Finding West

by June Gray

  My dad came towards me and wrapped me in his arms, but what used to lift my spirits now felt strangely lacking. At least, compared to the embrace I’d received half an hour earlier, when I’d felt both secure and warm and elated all at the same time.

  I felt awful, as if enjoying a stranger’s hug more than my father’s was some sort of betrayal.

  “Hey Dad,” I said, sitting back on the bench across the table from him.

  “Hey, kiddo,” he said, and I knew in the smile he wore that he was having a good day. Well, as good as it could be in prison anyway. “What’s going on with you? Was the snowstorm as bad as predicted in Ayashe?”

  “Yes, it was nearly waist-deep for a few days,” I said. “I let this man stay with me during the storm.”

  “What man?” my dad asked, concern rumpling his face.

  “I found this unconscious man at the side of the road, so I took him to the house to get him out of the storm.”

  “Oh, Katie…” he said, shaking his head.

  “What?” I asked, instantly on the defensive. “You always taught me to help the needy. Wasn’t it you who made me go to soup kitchens during Thanksgiving to help hand out food?”

  He rubbed his forehead. “Yes, I wanted you to learn selflessness, but this… you could have been hurt or killed. Trust me when I say there are many evil men out there in the world who wouldn’t hesitate to cut down a girl. I live with many of them.”

  “I’m not a girl anymore, Dad. And I wouldn’t have hesitated killing him either had he shown any sign of wanting to hurt me,” I said and took a deep breath to keep my temper in check. “He was unconscious on the side of the road, face down in the snow. He would have died out there. What was I supposed to do?”

  “But the sheriff—”

  “Drew wasn’t answering the phone.”

  He gave me a disapproving look. “I want you to be careful, honey. You can’t just take bums off the street.”

  “I know. I’m careful, promise.” I leaned forward. “It’s just… he didn’t strike me as a bum. This man isn’t just lost. He has no idea who he is, not even his name.”

  That got my dad’s attention. “He has amnesia?”

  I nodded. “You should have seen him. He was so spooked when he realized he didn’t recognize his face in the mirror.” When Dad still looked unconvinced, I said, “He’s not dangerous. You always taught me that the truth is in the face, that if you really took the time to look someone in the eye, you would see their true character.”

  “And what do his eyes tell you?”

  I swallowed hard, remembering those luminescent grey orbs. “That he’s kind. Intelligent. Funny.”

  Dad nodded slowly, but his features were tight.

  “Don’t you believe me?”

  He gave a short laugh. “I do,” he said. “But you’re in danger, Katie-bug.”

  “No, I’m no—”

  “You’re going to lose your heart.”

  I laughed in surprise, slapping the table a few times with my flat palm. “How cheesy!” I said between breaths. After collecting myself, I said, “But seriously, no, I’m not.”

  Dad sat up and smiled. “I’ve never seen you laugh so freely. I want to meet the man who did this.”

  “I’ve laughed before.”

  “Not like this,” he said, shaking his head. “At least not since you were a little girl.”

  All traces of laughter dropped from my face. “Well, you won’t get a chance to meet him anyway. He’s gone. I took him to the police station this morning. For all I know, he could be back home already.”

  Dad nodded and looked at me thoughtfully for a long time.

  “What?”

  “I like this change in you,” he said, reaching out and touching my hand. “You’ve been closed off since your mom died. You really need to start making some friends. No man is an island.”

  I snickered and held up my index finger. “I helped one guy out, Dad. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”

  “Have you thought more about leaving Alaska?”

  “Not this again,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Even if I did want to leave you, I wouldn’t know where to go.”

  He shrugged. “My grandpa from Oklahoma always told me, Go west, Jay. He said it’s where I’d find freedom and independence. So I went as far west as I could before falling into the ocean. And I guess this is where I’ll be until I die.”

  I squeezed his hand. “You’ll get out soon, Dad.”

  “Sometimes I feel like I’m going to die in here,” he said in a rare moment of bitter honesty. It was unsettling to see my father so disheartened; he always tried to put on a happy face during our visits. He cleared his throat and shook off his cloak of sadness. “That’s why I keep pushing for you to leave, honey. I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me anymore. I want you to go and live your own life.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. God help me, I was going to cry. “You’re my dad. I can’t leave you,” I said, feeling the hot rush of tears on my cheeks. I wiped them away with my sleeve. “You’re all I have.”

  “Honey,” he said, reaching out and tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. “You can have so much more than this bitter old man and that rinky-dink town you’re living in. You deserve a real life. A happy life.”

  I nodded, sniffing.

  “Promise me you’ll think about it. Look into a fashion school in L.A. or even New York.”

  “New York’s not west,” I said just to be ornery.

  He ruffled my hair. “It’s west if you travel far enough,” he said with a sad smile. “Just… promise me.”

  I took a deep breath, prepared to make a promise I didn’t intend to keep. “Sure, Dad. I’ll think about it.”

