon I will walk hand-in-hand with you again. You are my rock too.
Hannah
I grabbed my big purse and headed out. Glad the two prize fighters in the group are now on their way home. They were let go by Anthony during their dates. He really had not been impressed by their snotty behavior, obviously. He didn’t even make it to dinner with the first one. He said goodbye in the first 20 minutes of the date. It seemed sad to waste a date and I would have loved to spend that time with him.
* * * * *
In the date card ceremony he actually kissed me as he handed me the card. It was only a peck, but it was on the lips. I could not believe he did that! It was very bold and I heard a gasp from every girl there. Desiree stared me down with daggers as I got back in the line next to her. I did not care in the slightest. I opened the card and read.
Come to Australia with me.
Tony
There was a tiny hand-drawn heart next to his name. Cute, I know it's cheesy but it totally worked for me.
I was giddy the entire plane ride to Sydney. I wondered what was ahead for me. The days needed to move faster while I was waiting to be see him and needed to last forever when I was with him. I ended up praying for patience every hour or so.
The turquoise-green water greeted me before we reached Cairns, Australia, along with the white sandy beaches. What a stunning transition from the European cities we just came from. The private hotel and beach were serene and the water uncluttered by the masses.
This was the most beautiful beach I had ever seen. The salty breeze and the calm waves helped me ignore the other women. When we caught a private jet from Sydney to this reserved spot of scenic coastline, I could see signs of a nearby underwater reef. I was hoping beyond all hope that Anthony and I would go snorkeling together; it was a lifelong wish to see a coral reef. Seeing it with him would truly complete that dream. My heart was light today, knowing that I had a date with him in two days. I planned on relaxing and enjoying this haven. I had my own room and planned to avoid as much drama as possible.
* * * * *
Tempers flared at dinner and I excused myself. Desiree had a hissy fit about her personal assistant assigned to her by the show staff. She accused her assistant of laughing behind her back. I found myself smirking as I left, wondering what she would have to say about that!
No amount of trying had allowed Desiree and me to form any kind of bond. We had successfully avoided each other for most of the trip. I fully planned to keep it that way.
The next day I had a good book to read and a sunny spot to ease my mind. A little swim in the clear water was perfect. The warm water was calming as it lapped against my feet. I thought about the journey so far, and hoped that tomorrow's date would be ideal.
I returned to reality when Desiree crowed about her date, snorkeling on the reef with Anthony, and I wanted to lose my dinner. She shared about how well he kissed and that he told her that she was beautiful and sexy.
My jealous flags were flying and suddenly my heart did a two-story drop. I could not rely on anything she said as the truth, but it scared me. This show had its moments where it took your breath away thinking about the futility of us all living together and dating the same man.
What was I thinking?
I left the common area again feeling like the anti-social moron of the whole show. I always seemed to be running off and hiding from everyone.
Perhaps I cared too much for Tony to hear about the competition, even if I believed he cared for me. He still kissed the other girls, but he probably had to so the show would continue. Six girls remained and we all felt a bit of ownership of him. I had seen the show. The broken hearts were starting to line up.
Being on the other side of the camera, it was harder to guess who was next to go. At home people were probably talking about who their favorites were, and I played the game, too. Just last season I was routing for Anthony because he was so charming, sweet and good looking. He was the catch, I thought, but he was third runner up, and he seemed pretty devastated when he left the show. He thought there was a spark with him and the bachelorette of the show. It shocked him to know that it wasn't strong enough for the bachelorette to keep him.
Now it was my turn to play the guessing game. Was this all just for the show? Was he keeping me to make his mom happy? The nice Christian girl? Argh... the stress was beginning to creep in and I promised myself that I wouldn't t
orture myself this way. It was just Desiree crawling under my skin and driving me batty with her stories. Perhaps they were only just stories, nothing more. I guessed we would find out soon enough.
All night, my sleep was interrupted by doubts. I needed to see Tony, my Tony. He would make it all right again.
* * * * *
The date began. We had a helicopter ride together around the scenic landscape. When we landed there was a jeep waiting for Tony and I. Another Jeep loaded with two camera guys followed next to us, as we traveled along a dirt road. We ignored the cameras and just enjoyed the sunny day. We were alone, finally, with no interruptions. I was told to dress for hiking. I was ready to do anything to spend time with Tony, hiking, swimming, or mud wrestling, just give me a date!
He had a nice tan from all the sunny locations and his dark hair showed signs of the sun lightening a few of the edges. It did things to me…
The landscape got denser and we finally came to a trail sign by a picnic area. We skipped past the table and started hiking the trail. We went a few miles and I was thrilled to get out and have some fun. They let me bring the point-and-shoot camera along under strict rules that it would not be uploaded until after the show had aired. I was just thrilled to have a chance to get shots of us together. We were in Australia!
There were several babbling brooks that teased us along the trail for an hour or so; I caught a frog in the middle of the trail. I kissed the frog for the camera crew, who cheered when I gave it a big smooch, before getting squeamish and jumpy. I laughed and then wiped my mouth. The crew left us alone most of the time. They usually talked to us when we were quiet or they had an idea for us to do. We stopped and shared a bite to eat at the first waterfall, as it roared pleasantly, behind us.
We reached the second waterfall an hour later. It was a welcome break to dive in and cool off in the pool. The thin stream of water cascading over a cliff’s edge was about a foot wide. It wasn’t too forceful to discourage us from jumping under it and letting it splash on our heads. It was very invigorating, but at the same time, chilly. I was ready, after a few minutes, to dry off in the sun. We lay down on a blanket in the sun, he held my hand, and we were wordless for a while. My eyes were closed and I enjoyed the warmth of his hand. It was a lovely, sleepy activity. I woke up with something crawling across my arm. I jumped and smacked at a beetle that was making his way to my shoulder. My movement woke Tony and we had a good laugh after our nap.