by Leah Banicki
Love you friend,
Hannah P
I pressed the send key and there was a flash of light outside a side window.. I expected thunder to roll but it didn’t. I turned to look and saw at least ten people standing outside my window. All holding their cameras up and the flashes were blinding me. Once I looked up they all started yelling. The adrenaline jolt got me moving immediately.
I jumped off the bed and tripped on the bag that was on the floor, all I could see was the dots from the flashes.
“Dad, Mom!” I yelled. I stood up and made for the door. The room was dark and my vision affected.
“What in the dickens?” My dad declared as he saw the people outside my window. “They are trespassing on my property. I had no idea they could do that.”
“They can’t dad. They are not allowed to be on our property at all!” I escaped the room and stood with my mom, as my vision cleared.
My brother and his wife were standing there looking as perplexed as my Mom felt. I had been so happy and peaceful until that moment. One minute later the doorbell rang and scared us all. We were speechless. The sound of the dishwasher running in the kitchen rang through the silence as we decided what to do.
“I’ll get the door.” My Dad said, taking charge. “Hannah go hide in the living room. My chair doesn’t face any windows.”
My Dad went to the door and cracked it open an inch. The cacophony of voices could be heard from the living room.
“This is a private residence! I suggest you remove yourselves from my property or I am calling the police.” I heard my Dad’s ‘no nonsense’ voice.
“No comment!”
“No comment!”
The door was slammed and he bolted it. I heard him stomp over to the cordless phone on the wall and dial.
“Yea , this is the Parker residence. We discussed the media being an issue. Please send out that security detail.” There was a pause. “Yes.”
“Well that is nice of them.” Another pause. “When should we expect our lawn to be cleared of the rubbish?”
I laughed – the rubbish. My Dad was so funny. I heard my Dad hang up the phone and tell my brother and wife that they should wait until the cops cleared the driveway of media vans before they left for the night.
There were vans? I sighed. I was told about this, I don’t know why I was so surprised. Chapter 13
I slept a lot for that first week. The security detail the show paid for was prompt and took care of the paparazzi soon after the “peeping incident.” I stayed, mostly, in the rooms that had blinds that first week. I just didn’t want to be bothered. Monday night was a problem for me because it was the airing of the show. It was a strange feeling knowing you were going to be on television. Your entire hometown would be watching it. I wanted to know how I was portrayed, but, at the same time, I dreaded it. We had a family talk about it over the weekend and decided it would just be between my parents and me. But Chrissy, who lived in the apartment above my parent’s garage, wanted in on the fun. I said no at first but then buckled under to her begging. I had to keep my mouth shut during the show. I brought a notebook with me, the night of the show, to journal while watching. It was my therapy. I needed it!
Chrissy made some popcorn and we gathered around the flat screen. I was pretty sure I did not want to see myself in HD. The show intro started and my mom scooted in next to my hip. She grabbed my hand and I felt my wall go up. Here we go.
Anthony was as beautiful as ever. The show, of course, had a shot of him coming out of a pool, his abs and muscles shown off to perfection. I always did enjoy looking at him. I sighed.
“Hannah, you have to be one of the luckiest women alive.” Chrissy gushed as Anthony’s photo splashed across the screen. I grinned, I felt like an actress. My mom squeezed my hand.
The start of the show began with each girl from the last show reading their date card. Some had group dates and then two girls had an all-day event with him. I wasn’t sure where they were with the show, but I knew once Desiree flashed up on the screen. Her blond highlights and waves were perfectly in place as she read her date card out loud.
‘Let’s make fireworks. We can spend all day together. I can’t wait. Yours, Anthony.’ Desiree read then turned to the camera. She gave it a wink and said. ‘I plan on making fireworks every time we are together.’ She laughed and I wanted to puke. It was strange seeing someone else’s experience. It’s not like I ever got to read any one else’s date card, or see the video diaries either.
Oh, the video diaries!! I had forgotten the hundreds of times I had to plop down in front of the camera and was asked questions or prompted to share my heart. Can I stop watching now? I am not sure I can handle this, after all.
“Oh Hannah it’s your turn.” Chrissy was on cue to pull me back in.
I was there bigger than life. Looking pretty, if I did say so myself. Those makeup artists were very talented. I held my date card and paused a moment. I looked up at the camera and gave it a sly smile. When did I learn to do that? I was trying to crawl into the couch cushions.
‘Time to see the sea, you & me. ~ Anthony’
I held the card against my heart and sighed. Could I be more cheesy?
The next hour and a half was cathartic; watching him make out with Desiree had been the high point. Later two girls on the group date had spent some personal time with him baring their souls, declaring their love for him. I felt sorry for them. But then my date was on, it was romantic and the dialogue was as poignant as I remembered it. We were shown laughing then kissing, and then talking some more. If I could separate my self from it I would say I was looking at two people in love.
The show ended when he handed out date cards to four girls. He would be spending a week with each girl’s family. The episodes would break it up and show two girls per week. I remembered feeling so honored to be picked. I wrote a message on my notebook and showed my mom next to me.
KILL ME NOW!!!
My mom delicately snorted.
