Vision of Love

by S. Moose

  “You’re smiling now. I’m glad.”

  I hug her tighter. “Come on Princess let’s go spend the day together.” We go inside and say bye to Patricia and Dan.

  “Karly, where are we going?” Emma asks from the backseat of my Lexus RX 350.

  “We’re meeting Aunt Alexis at the spa Princess. You’re going to get your nails done again. Are you excited?”

  Emma raises her tiny hands in the air and smiles, “Yes! I love getting my nails done. Thank you for bringing me along.”

  “Of course!”

  Emma’s quiet the rest of the car ride and I can’t stop thinking about Nicholas and how he’ll react to my makeover. I need a makeover and something done fast. Plus a day of pampering with my two favorite girls is always a fun thing.

  I call Alexis on my hands free device and she answers on the second ring.

  “Talk to me mama.”

  “Hi Aunt Alexis!” Emma squeals from the back seat.

  “Hi Princess Emma! I get to see you soon!”

  I love listening to them talk. Emma’s so happy. She’s in the back with her little arms in the air, smiling from ear to ear.

  “I need a makeover today. Like something huge!”

  “Alright. Here’s what I’m thinking.” Alexis goes on and on with her ideas and before I know it, we’re at the spa.

  We walk inside and Willa Ford’ “I Wanna Be Bad” is playing through the speakers and Emma starts dancing while we walk in. Alexis comes running towards us.

  “Ready to look bad ass?”

  “Hell yes!”

  “Me too Aunt Alexis!” Emma jumps up and down and laughs.

  “Maybe not bad ass Emma but you’ll definitely look cute,” Alexis says, picking her up.

  We all get settled and I tell the receptionist to put everything on my card. Alexis gives me a look but I tell her not to worry about it. This is something that I want to do for my best friend and myself. I have more money than I know what to do with it.

  The stylist and Alexis talk about what to do with my hair. Usually I’m all over this and know what I want but I’m letting my best friend take the lead since I can’t make a freaking decision for my amazing makeover.

  “Trying to impress a guy?” She asks while washing my hair.

  “I guess you can say that. We’ve been together since January and I’ve been pretty bad with neglecting him so I wanna do something nice ya know?”

  “Girl I gotcha!” She winks, turning around to lead me to the sink to wash my hair. “This will make him beg you to stay in bed with him all night long!”

  “We’ll see,” I shyly respond. Leah laughs and rattles off how hot I’m going to be after she’s done with me.

  I quickly change the topic and we talk about the celebrity gossip and the latest fashion trends.

  After a few hours, we all are done and I can’t help but smile when I look in the mirror. I love my new do.

  “Wow Karly, you look so pretty.” Emma says, grabbing my hand.

  “Damn girl!”

  I look over at Leah and smile. She winks and tells me to come back in six to eight weeks for a touch up. Leaving the spa, it’s like I’m a brand new person. I don’t want to seem superficial but for some reason I feel confident and I’m not afraid of people seeing my scars. My hair is shorter and the bangs will take a while to get used to but I feel great.

  “Alright who wants to get lunch?” Emma jumps up and down and Alexis nods her head. It’s almost two in the afternoon and we’re all starving. We walk over to Peter’s Grill and sit outside in the warm sun. I love the April weather

  Our server takes our drink order and comes back with some cut fresh fruit and a small assortment of cheeses.

  “Karly, you’re gonna look hot tonight! Right Emma?”

  “Yep,” she says, taking bites of her fruit.

  I laugh, taking a sip of my water and a huge part of me wants to tell Alexis now. “Yeah it’ll be great.”

  “Are you okay girl? Your face is so pale and you seem nervous.” Be cool Erikson. You’ve been on a million dates with sexy beast.

  “Yeah totally cool,” I check the time on my watch, “We should hurry up because Princess and I have a date with Nicholas tonight.”

  Emma claps her hands, “I’m excited.”

  All three of us start laughing as our food comes. Alexis and I ordered the pecan chicken salad with raspberry vinaigrette dressing and Emma has the kid’s size cheeseburger with an apple and juice. I take a bite of my salad and feel my phone vibrate.

