by J H Cardwell
How could he go on?
“Elle, why?" he said in almost a cry. "What kind of hold does he have over her? I don’t understand it.” Then as if he couldn’t stand it anymore he turned and said, “I’ll see you around.”
In some ways, she wanted to run to him, and tell him she wasn’t really serious, and that Reese wasn’t with Carter. That Reese was actually dying inside, just like him. But her feet felt frozen to the ground…unable to deal the truth.
Chapter 10
Graduation finally came. I was able to act happy for my family’s sake. It was a freeing feeling to be done with high school. Although I officially became an adult last October, when I turned 18, I now really felt ready to be a grown up.
It was great being around my friends for pictures, and actually laughing…That had been a foreign concept for over two weeks now. Tate had stopped texting. On one hand, I was relieved that I wasn’t being tortured by his ever-presence pain…on the other hand, it hurt knowing he was moving on so quickly.
Carter was able to graduate on time, although he didn’t get to walk in cap and gown. For that matter, he didn’t get to attend graduation at all. But the most important thing was he got his diploma. He was going to Carolina…I was assuming I wouldn’t see him again; at least not for a long, long time.
Of course I did see Tate at first, at graduation. But, we managed not to make eye contact. He spent most of his time with his group of guys doing what guys do…the whooping and cracking…We did lock eyes one time. I was mesmerized by the pain behind his eyes. I couldn’t stand to look long, I turned my head. If I wasn’t mistaken there were tears in his eyes.
I saw his parents, and they insisted on giving me a hug and getting a picture. Then they wanted one of me alone. I felt so foolish standing there cheesing for their camera. They asked for me to hang around until they could find Tate, and get a picture with him, but I acted like someone was waiting on me. I waved them bye as I took off. I have always liked his parents. I wondered what they thought had happened to us.
Life had already handed me more sorrow and twists and turns than I could have ever imagined. My counselor says ‘that which does not kill you makes you stronger” and “God only allows you to have as much pain as you can handle.” I guess that’s true because I’m still standing…just standing no longer with a heart. Mine had been ripped out twice now. All through high school my friends told me I was so lucky, so beautiful, and that I could have anyone I wanted for a boyfriend. I guess that theory backfired. Maybe they’re laughing right now, who knows. Because the truth is, if I hadn’t been given the chance to fall in love, I would have never had the chance to discover what it feels like to be crushed by love. It is utterly exhausting to bend over and pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I let out a deep breath.
I guess it’s true. Life can only begin when you start living. It was time for me to do that now, and get out of this funk that I had quarantined myself to.
After all, we were going to the beach today! I was actually getting a little pumped about spending all of my time relaxing on the beach. Emerald Isle Beach was a beautiful, quiet paradise. Elle’s family had a house in Sailman's Point. I called it the Charleston rainbow, subdivision of North Carolina. All of the houses were fairly new, and each painted a different color. And, just like my neighborhood on the avenues in my small town of Penderton, Sailman's had a golf cart to each home. Only at the beach, each home had a private pool and a hot tub. Elle’s home was luckily beach front. I was going to be in pure bliss. It would be a shame to bring my pities with me when we got there.
Just as I was leaving with my parents, walking in a sea of dark blue gowns and groups of families; someone reached out and grabbed my hand, yanking me behind the wall near the parking lot. Before I could scream, I caught a look at my perpetrator.
Tate.
“No, I can’t do this…Tate no…” I was shaking my head so hard I thought I might fall over.
“Reese.” My name came out of his mouth like a hiss, like he had literally been holding his breath the last couple of weeks, until now.
“Please, I need to talk to you,” he said.
“My parents will come looking for me soon. You are already on my dad’s shit list remember?”
“I remember…maybe I’m trying to get him to shoot me like he threatened. I would probably be better off.”
“Tate, I was sure you had gotten over me. Thankfully you had stopped texting and stopped calling. You didn’t even try to find me anymore in school.”
“Gotten over you…” tears stung at Tate’s eyes. He found it hard to breathe with Reese being this close. He wanted to hold her, hug her, kiss her... “Reese, I can barely breathe without…”
“Reese where were you…Tate what are you doing!” My mom all but screamed at Tate. “We didn’t know what had happened to you.” My mom realized Tate had been crying. She reached out and grabbed his hand. I quickly turned the other direction and starting walking off. “Tate, this isn’t healthy for either of you. I don’t understand it, but Reese must have a good reason for breaking things off with you. You need to respect that.”
“Mrs. Stanford, you know the reason…she is back with Carter. I’m not supposed to know that, but I…I was told anyhow.” The desperate look in Tate’s face made her want to help him out. She knew Reese wasn’t seeing Carter. But she bet there was a reason he was told that. She would have to talk with Reese about it later today.
“I’m not sure what is going on with Reese? Maybe her time away will be good for her.”
“Time away, what do you mean? Where is she going?”
“Oh, me and my big mouth…Um, she is going with Elle and the girls to the beach for a while.”
“A while, how long is that?”
“Tate, probing me about Reese is not the right answer. This is between the two of you.”
