Long Road Home

by Marie Meyer

  He’s rough—sharing his pain. My nerves ratchet up, the idea of fast, hard sex scares me, but I trust Cayden; he’d never hurt me. His words from several weeks ago sound in my head: I’m in control.

  If I tell him to stop, he will.

  Matching his fever pitch, I stumble over the buttons of his shirt, unable to get them undone fast enough. He rips his mouth from mine. “Fuck, I forgot I still had this on.” His fingers annihilate the last few buttons, shrugging his blue uniform to the ground as he moves to unbuckle his belt. He walks his gun to my dresser.

  Cayden, half naked and armed, is seriously fucking hot. A shiver runs down my spine watching his lats shift and flex as he moves. Pressure builds between my legs, throbbing.

  Turning around, Cayden smiles devilishly. “God, you’re gorgeous.” It’s the first time he’s smiled since he arrived.

  A thrill runs through me…I put that smile there.

  “Not bad yourself, Officer,” I tease, finding my inner sex goddess.

  He stalks toward me, hunger on his face. “Have I ever told you that I love the way you say ‘Officer’?”

  I shake my head.

  Snaking his arms around my back, the hard ridges of his chest press firmly against the swell of my breasts. “I fucking love the way you say, ‘Officer.’”

  Dipping his head, he drags the tip of his tongue from the sensitive skin below my ear to the pulse point in my neck. It ticks against his mouth, and he lingers there before moving lower, exploring every inch of my breasts.

  “Cayden,” I rasp, inching us backward. My legs bump the mattress and I fall back, breaking free of his grasp. He looms above me, breathing hard. What other parts of you are hard, Officer?

  I don’t break his gaze, but move to unbutton his pants. I lower the zipper, slipping my hands into his boxers…pushing everything down…freeing him.

  At his navel, I trace the path of dark hair that leads to his dick, first with my finger, then with my tongue.

  Cayden pulls in a sharp breath. “Ren,” he says, thrusting his hips toward the warmth of my mouth. “You don’t have to do this.” His words are strangled; a war between wanting me to swallow him whole and being a gentleman.

  “Relax, baby. Let me take care of you.” I don’t know where this confidence is coming from, but with Cayden, I know I’m safe. He’ll protect me. With him, I can be free.

  I run a finger over the length of his shaft, hilt to head, aware of his every response, each quiver of muscle. His legs quake. I grip him with my hand and wrap my mouth around him, loving how I make him come undone with just my touch.

  “Fuuuuuck,” he drawls, his knees bending in pleasure.

  Sliding my hands up his ass, I push farther, taking all of him. Slow and steady…in…out…in…. I swirl my tongue over his dick at the same time.

  He thrusts to match my rhythm. I’m not sure if I’m giving or he’s taking, but my head spins out of control with lust.

  “Ren…” he chokes, his hands on my head, guiding me. “You’ve got to stop, baby. I want to be inside you when I come.”

  I suck him in a few more times before Cayden steps away, breaking our connection. “Jesus, Ren, you are damn good at that.” Crouching, he lifts his wallet from a pants pocket, taking out a condom.

  He stands, chest heaving, staring down at me. “Sorry, babe, I’ve got to be in you.” Giving my shoulders a gentle shove, I fall back on the bed. His fingers press into my hips and he yanks my shorts and panties down together, collapsing on top of me.

  Pulling up to rest on my elbows, lust consumes me, I skip past the chaste kisses and plunge my tongue in his mouth, devouring him. Cayden bites my lower lip, sucking it hard, pressing his body weight into me. We’re not gentle with each other.

  I want him…I need him…

  Bring me home, Cayden.

  I drag my short nails over his back, arching mine, I spread my legs, welcoming him. This gorgeous, hot man is all mine. Shivers tingle down my spine and out to the rest of my body as I watch him rip open the condom wrapper with his teeth, and slide it over his length. At my opening, he nudges.

  White-hot heat pulses between my legs.

  “Ren…” My name falls from his lips like a prayer and he pushes inside. Sliding…sliding…filling and stretching me. A second ago, we nearly tore each other apart, now, the connection complete, our bodies revel in the oneness. Neither of us moves, luxuriating in the possession of each other’s souls.

