Chip Blip

by Chip Blip (retail) (epub)

  ‘Yes, I happen to be holding a printout of a Bluggsville barcode from the year 2024, or thereabouts. We were wondering if you could help us scan it and see what information it reveals.’

  ‘Is that so?’ the voice asks. ‘And how did you get your hands on this barcode, young man?’

  Oops ... We seem to be creating suspicion already. It’s something we’ve always been quite good at! ‘I’m afraid I can’t tell you that, at the moment.’

  ‘Just as I suspected. I’d advise you to leave the premises before there’s any trouble.’

  ‘But I think you’d really be int-’

  The camera zooms back up and disappears into a hatch.

  ‘Hello? Can you hear me?’

  No one responds. It’s extremely disappointing. I really expected better manners from the Bluggsville Records Office.

  ‘What do we do, Oscar?’ I ask. ‘We really need to get in there somehow.’

  Oscar shrugs his shoulders. Then, he lifts his leg and sprays a squirt of oil on the door, just to show them how he’s feeling.

  ‘Good dog!’ I say. ‘I’d do the same, but I’d probably get arrested!’

  I’m about to give up and go back up to the storeroom when I notice a sign on the building’s directory board. It says: Bluggsville Pet Registry. 1st Floor. It’s enough to spark an idea in my head.

  Real-animal pets are quite rare nowadays, so the city is very strict about making people register them. If I can convince the staff that Oscar’s a real dog, they’ll definitely want to know all about him. Surely they’ll let us in the building!

  ‘So ... Oscar,’ I say, ‘how would you feel about becoming a non-electronic dog for a few hours?’

  Oscar doesn’t look happy about it at all. He knows how messy and smelly real dogs can be!

  ‘If you do it, I’ll give you an oil change as soon as we get back to the packing case. And maybe even a delicious grease block to chew on.’

  Oscar gives me a smile and lifts one of his front legs for a paw-shake. I take that as a sign of agreement!

  ‘Okay then,’ I say, ‘we’d better find some fur to stick onto you! Do a quick Splinternet search for the nearest cloth shop, please.’

  Before I know it, there’s another green square in the air above Oscar’s back. It’s filled with a map, with a red star on a street nearby. Beside the star there’s a shop name - Hannah’s Haberdashery and Fabulous Fabrics.

  ‘It looks like that’s our first stop!’ I say to Oscar.

  It only takes us a minute to walk there. As we go in through the main door, it feels like we’re walking through a colossal rainbow of fluff. Every colour of fabric you can imagine is arranged in rolls along walls that seem to go on forever. As we step in, a young woman introduces herself as Hannah and asks us if she can be of assistance. She seems much friendlier than the man at the Records Office.

  ‘Yes please!’ I say. ‘If you have anything brown and fluffy, we’d love to take a few metres of it.’

  ‘Follow me,’ she says. ‘I know the perfect material.’

  We follow Hannah through mountains of red, yellow, orange, green, blue and purple cloth rolls. I’m starting to get puffed by the time we arrive in the brown section!

  Hannah points up to the second row of cloth rolls and says, ‘How about that one?’

  I look up and see a range of brown fluffy fabrics, one of which looks a lot like shaggy dog fur. ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘That one will be perfect!’

  ‘How much would you like?’ asks Hannah.

  ‘About two metres should do.’

  ‘No problem. It’s only $500 a metre. So that will be a total of $1000, please.’

  I was forgetting we’d actually have to pay for this. I reach into my pockets. The only cash I find is a 70-dollar coin in my left pocket. ‘Gosh ... I’m sorry but I don’t actually have enough money in my pocket at the moment.’

  ‘That’s a bit of a problem,’ she replies. ‘I’m afraid we don’t have a take-now-pay-later option here.’

  ‘In that case .. is there any chance we could borrow the fluffy fabric, and bring it back in a few hours?’

  Hannah raises her eyebrows. ‘It’s the first time I’ve had someone ask me just to borrow some material. Most people want to cut it up and make clothes with it. But ... what are you planning to do with it?’

  ‘Well, to be honest, I was just planning to wrap this robo-dog in it, and make him look like a real dog . for a costume party we’re about to go to.’

