“I don’t think so.”
He looked up at me, holding my eyes with his own. “Yes, I was using you. I put you in this position to be something that you never promised me you could be. And no wonder you felt like you had to run away from that.”
I thought my head was going to explode. “No,” I said. “Sleeping with you again was cruel. I shouldn’t have done that when I didn’t know how I felt about you.”
“No, that’s my point. I don’t know how I feel about you either. And we can’t let this baby thing make us think that we should feel certain ways about each other when we don’t really know anything about each other.”
I nodded slowly, waiting for this to sink in. “So you’re not mad at me?”
“Well, it totally sucked waking up in that sleeping bag alone. But while we were packing, I started thinking, and I decided that I couldn’t be mad at you.”
He wasn’t mad at me. That was good. That was very good. But I was still confused. And I felt like we hadn’t really addressed the whole story he’d told me, but I didn’t want to bring it back up. It was too terrible. Who wants to talk about stuff like that anyway? “So you’re not interested in me romantically?”
“I didn’t say that,” said Kieran. “I…” He blushed. “Obviously, I find you attractive.”
I felt embarrassed too. “I think you’re pretty easy on the eyes yourself.”
“And we’re, you know, physically—that’s good.”
I laughed nervously. “Yeah. It’s good.”
“So,” he said, “we have this whole several days in a car thing planned. And I think it would be a good time to get to know each other.”
Well, that sounded too healthy for words. I grinned. “Yeah. Okay. That sounds good.”
He smiled and looked relieved. “Good.”
I should have left it at that, but I couldn’t. “Kieran, about your family, I—”
“It’s cool,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“I just…” I picked at the edge of my shirt. “I watched my parents get shot and killed too. It was years ago, and they were kind of messed up people, but I loved them.” I paused. “You think you failed your family, but you don’t know what it’s like to really do actual horrible things to people.
I have done things, Kieran, that I still can’t really think about. Really, really bad things.” I looked up at him. “So, you don’t have to feel bad about anything around me, okay?”
“You’re talking about the magic, Azazel, and I’m telling you that you haven’t done anything—”
“I’m not talking about the magic. I’m talking about other stuff. The magic stuff was all an accident. I never meant for any of it to happen. But you think you failed your sister, because you didn’t save her. But my brothers, they kidnapped me, because they wanted me to kill Jason, because they thought he was like the anti-christ or something. And to get away from them, I…” I glanced at the ground, then the sky, then my shoes, and then finally back up at Kieran. “I shot them both. I killed them.” I didn’t look away after I said it. I just watched him, waiting for his reaction.
“They kidnapped you? They tried to make you kill someone?”
I nodded.
“Those jerks,” he said.
That was his reaction? Really? “Don’t you care that I killed them?”
“It sounds to me like you were protecting yourself,” he said. “I don’t think you did anything that horrible at all.”
I considered for a minute. “Even though now I don’t even hesitate before I shoot kids in the arm?”
He shrugged. “Look, I told you I thought you were a badass. It’s not a bad thing. Come on.
They’re waiting for us in Washington.”
Right. Washington. Great.
* * *
With several gallons of gasoline closed up tight in the trunk of the Subaru, Kieran and I started off for Washington, D.C. Kieran was driving for the first leg of the trip, and I’d take over later. We’d barely pulled onto the E. Hoover Parkway when I saw them.
Just beyond the sign to Columbus-Belmont park, they were marching. It was an enormous group of people, mostly men and boys, but with a few women scattered in as well. They carried shotguns and rifles, the kind you’d use for hunting. They had grim, determined faces. They were heading into town.
“Kieran,” I said.
He was watching the road. He hadn’t seen them. “What?”
“Look.” I pointed.
He glanced in the direction of the park. “Crap,” he said. “It’s Jason’s people, huh?”
“It’s got to be. They’re going after Hallam and everyone else.”
“What should we do?”
I considered. We had orders to be in D.C., but leaving Hallam in the lurch like this seemed like a bad idea. Jason’s people outnumbered Hallam’s by a huge amount. It was almost as if Jason had emptied his camp of people. Hmm. Jason’s camp was empty. That would mean that no one was there guarding the grimoire. “Stop the car,” I said to Kieran.
He pulled over. “We’ve got our orders, Azazel,” he said.
“Screw the orders,” I said, opening the car door.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Go back and warn Hallam,” I told him. “There’s something I have to take care of.” I got out of the car and slammed the door.
I could hear Kieran yelling after me, but his words were muffled.
I didn’t pay any attention to him. I scampered across the road and into the woods surrounding Columbus-Belmont Park. I didn’t even look back to see if Kieran was following my instructions.
He’d have to be a total dick not to warn Hallam, though.
It took me about ten minutes to get to the camping loop. It was right next to the main entrance, where we’d found that guard last night. I peered through the foliage in the woods at the camp.
Like before, I could see numerous pitched tents, some campers, and a few RVs. There was a central fire pit. Several women, trailed by small children, were walking through the encampment.
