Cut

by Bry Ann

  “Oh, but babe, you are.”

  There’s still humor in her voice as she runs her hands up my back. My cock immediately stirs. I jerk away from her to adjust my shirt.

  “Gotta make an appearance.”

  “For Lacey.”

  “Yep.”

  There’s a long silence that follows so I chance a look at her. The hand with the mascara has fallen to her side and she’s looking at me with soft eyes. The ones I rarely get, and the world never does.

  “You’re such a good man.”

  “Lacey’s a good friend, Maria. Drop the doe eyes.”

  She shakes her head. “No, the doe eyes stay. You’re sexy and don’t even realize how nice you are. Gotta keep ‘em. It’s a requirement.”

  I snicker. “Fine, then put a shirt on before I fuck you.”

  Shit, I didn’t mean to say that. I just gave her ammunition.

  “Fuck me, huh?” She immediately transforms into the sexual deviant she loves to be. Her head tilts and her breasts unconsciously push forward.

  “Maria, we are already late. I’m not messing with you right now.”

  “Messing with me?” She giggles.

  “God, are you twelve?”

  “Babe, twelve is young. More along the lines of sixteen.”

  My lips curve up. “Get dressed, hun.”

  “Yes, bossy. Only because I don’t want to be late, btw. Not because you told me to.”

  “Of course. God forbid.”

  “A travesty!” She exclaims dramatically, thrusting her fist in the air.

  “Good God,” I laugh. “Get out of here. Hurry up.”

  Her laughter is the last thing I hear before she goes into the bathroom and comes out looking like walking sex.

  I’m so fucked with this woman.

  “Like it?” She grins, leaning against the doorway with her hip cocked to the side, outlining the curves of the blouse clinging to her skin.

  Fucked, I tell you. I’m so utterly fucked.

  “You came?” Lacey screams, running into my arms. This is why I do. Each time, no matter how shitty all the other times have gone, she gets so excited. Like it means everything to her that I showed up. It’s worth the hour of suck. Worth the hour of being uncomfortable. And you know what? Lacey knows I hate it. She just doesn’t want me to be alone. It gives her something to think she’s bringing me into the fold, so I let her.

  “Yeah, I can’t stay long.”

  She pulls away, slightly embarrassed that she hugged me. For obvious reasons, we both aren’t touchy-feely people.

  “Thank you for coming. I know really bad things have happened in the past, but I really like having you here. It means a lot that you came.”

  “I don’t scare easily, girl.” Ain’t that the truth. “It’s just good to see you doing this again.”

  “I don’t quit.” Lacey’s eyes flare. She’s offended.

  “Hey, trust me. I know. If you recall, I train you nearly every day.”

  She relaxes back a bit and nods, scrunching her nose as an apology for the outburst. I shake my head. It’s fine.

  “Sorry to interrupt the silent convo,” Maria cuts in. “But it’s good to see you, Lacey.”

  Maria extends her arms, waiting for the okay from Lacey to hug her. Again, I always struggle to remember Maria is a psych major and probably gets Lacey better than I do from a technical standpoint. When Lacey slowly accepts, Maria wraps her up and leans into her ear. If I didn’t have such good hearing, I wouldn’t have heard it. As it stands, I do.

  “I’m so happy for you, Maria,” Lacey whispers.

  “Thanks, Lace, means a lot. I’m your biggest fan.”

  Lacey’s husband walks in then and clears his throat, cocking an eyebrow at Maria’s bold statement. Instead of backing down from the mafia boss, Maria steps right up.

  “I am and not ashamed to say so. I’m completely fangirling right now.”

  He looks ready to kill himself and her, so I gently grab Maria’s hand and pull her back into my chest. She looks over her shoulder at me and winks.

  Winks. This woman has no fear. I swear to God. How she hasn’t gotten herself into more trouble is beyond me.

  Lacey stands there, beaming at us, before catching herself. She jumps on her toes and curls her hands up. Seeing her there, in a short sleeve dress, knowing I had a part in her not hiding behind a sweatshirt right now, does something to me.

  “Rose, Nix, Enzio, and the rest of the gang are in the dining room. You should go see them.”

  “No Sage, huh?”