  After the visit, I drove back to Ayashe with a heavy feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t enough that I had to say goodbye to the handsome stranger—my first real friend in God knows how long—but I also had to promise my father something nearly impossible. As exciting as it seemed to start a new life someplace else, I didn’t really think I was brave enough to leave my father and strike out on my own.

  I went to The Diner to avoid going back home, afraid of the loneliness that was sure to come. Hell, who was I kidding? I would miss the hell out of that handsome stranger. Lenny, Dwight, Merle; whatever his name, I would miss the way he looked at me, miss the way he’d stand so close my skin would tingle. And now I feared I’d look for it in every man I met, searching for a spark that I’d been content to live without before.

  “Hey, I was wondering about you,” the young waitress said, coming by with a mug and filling it with coffee. “Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Wondered if maybe you were still buried under the snow.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, realizing too late that I was smiling up at her. What the hell had happened to me? I very nearly asked her for her name!

  I held my empty mug out and waited while she poured from the carafe, but it kept coming until the coffee filled to the brim and started to overflow onto the faded wood table.

  “Okay, that’s good. Hey, stop,” I said and lifted the mug so that the carafe leveled up. “What the hell is wrong with—” I looked up to see what had her attention, following her gaze to the front door.

  My heart jumped to my throat at the sight of the stranger—my stranger—standing by the front door. His eyes flicked around the room and found mine; a bright white smile split his face, crinkling the skin around his eyes, and I found myself smiling for the second time that afternoon. Sheriff Drew followed him in and the two started to talk quietly.

  “Who the hell is that?” the waitress asked, then looked down and saw the mess on the table. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.”

  I smothered a laugh, glad of the proof that I hadn’t just imagined the stranger’s effects on a woman. “It’s fine,” grabbing a bunch of napkins from the dispenser and throwing it onto the spilled liquid.

  “Do you know him?” she whispered.

 
“In a way,” I said, admiring his strong, angular profile. I didn’t want to admit it, but it sure felt damn good to see him again. I turned back to my drink, hoping I hadn’t appeared too eager.

  “He’s hot!” she said behind a hand. “Are you two… together?”

  I sputtered on my coffee. “Together? No!” I said much too emphatically.

  “Can you introduce me then?”

  I didn’t know how to answer, even though “fuck no” seemed like an acceptable reply.

  She looked up, watching as the two men came walking our way. “Hey Sheriff and friend,” she greeted. “Would you like a menu?”

  “No, just coffee please, Franny,” Drew said with a genial smile. When the waitress—Franny, apparently—left, Drew turned to me. “Kat, how are you?”

  “Good. What’s up?” I replied, trying my damnedest to keep my eyes from straying to his right. I noted that both men were nearly the same height, which meant that my stranger was about six foot two. But that was where the similarities ended. Whereas the stranger was dark and mysterious, Drew was the All-American boy who played football in high school, who still mowed the lawn for his mom, who helped the older townsfolk shovel their driveway. Drew was the brown-haired, blue-eyed sentry of our little town, and even though he was only twenty-seven, he was well-respected and liked.

  “I just wanted to clear something up,” Drew said, putting his hands on his hips, above his holster. “This man here says he knows you, even though he doesn’t know himself.”

  I nodded seriously. “That is a true statement.”

  “Explain,” he said, sliding in the seat across from me, leaving the stranger to either keep standing or take the seat beside me. Not that it was much of a choice, but he chose me.

  I glanced at him before giving Drew the clinical version of my story with the stranger.

  When I was done, Drew laced his fingers together. “And you let him stay with you for a few days?” he asked with his eyebrows drawn.

  “Obviously she’s fine,” came the deep voice beside me.

  Drew gave a short nod then turned back to me. “I’m not quite sure how to handle this situation,” he admitted. “It might take a few days to figure out how to proceed. In the meantime, I’ve taken photographs and will be sending them to the stations across the state. We also paid a visit to Dr. Jo’s office in Cormack and had him looked over. She said he was fine but there wasn’t much she could do for the amnesia. Apart from checking the missing persons report and driving around for an abandoned vehicle, there’s not much else I can do at this point.”

  Franny came back with the menu and two cups of coffee. The stranger took a sip, leaned over to me and whispered, “Your coffee tastes better.”

  Drew pursed his lips. “He said he could stay with you, Kat. But I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  I hoped I didn’t appear too eager when I said, “I think that would work. I have plenty of room.

  Drew’s frown deepened. “No. I’m sure we can find another place for him to stay.”

  I looked up at the man beside me and though I had no name for him, I could say with all honesty that I felt safe in his presence. “It’s okay. Really.”

  Drew turned to the stranger. “Give us a second?”

  The stranger acquiesced and announced he was going to use the restroom, leaving me with Drew and the annoyed look on his face.

  “What the hell are you thinking?” he hissed, leaning over the table. “Allowing a strange man to come stay with you?”

  “He’s not strange. He’s about as normal as you,” I said, trying to tamp down my temper. I was getting pretty damn tired of defending my choices. You’d think I was a child instead of a grown-ass woman the way men in my life were treating me.

