Cut

by Bry Ann

  I’m back to my normal self by the time I get to the coffee shop. I’ve thrown on a see-through black mesh top with a sports bra underneath, then paired that with ripped yellow jeans and vans. Not really my style, but it called to me today. And hey, whatever gives me confidence to get through this.

  I order myself a large, cinnamon-sugar bagel with extra cream cheese and a large coffee with extra cream and sugar. I usually diet to some degree. I’m one of those girls, but don’t judge me! I like my body and I work to keep it. Sue me.

  Today, though, I’m gonna put the yo-yo in yo-yo dieting, because I need to drown shit out. There’s no alcohol to take the edge off my feelings. Food will have to do for now. I’ll go jogging tomorrow. I’m not an obsessive person. I know that one day of shoving crap in my mouth does not equate to me waking up like a whale tomorrow.

  I shove half the bagel in my mouth before he even gets here. Damn, these bagels are amazing. So is the coffee. I’ve never been to this place before. He has good taste. Of course he does. Ugh.

  “Maria?”

  I look up at Cut with a mouth full of cream cheese and white bread.

  “Hi,” I mumble.

  I try frantically to swallow my food down. I end up choking and have to gulp coffee to get the food down my throat. Which, of course, fails, so Cut has to run over and grab a cup of water from the barista to stop someone from having to perform CPR on me.

  Great start, Maria. Great freaking start.

  Once I’m in control of my lungs again, Cut takes a seat across from me.

  “Hi, Maria.”

  “Hi,” I croak as water pours down my cheeks from my dumb eyeballs.

  “You good?” His lip twitches, but he won’t let himself laugh. I wish he would. Even if it was at my expense. That’s fine. Just laugh, damn it.

  “I’m good.”

  My voice finally recovers from nearly choking. Whewww.

  “I got you these.”

  I slid a mug of warm green tea and a bag containing two bran muffins across the able to him. He looks in the bag, then at the mug.

  “You got me tea and muffins?” His eyebrows pull together.

  “I dragged you here. I figured food compensation was in order.”

  He nods. “Good call.”

  He pulls a muffin out of the bag and stuffs a quarter of it in his mouth without choking, easily swallowing it down with a sip of green tea.

  Oh, show off.

  “So?” He says, staring at me with intense, clear blue eyes.

  “Right, um,” I clear my throat to get a grip on myself. My insides feel like mush. “I don’t know what I told you last night.”

  His eyes get even more intense, if that’s even possible. He’s reading my soul right now. I’m sure of it. He should run.

  “That’s why we’re here?”

  “Yes.”

  He nods once and pushes his food and drink to the side.

  “Maria, whatever you said to me will not leave that room.”

  “Oh god, I told you a lot, then!”

  My hands make their way into my hair, tugging hard. Shit. What did I tell him?!

  “Hey,” his voice softens. “Relax. I’ve done it, too.”

  “You have?” I squeak, then clear my throat to strengthen my voice. “You have?”

  “Yep. Like I said, it’s fine. I get it. I’m not judging. We all hit rough patches.”

  “I’m not…” His set jaw and raised eyebrow cuts me off. “Alright, I may be going through a bit of a rough time right now,” I admit.

  “Yes, I know.”

  Jerk.

  “Please don’t tell anyone.”

  He actually looks offended by that statement. “I’d never. You were drunk, Maria.”

  “You told about Frances!”

  His eyes harden. “He was going to rape you! Pardon me.”

  “I’m assuming I told you that, too,” I whisper. My eyes fall all the way down to my lap. Shame washes over me. I don’t think he would have done it, but I was still held down and helpless. He could have and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him if Cut hadn’t stepped up.

  “Maria, look at me.”

  I can’t.

  “Maria.”

  No.

  Then I feel a large presence next to me and two hands are wrapped around mine, holding them, protecting them. Cut crouches in front of me. I turn away to keep from crying, from falling into him and letting him hold me. I’ve never, ever done that with a man. It’s always just sex. No tender moments. No comfort.