  Hannah smiles and her eyes light up. ‘That sounds like fun! I love costume parties. If you can promise to bring it back in the same condition tomorrow I’ll help you wrap your dog up right now.’

  I can’t believe someone down here on the ground is being so helpful. Usually people look at the way I’m dressed and know straight away that I’m from the Skyburbs. They call me a shadie, and think I’m a thief. I’m definitely no thief, and it’s really unfair to call me a shadie - it’s not my fault the Skyburbs cast shadows on their fancy houses down here.

  ‘That would be incredible,’ I say to Hannah. ‘We’ll take very good care of it. Oscar, hop up onto that table there!’

  Oscar does as I ask, while Hannah uses a pair of laser-scissors to cut the two-metre piece of furry fabric.

  ‘Alright Oscar, I need you to stand still,’ she says. ‘Don’t worry, this won’t take long.’

  Hannah drapes the piece of material over Oscar, and he suddenly looks like a fluffy brown ghost. Hannah grabs bits of the material, wrapping them around each of his legs and his tail, and finally his head. She clips it all together with safety pins under his tummy, completely out of sight. In just a matter of seconds, Oscar’s completely transformed from robo to real!

  ‘I can’t believe how much he looks like a real dog!’ I laugh. ‘The only thing missing is a big wet nose.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ says Hannah. ‘I have an idea for that too.’

  Hannah disappears for a few seconds and comes back with a big black button. She puts a thread through the back of it and ties it around Oscar’s head. Then, she takes a tube of lip balm from her pocket and wipes it all over the button.

  ‘There you go,’ she says. ‘The stickiest snout in Bluggsville!’

  ‘You’re brilliant!’ I say to Hannah. ‘We’ll make sure we bring all of this back to you tomorrow.’

  ‘My pleasure,’ she replies. ‘But, what are you wearing to the party?’

  That’s an excellent question. I hadn’t quite thought that far. ‘I was kind of thinking of going as a ... wizard. Yes, a wizard!’

  Hannah squints and looks me up and down. ‘I think I can help you with that. You’re not very tall, but I do have an old cloak you might be able to wear - and an old hat that belonged to my grandfather. Follow me.’

  We all walk back towards the shop entrance. Just before we get there, Hannah disappears into a little side room. She returns with a tall grey top hat in one hand, and a thick grey cloak in the other. I wrap the cloak over my shoulders and put the hat on my head. It’s so big it slides down over my eyes.

  ‘You look very magical,’ she says, ‘but there’s something missing. Stay there a second.’

  Hannah goes back into the side room and returns with a little black stick. ‘This is what you were missing!’

  ‘Wow,’ I say, ‘my very own wand! We’re going to be a hit at the party, aren’t we, Oscar!’

  ‘Before you go,’ says Hannah, ‘can I take a photo? I’d love to put a picture of you both on my Zapstagram!’

  ‘Of course,’ I say. ‘I can’t believe how good you’ve made us both look!’

  Hannah whistles with her fingers and a cybercat climbs down from a ceiling beam. Oscar’s ears prick up, but fortunately he’s not nearly as crazy about cyber-cats as he is about robo-rats.

  As Hannah picks up the cat, a camera lens pops out of its head. It takes a picture of me and Oscar, and prints plastic copies for each of us.

  ‘Thanks, Hannah,’ I say. ‘We’ll be back tom
orrow with all of your things.’

  ‘My pleasure,’ she replies. ‘That was fun. I hope Oscar doesn’t get too itchy under all of that fur!’

  CHAPTER 4

  The Artificial Labrador

  We’re soon back at the Records Office, taking deep breaths and gathering our thoughts. ‘Okay, Oscar,’ I say, ‘let’s try again. Surely they’ll take us more seriously this time.’

  I have to be careful not to step in Oscar’s oil squirt as I press the buzzer. The camera drops down again and the same voice asks how it can be of assistance. I pull the hat down over my eyes. ‘Good morning, Sir,’ I croak. ‘I have a dog here whose registration expired a few days ago. I was wondering if you could help me sort it all out.’

  ‘Of course,’ he replies. ‘I’ll unlock the door and meet you in the foyer in a moment.’