  Lacey looks to her feet and shakes her head. Damn.

  “Okay. Thanks, Lacey.”

  I look back to make sure Maria’s with me, before heading into the dining room. I easily situate myself in the corner. Maria comes up right beside me.

  “So this is where you’re hangin’, huh?”

  “Yes, and I’m not moving.”

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  She stands there for another moment, quiet beside me.

  “You don’t have to stay.” I feel the need to make that known, because it’s starting to feel awkward with Maria not out being social. That’s what she’s built for. People. Love. Life. Living.

  “I know. See Enzio over there?” She gestures to where Enzio, mafia Underboss and Lacey’s friend/ ex-bodyguard, is having a heated conversation with the recently announced alive Sven.

  “Yeah, I see him.”

  “Something’s off about him,” she whispers in my ear.

  I straighten. “What?”

  “I can’t say anything to anyone else, because he’s Underboss and it could cost me my life. I’m done messing with the mafia, but something is off.”

  “What do you mean? Explain. He’s a friend of Lacey’s.”

  Her eyebrows furrow. “I don’t know yet. I don’t think he’s bad, but his intentions aren’t pure.”

  I study the man who has moved up faster than any man I’ve known of. Who has adapted almost too easily into this life.

  “You sure? The boss is a great read of people, and Enzio’s proven himself.”

  “It’s a facade.” She looks up at me with hard eyes. “Trust me. He’s got those same soldier’s eyes my dad had. No way he’s born and bred mafia. No freaking way. I’m telling you this now. Just wait.”

  “Maria…”

  “We can’t say anything, but I’m telling you.” She glances once at Enzio, before meeting my gaze with a determined look on her face. “He’s not one of them.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yep. The war isn’t over.”

  She looks to Lacey.

  “But I hope to God they leave her out of it this time. I can’t see her get hurt anymore.”

  “We’re on the same page there, hun.”

  She curls into me for a moment, visibly trying to shed her dread and uncertainty.

  “Alright,” she pulls away and claps her hands. “Party time! I’m not waiting around for you.”

  She winks and struts off.

  I watch Enzio the entire time after that. I don’t see what she’s referring to, to be honest, but something about the fierceness in Maria’s eyes when she spoke of him has me believing her. Concern for Lacey eats at my gut. She can’t fucking lose another friend, goddamnit.

  “You look disturbed,” an amused voice echoes from behind me.

  I spin around to see Nix and Sven standing there. Sven is smirking, as per usual, and Nix looks blank, borderline casual. The hardness I detected in him before is still there, just hidden under bracelets, shaggy hair, charm, and casual attire.

  “Sage loved you,” Nix chimes in to save me from Sven’s relentless badgering. “For real, man, thanks. She learned a lot.”

  “Good to hear. Call me and we’ll set up that second meet.”

  He nods. “Will do.”

  “So, you went for Maria,” Sven grins, unable to help himself. “Interesting choice for you. I thought you were above the rest of us men.”


  “I’m gonna punch you.”

  “I’d be flattered.”

  I look to Nix. “Get rid of him.”

  I turn and walk off. I’m not with Maria ‘cause she’s hot. I’m literally gonna punch the bastard if people don’t keep him away from me.

  “Cut!” Maria’s best friend, Rose, yells. The woman looks like a model. I’m not even kidding. She’s a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman with a kind soul and killer body, even though it’s painfully obvious she doesn’t think so. Well, it is to me.

  “What’s up?”

  She skids to a stop in front of me. “First, I’m sorry about Sven. I don’t even know what he said but I saw you talking to him. I can only imagine the shit he said. Sorry on his behalf. It’s a full-time job doing this now that we’re married.”

  “I can imagine it is.”

  “Yeah, well, I said I do.” Her eyes light up. For all her harping, she loves him very much. “Anyway, that’s not why I came here to talk to you.”

  “No, you came to talk to me about Maria.”

  “Yes, I did.” She stands taller and narrows her eyes, homing in on me. Here comes the best friend intervention.

  “Look, you seem great, but if you hurt her... I swear to you I will—”

  “Now, now, no need for threats,” Maria purrs, popping up behind Rose. “I can handle myself.”