  “Sure, but what if his memory comes back and it turns out he’s a serial killer?”

  I crossed my arm over my chest. “Then I’ll fucking kill him and put his body up like a scarecrow in my front yard to scare away any other potential serial killers.”

  Drew’s nose flared. “You’re not taking this seriously.”

  “And you’re taking it too seriously,” I shot back.

  He was quiet for a few moments then said, “Do you have feelings for him?”

  The question shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did anyway. “You’d better not be jealous. You have a girlfriend and a new kid for fuck’s sake.”

  “No!” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I’m just looking out for you.”

  “Well don’t,” I said, my voice rising. “I know what I’m doing. I can take care of myself.”

  “You sure can, can’t you, Kat?” he asked with some bitterness. “You’re so hellbent on showing us that you don’t need anybody that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life.”

  I watched the stranger make his way back to the table. He smiled and caused a twinge my stomach. “No, Drew. I’m not alone.”

  Drew ground his teeth together but nodded his head. “Fine. Do what you want. You always do anyway.” He got to his feet and threw a five-dollar bill on the table. He planted his hands on the table, leaned close, and said in a low voice, “But don’t blame me if you get hurt in the process.”

  “He’s no threat to me, Drew.”

  “Maybe not physically, but there are other ways to get hurt, Kat,” he said and left.

  10

  STRANGER

  The moment we stepped back inside the mobile home, I felt a strange sensation wash over me. I felt like I was home.

  Josie greeted me with a wagging tail and followed me to the recliner. I sat back and folded my arms behind my head, giddy for my second chance.

  I’d thought I wouldn’t see Kat again, but here I was, back in her home, back to the only place I felt any sense of identity.

  Kat stood by the kitchen, watching me quietly from behind the counter. There was something unfathomable about her expression, something I couldn’t quite read. I sat up and asked, “Are you okay? Are you regretting your decision?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “It’s nothing. I was just thinking.”

  I got to my feet and crossed the space between us, wanting inside her head to read her thoughts. “What were you thinking just now?”

  “You are a nosy son of a bitch, aren’t you?” she asked, sidestepping around me.

  I grinned. It was good to be back. “Yes. I want to know everything about you.”

  She walked away, wagging her finger at me. “Don’t make me regret letting you stay here.”

  “Is it wrong to want to get to know you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because. You already know too much.” She walked off towards the back of the house. “I’m going to work on my dress. You can do whatever you want.”

  She was running away again, but this time I would let her. I had time. “Hey, can I borrow the car?” I asked, struck with an idea.

  She turned, her eyes narrowed. “What for?”

  “I just want to run to the grocery store. I’d like to cook you a nice dinner as a token of my appreciation.”

  “A nice dinner?” she asked skeptically.

  “Yes.”

  She measured my sincerity for a few beats before motioning towards the counter with her head. “The keys are there. If there’s even a scratch on that Jeep when you get back, I’ll cut off your balls.”

  I picked up the keys and grinned. “Your car is safe with me,” I said, walking towards the door. I looked over my shoulder with a wink. “But leave my balls alone. Unless you plan on doing something else with them.”

  I dodged out the door before she had a chance to throw anything my way.

  Laurie’s General Store was not hard to find; it was directly across the street from the diner. For some reason I felt accustomed to the store’s small size, making me wonder if maybe I’d lived in a small town myself. My hands were full by the time I made it to the front of
the store, but only then did I realize I had no cash or credit card.

  “You lose your wallet?” the older gentleman behind the counter asked.

  “I’ve lost more than that, I’m afraid,” I said, staring at the things on the counter with a feeling of impotence. All I wanted was to impress a girl with dinner, and I couldn’t even do that.

  “Well, some people have credit with the store.” The old man bent over, looking for something behind the counter, and came up with a blue binder. “I just tally up your bill and write it down and then you pay next time. At least, I think that’s how it works.”

  “You’re not sure?”

  He started to ring up my purchases. “No. I’m just filling in for Laurie, my niece. She fell on a patch of ice yesterday and had to go to the hospital.”

  In the end, he let me put my total down on Kat’s account, which I was told was opened a while ago but never used. I drove back and put away the groceries and pulled out ingredients for dinner.

  Kat came out of the back room with a cautious smile on her face. “I thought you’d gotten lost.”

  “You thought I wasn’t going to come back, didn’t you?” I asked, taking the chicken out and finding the cutting board and knife.

  She didn’t need to say a thing; I already knew the answer. Beneath that womanly façade was still a little girl who expected everyone to abandon her at first chance, and even though I had no idea of what the future held, I found myself wanting to stay, to prove she was someone worth sticking around for.

  “Not really. Even if you ran, I would have found you eventually.”

  I raised my eyebrow; she gave me a look of reproach in response.

  “To get my Jeep back,” she said. “Don’t start thinking you’re anyone special.”

  “But I know I am.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “How do you figure?”

  “You asked me to stay.”

  “For a few days,” she said pointedly. “Just until Drew gets his head out of his ass and figures out what to do with you.”