by Sue MacKay
Madison jerked away from him. ‘That’s taking things too far.’ The cooler night air was soothing on her flaming skin. Not enough to calm down and become rational again, but it was a start. Heading in the direction of the perimeter, she began striding out fast, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
Sam stuck by her side. ‘Glad you’re seeing things my way.’
‘I don’t need a chaperon.’
‘I could do with stretching my legs, too.’
For the first few minutes Madison said nothing, her fists beating the air as she jabbed them up, jerked them down, up, down. Dust lifted at every step she stomped. Her skin was soon hot and sticky. ‘This is stupid,’ she huffed through a dry mouth.
‘You don’t like silence?’ So light and chatty. Nothing was rattling the man.
So she tried a different tack. ‘Did you always want to be a doctor?’
‘No. That came after the fireman craze at six, a cop driving fast cars at ten. I finally thought being a doctor would be cool when I was fourteen.’
She huffed a lighter breath. So far so good. ‘Find me a small boy who hasn’t wanted to do those things.’
‘Who said I was small?’ he quipped. ‘What about you? A princess, a dancing queen, then a doctor?’
Because there was no insult in his tone she let him off with his quip about being a princess. ‘Just as predictable. A vet, as many of the girls in our science class wanted to be.’
‘What happened? You’d have easily gotten into vet school. Top girl of our year, and all that.’
He remembered? Wow. ‘Vet school’s hard to get into, and the end of many students’ dreams. When I told Dad I wanted to be a vet he made me get a job at the SPCA at the weekends and at a vet clinic cleaning cages after school. Said I needed to learn vets weren’t all about cute puppies and kittens but dealing with their pain and suffering.’
‘A wise man, your dad.’
‘Yep. I couldn’t handle it when any dogs came in injured. Their pain was my pain, in an over-the-top teenage kind of way. As Dad had known, that made me realise I couldn’t do the job. Those dogs, and the cats, at the SPCA would look at me with their big, trusting eyes, as I got them ready to visit the vet. Sometimes they didn’t come back. I always felt as though it was my fault if they were euthanased because I’d been the one to prepare them for their visit.’
‘You don’t feel the same about humans?’ Sympathetic amusement crackled between them.
‘Of course I do, but it’s different. Don’t ask me how, it just is.’ She’d fallen to bits when her dog had had to be put down after being hit by a car. She’d refused to replace him. She could still drag up a mental picture of Buster’s big trustful eyes on her as she and her father had taken him to the vet. ‘I don’t have to put down my patients.’
‘No regrets?’
Madison shook her head. ‘Not at all. I like helping people as much as I adored attending to those animals. Being a surgeon suits me, although it is quite intimate in a way.’
‘The invasiveness of it?’ Sam nodded. ‘I’m always awestruck by how people who know nothing about me are willing to trust me enough to operate on them.’ They’d reached the mess block. ‘Ready for something to eat?’
‘I’m still not hungry.’ But that hyper feeling had quietened down. ‘Think I’ll head for my barracks.’
‘Have a drink with me and we can share a plate of fries.’ He held open the door leading inside the mess.
‘Do you always boss everyone around like this?’ she asked as she slipped past him into the bright light of the nearly empty mess, her stomach winning over the need to put distance between them.
‘Only people who beat me at physics.’
‘Did I?’ Laughing, she sat down on a stool at the bar and said, ‘Why did you go to Auckland to do your training? Were you running away from Christchurch?’
CHAPTER SIX
YES, IN ONE way Sam had been running away. ‘I won a scholarship to Auckland University.’ He still filled with pride at his achievement. ‘I was determined to go to med school and a scholarship made it a lot easier.’ The money he’d made filling shelves in the local supermarket after school hadn’t exactly been overwhelming. Moving to Auckland hadn’t been cheap but there had been no shadows lurking in dark corners, no memories of his mother at the local shops or in the library there.
‘Why medicine?’