  Nicholas: How’s Emma? What are you girls up to?

  I decide to take a picture of the three of us and send it to Nicholas.

  “Picture time!” Emma climbs on my lap and we all squeeze in as I snap the picture. I send the picture to Nicholas and anxiously wait to see what he says or see if he even notices the new change.

  Nicholas: Looks like you girls are having fun.

  Nicholas: I like your hair, baby. It looks great on you. You should smile more. I love you.

  Me: I love you more

  Nicholas: Not possible ;)

  And my heart stops. The cheesiest smile is on my face and I can’t help it. Tonight’s going to be so fun. We can’t wait to bring Emma to see Beauty and the Beast.

  Chapter 17

  Nicholas

  Swirling the glass of scotch in my hand, I wait for my two girls to get done getting ready. When I told Karly I have tickets for the show her face lit up with excitement.

  “Daddy! Look!”

  When I turn around Emma’s standing in a baby pink dress holding a white clutch looking like a Princess. “Wow honey you look beautiful.” She twirls laughing and smiling. These are the moments that I live for, seeing Emma happy.

  “Oh Daddy can’t you tell me what’s going on tonight?”

  I kneel down to my Princess, “No sweetie. It’s a surprise, but I can promise you that you’ll love it and you’ll be happy.”

  Alexis comes strolling out with a smile on her face. “Is she ready?” I ask finishing my drink.

  Alexis clears her throat, standing in the middle of the living room with a smile on her face. A nervous feeling runs through my body and I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s going on. Suddenly Karly comes out and stands before us wearing a beautiful dress that hugs her curves perfectly. Her breasts look amazing and images of satisfying my hunger flood my head. She does a little spin and my eyes go on that ass. Damn that ass.

  I take in her beauty and everything about her. Her large eyes are addicting and I can get lost in them for days. Lips are nice and full with a hint of gloss. Those inviting lips, the lips I’ve kissed countless times and have memorized.

  “Beautiful.” Karly looks straight at me, smiling and blushing.

  “Why thank you Mr. Hayes. You don’t look too bad yourself. I’m glad you like my dress.”

  “Wow Karly you look like a Princess!”

  Karly kneels down and takes Emma’s hand, “No sweetie you’re the Princess tonight.”

  Emma places her hand on her mouth and lets out a gasp. “Oh my gosh. I would love to be the Princess tonight. You don’t mind?”

  My daughter, only she would care about other people before herself. “Yes I am so sure Princess Emma.”

  “Daddy,” she turns and looks at me, “I’m the Princess tonight. Isn’t that so cool?”

  “Very sweetie.” I mouth ‘thank you’ to Karly and she gives me a wink. “Alright beautiful ladies let’s go shall we?” Emma takes my hand and Karly loops her arm through mine. Here’s to a great night.

  “Have fun y’all!”

  The limo ride is nice and quiet. The two beautiful girls look out the window while I check and read some emails. I look at the both of them and can’t help to smile. They get along very well for the short amount of time they’ve known each other. Emma doesn’t warm up to people very easily. She’s just like her daddy in that manner. I stay quiet, watching them talk and laugh. Something in me flickers and
I notice I can’t stop staring at her. Is it okay to stare at her? Want her? She’s torturing me with her smile, laugh and perfect beauty. I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as her. Within a few minutes of being close to her my dick is aching to get out of my pants and into her. Fuck.

  “Karly!” Emma throws her head back, laughing and smiling.

  Daniel announces that we’re here and opens our door. I get out first and help Emma and Karly get out of the car. When my hand touches hers a blaze of warmth travels down my body. Her soft eyes are on mine. She’s looking at me. Smiling. Damn her smile is beautiful. I never want her to stop.

  “Wow this is beautiful.” Karly says holding Emma’s hand as we follow the hostess to our private table. I want everything to be perfect. Both my girls deserve a night out without any worries or sadness. It’s been hard the past month with the death of Neil and helping Karly through his death. I’ll admit it wasn’t easy and it took a toll on our relationship, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. She’s here with us and she’s making us her priority again.

