If You Ever Tell

by Carlene Thompson

  “It was so subtle, I’m not sure I understood,” Carmen giggled. “But even if you’re in the mood, you will just have to wait, sir, because I made this popcorn just for you and it’s perfect right this minute.”

  Gabe dipped a big hand into the bowl. “Smells delicious.” He popped the handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Tastes delicious,” he said around the fluffy kernels.

  “Good. I also got your favorite brand of beer.” Carmen sighed. “Gabe, do you know how fattening all of this stuff is?”

  “Are you saying I need to lose weight?”

  “Not at all. You’re just right. But I can only have one beer and about one-eighth of this popcorn or I’ll lose my girlish figure. Actually, I’ve already lost it, but I don’t want to go any farther down the drain.”

  “You think you’ve lost your figure? With how you watch your diet and all of the exercise you do?”

  “I used to be thinner when I modeled.”

  “Then you must have been too thin. You’re on the verge of being too thin now. I mean, you have a beautiful figure, but am I imagining that you’ve lost a few pounds in the last couple of weeks?”

  Carmen rubbed her slim waist and sighed. “No, you’re not imagining it. I’ve lost five pounds. I’ve been worried.”

  “About what?”

  “About us, silly. I’ve been afraid you’d keep stalling about announcing our engagement.”

  “I’m not stalling. We’re telling everyone tomorrow night. Or is that off?”

  “Oh no,” Carmen said quickly. “I talked to Teri earlier. I’m going to take the food to her house in the afternoon—she offered to bake pastries, but she’s just the worst cook in the world, poor sweetheart—and she’s going to meet Kent and Sharon and Daniel at their house. I suppose you’ll be there, as usual.” Gabe nodded. “So the five of you will go to the concert first. I’ll casually come up and join you. Then we’ll all go back to Teri’s and we’ll make the announcement. How does that sound?”

  “Good.”

  Carmen stared at him. “That wasn’t very enthusiastic.”

  “Honey, you’re going to wear yourself out constantly analyzing the tone of my voice. I’ll be greatly relieved to make the announcement. Really.”

  “Well, I was hoping for more than relieved.” Disappointment edged Carmen’s voice. “I’d hoped you’d be happy.”

  “I will be. Of course I’ll be happy. I’m just not as expressive as you are, Carmen.” He smiled at her, but she wasn’t sure that smile quite reached his eyes. “Will you stop worrying? I don’t believe I’ve ever met a person who worries as much as you do.”

  “What about the way Sharon obsesses over Daniel?”

  As soon as the words were out of her mouth, as soon as she saw Gabe’s smile disappear and the line form between his eyebrows, Carmen knew she’d made a mistake. Gabe would not brook any criticism of his daughter, even if the criticism were merely implied.

  “Oh, what do I know about how a good mother should act?” Carmen said quickly, airily, desperately striving for self-deprecating humor. “My mother took off with another man when I was thirteen, and before that, she paid as little attention as possible to me. So did my father. Then I never had any children of my own, which was a great disappointment, but considering that if I’d had a child, he would have been young when my husband got sick, I guess it was for the best.”

  Carmen had been talking so fast, trying to compensate for her misstep, she ended on a breathless note. She was relieved when Gabe asked somewhat tersely, “You knew Marielle. Wasn’t she a good mother?”

  “Oh, she tried her very best, and considering her mental problems, she did an excellent job. The children adored her, especially Teri, but Marielle’s depression and unhappiness affected them. It’s wonderful that Sharon has such a healthy outlook on life—she can pass that on to Daniel,” Carmen ended lamely.

  “She’s an excellent mother,” Gabe said firmly. “Daniel is her world. Daniel and Kent.”

  And you, Carmen thought dismally. Sharon’s world orbits around the three of you, and she’s not going to let you go any easier than she would her husband or son.

  “Let’s watch the movie,” Gabe said, reaching for his beer.

  “Sure. The African Queen is one of my all-time favorites.” Carmen pushed buttons on the remote control and the DVD started. She looked at Gabe’s serious profile and took a gulp of her own beer, knowing she wouldn’t be limiting herself to one glass after all.

