Finding West

by June Gray

  My entire body broke out in goosebumps from the absence of his warmth. Without his weight I was finally able to take in deep breaths, but it didn’t help the tightness in my lungs. Those three words floated around my head, but I refused to acknowledge them, refused to think a man like him could actually feel that way about anyone, especially me.

  He turned his head and fixed those gray eyes on my face. “You know, I’ve never fought for anyone before. I’ve never wanted to. But you changed everything.”

  “I don’t want to be just another notch on your bedpost,” I said, my voice hitching with my confession.

  “Kat,” he sighed and touched my face tenderly. “You’re not a notch. You’re the axe that broke the bedpost in half.”

  I laughed despite myself and leaned my face into his palm. I must have hit my head on the floor and suffered mini-amnesia of my own because I was starting to forget the reason I was resisting him.

  “God, I love you,” he said, trailing his thumb along my lower lip.

  “You said that already.”

  “I love you.”

  I took a deep breath and fought off a smile. “Okay, I get it.”

  “I love you.”

  I covered his mouth. “Stop.”

  He pulled my hand away. “I love you,” he said once more.

  I knew what he was waiting for, knew that he’d probably stay there all day and repeat those same three words until I responded in kind.

  He kissed my nose. “I love you.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to control the heart that was pounding wildly in my chest. “I believe you,” I said, finally giving in.

  ~

  For the next few days West and I were holed up in my house, screwing like rabbits, trying various positions that I’d only ever imagined. It was, to be honest, the most liberating, exhilarating time of my life, as if nothing outside my house mattered. Only West and I existed in our little bubble where time stopped.

  On the third day I suggested we venture outside and eat out for a change, out of fear he’d grow tired of me and only me.

  I questioned this decision as soon as we stepped inside The Diner and everyone’s heads swiveled in our direction.

  “Is it like this for you every time?” he whispered as we walked towards an empty table in the back.

  “No. Usually I slip in without anyone noticing.”

  Franny appeared at our table almost immediately, setting down two mugs and filling mine from her carafe. “Coffee?” she asked West with a flirty little smile.

  He gave a small nod. “Please.”

  After she took our orders West said, “I’ll be right back,” took a gulp of coffee, then stood up.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’ll tell you after,” he said with a wink. “I’d rather not jinx it.”

  I watched him walk out, noticing other customers doing the same. When he was out of sight they spoke amongst themselves, casting quick glances my way. I looked away, pretending I hadn’t seen them gossiping about me. It had been a while since I’d given them anything juicy to talk about; I suppose I was due for another run through the Ayashe gossip mill.

  “Okay, girl, tell me everything,” Franny said, sliding in the seat vacated by West. “Word is that he’s an outsider and that he’s staying with you.”

  I nodded, surprised at the accuracy of the gossip. “True.”

  “I heard a theory that he’s an actor and he’s hiding out here from the paparazzi.”

  I was amused until I realized there might be some truth in that. “Why? Do you know anything? Is it on the news or something?”

  She laughed. “Not that I know of. That was Dale’s theory, but you know him,” she said, drawing circles around her ear and lifting her eyes to the ceiling.

  “He’s lost his memory,” I found myself saying, surprised that I was actually conversing with her. “So he’s staying with me until Drew figures out what to do with him.”

  Her eyes were wide when she asked, “Are you two…?”

  I took a sip of coffee to delay answering the question, actually considering telling her the truth. Franny had access to every person in town and could very well spread the news by the end of the day, but a part of me wanted to trust her. Hell, I’d already handed my heart over to a complete stranger; might as well trust the person who’d served me food for years too.

  I nodded. “But please don’t tell anyone.”

  She locked her lips and smiled. “I won’t. Promise,” she said. “But I have to warn you, everyone assumes that already.”

  I snorted. “Figures.”

  A bell dinged in the kitchen, letting Franny know an order was ready. “Okay, I gotta go and waitress,” she said, getting back to her feet. She gave me a tentative smile. “This was nice, chatting with you.”

  “Yeah, it was,” I said then found myself adding, “we should do it again sometime.”

  “Yeah, I’d love that.”

  West came back a few minutes after our food arrived, taking off his coat before sliding into the booth. “You are now looking at an employed man,” he said with a pleased grin. Without further fanfare, he picked up his fork and began to eat.

  “Wait, what?” I asked. “Where?”

  He held up a finger and finished chewing. “At Laurie’s General Store.”

  I stared at him in disbelief. “Laurie gave you a job?”

  “No, Jim did, Laurie’s uncle. She’s been out with a broken ankle and Jim needed some extra help,” West said. “I’ll be working a few hours a day, stocking and whatever else he needs me to do.”

  “What did you write down as your permanent address? Social security number? Name?”

  “I just told him I was your boyfriend and he said that was good enough for him. He wants to pay me cash to avoid any paperwork.”

  I had to admit, I halfway stopped listening after he uttered the word boyfriend.

  I must have looked shell-shocked, or maybe my mouth was hanging open, because West said, “Don’t look so aghast. Would you rather I call myself your lover?”

  I closed my eyes as the roughened texture of his voice sent tingles down my spine. We’d used up an entire box of condoms the past few days, and still he could turn me on at the drop of a hat.

