by Leah Banicki
“We certainly are exciting today!” I said with a big smile.
“I don’t care how exciting that was for the television crew, it was lovely.” He turned to one of the camera crew that was hovering in the shade, looking bored. “How long did we sleep?”
“About 30 minutes.” One guy said, grumpily. He looked sweaty and bothered. I wondered to myself why they didn’t jump in a cool off in the water. It’s not like we owned it.
“Thanks.” Tony said and then grimaced at me. I think he sensed the camera guy’s impatience.
We got dressed and I spent a minute brushing out the wet tangles of my hair, I didn’t want to be too vain, but I was aware that I was on television. I had enough sense to brush my hair and throw on some lip-gloss, at least. I was thankful for the waterproof mascara as I glanced in the compact mirror. I handed my bag back to the camera crew and thanked them.
Anthony and I both chugged down a half a bottle of cold water and continued our hike. Tony held my hand as we made our way over a mossy log. The show provided me with some very nice hiking boots and the traction on the rocks, roots and mossy undergrowth was pretty good. Moment number four thousand twenty three of this show was when I wished I had my good camera. The darkness in the denser parts of the landscape was not light enough to get good shots with a point-and-shoot camera.
“You are handling yourself well today, Hannah.” Anthony had sincere praise in his eyes and I enjoyed his gaze.
“Well, Mr. Death-by-Trainer whipped me into shape to get me on the show.” I gave him a wink. “The things we do for love.” I blushed, after having said the ‘L’ word out loud. Kind of taboo by the show’s rules but it had slipped out, no take backs.
“Indeed.” He said after an awkward pause. I had no idea what he was thinking.
He took my hand and pulled me up from my sitting position on the log. He was inches from my face and gave a nod with his chin to point behind me. My gaze followed his and I saw what caught his attention.. A group of multi-colored butterflies had been disturbed and were swirling around each other. It was a lovely dance of nature and my heart beat contentedly as we watched it for several minutes in silence. Then the last of the butterflies settled back into the wild tangle of the underbrush.
Still in Tony’s arms I turned back to face him. I wanted to say thank you but I did not want to break the silence. The forest date hadn’t been my first choice for today but suddenly, I could not think of a single place in the world I would rather be. We stared into each other’s eyes for far longer than we should have, while still maintaining sanity. I saw something there, words unsaid, a promise of more than a flirtation. My heart was jumping inside me, but no one would ever know from my outward stillness. What was happening here? Was it love?
“Hannah?” Tony said softly. His voice was rough and with signs of emotion behind the word.
“Yes Tony?” I said, quickly.
“I hope you know what I want to say.” He said, a look of pain crossed his forehead.
“I…don’t know…you can say anything to me, Tony. You don’t have to be anything but you around me.” I said in confusion and a tiny spark of hope.
“I am falling, Hannah. I cannot say anymore. But I want to. Please stay with me on the show.” His eyes said everything he felt.
“I will stay, Tony, don’t be afraid, I am falling too.” I said it – he said it. It wasn’t just a figment of my imagination.
His kiss was passionate and hungry and I felt my heart tip over the edge of the cliff as I finished my free fall, into the dangerous water that love keeps us in.
After our moment of passion we continued our hike and stopped many times to smile and stare at each other. I knew what he said, and he knew what I said, we never said the words but we were falling in love. Chapter 11
Last week I met Tony’s parents. I have been reliving that enjoyable moment during the long wait to see him again. He had been so great with my parents, too. These last few weeks have flown by. Dates, visits and lots of tears from the four other girls he sent home.
Today was our final date in the gorgeous Bahamas. He would arrive here any minute, and we would get to spend all day together. The air was balmy and my heart was light.
I received a card at my hotel room that announced my date and what type of clothing to bring along. Makeup artists and hairdressers came to my room and an hour and a half later I was ready. The camera crews were prepared, one group with me, one group with him. They always knew where we were headed. I barely noticed them anymore.
At 11 a.m. I headed out the door in designer shorts and a tank top, more expensive than anything I owned in my own closet, at home. The bathing suit I wore underneath was the hardest compromise. It was a bikini but as tasteful as money could buy. A two-piece suit had to be approved by the producers and the sex appeal was their main concern, but not in the way I thought. They wanted less material – I wanted more. We settled with something that I wouldn’t be ashamed to wear in front of my parents and they reluctantly approved. I think they were just tired of me whining, so they agreed.
My long brown hair was swept up and no matter how much I tried, I would never be able to mimic it at home. These hairdressers were angels in disguise, sent to earth to do hair.
I saw Anthony at the end of the dock and he was devastatingly handsome. It had been a few days since I had seen him. He met my parents two weeks ago and it went perfectly. They loved him, my mom sent me little notes during dinner, under the table, and my dad said that he had asked permission to propose. I was fully expecting to become his fiancée at the end of the show. It didn’t always happen, but most of the time it was kind of expected by the show’s producers. This situation was intense and I knew that Anthony was under a lot of pressure. I sure hoped that our dates made him feel at ease.