  3

  After Teresa had gathered up dog treats and enough food for Sierra’s breakfast, they were off to Club Rendezvous. Sierra, excited by all the goings-on in her usually quiet life, kept standing up on the backseat and thrusting her head beside Teri’s, panting enthusiastically.

  “You have to pardon Sierra’s exuberance,” Teri said. “We haven’t had a sleepover for years.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  Teresa realized she sounded as if she were reassuring Mac that she hadn’t spent the night with a man for a long time. The implication was true, but she certainly didn’t want Mac to know about the lack of romance in her life. “I don’t take Sierra everywhere with me,” she added almost defiantly.

  The club’s parking lot was over half-filled with cars. “Great for a weeknight!” Mac commented with a smile before he drove behind the big building in back to a private parking lot. “Do you ladies prefer to use the outside or inside entrance?”

  “Outside,” Teresa answered promptly, grabbing the paper bags holding her and Sierra’s overnight gear. Sierra clambered into the front seat, afraid of being left behind, and Teresa grabbed her leash, dropping the bags. “Oh, hell!” she exclaimed.

  Mac hurried around the car and picked up the bags. “Teri, have you thought of using luggage?”

  “I didn’t want to waste time digging it out from the back of the closet.” Sierra, mad with joy over their nighttime adventure, jumped, spun, and pulled while Teresa held tightly on to the leash. “Besides, do you know how hard it is to get paper bags from the grocery store? You have to make a special request or they give you those flimsy plastic things that hold about three items.”

  “Then I’ll be extremely careful with these two paper bags.” Mac shifted them to one arm while he unlocked a door, beyond which rose a set of stairs. Sierra led the way, and when they reached the top, Mac unlocked a second door. “Enter my lair,” he said with a flourish of his free hand.

  Teresa and Sierra stepped into a service way leading to a narrow kitchen with white laminate cabinets and stainless-steel appliances. Beyond the kitchen lay a dining room and living room, both furnished in earthy colors that made them seem warm compared to the cold sterility of the kitchen. Tan and brown woven rugs decorated granite flooring, and light beige vertical blinds hung at all the windows.

  “Wow,” Teresa said, gazing around at the sharp-edged modern furniture, a mixture of glass, stainless steel, leather, and chocolate-colored suede. “We didn’t design your living quarters all those years ago.”

  “That’s because we thought we’d be married and living in a house suitable for at least two children.” Teresa winced inwardly at the memory. When she was nineteen and engaged to Mac, she had expected to be Teri MacKenzie, wife and mother, at twenty-six. “You don’t like it,” Mac said flatly.

  “As a rule I’m not fond of the stark modern look, but somehow it seems right for you.”

  “I don’t know if that was a compliment or not,” Mac said dryly. “Does ‘stark’ describe my intellectual state?”

  “No. I just meant it seems like the perfect setting for a single man-about-town.”

  Mac emitted a short, sharp laugh. “A ‘man-about-town’ meaning a single guy in Point Pleasant?”

  “For heaven’s sake, Mac,” Teresa said in exasperation. “Your apartment is extremely stylish and tasteful. Why do you care what I think anyway?”

  Mac sighed. “You’re tense. You always take that tone when you’re tense.” Teresa tried to sh
oot him a withering look, but he was already heading for another room. “I’ll put your luggage in the bedroom.”

  “Mac—”

  “Don’t panic. I’ll sleep in the living room. The couch is a daybed.”

  Teresa walked toward the suede-upholstered couch/daybed. Sierra, always timid in an unfamiliar setting, followed so closely she kept stepping on Teri’s heels. In a moment, Mac came back carrying Sierra’s two metal bowls and the small bag of dog food Teresa had packed for the overnight visit. “How about Perrier water for Sierra and white wine for you and me?” he asked, going into the kitchen.

  “She’ll never drink regular water again, but it’s fine. And I’d love a glass of wine.”