  Except for last night.

  With him.

  But I was drunk. And being stupid. Which is not me.

  “Maria, what happened was not your fault. He used his power against you.”

  “I should have been smarter. I knew what I was doing was stupid. People think I’m an idiot, that’ll I do whatever, but I’m not and I don’t.”

  “I know.”

  My gaze snaps up. “There’s no way you can know that. You probably think I’m slut.”

  “You’re not a slut,” he says easily.

  “Why are you so nice to me?”

  “Why not?”

  I shrug.

  He gives my hand one last squeeze and goes back to his seat.

  “Have you found someone to go to Albany with you?”

  My shoulders fall further. “No. I kind of asked Rose, but I can’t ask her to go with me. She’s just getting her life straight. Besides, to be honest, I’m not sure I want to share that part of my life with her. I’m her strong friend. I don’t want to take that away from her. Girl needs it.”

  “What about you?”

  “I can handle myself.”

  His lip curls up ever so slightly. “You sure?”

  I grab his green tea mug and slam it down in front of him. “Shut up and drink.”

  He grabs the mug and brings it to his lips without taking his eyes, which are dancing with humor, off me.

  I should be mad, but I’m so not. God, he looks happy. He never looks happy. If I had underwear on, it’d be melting off my body.

  When he places the cup back down, he forces the amusement from his eyes. Seriousness once again takes over his features.

  “Maria, I meant what I said about getting you that ticket. It’s a couple hundred bucks, max. It’s not a big deal. Just let me know the dates.”

  “That’s nice, but I don’t need charity.”

  “Yet somehow, it’s not charity coming from the local mob boss. Explain that to me.”

  “He owes me. It’s debt repayment. From you, it’s charity.”

  “It’s not charity, Maria. It’s a favor.”

  I frown. “What’s the difference?”

  He responds by studying me. By not saying a word.

  “You want to visit your dad?”

  “Uh, yeah.” He takes me off-guard with that subject change.

  “What’s he like?”

  Oh, I see what he’s doing! Smart, but nah-aw. Not gonna happen. No dissecting my childhood to see what went wrong. That’s a hard pass.

  “Nice try, mister. Should have asked me last night when I snuggled you and spilled my soul.”

  Instantly, we both freeze. The memory of his large hands rubbing my hair back overwhelms me. My body warms and tingles from head to toe, craving his hold. His comfort. I stand and shove my chair back.

  “Well, this has been swell, big guy. I apologized. My conscience is clear. Good luck this week.”

  I quickly move to shuffle out, but his voice stops me.

  “Maria.”

  I look over my shoulder and fist my shaking hands.

  “Yes?”

  I try to cock my hip to the side, but it doesn’t feel natural like it usually does.

  “What if I came with you to Albany?”

  16

  I’m sitting in the kitchen across from Lacey, fidgeting like a mad woman. Apparently, I don’t give a shit about my pride anymore.

  He’d be willing to go with m
e?!

  This man is taking the planet Earth I know and shaking it up so it resembles something else entirely.

  When he asked me yesterday about coming with me to Albany, I literally stuttered out, “I don’t know, big guy. Have a good night.”

  Then ran my ass out of there and poured myself a large glass of red wine under the covers in my apartment. I don’t know what to do. Because the reality is that I want him to go. He knows I want him to, too. I’m not used to denying myself things I want, but I mean, come on. Me and Cut traveling together? Bad idea. Terrible. Epically bad, terrible idea.

  But I want to so badly.

  As it stands, I’m at my quota of bad decisions for now.

  I don’t know what to do.

  Lacey tapping her fork on her plate of chicken, sweet potato, and broccoli gets my attention. When my gaze flickers up, Lacey smiles.

  “Hey, Maria.”

  I plant a smile and cock my hip. “Sorry, I was a little zoned out.”

  “No big deal. Gave me a chance to chew without you watching.”

  I tilt my head to the side and take her in. “You are so cool. Literally, I can’t get over it.”

