The Suicide King Volume 1 (The Fallocaust Series Book 3)

by Quil Carter

  I looked over at the muscular black-haired guy in the middle of killing some weird beast. He was surrounded by scantily-clothed women. “That was Conan O’Brien, love. He was a skinny red-haired guy.”

  Reaver scoffed. “Skyfallers are so stupid.” I put a hand on his head and shook it before turning back to the kitchen to open up the corn. He might be going out later to get us better food but we would be needing liquid and the corn had juice inside. We had passed some rivers on our way to the Wal-Mart but they were too far away for us to risk it, plus it would be dark soon and if the chimera planes had heat sensors there would be no hiding from them. And one problem with us being in the plaguelands was that any human in here automatically meant chimera, or well… a sane human, I think ravers, or a type of raver at least, could survive here.

  “They can,” Reaver said when I asked him, “but even ravers weren’t dumb enough to stay. Big Shot said the ravers stay out of this place due to what’s here.” He glanced up, a dirty rag in hand; he was cleaning his gun. “I don’t know what he’s talking about. The biggest thing I’ve seen is the irradiated deer.”

  The giant worm-eel was at least six feet long… I kept my mouth shut though. I had tolerated his harassment just because I wanted him to keep making jokes and being happy. He’d scared me with how he’d been acting, and even if he was picking on me more than ever, I didn’t want to discourage that.

  The one sure sign that Reaver was bored was when he started harassing me.

  Well, that made me frown… I didn’t want him to be bored out here. I know I was his only source of human contact but for fuck sakes he was a complete shut in in Aras. But I guess even the shut in went to Leo and Greyson’s, had a full time job as sentry, a best friend, and exciting scavenging trips.

  He seemed happy though… but I couldn’t help but worry that I was seeing a caged tiger right now. But what could we do about it? We were fugitives. No one in the entire world knew that I was alive and that Reaver wasn’t trapped inside of Sky’s old lab burning.

  And we had to keep it that way.

  Reaver went out just as dusk was descending on this small town. He set me up with his M16 and let me pretend to be a sniper. It was fun, but I knew he was doing it just to make me feel like I was doing something useful. Like giving a kid an unplugged Nintendo controller so he’d stop bugging you to play.

  He came out of the tipped over blue trailer with a bag of chips, some cookies and canned goods and I greeted him when he came back.

  “I got fruit cocktail and canned coconut milk for water,” Reaver said when he dumped his loot onto the kitchen table I’d half cleared of debris. “I’ll be staying up all night so you can go to sleep whenever you want.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his baggy of drugs and sat down at the kitchen table to crush them. “How’s your war wound?”

  I rubbed my neck, it had clotted completely now but it still ached. “It’s fine…” I turned to the darkening store in front of us and shuddered. It seemed spooky now. I just wanted to get back home. I always found it interesting how much light can slay the anxiety that darkness brings. Light is in all respects artificial, the world’s natural state is complete darkness.

  Fuck, why did I have to think such terrifying things?

  “It’s fine,” I said, and pulled up a chair to get my share of the opiates. “I wish you’d take me more seriously about it. It was intelligent. It attacked and chased me.”

  Reaver snorted. He picked up an old credit card belonging to one of the occupants of the house, Rose Wentworth was her name, and started cutting his lines. “Killi… what would it have done once it caught you? I think you just got scared and panicked. The worm was probably a dangling cable, I saw a few of them where I found the flashlight.”

  Now he thinks I was seeing things? “I didn’t imagine it. I…” I stopped when I realized hallucinating things was nothing new to me, but still I had the bite to prove it.

  “You fell down quite a few times. You were thrashing around like a scaver caught in a trap.” Reaver pointed out after I’d made that comment.

  I scowled, and when he snorted two lines he passed me the rolled up piece of unregulated Canadian currency and did my share too. “I wasn’t hallucinating. I bet if you went back in there tonight you’d see it.”