  She stands between Rose and I, placing a delicate hand on Rose’s shoulder.

  “Right, babe?”

  “Yeah, yeah, you’re a badass bitch,” Rose mumbles under her breath with an eye roll. She shifts so she’s looking over Maria’s shoulder at me. “My non-existent threat still stands. This chica needs people, and I’m one of ‘em, so don’t break her heart.”

  Then she turns back to Maria with a smirk.

  “There. Done. You happy?”

  It’s Maria’s turn to roll her eyes. She cocks her head side to side and stands beside me, propping an elbow against my side.

  “Yea, but just to be clear, you get a pass, but no mafia people better threaten my guy. I can handle him myself.”

  I want to outright laugh at the whole sentence, but I manage to pull off just slightly raised eyebrows.

  “Good thing Sven’s not in the mafia anymore.”

  Rose winks at her. Maria takes it in stride, but she really doesn’t seem to find it funny. Rose picks up on this, and drops the topic after sending me one final warning glare.

  I’m glad Maria has someone looking out for her, but all I can focus on in this moment is how protective Maria just was of me. Even to her friends. I’m falling for this woman. I’m falling hard and fast. I’d be an idiot to deny it.

  Fear snakes its way into my heart so fast I feel like I’m choking.

  I pull away from Maria and rush out of the room. I need air. Now. I need it right now.

  I can’t hear anything past the rush in my ears and the sound of my thumping heart. I can’t fucking breathe. I need a bag. I run down the stairs. A few of the boss’s men are out and see me, and I’m sure are gonna report me, but since they know my face and trust it, they don’t shoot on sight.

  I don’t care. I don’t care about any of it.

  I use the key I have to get in the boxing gym and slam the door, locking it behind me. As soon as I get in, I go ham on the bags. Punch after punch after punch. Until my knuckles are raw and bloody. Until the image of Mandi getting scrutinized like meat by the man who ruined my life leaves my head. ‘Til my fear of letting love in is drowned out by pain and exhaustion.

  It never works. It’s all still there.

  I grab the sides of my face and roar inside as I collapse onto the mat, my physical body giving out due to sheer exhaustion.

  My phone slips out of my pocket when I do. Before I can stop it, I’m dialing Mandi’s number. Why Mandi? Why not my mom, I don’t know. I don’t want my mom to see me cry, even though Mandi can probably handle it less than my mom can. I need my best friend.

  Ring. Ring. Ring.

  “Brantley?”

  “Mandi.” My voice is crazed and hoarse and tired. “I’m falling for her. I… can’t. Shit, what do I do? Fuck. I need to leave. I need to start over. I can’t do this to her.”

  “Brantley Taylor!” Mandi yells. “Stop right now. You will do no such thing. First, duh. You’re not falling for her, you fell for her. You should see the way you look at her, and I was drunk half the time when I saw you two together. Sorry about that, by the way. I hope I didn’t embarrass myself too much. Anyway, I’ve never seen you give another human being so much attention. You two are the cutest. And of course, you’d end up with a sexy, loud woman. I wanted quiet and sweet for you, but I’ll try to let it go. Anyway, you need to calm down.”

  “What if she stays with me?” I ask, horrified. “I’ll ruin her life.”

  “Oh, Brantley,” Mandi’s voice sounds like it’s drowning in pain. “You don’t get it. You don’t get how great you are. I wish…”

  Knock! Knock! Knock!

  “Let me in right now, big guy. I’m not joking. I will break this door down.”

  “She’s here,” I whisper into the phone, panicked. “I’m a mess, Mandi.”

  Mandi doesn’t know I’m Cut. Doesn’t know how I fight or how I handle my demons. So when I say I’m a mess, she doesn’t get it. Which hurts. She’s the person who’s supposed to get everything.

  “Okay, take a breath, Brant. Come on. Do it! In, out. Repeat.”

  Her voice is so demanding, that same little girl, the same hallway patrol monitor she was years and years ago, that I find myself doing what she says.

  “Good, now you’re going to open that door and let her see you break. Because then you’ll know.”

  “What the hell will I know? I can’t… she can’t…”

  “Open the door, then you’ll have all your answers. Do it, Brantley.”

