by Quil Carter
I stared at him, his words stealing the breath from my lungs. My body shook even more, and my teeth started to chatter, visceral reactions to words I knew I would never forget. I didn’t know what to say back. He’d never spoken to me like this before. It was hard to even get an ‘I love you’ from him and now… and now he was emotionally exposed in front of me. Baring me his soul and entrusting it to me.
Elish reached his hand up again and he laid it on the side of my head.
“I love you,” he whispered to me. “I only wish I realized just how much I needed you, before it was too late.”
Another sob burst from my lips. “And… here I thought it was only me needing you.”
That sad smile appeared again, then he shook his head and his hand slipped and fell. I watched his eyes slowly close, and I heard him mumble, just faintly: “You were always an idiot, maritus.”
I stroked his cheek, looking at this man in front of me in a way I never thought possible. As he drifted off to sleep, I realized that I was feeling inside of me, an entirely new type of love.
Because I didn’t think less of my master seeing him in this state. A state that was unprecedented for the cold chimera who I had come to worship. I found myself loving him even more, not just as a master, but as a husband.
I knew that when he woke up, sober and aware, he would be embarrassed, cripplingly humiliated, but that was just too bad for him. This moment between us would be one that I would always remember, because not only did it signal a shift in his feelings towards me, but also a change in my own emotions.
I felt like I had aged fifteen years in just a few minutes. Never before had I felt such a pull of responsibility towards him, so much love. Not the love of a cicaro to his master, but the love that a couple shares, a concrete mutual trust and understanding. I knew when he woke, he might beat me senseless to try and regain that power he’d know he’d given me… but eventually he would come to trust me with his heart. I was worthy of it.
And I was ready.
I was ready to be Elish’s husband.
Chapter 34
Jade
I decided, not too soon after Elish had passed out, to kill him. What a weird thing to conclude but that was the reality of having an immortal as a husband. I knew just from the track marks on his arms, and the state that he was in, that he was physically addicted to the heroin and god knows what else, so now would be the best time to detox him. Because I myself was a pro at prepping heroin, I made two large doses and injected them into a vein in his arm. He didn’t even flinch when I slipped the needle in, not even a mouth twitch.
Then I rubbed his chest and watched him, almost in fascination, and listened to his heart. It happened quickly and quietly; I think because I gave him such a large amount. In Moros I had heard when someone overdosed, they threw up and heaved, that it was messy, and I’d prepared myself for that. But my master slipped into death peacefully. His heart raced for just half a minute, beats out of sync and desperate like fish caught in a net, before it just… stopped.
Elish’s face relaxed, his mouth opened just a little bit, and his body sunk into the couch. I smiled at him and kissed below his eye, a part that didn’t have any facial hair, and got up.
I wanted to sleep beside him, but even though I was a chimera, I didn’t have the strength to lift him. I sprinted to the square to find Beast, but on my way, I encountered two ravers I knew and enlisted their help. The two of them carried Elish to his bedroom and laid him down in an old mattress that I had thankfully found new sheets for. This place had been well taken care of before its occupants had been killed, and there were still clean clothing items. It looked like Elish hadn’t cared enough to use any of them.
After the ravers left, I found myself alone in this garbage-strewn house. I believed that with so many other ranchers around us we’d probably just end up abandoning this one and moving, so I didn’t bother cleaning it. I was hungry, however; so I found canned soup in the pantry, cleaned a frying pan which was in a horrendous state, and feasted on smoked kidlet in mushroom soup and had four packs of fruit snacks for dessert.
Then it was late enough for me to fall asleep; I was exhausted from a full day’s walking. I raided the previous owner’s dresser and was content to find clean boxers and a sleeveless undershirt, where Elish must’ve gotten his, then I curled up beside my master.
His body was no longer boiling hot, which I think meant he would be awake in the morning. When I examined him I also saw the track marks on his arms already healing, and the open sores had already been covered in a thin layer of skin, but the redness was still showing through.
I knew my excitement might prevent me from sleeping, so I swallowed a couple opiate pills to send me off to a comfortable sleep, and laid down beside Elish. My heart sang when I got in my usual position: on my side with my head resting above the crook of his arm, and my hand on his chest. I thought it would be impossible for me to feel any more happy, but falling asleep beside him after the two of us being separated had me so content I drifted off with a smile on my face.
Even with the drugs warming my blood, it was still hard to commit to sleep. I woke up several times with aching cheeks, from smiling, and a jumping heart. Whenever I would brush the fringes of consciousness my heart would leap with excitement and anticipation and I’d need to force it to calm down and let me sleep longer. I felt like I was a child again waiting for my first Skyday morning in Edgeview, knowing that I was going to wake up to presents unlike my previous Skydays.
Finally, I woke up and it was morning. I could hear the hoppers chirping outside and the sun beaming through the corners of the curtains. I squinted and cuddled into Elish more, the haze of sleep shrouding not just last night’s events, but the past several months.
Then I heard his heartbeat.
My eyes opened and a pulse of shock ripped up my spine and centered in my chest. I raised my head and looked at my master.