  “Yeah, I’m not leaving you alone, ever,” Reaver said. “I don’t need you trying to liberate the slave worms or whatever noble thing you decide to do when I’m not around to tell you no.” He rubbed his nose and got up, then took his place back in front of the window. I pulled up a chair too and sat beside him.

  “I am immortal now… you can start leaving me sometimes,” I said. “You leave me alone in the house, don’t you?”

  “That’s different. That’s our house and you have guns and knives and I almost fixed you a Taser. All you have outside is your Killi whistle, a knife you can’t use, and a Magnum you can barely shoot.”

  I really didn’t want that name for the whistle to stick…

  I let out a long huff. When he was having those night terrors, and when he’d had that incident outside of Melchai with the slave, it had been me comforting him. I was his rock in those fifteen minutes before the Xanax kicked in and he fell back asleep, and I had been the one to put him in the back of the quad and take him home. Could I point that out though? Nope… he’d be so humiliated he’d probably start sleeping in a locked room so I couldn’t see him like that. He’d gotten angry enough when I had calmly handled his meltdown right before he told me about Nero.

  He wanted to keep me as the Killian in Aras who was scared and mentally fragile. Who depended on him for everything and stayed at home to cook and clean. He wanted this, and I understood him needing to make things as normal as possible but… I was now eighteen. I was immortal, and I had been through a lot with Perish and Sky; and even before that, keeping Perish and Jade from killing us, and the slavers from killing us too.

  “I want to be your partner,” I suddenly found myself saying.

  Reaver looked at me. I could see him out of the corner of my eye but I was still staring at the blue semi trailers in the loading lot of the Wal-Mart.

  “Did you just have a stroke? We are partners,” Reaver said, sounding perplexed.

  “No, I mean… I don’t want to be stuck at home like a housewife while you go do man’s work… then tucked into bed while you sentry. Or only given a Magnum to defend myself with. Or not going out into the plaguelands alone without you… I want to… start being treated like an adult, like a man. Nothing bad can happen to me anymore, and you understand this since you took risks in Melchai with the cultists. I don’t want an eternity of being sheltered and protected.”

  Reaver fell to silence, then he let out a dry laugh. My lips pursed at what I knew would be a complete dismissal of my feelings.

  “It’s just how I see you,” Reaver said with a partial shoulder shrug. “You’re Killibee. Who hates dark houses and being out at night. Who makes great food and neurotically cleans. Who loves too much and forgives too easily. Who falls to little manic pieces sometimes but recovers quicker than anyone else I’ve seen. You… I love you because you’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met.” Then I saw him frown. “Why would I ever want you to become like everyone else?”

  His words flattered me and I drew them to my chest and memorized every one. I did love how much he knew me, even when it seemed like he was lost in his own world. Reaver knew me inside and out and loved me for it, but…

  “There has to be a happy medium,” I said to him in a subdued voice. “Could you at least try to look at me a bit more like someone you can depend on? Someone you don’t always have to think you need to save?”

  I was surprised at my own words, and the pull of Reaver’s brow told me he had the same reaction. I didn’t realize it until I said it but that was a lot of what I wanted… I wanted him to be able to depend on me.

  Like he could depend on Asher.

  Like he could depend on Elish.


  Elish… the way he talked about him. The smile on his face when he told me stories of their time together.

  What if Jade dies and Elish comes after Reaver?

  My eyes widened at this.

  “I can try but…” Reaver paused for a second. “… it’s kind of a bad time right now considering we just saw a plane. We both are going to need to lay low and I’m going to be boarding up our windows so any plane flying overhead won’t see our lights. And I’ll be strengthening the Styrofoam around the generator shed… we need to be careful, Killian. If that plane sees humans they’re going to know chimeras are out here.”

  “Yeah… I guess,” I said, still frowning at the thought of Elish and Reaver together. Now that was a weird, weird thought. Reaver noticed and pulled me close to him.

  “I don’t want you to change,” Reaver said again. “I just want everything to be normal… like it was in Aras.”

  But we’re not in Aras… so much has changed. You’ve changed, and I’ve changed. I want you… to see me like you saw Asher and Elish. I want you to turn to me to help you when the raver is about to chew your face off… not look to see if I’m in danger.