A few carried dishes. Maybe they’d been washing them in the river.
The question was where did Jason sleep? I tried to think it through. It was possible that Jason had won these people’s loyalty by a show of solidarity. In that case, he’d sleep among them, in any one of these tents, wanting to appear as if he was just another of the people in town, nothing special.
On the other hand, Jason could have swept in like a king and demanded the best sleeping arrangements in the place, in which case he’d either be in a house or a deluxe camper somewhere away from the rest of the town.
Which was most likely? I didn’t know. The Jason I knew wouldn’t be leading a group of people at all. He hated it when people looked to him for leadership. Or at least, he’d hated it when the Sons had done it. Now? Who knew what he loved or hated?
There was another problem. How was I supposed to explore the camp when there were people all over the place? It was daylight. I couldn’t sneak around in the shadows. Somehow, I was going to have to find a way to hide in plain sight. Damn it. I really hadn’t had much time to think this plan through, had I?
“For God’s sake, Polly!” Was that Jason’s voice? I peered through the foliage.
There he was. He was striding across the camping loop. A woman with long, red hair was following him.
“Jason, wait,” said the woman with red hair, very possibly Polly.
Jason didn’t wait. He kept going. He walked right past the spot where I was hiding in the woods and down the path to the road out of the camp. He must be late for the battle.
As quietly as I could, I followed him, still staying behind the cover of trees.
When he broke onto the road, he turned on his heel and glared at Polly, who was still behind him. They were out of sight of the encampment at this point. I crept closer, wincing when I crunched on a dead twig.
Jason didn’t seem to notice. “I’m late,” he said. �
�They left at least fifteen minutes ago. I do not have time for this.”
“I know,” said Polly. “I’m sorry.” She closed the distance between the two of them in two steps.
She put her arms around him. She pressed her lips against his.
I let out a little gasp.
Jason didn’t hear that either. He was too busy closing his eyes and crushing Polly against him, pulling her so, so close.
Polly looked an awful lot like my ex-best friend, Lilith. I guess Jason had a soft spot for redheads, no matter what he might have claimed to the contrary. I glowered at the kissing couple.
Why had he begged me to join him, when he already had his little redhead? Why had he nearly assaulted me, pretended that he still wanted me?
My stomach was twisting into knots. It had all been part of Jason’s attempt to manipulate me, I realized. He was playing my attraction to him to his own advantage. He knew it threw me off balance. He had never meant any of it. And to think, last night, when I was talking to Kieran, I’d actually half-considered what it would be like to give in to Jason. To think that I’d bought any of his lies. That jerk. Tears were forming in my eyes.
Polly pulled away from Jason, smiling a small, satisfied smile. “That’s all I wanted,” she said.
“Be careful.”
He shook his head at her. “Woman,” he growled mock-angrily, reaching forward to tickle her.
My stomach twisted over again. Jason used to tease me that way.
Polly darted out of his reach, giggling.
Jason was serious now. “I’ve got to go.”
They kissed again, briefly, before Jason sprinted off after his troops.
I seethed in the woods for a few minutes, watching Polly trudge back up into the encampment.
Somehow, I hadn’t thought of Jason finding someone else. Why, I didn’t know. And maybe it shouldn’t make me angry, but… The tears seeped out of my eyes onto my cheeks.
No. I wasn’t crying over Jason. Not again.
I left the woods and emerged onto the road. I walked out the same way Jason had. As I did, I reached inside myself and began uncapping the power that flowed within my body, the way the OF had taught me to do years ago. I liked to keep the power completely tamped down. But today, right now, I didn’t much care.
It rushed into me, like lava. I felt aware. Awake. I was a searing force. I searched for the minds of Jason’s people. It wasn’t hard. There was a huge group of them and they were all single-mindedly focused on one purpose. They wanted revenge. I saw within their collective mind the faces of the guards we’d killed the night before. The names. Andrew. Kevin. David. John.
Michael. Nicholas. To the men coming for Hallam’s camp, they were just boys. They were beloved children of a town, and we’d snuffed out their lives.
I reached for the burning flood of my power and sent it pouring like a waterfall over the minds of Jason’s men. I planted confusion. I burst apart the collectivity of their thoughts. I threw as many distracting thoughts as I could into their brains. They were going the wrong way. They were hungry. They had reasons to hate each other. They didn’t like shooting people. They didn’t know exactly who killed the boys.
I felt the minds of the men become confused. Perfect.
That should at least give Hallam the time he needed to get organized.
I’d been walking down the path out of Columbus-Belmont Park, but now I began to run. I hurried as fast as I could to find Jason’s people and to see what was happening. Green leaves blurred in front of my eyes as I sprinted through the woods. I could hear the voices of Jason’s people, who’d begun to question each other.
I rounded a bend in the road, and I spotted them. Instead of marching in the direction of the church, they were now milling about aimlessly. Some were arguing with each other. Jason had caught up to them too, and he was stalking through them, trying to figure out what was going on.