  He shifts his head to the side, blowing across my ear. “So. Perfect.”

  I feel him move inside me, a twitch, then a slight thrust, pushing deeper.

  My eyes flutter closed and I bite my lip. Fuck me. My hips move of their own accord, begging for more.

  Slowly, our rhythm builds. Our lips find each other again and our tongues join in on the action.

  I wrap my legs around him, burying him deeper inside me. Cayden touches a place in me, no one ever has, or ever will.

  “Oh,” I whimper, my body clenching around him. “Ohmygod!” My words run together.

  Harder. Faster.

  I…Need…More…

  Our bodies move, frantic, wild, and sweaty.

  My release is on the horizon.

  “Ren, I’m going to come,” Cayden groans against my mouth.

  From darkness to light, the sun breaks through, and I scream his name, “CAYDEN!”

  Convulsions wrack my body, keeping me in the stratosphere. Cayden pumps faster, until he’s joining me. “Ren. Fuck. Me.”

  Two more thrusts and Cayden’s spent, collapsing in a heap of satiated male.

  He’s crushing me, but I don’t care. I trace lazy circles on his sweaty back. I’d give up breathing if it meant that I could lay like this forever.

  “Ren?” he mumbles, his chest vibrating against mine.

  Eyes closed, I’m still basking in the sunshine of best orgasm I’ve ever had. “Yeah?”

  Cayden lifts onto his elbow and props his head. My body’s cold without his and I open my eyes, pouting. “Lay back down. You’re ruining my afterglow.”

  “That was fucking great.” He traces a finger from my collarbone to the valley between my breasts. “You’re going to think I’m crazy when I say this, but I can’t wait until we get to do that to start a family.” His finger moves lower, until his palm is resting on my stomach. “That’s something I’ve always wanted. And I want a family with you.”

  Oh, God…

  Is it possible for words to slice your heart clean from your chest? Because mine is gone. It’s on the floor, trampled, and lifeless.

  Now’s your chance, Ren, fucking tell him. That’s a pipe dream. There won’t ever be a little one…a family.

  But I keep quiet. Hold on to my lie for another day.

  And the lie that he’ll still want me to be his family when he knows the truth.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Cayden

  The lid is closed. The end of Katy Sinclair’s story. No matter how many flowers the florist drapes over her casket, it’s not enough. Mom deserves more…better. Life.

  “I admire Katy’s passion for life. She lived big,” Lacey says, standing at the front of the church. “From her marathons to the mountains she’s climbed, Katy never slacked, never took the easy way out.”

  I close my eyes and squeeze Ren’s hand, hard. She squeezes back. My anchor.

  “It was the same with her battle with cancer,” Lacey continues. “Katy stared cancer down with the same ferocious tenacity that she did every obstacle in her path. She was ready to go to battle, to show cancer that she was the boss. I watched her fight with dignity and grace every day.

  “On my last vis—” Lacey sniffles, blotting her eyes with a tissue. “Sorry. I hoped…I’d get through this,” she cries.

  My own tears are lodged in my throat, and the more of Lacey’s eulogy I listen to, the more they beg to be freed. As long as I hold on to Ren, I’m fine.

  Composed, Lacey continues, “On my last visit with Katy, she t
old me she got so much more out of life than she ever dreamed, she accomplished so much more than she ever thought possible. And her greatest accomplishment was her family. All of you, sitting here. Katy’s not gone. Cancer didn’t win. It didn’t take her away. She lives in each of our hearts. Forever.”

  Lacey steps down from the podium and walks back to her seat. Mom would have liked her parting words. A little piece of Mom does exist in every person in this room. Not enough to bring her back, though. No one can replicate her victory arm raise at the finish line, her one of kind whoop of excitement when she caught a fish, her infectious laugh when I told a joke, the way she taught me to be the change in the world.

  The reverend gestures to me and the other pallbearers, it’s time to take our place at Mom’s side. I stand, letting go of Ren’s hand, already feeling lost. Alone.

  I stand beside her. Mom carried me for so many years; my shield from the cruelties of life. Bending my knees, I lift; it’s my turn to carry her. It sickens me, though, knowing I couldn’t shield her from the illness that put her in this box. Along with Mom, I carry my failure.

