Oh, the hat… I should’ve spotted the cowboy hat from a mile away.
I offered a small wave before climbing up onto an empty stool next to Garrett.
“Hey, sleepy head. Did you have a nice nap?” He asked.
“It was great actually.”
The waitress came over to take our orders and I let Josh order for me. He always knew what I wanted.
The four of us ate and the guys hassled me about eating such a big burger. Not that I cared. When it came to cheeseburgers, I didn’t play around. We talked about school, and they let me know what I was in store for, but I was never worried. I was ready. Too bad I didn’t know what I wanted to be yet. My counselor from school suggested that I do some volunteer work, internships to get my feet wet. She said that spending man-hours trying new things might help me decide. Josh strongly disagreed. He said I shouldn’t be spending my freshman year working, and well, he had a point. At least not for the first semester.
The lights overhead dimmed as the sound of music started to play.
The guys were on their second pitcher of beer, and whistled as some girl took the stage. Karaoke was something that had to be liquor induced, for me anyway. Just the thought of standing up there on that stage singing in front of a room full of people made my stomach churn. Besides, I couldn’t carry a tune.
The song Hit Me Baby One More Time by Britney Spears came through the speakers, and the girl singing had some serious pipes. It was a bad song choice, but she had a damn good voice. If I could sing like that, then I wouldn’t think twice about singing.
“You going to sing for us, Paislee?” Garrett asked me.
“Lee doesn’t sing,” Josh answered for me.
Tex narrowed his eyes at me before staring back off towards the stage. I didn’t know him that well, but he seemed a whole lot less talkative this time compared to the night of Fox’s party. I eyed him curiously as he sipped his beer. Something just seemed off about him. He and Josh had barely said two words to each other. Maybe they weren’t that good of friends. Garrett was obviously the common denominator between the two of them. But who didn’t love Garrett?
The crowd cheered as the song finished. The girl took a little bow, and she deserved to. A man’s voice came over the microphone and announced the next singer.
“Jude Marx.”
Wait, what?
Jude stood up from his stool and straightened his hat as he walked over to the microphone. I flashed a quick glance to Garrett who was grinning from ear to ear.
Fidgeting in my seat, I felt my insides drop to my feet. Could he sing? How bad was this going to be? My hands felt sweaty, and it wasn’t even me on that stage.
“Can he sing?” I asked looking from Josh to Garrett. Someone needed to answer me before I started to panic.
A slow tune started playing and I didn’t recognize it at first. It took him singing the first line before I knew what it was.
He was singing Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. The country boy was singing Ed Sheeran and my God it was the prettiest sound I’d ever heard. He could sing like an angel. My hands were gripped tightly together and my head rested atop them as I kept my eyes glued on Tex. There was something smooth in the way he held that microphone to his lips, even smoother, the way he closed his eyes. My heart skipped a beat as he hit the notes flawlessly.
“You want to dance, Lee?” Josh asked as he held out his hand to me.
That was a request I couldn’t deny. I slid my hand into his and let him lead me to the small dance floor in front of the stage. Placing my arms loosely around Josh’s neck, I gently laid my head against his shoulder. We moved slowly to the sound of Tex’s voice.
“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” Josh whispered.
I looked up into his eyes. “Me too.”
Tex was staring at Josh and I as we moved back and forth across the dance floor. Each time I glanced at the stage, his eyes were on us. The look in his eyes was dark, and brooding. My feelings were not off about him that night. Something was up, and my curious mind wanted to know.
The song was almost over when Josh placed his head down into the crook of my neck. The feel of his breath on my exposed skin felt so good. When his hands slid down my back, I started to get that fluttery feeling inside my stomach. What was he doing? Josh never touched me like that.
I felt my breath catch when his fingers trailed over the top of my ass.
Seriously?
What was he doing?
My inner voice was going nuts. Oh yes!
The song came to an end, and I wanted to scream. Josh kissed my cheek, like he always did, and there was suddenly too much space between us.
If I hadn’t been so afraid that I’d look like a complete idiot, I’d have stomped my boots right there on that dance floor. Could the stars just align for us once?
There was something in the air though. Something was different, and I could feel it. As soon as the two of us were alone, I was telling him. I was going to lay it all on the line. Sink or swim you could say. I could kick myself in the ass for not telling him sooner, but no more. It was too hard being his friend and nothing more. No one could light that fire in me like he did. He had to know.
I gathered myself in the restroom before heading back to the table. When I noticed that Josh wasn’t there, I glanced around in search of him. I almost fell off the side of my stool when I saw him dancing with the Britney chick. You know. The one who sang Britney Spears?
That was me just five freaking minutes ago. I’m the one wearing the “fuck me” dress, and I was seconds away from cutting in between the two of them. He was the effing king of mixed signals. He just had his hands on my ass.
Was I losing it?
Had I completely fabricated the whole situation in my head?
“Let’s dance,” Tex said from behind me. He was standing just inches away from me. I didn’t even have to turn around to know that it was him. His accent gave him away every time.