  Then I thought of what Reaver had personally been through, and the problems he was still struggling with. There were demons all around him, ones so thick and real I was sure Jade would be able to see them with his aura reading. They stalked him and attacked him when he let his guard down, and never did they let his idle mind stay at peace for long.

  Reaver had fought many battles, but he was now fighting one he didn’t know how to arm himself against. Unlike me who had been having to compartmentalize my trauma since I’d seen Cholt the mercenary, the one who’d helped take me and my parents to Aras, eaten alive.

  I don’t think normal is what he needed… I think he needed to see me as a real partner. If he could rely on me, he could share things with me and trust me with his vulnerability. I could be strong and help him, and even offer advice that had helped me when… Silas had assaulted me, and Sky inside of Perish.

  I wanted that so badly my throat tightened. I wanted him to see me as someone he could talk to, confide in.

  But he didn’t…

  At least not yet, but I knew I could prove it to him. I could be better than Asher and better than Elish. I was the partner of Reaver, the strongest chimera and born immortal in the world, and I had to stand just as tall as he did.

  And I would.

  Chapter 13

  Reaver

  I dashed some of the Dilaudid powder into the center of my fist, in between my thumb and my index finger, and quickly snorted it. I was loading up on it tonight but my tolerance was rising and I was trying to get off the needle. It was relaxing at least, and I still had five more hours until daylight. We were going to go home at first light; I wanted all the windows boarded up and the generator ultra sound proof before night time again.

  There was no such thing as overkill right now, and I’d made the decision that if we saw another plane we’d be abandoning our house and going deeper into the plaguelands. We wouldn’t be able to go to Melchai often, maybe only once every six months, and we’d have to live without fuel and electronics. But I’d sacrifice all of that just to make sure my family continued to think that we were both gone.

  I looked down to see Killian sleeping soundly. He’d beaten the dust out of the couch cushions and had laid them down by my feet. He was now wrapped up in a blue blanket snoring lightly.

  He looked so innocent, and yet he seemed adamant on making me see him as a… I don’t even know the word for it. He wanted me to see him as more of an adult, but I didn’t want to. It weirded me out when he started acting all calm and controlled when I had been flipping out over Nero. That just wasn’t Killian.

  And his outbursts of Latin… it was like he was trying to become a chimera, but he wasn’t one. He was the least chimera-type I’d ever seen. Fuck, Reno would be a chimera before he was and Reno was no chimera.

  I just wanted him to stay Killian… I liked rescuing him and watching over him. That had been my job for over a year now.

  Everything in my life had changed… why did he want to change too?

  I hadn’t changed… had I?

  The thought soured my stomach because I knew I had. I fucking hated it, with every ounce of stamina and fire inside of me, I hated it. I was disgusted and disappointed in myself because I knew Nero had gotten to me. When I was out with Elish chasing our partners, it’d been ignorable and I’d thought it would fade into the backgrounds of my mind. But I’d stitched tight an infected wound and now the pus was leaking out and getting everywhere. Not only that… now fucking Killian knew.

  And I knew that was the catalyst, that was why Killian was now trying to take steps into dominant land. It was because of me; it was because I was acting like a fucking bitch about this.

  But why, for fuck sakes why, couldn’t I get what had happened while I was in Nero’s custody out of my head? Why was it sending me into such a tailspin? Not only destroying twenty years of proving I was top dog but also fucking me up mentally, so much I couldn’t even fuck my boyfriend. I was a limp-dicked, mentally unstable, sissy bitch.

  I did more drugs and stared out the window. The Wal-Mart was tinted blue now, as were all the objects around it. I had seen nothing out here, and had heard little but the occasional fly and the squawking of a bird-type species I’d seen before. The plaguelands were silent, but that silence only amplified my self-derisive thoughts.

  Another thing I hated was that staying here in the plaguelands with only Killian, with food being easy to catch and scavenge and water in spitting distance… it felt like I was in limbo, or some fucked up Groundhog Day. Every day was the same and I couldn’t break myself from this cycle. There was nothing to challenge me, it was just too easy to live.