The show was finally over and the next week’s preview showed snippets from all four families’ visits. My parents both blushed when they popped up on screen. Chrissy cheered.
“I am so glad I got that hairstyle. It looks great onscreen!” Chrissy was always just Chrissy.
I excused myself, went to bed, buried my head in a pillow, and sobbed for only a little while. I just didn’t want to be interviewed by the ever-so-perky cousin or see the sorrow in my parent’s eyes.
I pulled out my Bible and read for a while. I sniffled and always had a tissue box near me. That was probably my mother, taking care of me behind the scenes.
I wrote down a verse in my journal. One of my favorites:
Psalm 43:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
I prayed for a while trying to remember my faith was not in TV shows or finding the perfect mate, but in God. I had been working on forgiving Anthony but then put it off. I gave my troubles over to God and let Him lead me to a peaceful place. I journaled for a few minutes and finally fell to sleep.
* * * * *
The next week was a reprieve for me because the show was focused on the two girls who were soon to be dumped. I saw the same desperation in their eyes as I felt myself, wanting quality time with the man and mostly, getting very little. The show always kept me guessing.
I felt myself slipping into a few bad habits during the days leading up to the show. I even started comfort eating.
My mother was very skilled at comfort food. I noticed that everyone in the family made all sorts of excuses to stop by and see me and they always brought food. I guess I was the famous relative after all.
Two weeks after being home I had a few friends from high school stop by. They brought brownies. I was dressed in sweats and would have gladly said I wasn’t home, but I didn’t think lying was a good way to start my day. My mother let them in and I waved and put on my actress face. My mo
ther made herself scarce so I could visit.
“Wow, Hannah, you look so different than on TV. It must be nice to just hide out from the world.” My old friend Shellie plopped down on the couch. It had been at least four years since I had talked to her. She was probably just curious after seeing me on TV.
“Well it’s part of the contract. The more I am seen in public the easier it is for the news media to figure how the show ends.” I made an effort to put on a friendly smile. “I am sorry I didn’t get dressed up for your visit. You should have called.”
Really, who doesn’t call anymore? I swiped a hand at my hair and hoped it looked better than I thought it did.
-Sigh
“Isn’t your brother, Joe, married and settled?” Shellie asked, being polite.
“Yes, he and his wife have visited a few times. My nieces are little angels.”
Shellie had her little sister with her, along with another girl that looked familiar.
“So how often do you and your man, Anthony, get to see each other since he proposed?” Shellie asked. I kept my composure and gave her a raised eyebrow.
“Now you know I can’t talk about the show. Seriously, I am wondering why you came by.” I looked at Shellie’s sister and she had a moment of doubt, or was that guilt in her eye?
“I have been so rude. Who is your friend?” I looked at the third woman in the party. She was wearing jeans and a nice sweater, but I could have sworn I had seen her before in a tailored business suit.
That’s it! A light bulb went off in my head. It was a local newswoman. I couldn’t remember her name… I put my hand out for an introduction.
“Hi I’m Sandy.” She said with her voice low and smooth, perfect for interviewing.
“You are Sandy Thomas, and you are leaving! All of you.” I ordered.
I walked into the kitchen and took the phone of the wall. I hit the auto dial and within a minute four security guards were standing next to me. I explained the situation and they went into action, I was escorted to my room and they walked the visitors out. I saw my reflection in the hallway mirror. Argh! My hair was only a mild tangle. Just ugly enough to make me cringe a little.
My mother was doing pre-planting in her garden – probably just wishful thinking with an occasional leaf or dead plant debris removal. I thought. She must have heard the racket caused by the women yelling about brutality. I was trying to block out everything past the point where I kicked them out. It didn’t work. I was a frazzled mess. My hands were shaking and it didn’t make it any better with their removal. I wanted to blame someone, anyone. I couldn’t blame my mother because she knew Shellie from when we were buddies years ago. I wondered how much that reporter offered to pay Shellie for getting her into the house. I hoped it was substantial because I would never trust her again, I thought bitterly. What kind of friend would do that?
My mother joined me on my bed, I felt like I was fourteen again instead of twenty-six. She apologized several times. I calmed her down. It wouldn’t do one bit of good to blame anyone. I reasoned ‘we all just needed to tighten the defenses. No visitors, no questions, and tighter security’.
I sent my mother off to her gardening and putzing and remained in my room. I read a few emails and snuggled into bed for a good book. Nothing romantic today. How about a mystery? I was pulled in quickly and didn’t notice my hunger or time passage. A good book was the perfect distraction today.
“Hi sweetheart, you want me to bring in dinner or you want to join us. I was just gonna watch the news then we could watch a DVD.” My Dad was trying to cheer me up. I wondered what movie he had rented.
“I will join you guys in the living room. I can grab my own plate. I am a big girl.” I sat my book down and jumped up from the bed. Too much moping, I told myself. I needed to move on, soon.
With a full plate of roast chicken and potatoes I joined my parents as the sports news was winding down. They were talking about Notre Dame basketball. March madness was going to be in full swing soon. Notre Dame was a few miles away and was always in the news. I tuned it out and discussed my mother’s plans for her garden.