His hand was warm in mine as we chatted about simple things. We had to wait until the cameras were ready. Someone was complaining about the lighting. It was a few minutes before they started bringing in the boom microphones. The show kept most conversations private and gave us warning when the microphones were “live.” We always knew when they would be taping audio portions.
“Hannah, I know you live in New York like I do, but your family lives in Indiana. Is it going to be a problem for them if we stay in the city, permanently?” Anthony asked, as we sat on the white sand. The water in front of us was calm and clear as glass.
“They have always supported me in my career and I tend to get more work when I live in the city. I travel a lot and visit them often. They are so great.” I was aware that he knew this, but it kept the conversation going for the cameras. We had to say something to keep the producers happy.
“Anthony, this place is so stunning. I sometimes want to pinch myself… I just can’t believe I found someone like you and we are here together.” I leaned over and kissed his shoulder. “I feel so lucky that we found each other.” I knew he understood how I felt. I was just desperate to tell him tomorrow. After the show was over I would not have to ‘share’ him with anyone again.
“I know baby, some people spend their whole life alone and the few times, in my life, when I was at my lowest was when I thought I might be one of them. I feel like God saved me when I saw you that first night.” Anthony winked. We were both hamming it up for the crew. Once the producers were satisfied with the segment, they took away the microphones and gave us a few directions about what they wanted to do next. First a small lunch then swimming, was on the agenda, we gladly changed into our swim gear after we ate. The hair dressing angels gladly undid the hair and brushed it out long for me, so I could swim. What a waste of good hair product.
The warm weather was perfect for an afternoon swim. We jumped into the shallow bay and frolicked in the water. The sun was delightful and the scene was romantic. Later, we took a stroll through the little shops, near the boardwalk, and bought a few trinkets. The hotel where we were booked was bought out for the week by the show. The only people around this secluded area
were townsfolk and show’s staff. The townspeople were happy to see us. I wondered if the revenue was enough to keep them afloat. I asked someone from the show and they said the town had been compensated. I was glad no one was suffering for our silly tv show.
Anthony and I talked about our dreams and future goals as we continued on our date. We were led to a dock and enjoyed snorkeling along a private reef. I was glad to finally be diving with Tony, even if I didn’t have an underwater camera.
After snorkeling we were whisked away from each other for an hour and a half to prepare for dinner. My long hair was curled to perfection and I slipped on my amethyst silk gown. It was delicate and stunning. I was informed that I was allowed to keep a few of the outfits they picked for me. This gown would certainly be on the list, I had already put dibs on the green dress from the Scotland date and a few other pieces that spoke to me. Maybe I’d get to wear some of them on my honeymoon, in the future. I wanted to hug myself, I was so happy.
I arrived to the table first and Anthony was away being interviewed about the current date in progress. It would be very special to watch all of these memories, from the show, and replay all the wonderful things that were said during our adventure. I was very emotional and practically gushed during my interview, before they seated me at the table.
Anthony arrived in a stunning dark blue suit. The cameras were running around us for the whole thing, so we kept our conversation about the show and enjoyed our time together. There was one thing that made me certain about our relationship, sometimes life throws weird situations at you and you have to survive as a team. My parents taught me well.
After the last course, Randall, the host, arrived and offered us an envelope and a card key. When he left we opened it.
The deluxe suite for two…
We both laughed, uncomfortably.
“I was thinking about this earlier, but forgot all about it once I shared dinner with you.” Anthony said, with a charming smile. “I think we both know that this is going to be a “no!” I respect you enough to pass on the chance to spend the night. I care about you and hope we can set a good example. We have had a beautiful day together. I will be seeing you tomorrow!” He gave me a wink and kissed me softly. I agreed with his decision wholeheartedly and after a few minutes we said our goodnights and headed to our separate rooms. * * * * *
I was laying in bed later when a thought came to me. What if people think it’s just an act? That they really don’t believe consenting adults can be in love and wait for sex? It’s not like I didn’t have feelings for him or that part of me didn’t want to spend the night in his arms. I am as human as any other girl in love. Kisses feel good, and his touch on my hands and my face drives me mad, but I respect myself more. I was raised to respect God’s plan of marriage first. Easier said than done, some would say. But I felt a sense of responsibility to try and do this the right way. I wanted Tony, but I could wait.
I went to sleep shortly after. The last day of filming was tomorrow. The last show!
* * * * *
I awoke early to a phone call. The producer wanted to meet with me about the wrap up of the show. The show had a packet for me on ‘how to deal with the press,’ and go over my confidentiality agreement, again. I was up and in my jogging suit in a few minutes. I wouldn’t be jogging, but comfort, when I was off-camera was at a premium.
The hotel had a conference room and we met and discussed the next five weeks.
“There are five weeks of show left to be aired. We know you will be staying with your parents in Indiana for the interim.” Joseph Warren, the assistant producer, explained. He was always so serious. I wondered if he ever cracked a smile.