  Her cheeks burn bright red. “No,” she mumbles, shaking her head quickly. Her humble embarrassment amuses me. She’s so humiliated, I can’t help but grin at her.

  “So, you and Cut, huh?”

  I spin around to see her husband leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed. I feel Lacey tense from across from me, ready to stop her husband if need be. God, I love her! Her loyalty to her friends is incredible.

  “I must admit, I didn’t think you’d find anyone to go with you.”

  Asshole.

  “What do you mean?” Lacey asks, jumping off the barstool to come stand beside us.

  “Cut’s going with Maria to Albany.”

  Lacey blinks several times. “What?”

  Her voice is quiet, breathy.

  “He’s taking her to Albany.”

  “It’s not settled,” I interrupt, feeling uncomfortable.

  Lacey looks at me. Her eyes are widened slightly. “Is this true?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  There’s a beat. A pause where no one says anything. Before anyone can process anything, Lacey bursts out crying. Her husband looks to me with wide eyes, like I know what the hell is going on.

  “Uhhh, Lacey? Laaacey.”

  “I’m sorry,” she sniffles. “It’s just that I always wanted someone to see. I love Cut and he’s a teddy bear and no one sees him and no one takes the time to love him and… you see him. You know.”

  “I was thinking more a grizzly bear,” I mutter. “But yeah, Lace, he’s a special guy.”

  She squeezes her eyes and looks at me with tears. “Oh gosh, I don’t know where all that came from. I’m sorry. Please don’t tell Rose. I never cry in front of her, and, well, I don’t want her to be offended or anything.”

  She winces, now worried about offending me. Tisk tisk, so complicated...

  “Oh I know, you two have that special bond since you were mafia captives at the same time.”

  She looks visibly surprised by my ability to joke about that, but it seems to lighten her soul.

  “You know how it is,” she smiles, eyeing me skeptically.

  “Totally, those five minutes before Sven and Cut came in to save the day… terrifying. I can now be initiated into the club, of which you’re the leader.”

  Lacey giggles, while her husband looks at us like we’ve lost our minds.

  “Shit, you two are dark.”

  “Says the man who’s probably actually gutted a person.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t joke about it. Jesus.”

  I shrug. “Dark senses of humor maybe, but really light as day, bossman.”

  He looks at his wife, who now has both hands covering her face. She’s shaking her head back and forth saying, “Oh my goodness.”

  Then he lightens up. His eyes shine, his arms drop down by his sides, and he walks over and wraps her in his arms.

  “Maria?” Lacey calls, sensing I’m about to walk out.

  “Yeah, babe.”

  “Don’t let Cut push you away. He’ll try. I know he will, but please, if you like him and you grow to get him like I do, please don’t let him walk alone.”

  My heart tightens. What if I push him away first?

  One thing is for sure, I am definitely taking him up on his offer now.

  I am officially going to Albany with Cut.

  III

  Cut

  17

  I slam my beer down on the table and look at Blade. His mouth is curved up in a full smile. First impressions aren’t everything, because despite the initial closed off vibe I got from the guy, he’s the most outgoing man I know. You sort of have to be to be VP of a motorcycle club. He apparently just hated those fight classes back in the day. And if Blade hates something, he shuts the hell down.

  “Let me get this straight, you are going to Albany with that sexy as fuck Latin chick?”

  I keep my face neutral, but I want to glare at him. I take another slow sip of my beer, determined to drive my point home.

  “Three.”

  Blade looks up, serious.

  “Three what?”

  “Three times I’ve run into Maria in some kind of trouble in the past couple weeks alone. She’s got no friends here, and one of my employers is dicking her around ‘cause of it. I haven’t taken off work in years, and I’m overdue for a good deed.”

  Blade smirks. “Yeah, it helps when that good deed involves a beautiful woman.”

  I glare at him now. I can’t stop it. He chuckles and slaps my back.

  “I’m happy for you, man. Come see me and the guys when you get back.”