“You know I always want to try something new every year. This year I was planning on a planting a row of pale tea roses near the front walk.” My mother was thrilled to share her vision.
“That sounds lovely.” I said, I had no idea what a tea rose was but I was a fan of roses in general. What girl wasn’t? I wanted my mom to know that I was supportive of what she loved.
I heard my name coming from the television and we all stopped what we were saying.
“Dad, rewind it.” He hit rewind on the DVR and we watched in stunned silence.
“Hannah Parker, America’s brunette sweetheart on Soulmate was seen today at her Granger, Indiana hideout.” Sandy Thomas, who had been in her home earlier, was now standing outside their home in one of her form-fitting tailored suits.
“In an exclusive interview, Hannah seemed tired of hiding and wanted to speak out.”
It looked as if Sandy was in her living room in her suit, how nice. It was her voice that asked the question. “So how often do you and Anthony get to see each other since he proposed?” My hackles were rising. I had a bad feeling about this.
“Yes, he has visited a few times.” The camera was pointed at me. There was the smallest edit mark and it was grainy. Where had she hidden a camera? I looked terrible. My hair was a wreck. My face looked pale and the quality of the film was poor. They panned back to the outside shot. Sandy was standing on the street outside the Parker home.
“It seems Hannah Parker has some big plans coming up. I just hope she doesn’t spend the rest of her time in hiding, the way she did during our interview today.” They went to a still shot of me taking a bite of a brownie, mouth wide open. I remembered the “intruders” holding brownies and they were taking bites of the treat, but now they showed me chomping away on one.
“Hannah, be careful. You are too pretty to be a plus-size bride!” Sandy stated with a smirk.
I had seen many cartoons, in my life, where someone’s face turned red and their head actually exploded. I was pretty certain that my head did that. My dad hit the pause button on the DVR and I fumed. My forgotten mashed potatoes slid off the plate to the couch. I yelped and then burst into tears as I scooped up mashed potatoes with my bare hands and plopped it back on the plate.
“That was the most insensitive, bad TV editing I have ever seen.” My mother was pacing.
The phone rang just then and I yelled.
“I am not available!!” I was losing my cool, quickly.
My father answered.
“We did see.” Pause. “No, a high school friend snuck the reporter in.” Pause. “We have taken precautions. No more visitors.” My dad hung up, headed over to me, and took the plate of food away. My mother brought me a napkin and I wiped the mess off my hands.
“That was the show. They saw that you said nothing substantial. They just wanted to make sure we had no more accidents like that.” His voice was suddenly tired. I don’t think we were really ready for this.
“Mom, dad, I am sorry I got us all into this.” I sat down on the floor. All my energy was gone. “This is the stupidest thing I have ever done. I can’t believe I traded my family’s privacy for a lie. It just isn’t worth it.” I cried on the floor. I felt sick to my stomach, lonely, stupid and the image of my gaping mouth eating a brownie was replaying in my head, for extra credit.
They both joined me on the floor as I sobbed. I was pretty certain this was the lowest point of my life. Chapter 14
It was five weeks exactly since I had seen Anthony. I was in New York. My friend, Allison, was in the audience next to my parents and I was primped and readied for the lights and cameras. All the other girls were already being interviewed. This was all part of the ‘after the final date’ show. I was good for another two minutes. This was when I would be brought on the show for an interview by the handsome and sympathetic host. I was mildly shaking like a n
ervous Chihuahua, thinking I was glad to be wearing water-proof mascara. I saw snippets of the last show with the final dates while I was in hair and makeup. I asked them to turn it off if they only wanted to apply the makeup once. The makeup artist said this was pretty typical of the show. They knew the ropes. I was pretty certain I was going to be strung up by the same ropes.
“Hannah Parker, on in three..” He gestured two fingers, then one, then the curtain opened and I was escorted to the chair next to our handsome host, Randall Bartholomew.
“Hannah Parker, sit here.” Randall wore a look of extreme sympathy. Hannah doubted his sincerity after all these years. He was a good actor, too.
“America watched and was broken-hearted today when we all saw your time with Anthony end on the final episode of Soulmate. You probably don’t know the results of the polls but you were the fan favorite. Everyone wanted you to get the ring.”
Oh, that was so comforting, everyone but the love of my life wanted me to be married to him. My inner dialogue needed a little cheeriness.
“I didn’t know that, Randall.” I was not sure what to say.
“I know you haven’t had a chance to watch the final episode so we wanted you to be able to see it now.” Randall took her hand like a friend and they turned to watch the screen that conveniently popped up next to them. I heard the shuffling of a cameraman as he pulled in for a close up on my face.
Oh Lord, please help me.
The television showed me resplendent in the navy gown I had tried to forget about. I was pretty sure I would never look more beautiful in my entire life. I watched the scene unfold, as I walked gracefully up the grassy hill and then into an embrace from Anthony. I remembered it over and over in my head, but seeing it was beyond the fantasy. This was too much. I felt my throat tighten as his words poured over me again.
“I am in love.” He said, “With Desiree.”
I felt the tide wash over the barricade. My tears were caught on film with a close up camera. The tears escaped and ran down my face followed by a sniffle and what was close to a sob.