  The camera zips back up into its hatch and I hear a buzz in front of me as the door opens. We step through into a cold, wood-panelled room with hundreds of pictures of dogs and cats in frames on the walls.

  Soon, a door at the back of the room opens. A very tall man steps into the room and shakes my hand. I squeeze back as hard as I can, hoping he doesn’t notice how small my hand is. He introduces himself as Harvey Higgle, Chief Pet Inspector for Bluggsville City.

  ‘What a lovely dog,’ he says. ‘What breed is it?’

  ‘Oh,’ I say, ‘he’s a thoroughbred beagle-b– ... er ... labrador!’

  ‘I thought so,’ says Harvey. ‘He’s a very fine specimen. I’m glad you brought him in. Labradors are very very rare in Bluggsville these days.’

  ‘Gosh, I didn’t know I had such a special pet!’

  ‘Please, Sir, come through to my office.’

  Oscar and I follow Harvey through a wide doorway and find ourselves in a large hall, with beautiful paw-print tiles all over the floor, and statues of dogs along the walls. The doors close behind us. I hear something click inside them.

  ‘Now, Sir,’ says Harvey, ‘please tell me how old this dog is, how long you’ve had him, and where you got him.’

  Gulp. I wasn’t expecting any of these sorts of questions. ‘Well,’ I say, ‘he’s ... nearly four years old, he was a stray, and I’ve had him for about three years.

  Technically I’m not lying. All of these facts are true for robot-Oscar.

  ‘Goodness me,’ says Harvey, ‘that makes him even rarer than I thought. Excuse me one moment.’

  Harvey leaves the room and I look down at Oscar. His fluffy tail has dropped down between his fluffy hind legs. ‘What do you think’s going on?’ I ask him.

  We don’t have to wait long to find out. Less than a minute later, Harvey returns with three other people beside him, all in long white coats.

  ‘I’m very sorry,’ says Harvey, ‘but according to Bluggsville regulations, this type of dog is not allowed to be kept in a domestic setting. We are going to have to put him in the Bluggsville Zoo for his own protection. If he’s healthy enough, we may even be able to use him in a breeding program. You can visit him any time, of course,’ he smiles.

  ‘Uh-oh,’ I whisper to Oscar, ‘I think it’s time we got out of here.’

  I scoop Oscar up in my arms and run back towards the entrance. When we get there, I grab the door handle and push it downwards, but the door stays right where it is.

  ‘Please cooperate, Sir,’ Harvey says calmly. ‘It’s for the good of all the real dogs of Bluggsville. With your help, we’ll eventually be able to double or triple the number of labradors in the city. Your fine specimen could soon have hundreds of puppies running around! Wouldn’t you be proud of that?’

  ‘No,’ I yelp. ‘He’s my dog and you’re not having him!’

  I’m surprised how confident I sound, knowing that we can’t actually get out of the room. I feel even less confident when a net suddenly drops down from the ceiling and I find myself and Oscar trapped like flies in a web.

  ‘I’m sorry we’ve had to resort to this,’ says Harvey, ‘but it’s all for the good of the animals. Surely you understand that?’

  One of the white-coat people reaches through a gap in the net, and takes hold of Oscar. I don’t let go of him. But then I notice that our tug-of-war is making Oscar’s new coat stretch. For a moment I think it’s about to tear, and I let go. It’s a big mistake. Before I know it, he’s bundled up in the man’s arms and being dragged away to another side room.

  ‘I’m sorry you made that so difficult for yourself,’ says Harvey, ‘but I’m afraid we can’t let you go either. It’s quite clear that was not your dog, was it?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I squeak.

  ‘You’re obviously a shady,’ says Harvey. ‘Look how old that cloak is. And that hat. There’s no way you came across this labrador honestly.’

  Well, that’s enough to make my blood boil like an exploding laser-kettle!

  ‘Excuse me, pea brain,’ I hiss, ‘that’s my dog and he’s been mine for years. I’m not leaving here until the police take you away first!’

  Harvey scowls. ‘The police will be here soon, but it isn’t me they’ll be taking away.’

  The staff close in around me and grab parts of the net. They drag the net, and me, towards another room on the other side of the hall. As I slide across the floor, the net bumps my hat off.