  I nod once and finish my drink. “Thanks for the drink.”

  With that, I leave like I was never there. Disappearing is my specialty. I make sure not to leave my mark anywhere.

  I have enough physical ones already.

  I try to roam this earth like an apparition.

  “Twenty-five pushups,” I tell Lacey, circling the mat.

  She drops where she’s at and busts them out. My mind spins with pride as I watch her. This is not the same girl I met. The one who could barely do one pushup, even on her knees. It’s not about the act of the pushup, it’s about how much she doubted her ability to do them back then, and how now she doesn’t doubt at all.

  “Okay, ten burpees, hook-jab-cross-cross for five minutes as fast as you can. Then we’ll call it a day.”

  She doesn’t look at me or acknowledge my words. She just gets straight to work. She’s beet red, shaking, glistening with sweat. And back in the day, she wanted to work out with me in a sweat outfit. I nearly scoff out loud.

  “Time,” I call five minutes later. She immediately drops to the mat. She gives it every last drop of energy she has, every single class. She’s by far my favorite client, and I train all types: mobsters, thieves, murderers, gangsters, obviously men from Blade’s MC. Lacey’s an exception. I’ve never trained anyone like Lacey, for good reason. I’m too hard, too scary, and not built to comfort a woman who would need my classes. If you’re calling me, it’s for one of two reasons:

  1) Something awful happened to you.

  2) You plan to do something awful.

  I work with number two, within reason, but there was something about Lacey that was impossible to say no to.

  “That’s really nice of you to go to Albany with Maria,” Lacey pants. “I don’t know why she needs to go, or why my husband was such a jerk about it, but I’m glad you’re helping her.”

  I grunt in response, already packing my bags to go.

  “Is she okay?”

  I drop my bags and sigh.

  “How should I know, Lacey?”

  Lacey looks down and starts to twist her feet around, a clear sign she’s about to say something she’s not sure she should. I need to hurry on out before she says it.

 
“Don’t hurt her, okay?”

  I freeze. What?

  “I know you wouldn’t mean to, but… you don’t realize how great you are. You’re this silent savior and you don’t even realize it. She likes you, and you’re nice, but you’re closed off. Be careful with her feelings.”

  I don’t turn around. I stand there, frozen, trying not to let my body language give anything away.

  “It’s just a trip, Lacey.”

  Even not facing her, I know her chin just fell to her chest.

  “Promise me.”

  I growl and spin around, throwing my hands up. “What do you want me to promise you, Lacey?”

  “That you’ll be careful.”

  “Fine. I’ll be careful.”

  She pushes herself to standing, arms shaking hard as she does so.

  “You don’t even know what I mean, do you?”

  “Bye, Lacey. If you need me.” I tap my phone.

  Her husband and I set up a plan to keep her sane while I’m away. I’ve never been unavailable to Lacey. Lacey needs to box for her sanity. I got her an on-call trainer, and her husband set up increased therapy sessions for her. She’ll be okay, but I gave her my number just in case. Because apparently, she didn’t have it.

  “Bye, Cut,” she says quietly as I slam the door behind me.

  What was she going on about?

  “I have a favor to ask.”

  Maria turns to me. Her body language is seductive and confident, but there’s an underlying nervous energy surrounding her that I can’t explain. Her eyes are slightly widening. The way she poses her body to get a man’s attention seems more forced. She’s just off.

  I force my eyes not to roam over the small, burgundy dress she’s got on. The one her breasts are currently spilling out of.

  “Anything, big guy. What’s up?”

  My name’s Cut! I don’t get why she won’t just call me it.

  “I hate to do this, but I have family that lives in Altamont. It’s thirty minutes outside of Albany. I haven’t seen them in a couple years. Would it be okay if I dropped you off and then picked you up again when it’s time to head home so I can go see them?”

  “Oh, of course,” she scoffs, quickly turning back to her luggage. “It works out perfectly, then. Now I can feel less shitty about dragging you along. In fact, I think you owe me now. You’re welcome.”