  I’d spent months chasing Killian and imagining him in my arms, and not for a moment did I take this peace for granted but… but I was a fucking hunter, a predator… I wish I could kill more, torture more, snipe legionary, or set the deacons on merchants we didn’t like. Killian might be whining about being a househusband but I didn’t even have a big role to fulfil now.

  Oh well. I just had to suck it up. There was nothing I could do about it but let time kill it. Killian had told me he was able to swallow what Asher and Perish-Sky had done to him with my support, and he may not realize it, but he was being there for me just by being there. There was no reason for him to try to become a chimera… he wasn’t one. He was just my immortal boy.

  The drugs hit me nicely and I found myself momentarily closing my eyes to enjoy a brief moment of zombieland. Dilaudids numbed your emotions, and that’s why they had been my best friend since coming here.

  My other best friend thought I was gone for the next two decades.

  Jeez, Reaver… you’re really holding yourself a pity party tonight. Another way you’ve changed, limp dick.

  Bah. I shook my head of it, and while I enjoyed the warmth sweeping me, I decided to think about the time I’d tortured Bridley. That was a fun thing to remember, and it let me be with Reno in a way. Damn, I missed that man. I hoped he was okay and that Garrett was treating him right. If he thought Killian was dead, and I was as good as dead, he’d need him. The only way I’d ever see Reno again was in twenty years and he’d be forty-four if Garrett didn’t make him immortal. How fucked up would that be to see him age and me and Killi still be twenty-four and eighteen? That stupid fuck better make him immortal. If there was one person who should never grow old it was Reno Nevada.

  I wish I could just let him know I was okay, and Killian was too… Reno deserved that.

  My thoughts travelled and went in all directions, and to my disdain these thoughts brought emotions I had rarely experienced: guilt was a big one, fear of being found out by my family, and even worry over the way Killian had been acting.

  And then, because I was Reaver and even to myself I was an asshole, my mind took me to Nero. The disdain and bet
rayal I felt over my own mind defaulting to that would make Jade’s self-loathing problem seem egotistical in comparison.

  Elish told me to channel my feelings over Nero into killing and expending energy, and just being the dark chimera I was. But how could I when the biggest thrill I’d had recently was burying my face into the lacerated throat of a dead slave?

  Suddenly I jumped. I opened my eyes and yet another wave of self-hatred came over me when I realized I was beginning to fall asleep. I sighed and shook my head rapidly, and looked out the window. It was almost a full moon tonight and it was now hovering in the east. It was brightening my night vision and making the shiny metal of the semi-trucks reflect and glow.

  I yawned and decided to go outside with my chair. I wanted a smoke and some fresh air, maybe that would shake my mind from all these girly emotions. This is what happens when people don’t have the constant threat of death, or starvation, or trideath; they become all brooding. No wonder people were all on antidepressants and shit back before the Fallocaust. No wonder Killian was all emotional and Jade all nuts; that’s what happened when you didn’t have enough threats in your life.

  I lit a smoke and closed the sliding glass door behind me. I pulled my chair up and kicked a rickety piece of railing down to the ground so I could have a good view. It landed and echoed, but with a glance behind my shoulder I saw that Killian was still fast asleep so I hadn’t woken him.

  This was nice at least, being outside. Fuck, this place was boring though. Dead, boring plaguelands. Big Shot was nuts when he said there was scary shit out here, probably radiation poisoning.

  I was halfway through my cigarette when I saw movement on the street, or well, beside the curb before the sidewalk. I watched it intently then brought my M16 scope up to my eye to find out what it was. It was probably a rat, a regular rodent one not the subhumans, it was too small to be a…

  Well, I’ll be fucking damned.

  It was slithering… it was a worm, just like Killian had seen. I watched as it branched off from hugging the curb and slid into the street, exactly like the snakes I’d seen a few times in the greywastes and on nature shows. It was weaving and seemed to glide gracefully on the pavement.