I smiled when I saw that his chest was rising and falling; his heartbeat strong and greeting my hand like it was knocking on a door. Elish had resurrected fully, he was just sleeping now.
Slowly, so I wouldn’t wake him, I sat up and shifted myself over. I sat cross-legged, my back against the wall, and ran a gentle finger down his arm. He was still dirty and bedraggled, but the sores had all healed and his face, though rather gaunt, wasn’t as thin as it had been previously. This man sleeping so peacefully beside me still didn’t look like my master, but I had helped him take the first steps.
I had waited long enough, if I made myself wait any longer I knew I would explode. I laid down beside him again and started caressing his soft warm cheek.
“Elish?” I said softly. There was no need for chimera hearing to hear my own heart; it was trying to break out of its prison to meet Elish’s. I was so full of anticipation and anxiousness I almost felt like time was going to stop. “Elish?” I said a bit louder.
My lips pursed when I saw Elish’s closed eyes tighten, and his ungroomed eyebrows draw close together. I rubbed my thumb against his cheek and leaned in to gently kiss his lips. “Wake up,” I said softly.
I pulled away, and when I did I saw his eyes slowly open. My breath caught in my throat, and starting from the hand on the side of his face then spreading throughout my entire body, I froze in place, like his eyes alone had forbidden me from moving.
He looked at me through those partially closed lids, and I saw the confusion appear on his face.
“Good morning,” I whispered to him. My voice cracked from the emotion pressing down on it, and I had to will myself not to sob and dive into his arms. “I… I missed you.”
Elish’s eyes widened, and I heard and felt his heart jump. Then suddenly, Elish pulled away from me, and stared at me with an expression on his face that told me he didn’t believe I was real.
“Calm down…” I said softly. I held out my hand to try and take his arm, if only to keep him still, but Elish jerked away from me, and scrambled backwards.
> And my poor master rolled off of the bed and landed with a thunk.
I got up, but he shot to his feet. He stared at me, and started walking backwards. His face was pale with shock, his purple eyes wide and staring at me like he’d woken up next to a whipwolf.
“Calm down,” I said again. I stepped off of the bed and held out my hands. Elish took another hasty step back, like my hands were on fire, but his back hit the wall. He pressed up against it, and I witnessed the expression of pure shock on his face turn sorrowful.
“So my mind has finally broken I see,” Elish said to me, and his eyes filled with grief. He gave me that same sad smile, a look of longing deeply implanted, before he turned and took a step towards the door.
I grabbed onto his arm and pulled him back. I briefly saw surprise before I slid a hand behind his head and drew him in for a kiss.
Elish’s lips were tight from the suddenness of my actions, but after a moment of us joined, they softened. I wrapped my other arm around his waist and felt my body flush with electricity when I felt his hands grab my side.
And when he realized I was solid, that I was warm, breathing, alive… he pulled away from me.
I’ll never forget the look on his face when our eyes met again.
He was staring at me in disbelief, his eyes wider than I had ever seen them, and overflowing with a perfect mixture of shock, awe, and overpowering love. His mouth was open; one hand still on my side, feeling the heat of my skin against his hand.
Then he looked at my neck, and saw the prong marks from the collar Kerres had had me in, and the bite from Sanguine’s teeth; both hastily bandaged.
“H-how?” Elish croaked. His eyes jutted from one side to the next, looking me over and trying to take in as much of me as possible. I saw the moment a tremble came to him, and felt the tremor travel down his arm to the hand that was touching me.
I reached down and took that hand, and with a smile on my face, I brought it up to my lips and kissed it. “It’s a long story,” I said to him, and gently clasping his hand in mine. “I was below the explosion in Olympus. Someone, two people actually, pulled me out and… wouldn’t quite let me go until I took matters into my own hands.” My smile widened under his awestruck look, he looked absolutely frozen in that state. My poor master. “My heart told me where you were, and it was right. You should know by now, nothing can keep–”
Elish grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, and as soon as I felt his body against mine, the constricting embrace seemed to crumble my calmed countenance. With that single movement, I became a boy being reunited with the man he loved, and I started to cry.
My eyes closed as he held me, our bodies pressed so tightly against each other’s I felt us become one person. Our hearts beat together, our lungs struggled for air together, and I even heard him let out the smallest sob, though drowned out by my own crying.
We stayed in each other’s arms for quite a while, but I couldn’t say how long. I just knew I had fully melted into them, and had let his presence, his being, soak into me again.
I had missed this master of mine.
When he finally separated our bound bodies, he cradled my head in his hands. He drew my face up and looked down at me, not even hiding the wetness on the corners of his eyes.
“Never in a thousand lifetimes…” he whispered. It was his turn to gently wipe my tears away with his fingers. “I will never let you go.” He took me into his arms again, a little softer this time, and I heard him sigh. “I love you.”
“I love you,” I said back to him. “We’ll always find each other. We’re like two magnets, I think.”
“Indeed,” Elish chuckled. I smiled when I heard some lightness come to his voice. “I would kiss you, maritus. But as you can see… I’m quite the mess.”
We pulled away again and I smiled at him, seeing him so happy brought a blush to my cheeks. “I have the generator on… you can have a shower, if you want.”