“I would agree, if she would talk with me. She won’t even respond to my texts.”
“I’ll talk with her Tate, but I certainly don’t expect it will do any good. I am her mother after all. The most luck you will have will be getting through to her with her friends.” She winked at him and patted his hand, then turned to find Reese.
***
After my mom grilled me about Tate and Carter for nearly an hour, we were on our way to the beach. I decided to drive, because we loved having the Jeep Wrangler at the beach, with the top down. It was my favorite way to travel in the summer…unless it rained of course. I had to ask for new homework assignments more times than I would have liked; because, mine got soaked from an afternoon thunderstorm, that had popped up out of nowhere. North Carolina was notorious for those.
Thunderstorms reminded me much of my life…everything going just peachy with sunny skies and extra hot temperatures, then bam, out of nowhere the storm of the century tears it all apart. Leaving limbs and rubble in the path to clean up. My counselor says that it is our growth process…we don’t know the best way to work through problems, if we haven’t experienced them. And that one day, we can use what we have learned to help someone else in the same situation, dig their way out quicker. I just wish that job would be dealt to someone else. Let me be the one to help someone learn how to have the easy, less turbulent life. Now that would be better.
Maura had helped me to start praying again. She didn't understand why I had backed away from that in the first place, but she was sympathetic. She had learned to turn to God with her problems after the picture incident, and the way kids at our high school had treated her. She says there is comfort in knowing God is always there, ready to listen and provide peace. I guess at my age, I just pray God will help me figure out how to have fun again.
Chapter 11
Truly the ride to the beach can be some of the best parts. We were all so happy to be done with high school, and on to higher learning...yeah right. We were so glad to be on our own! We gossiped and laughed and talked about all of our plans for the beach and the nights. We even got pulled over on the way to
the beach for speeding. We were so distracted, talking about all of the people and parties that would happen at college. Luckily the policeman was enjoying having pulled over four 'now college girls'...and the fact that Chloe was doing all she could to throw her cleavage in his face. He let us off with a warning. Thank goodness, because my dad would make me pay for my own insurance if I got a ticket. We turned the radio up and all but stood and danced (well the top was down, so I think Elle and Chloe actually did...long after we left the cop).
The beach was A-Maz-Ing! I truly needed this peace. Well, I guess you could call it that. Elle, Maura, and Chloe had planned out the entire two weeks…partying, partying and more partying. Our parents didn’t have to come along this trip - one, because they knew us, and trusted that we would look out for each other, and ALWAYS have a DD if we drove away from the beach. And two, they knew we were all 18 (I would be 19 this year), and in a couple of months would be on our own at college anyway. This was sort of our trial to see if we could make it. Also, they knew Emerald Isle was as quiet and low key as you could get…not Myrtle Beach on any level. They even had several extra sets of eyes from other home owners at the beach, neighbor’s they had known for years.
I guess I should have expected that the girls would have our time all panned out. After all, this was their senior ‘weeks’ too, and they weren’t wallowing in a desolate tunnel of despair, like me. In fact, Elle was seeing Finn a lot more regular now. She was rather smitten by him and his charm. He was a cool, good guy who had a similar following as that of Tate with girls, but he seemed to be good with one right now…Elle.
I had secretly talked with Elle about staying alone for a few days after the two weeks were through. I guess I can look forward to that. Her parents aren't planning a trip to the house until late July. By then I will be at Wake Forest studying my heart out. I'm not sure how I would get home, but I will work that out when the time comes.
I had a long, private talk with my mom. She told me what Tate had said to her, and that someone had told him that I was with Carter. I didn’t know if I should let on that I didn’t know what she was talking about or not. I had a feeling I knew where the gossip came from…but I would handle that later.
For our first night, we had plans to go down to Beaufort by the dockside. Beaufort is one of my favorite places. My parents have a fishing bungalow across from the Cape, and when I was growing up we would travel the 30 minutes to Beaufort or Morehead City for nicer restaurants and shopping or other entertainment. We would always go for a walk, gazing at the hundreds of enormous sailboats docked near the boardwalk. For many, this was a midway stop for them as they leisurely sailed from the North end of the Atlantic to the South end. As a kid, I always wondered what type of people could afford to do that, but I always wanted to experience it. Heaven on the seas, my Dad called it. On special occasions, they line all of the sail boats with mini white lights. The illumination across the water is striking. Many of my childhood pictures are at the docks at Beaufort. Carson’s and The DockSide are two of my favorite restaurants there, and every night in the summer they have live music on the boardwalk. Emerald Isle was a 30 minute drive in the opposite direction, the difference was we were ocean front in this house, and in my parents’ house, we were sound front and had to drive further than Beaufort for the beach with waves and ‘ocean’. Or, we could have taken our boat or a ferry to the Cape.
