by Quil Carter
I dragged him to the closed door, then I kicked it open so hard it slammed against the wall, raining debris and dust onto us.
I grinned, clenched Killian’s shoulders, and walked him to the back room.
Through the plumes of disturbed gyprock dust we both saw Adler, chained and bound, laying on his side with his grey-blue eyes shell-shocked and terrorized. He was naked and trembling, the blood on his body a bright contrast to his white skin… especially the blood that had pooled in the crack of his ass, and had dripped down to form a bright stain on the grey mattress.
Killian gasped and put his hands up to his mouth.
“Nero did that,” I purred in his ear. “I’m not a cheater, so I decided to wait for you to do it with me. I want to watch you break him in. I want you to lose that last shred of virginity on him. It’s just the two of us now… do it, Killian.”
Killian didn’t move. I took his shirt and ripped it off of him, and when he tried to run to the door, I slammed it shut and leaned against it.
“Prove to me that you have the balls to back up the attitude,” I demanded, a snarl in my tone. “You wanted to rape Kiki. I have better than that. I brought you prey that just lost his virginity not even an hour ago. I held him down for Nero, it was amazing watching it happen to this pathetic piece of shit, the fuck who almost had his brother rape my boyfriend in front of me. It made me feel on top of the world to inflict on him what had been inflicted on me.” I pressed a boot against Adler’s ass, it left a mud print on the white skin. “And now, he’s yours. That’s just how fucking awesome I feel now, Killian. How much I fucking missed dominating. No worries now. I fucking feel GREAT!” I turned Killian around and pushed him towards Adler. “Go on! I’m cured; I can fucking handle your attitude now. So you might as well start off on the right foot and show me what you have in store for me. Show me how grown up and dominant you are.”
Killian turned away from Adler, and I saw his lower lip stiffen. He stood there, half-naked, thin and gaunt, and his entire body started to shake, not just tremble, but shake like a petrified kitten.
Then his face dissolved… and as he stood there in the cold of the room… he started to sob.
Not just cry… sob.
For a moment I was still. I stared at him with the anger still controlling me, but when I saw the look of utter devastation on his face, the intense sadness that made him look so tiny and helpless, it dissipated like the fire in my blood had been turned to ice.
Once again… the anguish on his face brought me down from my own madness.
“Fuck…” I whispered.
I walked towards him, but to my horror, Killian let out a scared cry and started backing away from me, as if I was a master and he was a beaten animal. I let him dodge me, I didn’t want to scare him more, and watched as he ran for the door.
Killian opened it and ran out, I followed. I closed it behind me and watched as the poor boy took several steps before his trembling legs gave out and spilled him onto the ground. He was sobbing hysterically now, and at the same time trying to crawl away from me.
My eyes burned, and the guilt of what I’d done to him hit me and hit me hard.
“Killi…” I cried. I ran to him, and when he started screaming I held out my hands. He was looking at me with such terror my heart felt like it was being shredded.
How could he look at me any different? I had been terrorizing him.
“I won’t hurt you… come here,” I pleaded. “I’m sorry. Please, baby, come here.”
Killian’s head shook. He wrapped his hands around the back of his neck and clenched them. He was in such a state he was having trouble breathing, he just kept choking and gasping.
I got down on my knees in front of him. “Please, baby blue. Come here,” I whispered. I held out my arms again and lightly touched his shoulder. When he didn’t recoil away I rubbed it, and slowly, I pulled him into my arms.
I thought he had been crying hard before, but when I squeezed him to me, the poor boy completely broke apart. I’d made him cry lots of times, but never to this extent. His frail body shook like an earthquake was happening underneath his skin, and his breathing was so laboured and hard I was afraid he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.
What the fuck did I do? What was wrong with me? I was so fuelled by just feeling like myself I had forgotten who I was for him. Killian didn’t need the Reaper… he needed me.
My eyes stung. I was so ashamed of myself. I got caught up in it… it was a high in itself to finally feel powerful again.