Elish’s brow suddenly furrowed. He looked at his arms and turned them, then gave me a suspicious look that was accentuated by his still smiling face. “I must’ve died before…” His eyebrows unknitted and raised, then his eyes rose to look at me. “That wasn’t… a hallucination last night.” He sighed deeply.
But that just made more tears start to come to my eyes. There was nothing I could say back, no words to explain just how much what he said meant to me, so I wrapped my arms around him again and buried my face into his neck and cried.
“Shhh,” he shushed me, “don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry I put you through that,” I sobbed. “I’m not worth it.”
“I will decide your worth,” Elish whispered to me. I felt his fingers run through my hair, then they found the bandage on my neck and the gouges from the collar’s prongs. “But you’re hurt. Is it bad?”
I shook my head. “No, they’re not. They’ll heal just fine with some attention.”
“Those will be the last injuries you have,” he whispered. He continued to caress my hair. “No harm will ever come to you.”
I tightened my hold on him and felt him rest his chin on my head.
“You’ll need to let go of me long enough to let me shower,” he said. “Then we will leave this disgusting house and find ourselves a clean one. Once we’re settled in, you’ll tell me everything. The one next door was in fair condition and the families were using the same generator.”
I pulled away from Elish and wiped my eyes. “You really suck at housekeeping.”
Elish put a hand on my shoulder and directed me out of the bedroom. “I found there are a lot of things I’m not too good at doing.” He took his shirt off and then slid his cloth pants down. I flushed and leaned against the doorway and looked at the warped frame. It had been so long since I’d seen him naked. I couldn’t believe it, but I felt my ears burn with embarrassment. I wasn’t used to seeing him this way anymore.
He didn’t notice, or maybe he just didn’t want to point it out. I heard the faucet get turned on.
“Would you like me to make you something to eat?” I asked him, still analysing the wooden door frame.
“No,” Elish said, and then he paused. “Just stay where you are… I don’t want you to go far.”
I wonder if he’s afraid I’ll disappear? That if he lets me out of his sight, I’ll vanish, all this time only a figment of his imagination.
I heard him get into the shower and while he got clean I found the towels and laid one out for him. I wanted to find him some clean clothes but the last thing I wanted to do to my poor master was have him peek out of the shower curtains to find me gone. Instead I scrounged around the bathroom cabinet, and underneath the sink I found an electric razor and some shaving cream. I hadn’t shaved in several days and I already had a good amount of stubble, so I shaved myself and, with several glances to the closed shower curtain, even trimmed myself downstairs too. I wasn’t too overgrown but I usually kept it short, Elish did too.
Though if just seeing him naked brought a flush to my cheeks and a rush of coyness, I could only imagine what our first night being intimate would be like.
Elish had a long shower, a really long shower. I trimmed myself on top and on bottom while I waited, and even got my pits in too. I also rinsed us both some toothbrushes and brushed and mouth-washed. The toothbrushes were used which was kind of gross, but well, we’d live.
When Elish finally opened the curtain, his skin was once again the colour of cream, and his sun-coloured hair even looked a bit longer since it was wet. He was starting to look like my elegant master again, but he still really needed to lose that beard. I had laid out the electric razor on the sink, plugged in and everything, and hoped he’d take the hint.
I handed Elish a towel as he stepped out, then he motioned for me to get in. “I will get us both some clean clothes. The residents of Mantis were ambushed, which is a boon for us. I believe these ranchers were for their elites, or the closest one could get to an elite,” he said as he wrapped the towel ar
ound his waist. I took off my shirt, and while I got naked I saw him reach for a toothbrush.
I jumped in and quickly showered. I even grinned happily and felt a shiver of excitement when I heard the razor turn on. It was silly and I felt silly, but knowing that when I stepped out of that shower, he’d look as close to my master as he could… it just filled me up with happiness. I felt like I was breaking some sort of greywastes law being this jovial. People were supposed to be half-starved and miserable in the greywastes, and here I was practically jumping up and down.
When I was done, I turned off the shower and stepped out. I saw clothing laid out for me on the sink and I had to smile at this thoughtfulness. He’d picked me out a blue t-shirt trimmed with black and black jeans, and had even laid out some Nike sandals too. I dressed myself and styled my hair, and did all the proper post-shower maintenance, and walked out to the rest of the house to find him.
I saw a beam of light and smelled fresh air. I got to the end of the hallway and turned towards the open door–
–and saw my master.
Elish was waiting for me in the doorway. He was leaning against it and looking in, wearing a dark purple button-down with the cuffs folded back, black trousers, and shoes.
Fuck, did he ever look stunning. His still-damp bangs were falling over shining violet eyes, the shirt he was wearing making them all the more intense and vivid, and his face was now clean shaven and without a single blemish or mark. His skin was pale and smooth, the black circles under his eyes gone, and his lips were rosy pink and the corners lifted into a crooked smile.
He looked so different with short hair, younger too. It was bangs in the front, but the back of it was just starting to touch his nape. It was clean and glowing in the sunlight. No more greasy locks, it seemed to steal the light around it like he was the living sun.