  Walking to the back of the church, I keep my eyes focused, my jaw set, yet nothing helps, one tear breaks free, making its way down my cheek.

  * * *

  “Aunt Sunny, thank you for coming.” I bend down, placing a kiss on my great-aunt’s wrinkled cheek.

  “Bless you, dear.” Aunt Sunny pats my arm. “It was a lovely service. Your mama was a great lady.”

  More than great. Perfect. How does Aunty Sunny live well into her eighties, but Katy Sinclair’s body revolts, putting her into the grave at fifty. How is that fair?

  “Take care of yourself, Cayden.” Aunt Sunny hobbles past me, on her way to sit down.

  “I will.”

  I glance around the room, at all of my mother’s friends and family. The funeral this morning had been nice, so many people. And it was great of Mom’s church to provide lunch for everyone after, but I’m ready to call it a day. Putting Mom in the ground with Dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I need a stiff drink. Sticking a finger in my collar, I pull, trying to loosen it. The damn thing has gotten tighter all day.

  Across the room, my eyes fall on Ren. My own Persephone—a breath of fresh air in hell.

  I’ve always done well in high-stress situations—it’s what makes me a top-grade Marine and police officer—but, it’s the quiet after the storm I can’t handle. Mom’s passing, organizing the funeral; I’m good at getting shit done. Tonight, with the war over, returning to the deafening silence of civilian life, I’m glad I have Ren waiting for me, or I’d be a drunken train wreck.

  Ren tosses her head back, laughing at something Blake said. I could use a dose of her laughter.

  Leaving my post at the head mourner’s table (I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but I’m going with it), I stroll over to Ren, circling my arms around her waist as I come up behind her. I’m hit with the flowers and coconut scent of her shampoo and my mood lifts out of the underworld.

  “Hi, babe,” she says, craning her neck over her shoulder and clasping our hands together over her belly. “Blake was just telling Dylen and me about the time his family and your family went on vacation to the Grand Canyon.”

  “Ah, the ‘Legendary Grand Canyon Calamity’ as Mom called it.” I smile at the memory.

  “That’s the one,” Blake says. “I’d never seen your mom so angry.”

  “Well, when her son unfastens the latches of the backseats in the minivan, and her best friend’s son goes sailing backward into the cargo area when Dad brakes at a red light, it’s certain to grab her attention.”

  Ren shakes her head and looks over her shoulder. “You were such a shit.”

  “You don’t even know the half of it,” Blake groans. “I can still feel my head hitting the back of the van.” He pouts, rubbing a hand over the back of his head.

  I wrangle my hand from Ren’s grip and slap a hand on Blake’s shoulder “Glad there was no permanent damage, man. Thanks for being here.”

  Blake pulls me into a brotherly hug. “I loved Katy like a second mom, I wouldn’t have missed it.”

  Ren taps the arm I still have pressed around her. “My brother and his girlfriend just walked in, I should go say hi.”

  “I’ll go with you. I haven’t seen Griffin in forever,” Dylen chimes in.

  I step back, letting Ren pass as she and Dylen take off toward the door.

  “I can’t compete with the rock star,” Blake commiserates. “But hey, looks like you and Ren are hitting it off. I leave for my honeymoon and you’re a proud bachelor, I come back, and your Facebook relationship status is changed.”

  “Six weeks, man.” She sped into my life and right to my heart. “It’s soon, but damn, I want that woman in my life forever, Blake.”

  “When you know, you know. I’m happy for you, bro.” Blake claps a hand on my back. “Look at them.” He raises his chin in their direction. Ren is cuddled up next to her brother, along with Dylen on the other side. “We’re damn lucky.”

  I nod in agreement. “Truth.”

  “We should probably join them. You don’t have to worry about Ren, but Dylen might decide to replace me with him.” Blake points in Griffin’s direction, a worried expression on his face.

  Griffin Daniels, Ren’s little brother and rising star of the rock world. I can see why Blake’s nervous, having his woman hanging all over Ren’s brother—the Daniels family is passing along some seriously killer genes.