When I turned around to see his face, the look of annoyance was gone. Instead, it was replaced by a slight grin and smoldering eyes.
Why not?
I stood up and followed him onto the dance floor. He took my hand and surprised me by spinning me around and pulling me back flush against his body. It caught me off guard, and I laughed at his smooth attempt at showing off his dancing skills. For a big guy, he was light on his feet.
His bright smile was contagious and easily made me forget that there was anyone else around. I wondered if there was anything that this guy wasn’t good at. Everything he did shocked me, literally.
Our feet moved perfectly to the music. It was apparent that he was a much better dancer. It didn’t matter that I had no clue what I was doing because he was a good leader. Oh, and he smelled good too. Every time that he’d spin me out and pull me back in I’d catch a hint of his cologne. It was nothing like Josh’s. It was older. I’m not sure if that made sense, but it was the only way I could describe it. It was like he was wearing something more masculine and woodsy.
“You’re a really great dancer,” I told him.
“Thank you, ma’am.”
Oh, panties. Don’t fail me now.
I had this burning feeling that someone was watching me, like they were searing huge holes into the back of my head. Looking around, I found the culprit. Josh’s eyes were glued to me. So much so that he and his dance partner were barely moving, and this was no slow song.
My eyes grew weary and I turned back to Tex. Josh seemed mad, and I didn’t want to linger by staring into his eyes too long.
My heart was pounding.
“What’s the deal with you two?” His voice made me jump. When I looked up at him, his eyebrows were raised in question.
“He’s my best friend,” I answered. I knew whom he was referring to.
Tex shook his head as if I answered his question wrong. “Bullshit!”
I furrowed my brows.
“I don’t believe that for one damn minute,” he ra
mbled.
I stopped moving and glared up at him. “What? I’m not lying to you, Jude. He really is my best friend.”
“Whatever.” He pulled me close to him so that I could no longer look him in the eyes.
I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered if I was a bad liar. But even more so, I wondered what gave it away.
“It’s none of my business, but I see the way that you look at him.”
There was my answer. I suppose Josh was the only one who was plainly oblivious to it. Everyone else could see right through me. They could easily see the way he charmed the hell out of me. Everyone could see it, but him.
“You’re right,” I whispered. “It is none of your business.” I slipped easily out of his arms, thanked him for the dance, and walked directly off the dance floor. The song hadn’t even ended, but I had grown tired of his company.
Instead of stopping at the table, I offered Garrett a quick smile and made my way toward the doors. I wasn’t leaving. Flight was my coping mechanism. However, if I didn’t get some fresh air soon, I felt like I might pass out.
“Lee,” Josh said as he followed me out the front door.
I stood on the sidewalk and looked up into the dark evening sky. I took a deep breath as a cool air washed over my face, sending shivers up my spine.
“Lee,” he said again.
Now or never chicken shit.
I turned to face him; my heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it in my ears. “Josh,” my voice sounded shuddery.
“What is it?” He looked concerned.
“We have to talk.”
Eight
Josh
She was scaring the shit out of me. Her face was pale, and she was shivering. Maybe she was cold, but it sure seemed like something else was going on.
I reached for her hand, but she pulled away. “We have to talk,” she said again.
“Okay. Do you want to go somewhere else?” I asked. I’d never seen her like that.
She nodded and I looked around. I noticed that there was a little café across the street that still had its lights on. I pointed to it, but she shook her head no.
“Can we just go to your car?”
“Yeah, come on.” I placed my hand on the small of her back and led her to my car. My mind was reeling or maybe I’d just had one too many beers.
After I closed the door, I started the car and turned on the heat.
“Now what’s going on?” I asked, too anxious to wait any longer. If there was someone that needed an ass kicking, I was ready.
She looked at me then looked at her hands. She was killing me with anticipation.
“I’ve got something to tell you.”
Before even realizing it I barked, “Just tell me already.” I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I was aggravated beyond belief.
“I will!” She yelled. “Shut up and let me talk. Don’t you dare say another word, Joshua Landon?”
Aw shit! She used my middle name.
“Fine,” I replied.
She shook her hands out in front of her, like she was trying to get feeling in them. It took everything I had not to say anything, but for her to be that serious I knew something was wrong.
“I should’ve told you this a long time ago, but I was scared. I’m still scared.” Her voice cracked. She held up a finger to keep me from saying anything. “We’ve been best friends for nine or ten years now, and, well…” She paused and moved farther away from me. Her eyes looked out the window instead of at me.
I had no clue what she was about to say. None!
She ran her hands along her thighs before she started to speak again. She took a deep breath. “I have to tell you that, I love you.”
“I love you too, Lee,” I replied quickly.
“No Josh,” she shook her head. “ I love you, love you. I’ve been in love with you since I was ten years old. I should’ve told you, but I was scared. And now, I just… I had to tell you because it’s eating me up inside.”
My mouth grew dry, and I had no idea what to say.