  We settle at our table and Emma quickly starts asking about tonight and where we’re going. She’s talking a mile a minute using her hands to demonstrate her sheer excitement. I can’t help but laugh.

  “Princess are you ready to find out where we’re going tonight?”

  “YES!”

  “You wanna tell her?” Karly shakes her head. “Alright we’re going to see Beauty and the Beast!”

  “Get. Out!” Emma looks at Karly then back at me. “Really?” She repeats the motion. “You’re not kidding?” Karly and I shake our head. “I get to see Belle!” Emma gets up from her chair and hugs both of us. “Belle is the best. She falls in love with the ugly Beast and they live happily ever after.”

  I stifle a laugh and shake my head. Only my daughter can find the happiness in everything she sees. I take Karly’s hand and we sit together taking in Emma’s excitement and happiness. We look through our menus figuring out what’ll be good for tonight. I lean over, “What are you thinking about getting?”

  “Not sure. What are you thinking?”

  Emma picks up her menu mimicking Karly’s motions, “You know the pasta with chicken sounds delicious.”

  “You are so right. Are we doing red sauce or white?”

  “Karly it’s alfredo sauce. Don’t you know that?”

  Karly and I laugh at Emma as she sits there still confused looking at the both of us.

  “Yes sweetie I did know. I’m sorry I assumed you didn’t know.”

  “It’s okay,” she shrugs drinking her water.

  I place our orders and the waiter comes back with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. He pours Karly and I wine and I can’t help to look at her. The smile on her face is addicting, but it’s her eyes that bring me in. They hold her likes, dislikes, desires and secrets. Everything about her appearance is flawless.

  Our dinner arrives and the rest of the conversation goes well. Emma hurries to eat and rushes us to finish. We skip dessert and I pay for the bill before we head out.

  * * * * *

  “Wow the play was so beautiful.” Karly’s been talking nonstop about the play. Emma fell asleep as we were walking out. Holding my little girl in my arms is one of the best feelings. “You know you sang along!”

  “Yes,” I roll my eyes, “The songs are addicting.” I haven’t had this much fun in a while and I’m glad the smile I fell in love with is back on her face. Watching Karly and Emma singing, dancing and laughing in their seats will stay with me. These are the memories I live for. The moments that make me remember why I’m a dad and the strength I need so I don’t disappear into the abyss again.

  I get Emma in her car seat and look to see Karly sitting on the railing with her head down.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  “Yeah. No. I don’t know. ” She lets out a breath. “I feel guilty you know?” I shut the door and walk over to her. “Like I was in my own world and you and Emma were still living. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to the both of you.”

  “Hey you’re back now alright? That’s what matters. You lost your best friend baby. It’s normal to feel sad and push people away.” I cradle her face and take in her breathtaking beauty. Damn my girl is amazing. “Are you still in there?”

  “Of course Nicholas. I’m still here. I’ll always be here.”

  “Then we’re good okay?”

  “Okay. I needed to hear that.”

  “I’ll always be here to repeat our song. I’m not going anywhere.” I kiss her lips and bring her in my arms. “Come on let’s go home.”

  Chapter 18

  Karly

  Another month before I have to go back to Chapel Hill for graduation. I really don’t want to go back. I don’t want to break down when I step on campus and realize Neil isn’t going to be there. I’m not sure if I’m ready yet or if I’ll ever be.

  While Emma’s at preschool Alexis and I are meeting Patricia to look for my graduation dress. Alexis talks about Larry and how happy they are. It’s great seeing my best friend happy and in love. She asks about Nicholas and I and all I can do is smile and feel my stomach flutter. This is what he does to me. Life is better with Nicholas in my life as my boyfriend; the love of my life.

  When Alexis and I get to the boutique, Patricia comes out and gives us both a hug. “Girls! How are you?”

  “Hi Mom.” We both say giving her a hug.

  “Karly honey how are you and Nicholas doing?”

  I blush turning away, “We’re really good. He’s special and we love each other.” Patricia’s eyes light up. I love that the Hayes welcomed me with open arms. It’s nice to have a family again and people who love me.

  Alexis loops her arm through mine, “Yeah mom they do the dirty dirty and pretty soon you’ll have another grandchild. Do you approve of her being your new daughter in law?”