Ah. More back story coming up. He wasn’t used to talking about his past, or anything close to him, come to that, but it seemed he couldn’t help himself around this woman. At least he’d soon be out of there and not likely to bump into her again. ‘Mum was chronically ill for as long back as I can remember. She was a diabetic, an asthmatic, and had Crohn’s disease. Living in poverty didn’t help her situation.’
‘That’s so unfair, copping all those illnesses.’ The sympathy in Madison’s voice could undo him if he wasn’t careful.
Now he recalled why he never talked about this stuff. But he’d started, couldn’t seem to stop. ‘When I was old enough to understand that Mum couldn’t get out of bed some days because of her health and not because she was the lazy cow my father called her, I tried to do everything possible to help her. It wasn’t much.’
‘You were only a kid. It was your father’s responsibility to care for her, surely?’
‘You’ve got to be there to do that. He left when I was four. Just upped and walked away one day after the beer ran out and Mum couldn’t find the energy to drag herself to the liquor outlet to get him some more.’
‘Oh, Sam. You got a bad deal.’
He glugged down some of his water. ‘Yes. And no. We were dirt poor but I was always sure of Mum’s love. She struggled to hold down a job because of her health and that made me feel bad because I knew she only went to work to give me things.’
‘She was a good mum.’
When Maddy’s hand covered his, Sam struggled to hold back the sudden tears welling up. Damn her, he did not need this. He hadn’t cried for his mother since her funeral. But seemed that now he’d started he wanted to talk about the rest. ‘It wasn’t until she went to work at that school and hooked up with Ma Creighton again that she stayed in the same job for more than a year. I suspect Ma Creighton stuck up for her whenever the school board talked of getting rid of her.’
‘Friendships can be the best thing out.’ Her hand tightened on his.
He didn’t want friendship with Madison. She’d want more of him than he was prepared to give. Pulling his hand away, he continued, now in a hurry to finish his story. ‘From the day Ma and Pa Creighton took me in and made their home mine I was determined never to give them any reason to regret their generosity. They were exceptional, kind and considerate, and at the same time they never went soft on me.’
Yet, except for a couple of brief phone calls, he hadn’t spoken to them in a long time. All part of his withdrawal from being too near to anyone. People he got close to tended to desert him one way or another and he couldn’t risk losing the two who’d stepped up for him when he’d been a confused and angry teen. Guilt waved at him again, cramped his gut. He missed them so much, thought of them most days. Next week, he knew, he should finally visit them.
‘You want another of those?’ Madison tapped his water bottle.
Letting him off the hook? Had she sensed his pain, known to back off? ‘I’ll get it.’ He should walk away from her while he still could. But it was nigh on impossible when Maddy managed to wind him up and soften his stance all at the same time. During the past day and a bit he’d thought more about his future, and his past, and Madison, than he had in two years. It was as if she’d taken a chisel to those tight bands around his heart and created a gap through which his real emotions were escaping. Emotions such as need, want, love, and—dared he admit it?—excitement. He couldn’t afford to give in
to these feelings. Another shiver; deeper this time. It had been too long since he’d believed there might be someone special for him out there. The risk was huge, but right this moment it was hard to deny himself a glimmer of hope. Seesawing between two worlds, he swung towards Madison, went with keeping the conversation light and chatty. ‘I did have a blast in Auckland.’
‘Has the city recovered?’ she asked with that cheeky glint he enjoyed more than a cold shower on a hot day.
Though a cold shower might soon be necessary to cool the heat banking up internally as he watched her shift her curvy backside on the stool, unconsciously letting off fireworks in his belly, further lightening the weight wedged there since she’d turned up on his patch. ‘I hope so.’