  Teresa picked up a copy of Time lying on the big glass coffee table, nervously flipped pages, tossed it down, and started rubbing Sierra under the ears. As soon as the dog heard dry food hitting her bowl, though, she shot to the kitchen. Traitor, Teresa thought, chiding herself for feeling so self-conscious she needed to occupy her unsteady hands by fondling the dog.

  Mac returned with two wineglasses and a full bottle of white wine. “If I remember, you don’t like dry white wine. You like it on the sweet side.”

  “Yes, but please don’t give me a pompous lecture on wines,” Teresa snapped.

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Mac poured her glass and handed it to her. If he noticed that her hand trembled, he ignored it. Mac held up his glass. “To better times ahead,” he said, not waiting for her to lift her glass. She knew instantly he had noticed her trembling hands.

  He took a sip; she took two gulps and savored the taste of the cool wine flowing over the back of her tongue and down her throat, which felt dry as the desert. “Oh, that’s good!” she exclaimed.

  “So it seems.” Mac’s lips quirked slightly. “I thought you’d like it. It will help you relax.”

  “Whatever makes you think I need to relax?” Teresa asked wryly. “I thought the tape was a lovely welcome-home present.” She frowned. “Mac, I hadn’t thought of it before, but whoever broke into my home knew they’d have to get past Sierra. Even if they didn’t know I had a dog, they would have heard her barking from outside.”

  “That’s true.”

  Teresa pounced on his bland tone. “That’s why you don’t believe anyone did come into my home! Because there were no signs of her attacking anyone. You think I put that tape in myself!”

  “Teri, stop being so defensive. We reported it to the police, and even if at first I thought you might have put in the tape yourself, that doesn’t explain why it was still running when we got home. As for Sierra… well, I don’t know why she didn’t take a chunk out of an intruder.”

  Teresa sighed. “Well, I guess I do. It’s because she never has. She barks and snarls and carries on like the most dangerous dog on earth when she’s confronted with a stranger, but she has never bitten anyone. She’s all noise.”

  “A stranger wouldn’t have known that.”

  “No. And maybe whoever it was brought along something in case there was a truly vicious dog inside. Maybe some pepper spray, like you bought for me. But it became obvious fairly quickly that Sierra wasn’t going to actually bite. She was unusually hyper when we came home, though. After all, she has met you before—you weren’t a stranger. Something that happened earlier in the evening had her upset.”

  “The entrance of an intruder,” Mac said flatly. “Teri, I believe that you weren’t playing that tape in the afternoon. I believe you weren’t even in possession of that tape. Do you think I would have invited you to spend the night if I thought you weren’t safe in your own home?” Teresa raised an eyebrow at him. “All right, I deserve that look. Of course, I would have jumped at the chance to have you spend the night with me, but not in my bedroom with your dog while I’m on the couch. I know that’s how it’s going be and I still don’t want you to leave. That should be a reassurance of my good intentions.”

  Teresa took another sip of wine and said softly, “Words come easily to you, Mac.”

  He stiffened and shot her an offended glance. “And what does that mean?”

  “It means that you made a lot of promises to me when I was young. You made promises when we were engaged—promises always to love me and to be faithful. And you broke them.”

  “I did not break my promise to always love you. As for being faithful… well, I was.” Teri raised her eyes and glared at him. “I was.”

  “Would the redhead I caught you kissing so passionately agree with you?”

  “If she was being truthful, she’d tell you I never slept with her, Teri. Honestly, I didn’t. But… I did come close.”

  Teresa felt tears rising in her eyes, quickly took a gulp of wine, and managed to ask with some control, “One month before our wedding. Mac, why did you do it? Why did you get involved with someone else when we were so close to really being together?”

  “After you caught me with her, you yelled at me, you flung accusations at me, you broke off our engagement, but you never asked me why.”

  “I’m asking it now.”

  Mac suddenly stood and walked over to the windows, the blinds still open to the night. “I’ve thought a lot about it over the years. I’m not sure I entirely understand my own actions, but I believe I felt trapped.”

  Teresa flinched as if she’d been slapped. “Trapped? By me?”