“Baby… I’m sorry,” I whispered. I started rocking him back and forth. “I love you. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you. I was desperate when it came to Nero. I was going to tell you everything when I got you back. You know I’m not a cheater, I’d never do that to you.” I rubbed his back as he continued to sob uncontrollably. “You know how pathetic I’ve gotten, how weak. I just couldn’t go through another day like that. Another day all psychosis and miserable. It worked… a little too well. I’m sorry I got crazy with you, baby bee. I’m sorry I hit you.”
Killian’s hyperventilating breaths sounded like gasping screams, one after another rolling from his lips and each one of them lanced me. This wasn’t Silas doing this to him, or Perish… it was fucking me.
I don’t care what his genetics were, or whose blood ran through his veins. He’d never once looked at me different for being Silas’s clone… and neither would I.
“Shhh…” I soothed. Killian clutched me and unleashed another wail. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Come on, honey bee. Let’s go inside the mansion and lay down together.”
“You smell like him!” Killian suddenly cried. “You smell like Nero.”
My throat burned. “Killi… I had to do it. You don’t…” The burning travelled to my eyes and I shut them. “You don’t understand how much I was scaring myself. You know I hate sex… you know me enough to know I was in a desperate place.”
“What about him!” Killian pulled away and pointed to the door, his face anguished.
I deflected my gaze. “I didn’t fuck him. Honestly, that was just me on a power trip and I wanted to pay him back. You said you wanted to do it too.”
“Fuck you!” Killian cried. He shoved me away but he ended up clutching my shirt and letting out another heartbreaking wail. Then he collapsed into my arms and started crying again. I squeezed him tight to me.
But then, as if what else I’d done had dawned on him fully, he once again shoved me away, hard. “So you let Nero fuck you… and then you kidnap and hold Adler down while Nero raped him?” Killian yelled. He staggered to his feet, his chin shaking from his chattering teeth. “How can you fucking tell me it was therapy when the next fucking morning you’re cheating on me again?”
“It wasn’t fucking cheating!” I said, raising my voice. I got up too. “If you fucking think that’s cheating, you don’t fucking know me. I’d never do that to you.”
“Then why did you hold down Adler for Nero?” Killian screamed. He walked over and kicked the door open. He walked up to the bloody, out of it born immortal, his boots stepping in Adler’s blood. “Was that fucking therapy too? Letting Nero do to Adler what he did to you? When you know how much that broke you? Where is Nero? Did you send him on some sort of fucking shopping trip so you could have Adler to yourself?”
“He fingered me, tried to kiss me.” I felt like a bucket of cold liquid was dumped on me when Adler’s weak voice croaked. “Nero sucked his cock too. D-don’t play innocent, you d-disgusting p-pervert.”
You could hear a fucking pin drop.
Killian’s eyes slowly travelled up to mine, and when there was no denials on my lips, I saw the turmoil drain from his face… and nothing else remained.
Killian walked out of the back room, past me, and towards the exit.
“Killian, fucking come back. I’m tired of explaining this shit to you,” I called after him and I followed his steps. “I’ve been real fucking understanding of
your shit and your psychosis and it’s starting to piss me off that you’re not showing me the same.”
Killian whirled around, several feet from the exit of the garage. “You fucking cheated on me!” he screamed. Behind him I saw a flicker of black and realized Kiki was standing in the shadows, a surprised look on his face. I don’t even know how long he’d fucking been there.
“How can you think I’m dumb enough to give you a pass with Nero, and then this shit with Adler? Plus Nero sucking you off? Are you fucking kidding me?” Killian continued to yell. Kiki’s eyes widened. “Who’s next? You going to suck off Kiki too? Oh no, sorry Kicky. He’s Kicky!” The corners of Killian’s eyes welled. “You give the fucking chimera pet a cute little nickname and let him hang off of your fucking arm. Then you let Nero, the man who raped you, put his cock inside of you. And now… and fucking now… you helped Nero do to him, what he did to you? And you fucking FINGERED HIM?” Killian turned around and picked up a wrench laying on a wooden table full of tools and power tools. He flung it at me but it was too far away for me to have to duck.