Sam tilted forward, halving the gap between them. Her scent floated on the air, instantly transporting him back to the peach tree in the yard of the only home he’d had with his mother and father. Large, ripe, succulent peaches. It had been the year he’d turned four and he’d spent hours under that tree in summer, playing in the dirt, shaking the branches to bring down the fruit to shove in his mouth and feed his hungry belly, sticky juice sliding down his face. Dad used to sit there, reading the paper, smoking, drinking beer, pushing a toy truck around when he could be bothered. At the end of summer his dad was gone, out of his life for ever.
Sam jerked back. Stop this nonsense. He didn’t do thinking about the man who’d fathered him and then discarded him easier than last week’s bread.
When he next looked at Madison he found her deep gaze fixed on him, almost as if she was searching for something he wasn’t sure he wanted found. She sure had him thinking about things he’d long buried. Another diversion was needed. ‘What about you? You stayed on in Christchurch?’
‘Yep. I’m close to my family and my girlfriends went to Christchurch University as well.’
‘Why the army?’ Never had he asked so many questions of someone. What was in the water?
‘To get away for a while. Decide what to do with my career. And to do something for my country. I like that we can help other people less fortunate through the military.’
‘Tell me to shut up if you don’t want any more questions, but did your failed marriage have anything to do with leaving Christchurch?’
‘Shut up, Sam.’ It was said without anger. Without any emotion at all. She was hurting. He could see it in the white fingers gripping her bottle, in the flat line of her mouth, the dull eyes.
He backed off instantly. ‘Fair enough.’
Then she paid him back with, ‘You never married?’
‘Not even close.’ A shortage of women hadn’t been the problem. Finding one he could fall in love with had been. Then William had happened and he’d understood he wasn’t entitled to happiness.
Madison was eyeing him with caution. ‘So no little Sam Lowes running around?’
‘Nope. I wouldn’t dream of having children if I wasn’t in a happy, strong marriage.’
Her mouth twisted up in a wry smile. ‘I have to agree.’ Then she chuckled. ‘My sister has four kids. She married an Italian and they live just down the road from our parents.’ Maddy’s face lit up. ‘Those girls are gorgeous. Little minxes, every one of them.’
‘Four kids is a handful.’
‘Yeah, but what a problem to have.’ She smiled, big and deep, and touched something inside him. Then her expression became wistful, probably thinking of the kids she might’ve had if her marriage hadn’t gone off the rails.
‘Not for me.’ An image of Madison holding her own baby, smiling softly, rocking gently, her face full of love, wove through his mind, wouldn’t let go. It was a beautiful picture that he needed to burn. His hand jerked, his knuckles banging against his glass and upending it. Water pooled on the counter and dripped over the edge. Snatching up a cloth to mop up the mess, he was reeling, his head spinning. Damn but Madison tripped him up too easily just by being normal.
Madison was wiping her fatigues where water had soaked the fabric. ‘You don’t want four kids?’ Her dazzling smile faded as she looked directly at him. She knew something wasn’t right.
‘Hard to imagine when I’m here.’ Which reminded him—where was their food? As good an excuse as any to escape while he got his brain back under control. ‘I’ll see what’s cooking in the kitchen.’
So Madison adored children and from the look that had come over her when talking about them would be quite happy to have a brood of her own. She’d make a great mum. Probably be quite strict but soft as butter on the inside.
After ordering fries and chicken, he plonked an elbow on the counter and leaned back to study Madison. She was chatting to the barman, no longer wary of his questions and what she might reveal about herself. He’d swear she’d told him more than she’d intended to. But, then, his usual reticence had taken a hike, too. It showed Maddy was capable of tipping his world sideways. What it didn’t show was why. Why her? How had she been able to sneak under his radar even a tiny bit when that had been iron cast?
Look at her. There was part of his answer. Guys were gathering around Maddy, eager to tell her about themselves, to claim her attention, drawn in by that face that could launch a thousand ships, the body that promised heaven, and the smile that would not let them look away. He completely understood their reaction; she’d captivated him within minutes of turning up on his patch.
Crossing over to the group, he reached around one officer for his drink and was astonished to hear Madison say, ‘Make way for Sam. That’s his spot.’