  “By my whole life. When my father left, I became the man of the family. I was eleven. I had a mother who was about to fall apart and two-year-old twin sisters. I started taking on every job I could, and Mom worked in a convenience store that made her a nervous wreck until your mother, God bless her, hired her as a housekeeper. I kept up my grades, looked after Mom and the girls, worked, and I fell in love with you when I was just shy of twenty. I’d dated other girls, but I didn’t have time for anything other than a couple of movie dates with each one—something casual. When you were old enough, I began seeing you. When you were nineteen, we got engaged.

  “Right before our wedding, I was just beginning to really earn some money, finding out what it was like to have free time, and… well… women who wanted to be with me. I was tempted. I thought, ‘I can’t tie myself down just when I’ve finally gotten freedom for the first time since I was a kid.’ As for the redhead—Delores—she meant nothing to me. But you saw us together and you left. I didn’t blame you. In one tiny, awful way I was relieved for nearly a year. By then I’d sown my wild oats, found out I didn’t enjoy life without you, and would have given anything to have you back. But it was too late. I accepted it. I never stopped regretting it.”

  “You haven’t acted as if you regretted it,” Teresa said bitterly. “I’m always hearing stories about Mac MacKenzie, the local Don Juan.”

  “I haven’t lived in solitude. I haven’t been celibate. I’m a normal man, Teri. Did you expect me to sit in a tower and pine away for you all of these years? I didn’t think I’d ever have a second chance with you. That doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.”

  “Loving me?” Teresa murmured.

  “Yes, loving you! Are you going to claim you didn’t know it?”

  “Yes, I’m claiming it because it’s true. I didn’t think you gave me a second thought. In the years since I came back to Point Pleasant, you’ve never come to see me, never called me. What was I supposed to think?”

  “That I believed you didn’t want to hear from me. That I thought I was respecting your wishes. We didn’t exactly part amicably, you know. In fact, you said you never wanted to see me again.”

  “I was angry.”

  “When did you stop being angry?”

  “About five minutes ago, when you explained to me how you felt at the time,” Teresa admitted. “I’m not saying I would have taken it gracefully when I was twenty, or that even if I’d been older, it wouldn’t have taken time for me to stop feeling completely deceived and rejected. But now…”

  “But now?”

  “But now I need another glass of wine.” Teresa rose
from the couch. “I’ll get it.”

  Sierra trotted after her into the narrow, ultra-modern kitchen. Teri pressed her forehead against the cool stainless-steel door of the refrigerator for a moment, her emotions whirling. After finding them kissing as if the world were ending tomorrow, Teresa had believed Mac had been unfaithful for months, not just with Delores—the owner of the bar he worked at—but with other women, too.

  Teresa had never questioned him about these supposed affairs. She wouldn’t have believed any denials he made, anyway. Still, she now realized she hadn’t given him a chance. And to hear Mac talk now, at the time, he hadn’t wanted a chance. Only later had he realized that the kind of love they had was precious and often unobtainable—not something he could throw away and find again two or three years later. Maybe not even in a lifetime. When he’d made the realization, though, he hadn’t pursued her again, honoring her wishes. All of these years, he’d kept his distance because he thought that’s what she’d wanted. His respect for her feelings had to count for something, she thought.

  She poured a glass of wine and walked slowly back into the living room. Mac stood by a window, looking out. He pulled the vertical blinds shut and turned to look at her in the soft light cast by incandescent bulbs in a tall, heavily shaded lamp. “That took a while,” he said.

  “I didn’t rush,” Teresa answered calmly. “I had to think.”

  “Think about what? Us?”

  “What else?” Teresa set her wineglass on the coffee table. Before she could seat herself on the couch, Mac had crossed the room and taken her in his arms. “Mac, I—”

  “You what?” he murmured, his breath warm in her ear, his arms pulling her closer to him.

  “I’m not sure we should be doing this. We were engaged, but it was years ago. We’ve only been talking to each other again for less than a week. It’s just so…”

  “Right.” Mac’s warm lips trailed down her neck. “It’s always been right for us, Teri.”

  “Sex, maybe. But I don’t want just sex. I mean—”