After a couple of hours of primping and dancing around the house to music, we were finally ready to leave. Tonight it was Maura's turn to drive. We drew names for each night of the week so there would be no arguments. The local landscaper had a son in his early 20’s. He had agreed to be our purchaser of alcohol while we were at the beach. We would give him money and extra tip for making sure we were well covered. The restaurants were a different story. Since we were under age, we couldn’t buy it ourselves. Chloe was hoping we would always have a tall, dark, handsome, stranger cover our bill, but you couldn’t always guarantee it. As for me, I choose only to have something when it is just the girls. I am still spooked about drinking in public. The problem is, if I have a drink before we head out, I get a little to laid back to make that kind of critical decision if someone offers me a drink. So…I have to have back up plans. One, whichever of us is the DD, that person has to make me not drink out in public. And two, if I am too weak to adhere to rule one, I have to see the bartender fix it and keep my eyes on it at all times, with the help of my friends. Of course Elle is the only one who knows all of the reasons behind these crazy rules, but Maura and Chloe believe they are just helping me stick to my old, stupid rules for life.
Elle was giddy over all of the texts she was getting from Finn. If I had to say it, maybe even a little premature, I would say she was in love. Of course, she won’t let it on to Finn. She is ‘just having fun’ as she puts it. I know they haven’t had sex yet, and I hope they keep it that way; although, if they keep this up, they can easily be boyfriend/girlfriend at Wake.
Maura hasn’t had a steady boyfriend since her incident with the picture a while back, and Chloe, well, Chloe has had a couple of fast relationships, but nothing serious. I will be surprised honestly if she ever gets married and settles down. But, who knows.
Truth be told, we are a force to be reckoned with anywhere. We all take pride in our looks, and we LOVE to have a good time. We are usually the loudest ones in a restaurant, and by the time the others leave, they are either cussing us out of pure jealousy, or laughing along with us.
Chapter 12
We had a delicious meal at Carson’s, and then we walked over to the boardwalk to hear some live reggae-type music. We each had on cute, little dresses and either stilettos or wedges. I of course, chose stilettos and as I walk on to the boardwalk, I am reminded why stilettos are such a bad idea here (another reminder would be to look around at all of the flip flops and deck shoes). Shit. My heel got stuck in between two planks of wood on the boardwalk, which is built much like a pier, or a very long deck. How embarrassing. The other girls keep walking, until they realize what has happened. I'm laughing, but secretly trying not to cry. These are my favorite tan heels that go with absolutely everything. I quickly realize I can’t take it out without ripping off the lower half of the heel, the black step part if you will. So Chloe, already a little tipsy from drinking on the way in and two at the house, yanks may arm and my foot comes out of my shoe.
As we’re laughing hysterically, I reach down to grab my footless shoe, when I feel a warm hand lay on my arm. At first I’m terrified, my laughter ceases immediately, while the other girls are almost doubled over. I look over to see who in the world is attached to that arm, when a gorgeous dark haired, blue-eyed, beach god is staring back at me. He has on a white t-shirt, blue jeans and flip flops. Deliciously divine. You can see the rippled smooth muscles beneath his thin, white shirt.
“Excuse me miss,” he says with a sexy grin “but I believe you lost this.” He reaches over and grabs my shoe and without any dismemberment of the shoes parts, he hands me my tan heel.
“Oh I…thank you,” is all I can muster. Then I quickly say "but it wasn't necessary, I could have gotten it."
“Reese,” Chloe says to me, leaning over her mouth turned to the side as if to hide her whisper; although, he could plainly hear her. “What are you doing? Don’t you dare walk away from him! Introduce yourself for goodness sake. I mean, isn’t that what you came here for, a little R & R from your real life. If you don’t, I will!” And at that I knew she would.
“Chloe, go ahead, you have my blessing. I have my shoe. I want to listen to music.” So I keep walking to head toward the sound of music. Secretly praying my friends would pick up the stride right along with me, and not stay to talk to him.
Chloe hesitated, and seemed to be fighting the biggest inner struggle…good vs bad…but in the end she huffed a big breath and ran to catch up to us.
“Thanks Chloe…I always knew you had it in you to pull through at the last second…and you proved me right.�
��
“Bitch," she chuckled. “You owe me. He was the hottest little thing I’ve seen in years.”
The music was wonderful and relaxing. We swayed to the beat…even dancing a little as the music got at its loudest. Chloe is right, this is exactly what I needed…Sans any Beaufort, mysterious man.
By the time it was nearing midnight, I was exhausted. Between graduation, seeing Tate, driving, and Beaufort, I was ready to call it a night.
I was about to see if the other girls were ready when my phone buzzed.
Reese, I hope you are having a
good time at the beach with your friends.
Please be safe.
I miss you. You can’t imagine
how much…Tate
Oh Tate, I do miss you. How does he do that? He is taking the high road, but I am on to him. Why did you have to be such a jerk…so unlike what I thought you were? I mean how do you willingly participate in an affair? And what were you thinking? I saw you for the family man…wife, kids and all of that. Did you ever stop to think Lisa already has a family? I can imagine she has no interest in having more kids. But, I’m sure you thought of that. You were probably just using her for the time being, like so many other guys do…like the jerk who date raped me! Shit, why am I getting so worked up over this? We broke up, I have moved on. But still...I miss Tate. And if I’m truthful I miss Carter a little too. Ugh.