Pleasure oozed through him like he’d been handed a present to unwrap. His fingers curled around the icy bottle of water she nodded to, and he nudged a guy off his stool. ‘Thanks, mate.’
Madison’s lips were pressing down hard on a burgeoning smile as she tapped her bottle against his. ‘To Kiwis in out-of-the way places.’
He tapped back. ‘To unusual places.’ Playing it safe? Damn right.
‘What do we do around here on our days off?’ Maddy asked no one in particular.
‘Go into town to check out the stalls at the markets.’
Her face lit up. ‘Markets? Bring them on. I can’t think of a better way to spend a morning.’
‘Happy to show you around any time,’ one of the guys told her.
I’ll drive you into town whenever you ask. Sam swallowed hard. Down, boy. Be the mature man you pride yourself on being.
‘Here you go, Captains.’ Two plates of steaming food were banged down on the counter between Sam and Maddy.
‘Thanks, Bud.’ His mouth watered as the wonderful smell of fried chicken reached his nostrils. ‘Get stuck into that.’ He pushed a plate closer to Madison and glared around at the crowd. ‘Give us some space, guys.’ I want to talk to Captain Hunter—alone.
Surprisingly the officers did back off, heading to the snooker table.
‘This is yum.’ Madison munched on a drumstick.
‘Unhealthy and delicious,’ he agreed as he reached for some fries. ‘For someone who wasn’t hungry, you’re making short work of this.’
‘I never turn down a good offer.’
His chicken went down his throat only half-chewed as his mind came up with more than one good offer. At least he managed to keep them to himself. Just. ‘What was all that about the dust yesterday?’
Her plate hit the counter with a thud, quickly followed by fierce colour staining her cheeks. Her breasts rose on a long breath. She was pulling on a shield. ‘I told you. I thought it was smoke,’ she ground out in a don’t-ask-me-any-more tone, bringing his focus back to where it should be.
‘What happened, Maddy?’ Why the fear of smoke? Or was it the fire that had caused the smoke that had given her grief? Had she lost her possessions or a place she frequented because of fire?
Madison slid off the stool she’d been sitting on. He
r eyelids were blinking rapidly, as if he was shining a torch in her eyes to see beyond her reticence. She was keeping tears at bay, or hiding them from him.
Neither made him happy. ‘Talk to me, Maddy. Please.’ Though it was none of his business, he wanted to know everything, had to wipe away that despair, that agony darkening, dulling her eyes to the colour of burned wood.
She’d turned for the exit but came back. Her hands were fists at her sides, her feet wide apart, her chin pushed forward. But she wasn’t fooling him. Regret had replaced the pain in her eyes. ‘I don’t know you well enough, Sam.’ She spoke softly, carefully, and her words wrapped around him, tugged him in.
Would she biff him around the head if he enveloped her in a hug? He shrugged. If that’s what it took to banish whatever was bugging her, tying her into knots so tight she might take a week to loosen up, it would be worth it. But—‘Try me.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Tell me why.’
This protectiveness had started yesterday almost immediately after that dust had got to her. Then on patrol in the morning he’d been constantly alert, watching out for her—and keeping his attention hidden. Madison was beating at his long-held barricades that kept people exactly where he wanted them. He should be the one rushing out of here, not Madison. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t. ‘You’re not trusting me?’
‘Bang on, Sam.’ Blink, blink.
‘Why not?’ Her response didn’t hurt. He understood from his own perspective. But he would like different from her.
Sadness mingled with despair as her eyes locked on him. ‘Would telling you it’s none of your business work?’
He shrugged deliberately. The next move was hers.
‘Okay, then how’s this? I don’t talk to anyone about what happened to me. Get it? I trust no one not to hurt me.’ Her hand fluttered over her stomach. It didn’t touch down, just hovered in a protective way. Or was that as a reminder of something she needed to fear? ‘I’m sorry.’ She turned on her heel and left him.