I planted myself in the middle of the road, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt pretty pleased with myself.
Jason’s eyes swept his group, who were now more a mob than a small army. Then he saw me.
We stared across the expanse of men at each other. At first he looked startled, but then I saw that he understood what had happened to his men. I had taken control of their minds. He gave me a twisted, knowing smile.
I gave him the finger. Dick.
Jason turned his back on me. He lifted his hands above his head. He yelled, “For Andrew! For Kevin! For David! For John! For Michael! For Nicholas!”
I felt it, then. Jason’s power. It was different than mine, although also liquid. While my power burned and fizzed, Jason’s cooled and soothed. His magic flowed out over the group of men like a refreshing balm, completely undoing my attempt to confuse them. They all stared at Jason adoringly and began to march forward.
I realized then why their minds had felt so focused. It was Jason’s magic. His power was the complete opposite of mine. While my power destroyed, his pulled things together. No wonder the men had all had one collective mind. Jason had the ability to focus them.
Well, not on my watch, baby.
I reached out again to the men’s minds, and I pulled at them harder this time. Instead of just making them confused, I dug out deeper, darker emotions. I funneled anger and fear into their ranks, and I focused that anger and fear on their neighbors, on the men who they stood and marched next to.
The men scattered almost immediately, pointing their guns at each other.
I fixed an image in my brain of the men all shooting each other. I savored the rage and tasted the sharp metallic bite of blood on my tongue. Some army Jason was going to have if they were all dead.
I poured my power into the men, working each of them up to a fiery rage.
The first shots rang out. I watched one of the men take a shot in the stomach. Another cried out as a bullet tore through his arm.
Jason’s arms went up again. He broke down everything I’d done again, pulling the men together.
They whipped their guns up against their shoulders and drew their feet together—coming to attention.
But I didn’t wait this time. I just pushed back, refueling the men with rage.
Between us, Jason’s people danced like flags tied to a rope in our tug-of-war. One second, they faced forward, reading to march. The next second, they dropped into defensive stances, snarling at each other. Shots echoed off the trees. Men clubbed each other with the butts of rifles.
Each time, Jason drew them back together, but with every moment I held their minds, more bodies fell to the ground.
As we continued, I saw Hallam, Kieran and the rest of the people from the church approach, guns in hand. They took advantage of the situation by starting to shoot at Jason’s people. Jason’s men were helpless to defend themselves. Several more bodies thudded against the ground.
Screams rent the air as men doubled over or grabbed at their wounds, staring in disbelief at the blood seeping through their fingers. The air was thick with the smell of discharged guns and sweat. I watched as Jason’s army became a chaotic mass, struggling to make any kind of move.
This was the last straw for Jason. He threw his hands down and sent a different message to his men: Retreat.
Immediately, the men scattered, running back for Columbus-Belmont Park.
I took a look at Jason, and I pulled my magic back, bottling it back up inside me. I’d won.
Satisfied, I took a deep breath.
Hallam and the OF group chased the men back into the park, their guns raised. Only Jason remained standing, while all his men ran. I approached him, feeling triumphant.
He started for me, his expression dark.
We met in the center, men running around us, parting for us like the Red Sea.
I glared at him. “A redhead, huh?”
He looked startled. He didn’t know I knew about that, did he? “Polly?” he said. “Polly’s just—”
“A girl you kiss?”
He gritted his teeth and shrugged. “Something like that. Sure.”
“Fuck you,” I said. “Don’t try anymore of that stupid I-still-want-you crap, okay?” I started to push past him.
He stopped me. He leaned close. He whispered in my ear, “I knew you’d use magic again. I knew it.”
* * *
Before… December 2012
It was blowing snow, but none of it was sticking to the ground. Last year, I wouldn’t have worried so much about how cold it was, but last year, there was electric heat. Last year, I lived in a house. Last year, warmth was a given.
This year, I was working for the OF, trying to gather as much gasoline as we could. We were in northern Virginia, one of those suburbs of D.C. that’s covered with strip malls and cookie cutter housing developments. The power had been out for about three months. I went out with the OF
team about a month after it started. We went as far south as we could, hauling empty tanker trucks to store all the gasoline. In the beginning, it had been easy.
Back in early November, people still trusted us. We were the government, and when we said we were coming to help, they believed we could help them. We said we needed fuel to get west and get help. They said that was fine and to take it. Even though I’d been brought along to use my magic, I hadn’t had to, not in the beginning.
But it was worse now. People were scared and worried. People were dying. And it was cold. We were finishing our sweep and heading back to D.C. This suburb was our last stop before checking in with headquarters. I had hoped everything would go smoothly. I could still see the river in Tennessee, just a week ago, glutted with bodies. They floated face down in the muddy water, dead. And that had been my fault. I hadn’t meant to. Oh God, I hadn’t meant to. But when I opened up the container that held my magic, it seemed like I always released the voice too. The whispery one. The one that told me to do awful things. The voice I couldn’t seem to resist anymore.
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