No. No. No. I repeated the words over and over in my head. She was my best friend. Sure, I thought she was beautiful, and smart, and the greatest person ever. But she was like a sister to me. We had comfort. Comfort was a good thing. There was nothing ever physical in our relationship. I could only ever remember one time that I wanted her, but I shut those feelings down. I couldn’t lose my best friend. This wasn’t happening. NO.
“You can say something now.” Her tiny voice was barely heard above my screaming thoughts.
FUCK! It was the first time I’d been at a loss for words my whole life. The longer I sat there the worse I felt. My stomach shifted, and I felt like I was about throw up every beer I’d consumed.
I had to say something, but I had to be careful with my words. She was my best friend and I’d never want to hurt her. Not in a million years.
I laid my hand on top of hers, and she turned to face me. “You’re my best friend,” I told her. “You mean the world to me.” My words were slow and deliberate, and her eyes were filled with tears.
It was so hard to see her like that, and I knew my words were going to cut her deep. But I had to say them. I had to tell her the truth. I owed it to her to be honest. I just hoped that it wouldn’t change things between us. It would tear me apart if it did.
“I love you Lee, but.” I paused.
A single tear slid down her cheek.
“Please don’t cry. You’re killing me.” I took a deep breath. “We can’t.”
“I feel like such a dumb ass,” she wiped her cheek.
“Hey! No. Don’t do that. We’ve always been honest with each other. I’m glad you told me how you were feeling. I just can’t do that to our friendship. I won’t screw it up this way.” I squeezed her hand tighter. “If we tried to have something beyond friendship, things will never be the same between us ever again. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
“But, I love you,” she cried.
“Come here,” I pulled her to my chest. “I love you too, Lee. I love you so much. I hope you know that. It is killing me right now to see you like this.”
And it was. I would rather shoot myself in the foot than have to watch her cry.
Talk about sobering up. I could feel a hangover already starting.
I held her close to my chest and rubbed her back. I knew I was doing the right thing. Sure it would be hard now, but our friendship would be stronger for it. I could never see myself loving her any other way, no matter how beautiful she was. Sure I’d thought about screwing the daylights out of her, but I always knew that it was just a fantasy in my mind. I’d never actually do it. But it’s like suddenly everything made sense. The lack of dating, the way she never talked about anyone else, and not to mention how pissed off she was when I was getting blown by some random chick at a party.
Bring on the guilt.
My mind was spiraling out of control. “God I’m sorry.” I held her tighter. I pulled back and placed my hands on her red, puffy cheeks. “All this time,” I shook my head.
“I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes.
“You don’t have to be sorry. You’re beautiful and someone is going to love you, and in my eyes, they may never be good enough for you. But you’ll find someone. Please don’t be sorry. We can forget this. We can move on like nothing happened.”
That’s all I wanted. I wouldn’t hold her back if she wanted to date people. That had never been my intentions. This was all out of the blue for me. As hard as it was to hear her say it, it was even harder for me to hear it.
“Can we forget this ever happened? Please?” I pleaded.
She nodded, but didn’t say another word.
The silence was eerie inside my car, and I was ready to go back to my room and just lay down. Classes were starting back in a couple of days and I just wanted to chill out. My head was pounding like a drum.
“I’m ready to go. Can you drive?”
�
��Yeah,” she answered.
I thought she’d be more excited, but she was just as exhausted as I was. I texted Garrett and told him I was heading back to the dorm, and I’d leave some money on his nightstand for the bill. He was cool with that. He knew I wouldn’t stiff him.
She climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the crowded parking lot. Her silence was sickening. She said things were going to be same. She agreed. But this foreign feeling in the pit of my stomach had me worried.
Maybe she just said that for my sake. Only time would tell. I just had to give her some space. I had to let her think about where I was coming from, and I had to hope that my decision to say no didn’t ruin anything because that was what I was trying to prevent.
I wouldn’t lose this friendship without a fight.
Nine
Paislee
I couldn’t tell you what time I finally fell asleep last night, but I was hoping that I’d wake up and everything would’ve been a dream. I felt like the biggest idiot when I cried alone in my bed last night, and the morning sunlight didn’t take that feeling away. I should’ve never told him.
Every single time I played out that night in my head, I saw it going a different way. I thought he’d kiss me, and that he’d tell me he loved me too.
What an idiot?
He actually said –Can we forget this ever happened?
I agreed. I flipping agreed, like the puppet that I was.
Picking up my phone off the nightstand I saw three missed calls, two from Josh, and one from my Mom.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
All I wanted was peace and quiet for the day. I wanted to finish arranging my room, and I wanted to forget that there was a world outside those four walls. I turned my phone off and placed it back on my stand.
As I padded across the cold floor to the restroom, I screamed out when something furry ran across the room.
What the hell was that?
I ran quickly back to my bed and jumped up on it.
“Letty!” I yelled out when I noticed she was still sound asleep in her bed. “Ewww. Letty!” I yelled again.
Do you love me? (Trinity Series Book 1) Page 6