  ‘You?!’ cries Harvey. ‘I should have known. You really are a shady of the lowest kind. I heard it in your voice the first time you tried to lie your way in.’

  ‘Is that so? Well here’s something else to hear in my voice!’ I try to think of a clever reply, but it’s hard to concentrate while I’m being dragged across the floor. ‘You’re nothing but a ... tall, bad-mannered dog thief!’

  Harvey just laughs and helps the other people drag the net along. They slide me into the room, slam the door and lock me inside.

  As I untangle myself from the net, I realise I’m in some kind of office. It doesn’t look like a good place to keep a prisoner, but there’s definitely no way out. The only window I can see is a glass square up near the ceiling. I can probably reach it if I climb up on a desk, but there’s no way I’ll be able to open it.

  While I’m looking up at it, I realise there’s something in my pocket — the tough little rice grain that’s caused all of this trouble! The printout of the barcode is in there too. I’d almost forgotten about them, but now that I’m here, I wonder if there might be some kind of scanner I can use to see what information they contain. I sneak around the room, opening every drawer and cupboard that isn’t locked.

  Finally, I find it - a handheld barcode scanner. I’ve seen one of these before, in a zooper-market. Before anyone has the chance to interrupt me, I lay the barcode photo flat on a desk and hit the ‘on’ button. A web of laser beams shoots out across the photo and the screen attached to the scanner lights up. I’m shocked by what I see on it - the face of a big, golden-haired dog! It’s wearing a thick white collar with multi-coloured LED lights and a control panel in the middle of it. Beside the face is the name Sandy, and an address: 66 Polley Wolley Way. There’s also an owner’s name: Gemma Hirabashi.

  Suddenly, it all makes sense. The mysterious chip was meant to be implanted in a real dog so its owner could find it if it got lost. For some reason this chip was never implanted in poor old Sandy. I’ll probably never know why, but I hit the print button on the side of the scanner and Sandy’s file appears on a little square of plastic. I slide it into my pocket.

  I’m feeling pretty pleased that I’ve solved that part of the mystery, but there’s now a more urgent need - to get out of here! More than anything, I need to find Oscar before he’s locked up forever in the Labrador Enclosure at the zoo.

  I look through all the drawers again, but I can’t see anything I can use to break through that window. All I can find is a pile of old scanners like the one I used on the barcode. My brain starts to tick.

  One thing the scanners have in common is that they spit out laser beams. The beams are all quite weak on their own, but together .
.. I have a feeling they might be able to help me.

  I grab another three scanners and climb up onto the desk below the window. I turn all four scanners on at once, balancing one of them on my head, squeezing another under my chin, and holding one in each hand. It’s extremely awkward, but somehow I manage to aim all four laser beams at the same spot on the window.

  Where the beams meet, the glass begins to melt! I slowly lift my head and move the beams up towards the top of the glass, then right, then down and left, until I’ve cut a perfect square in the middle of the window. The square falls out. A second later I hear it smash into pieces on the ground below.

  At that very moment, I hear the door handle turning behind me. Without looking back to see who it is, I lift myself up onto the windowsill. The edges of the glass are still extremely hot - I have to be careful not to touch them. As delicately as I can, I squeeze myself through and grab onto the gutter outside. I pull myself upwards, throw a leg into the gutter and collapse onto the metal roof, puffing and panting.

  Lying there, catching my breath, I hear voices wafting out through the window.

  ‘Look at the scanner - Gemma Hirabashi!’

  ‘And that’s Sandy the space dog.’

  ‘I knew that boy was up to no good!’

  ‘He’s going to find the Cosmic Collar before we do! He must be stopped!’

  I have no idea what they’re talking about, but it sounds like it’s time to make myself absent!

  As I stand up and dust myself off, I hear the sound of a loud propeller above me. I look up and see a Bluggsville City van-copter flying westwards. Through the back window I can see Oscar, still in his labrador fur, waving at me. I wave back and give him a thumbs-up. Fortunately, I’m pretty sure I know where they’re taking him!

  I run across the roof, looking for any kind of pipe I can slide down to get back to ground level. Of course, there’s nothing - but I can see a tree in a nearby backyard, two or three metres from the edge of the building. It’s my only chance of getting down from here.