“You know what, Killian?” I raised my voice. “I did what I had to do, to get myself back. Alright? I did what I had to do to get my power back, and I fucking did. I fixed myself. So if you’re looking for an apology, you’re going to be looking for a long fucking time. I’m not sorry. I feel great, and quite frankly, I’m fucking insulted that you keep insinuating that I cheated on you, that I somehow love or respect you less.”
“YOU DON’T LOVE ME!” Killian screamed, his voice bouncing off of the high ceilings and echoing back to my ears. He picked up a screw driver and flung it too. I saw it coming but I didn’t move, I let it hit my chest and fall to the ground.
My stance became rigid. “Too far, Killian,” I said flatly.
“FUCK YOU!” he sobbed. “You don’t fucking love me, you’re not capable of it. You don’t respect me, you haven’t respected me for months. I watched you become an emotional wreck who pushed away all of my help and did mental gymnastics until he convinced his delusional fucking mind that I was somehow dominating him. Which I never fucking was! I just wanted to be treated like a man! Then I watched you flirt with that fucking cicaro, and you get pissed at me for being bothered by it. And now I get to hear about how you let Nero fuck you, cum inside of you. And then, to top it off, you had a fucking threesome and help Nero rape your fucking brother! And what have I gotten? You killed me the last time you tried to be intimate with me, and yet you can easily sleep with your fucking brothers? You don’t love me, your chimera engineering forbids loving some dumb greywaster. You love your family, you love the chimeras, just like you’ll love Silas when he comes for you. You’ll never love me like you love them. I see that now.”
“That’s fucking enough!” Kiki’s voice rang out. He burst out of the shadows and was suddenly nose-to-nose with Killian. “Just because you’re too selfish to understand our family doesn’t give you the right to speak to him that way!” the boy shouted. “He did what he knew was right. Master Nero is a great man, and I bet he did a better job fixing Reaver than you ever could!”
“YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Killian shrieked. He picked up a wrench, but with a swift movement, Kiki slammed his hand down on Killian’s upper elbow and the wrench dropped to the ground. “You fucking little whore! Stay the fuck away from me!”
“You stop yelling at him!” Kiki yelled, matching the intensity of his voice with Killian’s. “Stop yelling. He’s had a long day. He’s had a long fucking year!”
“YOU’RE NOT HIS PET! HE’S NOT YOUR MASTER!” Killian cried, tears running down his cheeks. He looked at me, anguish on his face, but his words to me had rendered me speechless. I wouldn’t admit it to myself… but they’d hurt me.
I had done so much for him. From the moment he’d stepped foot into Aras, to me sleeping with Nero. He’d never listen, but I’d gone to bed with that chimera for Killian, as fucked up as it sounds.
I’d sacrificed my own dignity for Killian. I’d given that boy a piece of my soul… and this is what he has to say to me? I loved him, even if he was Silas’s clone… I loved him.
This is what he thought?
“Fuck you, fuck all of you,” Killian sobbed. “You’re a real chimera now, Reaver Dekker. You sleep with who you want, you do whatever you want without care of how it affects others. You’re a selfish bastard and I’m done. I’m just done. Go suck Kiki’s cock for all I care. I don’t stand a chance when it comes to your family, and I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to always wonder just how strong of a hold they have on you.”
He looked at me for some sort of reaction but I couldn’t move. I didn’t even know if I was breathing or not. I felt like I was being violated again, but this time it was my heart that was the target.
I just wanted to get myself back.
I just wanted to… feel like myself again. Have some power again.
And he was leaving me because of that?
“You’re a piece of shit, Killian,” I heard Kiki say.
“Yeah. I know he’ll make this my fault. He’s good at that.” I heard footsteps, but I still hadn’t looked up. “You win, Kicky. The Dekker family wins. Goodbye.” I heard a sniff, and the footsteps got farther away.