  Then she hangs up. Clicks off. Done. And I’m alone with the incessant, relentless pounding.

  “I’m still waiting. I’m not going anywhere, so might as well just open this freakin’ door before I get Lacey and…”

  Whoosh. I swing the door open and let her see me raw, bloody, bruised, and broken.

  “What?”

  Nothing about me is strong in this moment. This is the man behind the fighter. The mask. The name. This is the teenager who never left Altamont.

  Maria’s eyes roam over me once, but don’t give anything away. No open jaw. No gasp. Nothing. She gets straight to work.

  “Okay.” She nods once at my form and pushes her way into the room, heels clicking on the floor, before shutting and locking the door behind her. As soon as we’re alone, her bravado falls and she goes soft. Her fingers find my face then go down to my hands. I try to pull away when she wraps her hands in mine, but she won’t let me.

  “You’ll get blood on your hands,” I whisper.

  “There’s blood on yours.” She runs her finger over my bloody knuckles. I cringe for her. She’s too beautiful for this.

  “I’m trying to keep it from you.”

  “Oh, Brantley.” Her head falls into my t-shirt to breathe, then she finds my eyes again, “If you bleed, I bleed. If you’re hurting, I’ll absorb some of that pain. We’re together. I don’t take that lightly, nor do I give my heart to anyone who doesn’t deserve it. In fact, you’re the first who’s had it. Don’t protect me. I don’t want that. I’d rather run headfirst into danger for love, than run from it to find safety. You should know this.”

  “Maria, I can’t do this to you.”

  “Do what to me?” She shrieks, pulling away from me to pace the mat furiously. “Love me? Treat me right? Rub my hair when I’m hurting and hold me in those strong ass arms of yours when I don’t feel safe? Give me sex I actually crave; gentle, kind, wild, passionate, rough, mean? An actual connection! Yeah, fuck you. How could you do that?”

  “Maria, stop.”

  “No, you stop! You’re an idiot.”

  She flies at me and grips my t-shirt i
n her blood-covered hands. Her lips land on mine as her tongue demands entry. When I don’t give in, she digs her nails into my skin.

  “Kiss me, Brantley. Right now!”

  I grab the back of her head roughly and slam her into me. My lips land on hers. I can’t stop. I crave her taste, her smell, her passion. My exhaustion disappears like I didn’t just beat the shit out of my body.

  I slam her against the wall and let my hands roam over her body. Her hips try to grind against me, but I don’t let her. She whimpers at the lack of friction.

  “Brantley, touch me,” she breathes. “Mmm…”

  Fuck. Me.

  I unbutton her jeans and slide my hand inside, beginning to play with her clit.

  “It can’t go farther than this, not in here,” I manage to get out.

  “Fine, whatever, just… please.”

  Her hips undulate against my hand as I bring her closer to orgasm. When I get her to release, she falls into me. I catch her and stroke her hair back.

  “This wasn’t how this was supposed to go,” she giggles innocently when she catches her breath.

  I smirk at that. “Really, it wasn’t? Maria Vasquez, Miss Innocent herself.”

  Maria grins and fixes her jeans and hair.

  “Well…” Her head cocks to the side and she smirks mischievously. “I’m definitely not complaining, but my goal was for you to kiss me and see how great we are, maybe a little dry humping. I clearly underestimated my own self-control.”

  She frowns. Glad I’m not the only one.

  “Maria, I’m falling for you. I don’t take that shit lightly either, and…” My hand rolls over my face with a groan. “I know it’s fast. I didn’t want to, but…”

  “I’m just so damn awesome.”

  “Something like that, yes.”

  “I pretty much went gaga over you the second I laid eyes on you. I fell for you when you saved me from getting tortured, so if you’re just catching feelings now, you’re behind in this whole thing.”

  “How are you… I… Maria, you are an incredible woman.”

  “I keep trying to tell everyone that!”

  She slides into my arms and looks up at me.

  “You okay?”

  “Not sure what just happened with me.”

  She shrugs. “You panicked. We’re not relationship-y people. It’s scary. The day after we had sex, like for real, I went to my room, had a panic attack, cried, and drank an entire bottle of wine.”