  “Nah, from what Ren says, Griffin only has eyes for one woman, the little blonde standing on Ren’s left.”

  “So be it, but I’m not taking any chances.” Blake slaps my arm and moves in on his bride, and I follow behind.

  Ren’s face lights up when I join her little family circle. “Cayden, this is my brother, Griffin. Griffin, my boyfriend, Cayden.”

  Boyfriend. God, if you only knew how much I want that title to be something else.

  I extend my hand in greeting. “Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Griffin gives his sister a sidelong glance, and wow, do they look alike. Ren has given me that same glance at least a hundred times since we met. Makes me wonder if my siblings and I would have looked alike, shared the same mannerisms. I envy their relationship. It sure as hell would have been nice to have a brother or sister at my side, to get each other through Mom’s death. Carrying this weight alone is damn tiring and fucking lonely.

  “Likewise. Hope my sister didn’t give you too bad an impression of me.” He shakes my hand in return. “And I’m sorry for your loss, man. Wish we could have met under better circumstances.”

  “Ren speaks very highly of you. Thanks, for being here. I’m glad you could make it.”

  “And this is Jillian. We grew up together,” Ren says, stepping out of Griffin’s embrace and throwing her arm over the shy blonde’s shoulder. “She’s like the sister I never had.”

  “Nice to meet you, Jillian. Thanks for coming.” I shake her hand, too.

  “I’m so sorry to hear about your mom.” Her face turns somber, genuine sorrow reflected in her dark eyes.

  “Thanks.”

  Griffin steps behind Jillian, his arm going around her waist, as Ren comes to stand beside me, and Dylen joins Blake.

  I glance around our small circle. A combination of Ren’s family and friends, and mine, blended perfectly. It amazes me how our paths never crossed before the day I pulled her over, and then again at Blake and Dylen’s wedding, but I’m glad fate decided to throw us together twice that weekend. I can’t imagine my life without her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Ren

  I’m worried. I’ve never seen Cayden so…lifeless. Cayden is always so calm, levelheaded, able to handle any problem that comes his way. I knew Katy’s death would gut him, but he’s just not coping. He’s not doing anything. I’ve never seen him this way.

  I wish the police station hadn’t given him two weeks ber
eavement leave; work would do him good, give him something else to focus on.

  Two days after Katy’s funeral, after a twelve-hour shift at the hospital, I went right over to his place. I wasn’t surprised to find him on the couch, wearing the same basketball shorts and Nike T-shirt he’d put on the night we came home from the church.

  Day three, and he’s still in the same clothes; the only difference is they’re a day smellier. Cayden needs a distraction. And a shower. I’ve got to get him out of the house.

  Fiddling around in his kitchen, attempting to make him something edible, I roll ideas around in my head. I have two days off, that’s enough time for a short getaway; give him time to mourn Katy’s loss outside of these four walls.

  I take the lid off the pot of boiling water, giving myself a steam facial. The water is rolling. I guess it’s ready for the noodles. Why didn’t I just stick to microwavable food? The stove and I are not friends. My mother, I am not.

  Taking the box of macaroni, I track the words with my finger, reading very carefully. For the average person, macaroni and cheese isn’t a difficult meal to prepare. For me, it may as well be salt-crusted fish.

  When water comes to a boil, add noodles. Stir frequently.

  I dump the noodles into the water and stir. Circling the spoon in a clockwise pattern, I zone out, mesmerized by the swirling motion of the noodles riding on superheated bubbles.

  Where can Cayden and I escape for two days? Someplace quiet…out of the way…something he loves to do…

  A fly buzzes by my ear and I swat it away. “Stupid fly!” I friggin’ hate bugs.

  An idea boils to the surface of my mind. I hate bugs…

  Of course! I’m going to take Cayden camping. We’ll roast hotdogs on a stick, make s’mores, pitch a tent, enjoy the close quarters of a sleeping bag. Images of what we can do in that sleeping bag roll through my head and my cheeks flush.

  It’ll be perfect. Cayden can free his mind and enjoy doing something he and his parents loved. It’s the perfect way to honor Katy’s life. God knows she wouldn’t want him moping around like he is.