My gaze was fixed on my boots, the bloodstains now dusted with grey ash. I could see outlines from the footprints, ones that travelling all around the garage.
And I could hear a pounding. Thunk – thunk – thunk.
It was my own heartbeat, but it sounded like it was in my head, pushing and throwing its entire weight against my skull. Thunk – thunk – thunk.
Did… did Killian just break up with me?
My Killian?
“Talk to me…” I could hear that weak voice so clear inside of my head, the frail, pain-filled tones only broken up by the pounding in my head.
“I don’t know what to say!”
“I… I have to get you out of here. Killi. I know it hurts but…”
“Tell me about…” He’d sucked in a breath so hard, he’d started to cough. I almost cried out when I saw blood sprinkling my hand. I was so terrified… I was so heartbroken. “Tell me the story about… about when we first met.”
His pulse was slowing… his pulse was slowing. I could feel it. I was so scared. I’d never been this scared in my life.
Killian was dying in my arms.
“Oh, Killi…”
“Don’t leave me here. You can’t”
“I’ve barely had you.”
“We’ve been apart for months. You can’t, Killi Cat… you can’t.”
You can’t.
You can’t leave me.
I won’t let you.
“Greywasters just can’t be with chimeras,” I heard Kiki say. His voice was beside me and I heard him light a cigarette. I took it from him when he offered it. “They’re just not compatible, they say. I think you should join us.” His heart skipped at the prospect. “Master Nero’s a craftsman. I love him so much.” Another skip. “And I think… me and you could be really good friends.” He held out his hand, wanting me to take it, but all I could do was stare.
There were no more footsteps. Killian had left me. I’d done everything I could to explain myself. I said I was sorry. I wasn’t a cheater… I wasn’t.
I never loved you? I loved my family more?
Killian, I’d kill for you.
I… I’d end the world for you.
My eyes narrowed, and I looked down just in time to see the cigarette crush in my grip. I didn’t even feel the sting of the ember but I smelled my own flesh burning as the small flame smouldered against my skin.
“R-Reaver…?” Kiki said slowly. I heard shifting and a new noise, buzzing, intense buzzing.
“Those are… that’s a box of Geigerchips…”
I walked towards the shelf of tools and heard Kiki’s breath catch in his throat. “Radiation…” he whispered, and he let out a shuddering gasp. “Reaver! You’re releasing
radiation! Reaver… you need to–”
I looked down at the spread of tools and picked up a handheld circular saw.
“–you need to get outside before the garage blows up!” Kiki ran over to me and pulled on my arm. “Hurry, Reaver.”
I turned around, and locked eyes with the cicaro, and as the sounds of hundreds of Geigerchips going off filled the garage like a disturbed hive of bees, I smiled at him.
And I didn’t stop smiling.
The next thing I knew… my world was collapsing around me; the knitted fabric of the universe that kept everything together had torn apart right in front of my eyes. I could see the fibres; I could see little black holes that sucked in the white flames like vacuums before consuming themselves and disappearing as quickly as they came. This was my world as I walked to where I knew the garage door was. Just white, just white and a roaring from the explosion that was bringing the garage to its knees.
Then I raised my head, and raised my hands to the air. One of them carrying something heavy and dripping. I took in a deep breath and observed a white glow radiating off of my limbs as I poured sestic radiation into this small oasis in the dead world. They weren’t on fire, but they were one of the only things that weren’t. The entire world seemed to be coated in these opal, crystal-like flames, but they didn’t burn me, and I walked out of the garage safely.
“Reaver!” I heard a distant voice scream. He screamed my name again and again, each time more desperate, and more shrill, than the one previous. I looked forward but only saw white, or what I thought was white. I realized, as my sense of smell came back to me, that I was seeing smoke.
I kept walking, clutching what was in my right hand hard so I didn’t drop it. My feet hit grass but I only knew from my boots sinking into it.
Then finally, I saw the silhouette of Killian, his hands balled in front of him as he sobbed my name. A stance that showed agony, pleading to a dead god for me to not be in the garage, even though he’d been the one to leave me there.