“Yes, I will be in Granger, Indiana.” I sipped my coffee. I was trying to listen but my thoughts were on Anthony and finally getting back to life. I missed my camera, my job, my cell phone, basically, freedom in general.
“The press will easily figure out where your family lives so I would expect Paparazzi in a few days. After that you are going to want to stay close to home. Have your friends and family bring you what you need. You will be compensated for your time off work and you will be allowed to do some interviews from TV programs we have listed. They will be above board and they will pay well, too. You are required by law to honor your confidentiality agreement until the day after the final show. Then you are still under obligation to talk about the show in general terms. Any disparaging talk of the show will be grounds for action against you. ” Joseph continued to go over the confidentiality agreement with a great attention to every detail. I know I had to protect the show and there were certain things I could never share. The morning flew by as we poured over documents.
The day was going to drag, I just knew it. After lunch we went over the details of the date and where the cameras would be, it was the same issues every time, as they gave us clues on where to stand and to ‘try not to face our backsides to the cameras.’ I wondered if I’d be considered a professional now and could get a job acting in a soup opera. I suddenly wished to share the joke with my roommate, Allison, or Janette. Any friend would be great.
The scene would be beautiful, my nerves jumped a little but after a moment I calmed down. My life with Anthony would be starting soon. I couldn’t wait to introduce my new man to Allison, I was sure they would get along great.
The day finally moved forward and I had to pick the final dress. I had twenty dresses to choose from but ended up with a Navy blue layered dress. It played off my curves nicely and I felt like a Queen. I soon had my hair styled, impossibly complex, and the makeup expertly applied. I was ready.
The car ride wasn’t long. I saw the walkway up at the top of a nearby hill all decorated the way only Soulmate would do. Elaborate floral arrangements and ropes led to the bottom. I climbed out of the limo and walked up and around the corner, trying hard not to let my heels sink into the grass, too much. I didn’t want anything to ruin this moment. My heart was beating fast as I rounded the corner and saw him. My prince, Anthony, the man I had waited my whole life for.
His grin made my heart do a flip; his charming smile was movie star handsome. This was it, my moment.
“Hannah, you look stunning.” He said. He helped me take the last few steps toward the center of the platform. His hand was warm. It made me long to be held by him.
“Thank you, Anthony. You are quite dashing yourself.” We had a moment to chat as the cameras got in position. I took a step closer and I could smell his cologne.
They were given the go ahead to begin and the air around them became very still. I didn’t want to breathe.
“Oh Hannah, when I started this journey I had no idea how deeply I could fall for someone in this situation, the dates and the traveling. It’s such a magical whirlwind.” I nodded agreeing, it had been quite a journey. “How did things grow so fast?” He grabbed my hand and I held my breath.
“I have fallen in love, Hannah. It is the real thing. I have never felt this way and yet I knew somehow God would find that perfect person for me.” Anthony looked down for a second and took a deep breath. For the briefest second I wasn’t sure what he was going to say and then his smile warmed my heart again.
“I have fallen in love with Desiree. I care about you very much but I don’t believe you are my soul mate.” Anthony held my hand and smiled as he said it.
I felt the world crash down around me. “I don’t understand Anthony.”
My brain took a long pause. I didn’t move an inch.
“I’m sorry.” He muttered and broke my silence trance.
“You told me I was just the girl you were looking for. You asked my father for permission to propose. All the letters you wrote telling me that you were falling for me.” I stammered through the word propose. I could feel myself crossing into dangerous and foolish territory. I was about to make a huge fool of myself, on national television. Two fat tears escaped down my cheeks, then a few more of their friends. I was being dumped.
“I do care abou
t you Hannah, please don’t be upset. I just wanted to be honest with you that I feel like the chemistry just isn’t there.” Anthony pleaded with his eyes, the eyes I could have looked into forever.
“Why did you give me all those kisses when you thought we lacked chemistry? You said …” I felt myself pull back. This was going nowhere. “I need to go. Good luck with Desiree.”
I started to walk toward the exit, back down the winding hillside. I turned back to see him there, the untouchable Anthony. I had to tell him before I left how I felt.
“I love you Anthony, you knew that when you kissed me, and when you met my parents and told me about your dreams and how we could take on the world together. Why would you go on if you were in love with someone else?” I felt my heart break into a million pieces. My stomach was beginning to hurt and I desperately wanted to take off my stupid shoes and run away. Why was he following me down the hill?
“I just wanted to give you a fair chance Hannah, but Desiree and I are a great fit. She sets me on fire.” Anthony had a strange guilty look cross his face. Hannah knew at once what it was. She didn’t even want to think it. He wouldn’t… especially after saying on camera so many times about how a man can have integrity and save himself for marriage.
“Anthony, you didn’t, did you?” My tears poured through my mascara. For a moment I couldn’t see through the blur. I felt my temper rise when I saw the slightest momentary shrug of one of his shoulders. Like a little boy caught with a hand in the cookie jar.
“We got swept away Hannah. I am sorry.” Anthony tried to reach for my hand but I overreacted a little and pulled away. I felt so humiliated.