  Kill me. Please just kill me right now I beg of you.

  “Alexis Marie Hayes!” Patricia’s face turns bright red but when she looks at me, she smiles and doesn’t say anything.

  “She’s kidding!” Why am I freaking out about this?

  We laugh and look around the store for a dress. A part of me is sad and wishes my mom were here with me. There are moments that I wish we could have spent together. I hope she’s proud of me and everything I’ve accomplished. I happen to look over and see a mom and daughter hugging at that moment and the mom telling her daughter how proud she is of her. A tear rolls down my cheek and I look away.

  Patricia notices my sadness and gives me a hug. “I’m so proud of you Karly. I know it’s hard, but I really do consider you part of this family. Dan and I want you to know that, okay?”

  I nod, sniffling and feeling better.

  After about an hour, Alexis finds the perfect dress. It’s a strapless, baby pink dress that goes a little past my knees. The jewel sequins on the front are so pretty and when I try it on, it fits perfectly. I come out of the dressing room, smiling and spinning in a circle. This is the first time in a while that I feel pretty.

  “Oh my God! Girl, you look hot! This is the dress!”

  “Patricia, what do you think?” She looks at me, covers her mouth and nods her head. “Perfect, Karly.”

  I change back into my clothes and I walk out to the register but by the time I get there, Patricia is signing a receipt.

  “Patricia?”

  She turns her head toward me. “It’s okay, honey. I want to do this for you. Consider this your graduation gift.” I look at the price tag and my mouth drops. She just paid for my eight hundred dollar dress. “Stop it, Karly. It’s okay.”

  “Alright,” I mutter, even though I hate it.

  “Mom, can we go shopping? There are a few things I want you to buy me! You know, for my teaching job.” Alexis and I both laugh as the cashier puts my dress in a bag.

  “Alright, come on girls.”

  Emma’s quiet on the ride home. I look in the rearview mirror and she’s lookin
g out the window with a sad expression. “What’s wrong honey?”

  She looks at me, thinking about what she wants to say. “We’re having a mommy day at school tomorrow and my mommy isn’t here. Should I ask daddy?”

  “Yeah honey if you want to go ahead.”

  “Or can I ask you? I want you to be my mommy.”

  My heart sinks. What’d she just say? I look in the mirror and see her looking back at me. Quickly I change the topic, “Emma what do you want for lunch today?”

  “Nothing. I’m not really hungry.”

  “Okay honey.” Shit this isn’t good.

  When we get home Emma heads upstairs to her room. Lying on the couch I feel the tears. I’m a horrible person, but how do I answer her? We’ve only been together for three months and she wants to call me mommy? Is that okay? Shit I really need Nicholas to come home.

  Me: Babe please come straight home tonight…Everything’s fine…Just need to talk…

  He doesn’t respond. I check the time and see it’s a little past three. He’s probably in one of his meetings right now. I send a text to Alexis asking her to come over. I walk into the kitchen and pour a glass of wine. Instead of taking slow sips I chug the whole glass down. Why is this hard?

  Alexis comes in a few minutes later. I’m on my third glass of wine. “Put down the wine and slowly walk away,” she laughs putting down her purse. “What’s going on?”

  “Emma asked to call me mommy.” I take a sip of wine again, “And I ignored her question. She’s upstairs in her room now.”

  Alexis grabs a glass and pours herself a glass too. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Me either.” I open the sliding glass door and walk outside on the deck. The peacefulness of the afternoon sky helps clear my mind. I’d love for Emma to call me mommy but is it right? Jamie’s her mom not me. Leaning my head back I let out a groan.

  “Come and sit down. Let’s talk.”

  Alexis and I spend the next hour talking. Well her talking and me listening. She makes good points and tells me that I’ve been more of a mother to Emma than Jamie, but it still doesn’t seem right to answer without talking to Nicholas. That’s his daughter. I love Emma as if she’s my own, yet the shaky feeling of Jamie coming back floods my mind. I know I shouldn’t have anything to worry about; it’s hard not to worry though. Jamie has a piece of Nicholas and Emma that I’ll never have.