  When I opened my eyes, he was shoveling food in his mouth like nothing had happened.

  “Are you done here?” he asked after finishing his scrambled eggs.

  I looked down at my half-eaten plate, food the last thing on my mind. “I guess.”

  “Good,” he said, grabbing our coats and my hand, practically dragging me out of the restaurant. “Because I need to be inside you right now.”

  “Jim’s going to think we’re sex maniacs,” I said when West produced a new box of condoms in my room.

  He ripped open a package and rolled it on his erect shaft. “Come here,” he said, crooking a finger at me. “And let’s prove him right.”

  He positioned himself above me, lowering his hips slowly until he filled me completely. West closed his eyes and groaned. “That will never stop feeling amazing,” he said, his large hands grabbing my legs and pulling them further apart. He pulled out then drove back in, filling me deeper.

  He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head. “Tonight you’re mine,” he said against my lips.

  “You think so?” I asked, enjoying the weight of him stretched on top of me. I clamped my ankles around his butt to keep him from moving.

  He flashed me a wolfish grin, baring his teeth as he moved, deep little thrusts that hit the spot in the most exquisite way. I tightened around his shaft and dug my nails into the headboard, no doubt creating indents in the wood, feeling my entire body clenching with anticipation.

  I came with a soft cry, my entire body quavering. Free from my hold, he wrapped his arms around my back as he lengthened his strokes and plowed into me. He grabbed my hair and pulled, exposing my neck and planting kisses along my jaw.

  He buried his face in my hai
r, his entire body bowing as he climaxed. I grabbed his ass and pulled him deeper into me; he grunted in appreciation and bit my earlobe as he continued to come.

  “I love you, Kat,” he groaned as he came down from the high.

  I wrapped my arms around him and felt his heart beating against my own. “I know, West. I know.”

  It still bothered me that he’d been with many women before me, but I convinced myself that I could look past his past promiscuity and focus on the man before me now. If nothing else, I knew one thing for certain: West was telling the truth when he said he wanted to stay.

  For the first time in a very long time, I felt a little vine of hope crawl across my heart.

  18

  WEST

  To prepare for my first day of work, Kat and I drove down to Anchorage to go clothes shopping. I said I could get by with her father’s things for a while—at least, until I started to earn a wage—but she’d insisted, and when Kat insisted, I could never say no.

  Anchorage, for being the biggest city in the biggest state of the USA, was actually quite underwhelming. The view of the mountains and the bay, however, more than made up for it.

  She took me to the Fifth Avenue Mall, which was quite nice inside, and we paid a visit to a few different stores carrying men’s apparel. In less time than the fifty-five minute drive from Ayashe, we had acquired two pants, underwear, two long-sleeved shirts, a pair of tennis shoes; we were done.

  “Hey, what’s the rush?” I asked Kat as she hightailed it out of JC Penney’s.

  She ducked out of the way of traffic, standing against a wall. “I just hate crowds,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself. “Nope, people. I meant to say I hate people.”

  I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around her, blocking her view of everything but me. “Better?”

  She pressed her face into my chest and nodded.

  I rubbed her back in a circular motion. “Have you always been agoraphobic?”

  “Not always. I was fine up until the Monday after the senior prom, when everyone in the halls were staring at me. Some kids were laughing, most were whispering to each other. A few came right out and called me a slut—all because of a stupid rumor.” She gave a shrug that didn’t quite appear as nonchalant as she’d have me believe. “I thought I’d be okay to come back here after all these years, but now I’m not so sure.” Her eyes darted past me to people walking by and enjoying their Saturday afternoon.

  “What are you afraid of?”

  She scowled. “I’m not afraid. I just don’t want to run into anyone I know. I don’t want it to be high school all over again.”

  “You’re forgetting something,” I said with a reassuring smile. “You have me now, and I’ll kick anyone’s ass who dares make fun of you.” I took her hand in mine and tugged her away from the wall, leading her back into society.

  Kat came reluctantly, but after thirty seconds her chin lifted and her stride relaxed.

  “Feel better?” I asked, smiling down at her.

  She squeezed my hand in response.

  We passed by a few food stands when I noticed a man sitting at bench, watching us. He was around our age with spiky blond hair and a deep tan, dressed like he’d just stepped out of a high-end outdoor apparel catalogue. He watched Kat and me openly, then when Kat had her head turned away, flashed a toothy smile and a thumbs-up sign. He then lifted his cell phone and took a photo.

  I gathered Kat to my side and steered her away, hoping to hell she didn’t notice. When I looked over my shoulder, the man was still looking but now wore a quizzical look on his face.

  That Monday I woke up at six and, as gently as possible, disentangled my limbs from Kat’s to get ready for work. Josie didn’t bother lifting her head to give me a curious look as I walked naked across the room. When I reached the door I looked back at Kat, tracing her feminine form under the quilt with appreciative eyes. There was something utterly beautiful about her vulnerability in sleep, when her shields were down and her face finally relaxed.

  I was only going to work at the grocery store for a few hours, but already I couldn’t wait to come home to her again. No doubt about it, I was most definitely a smitten fool.

  After a shower I looked in the mirror for the first time in a few days and studied the beard that was starting to grow back. My cock jumped at the anticipation of Kat shaving me once more, maybe even while she sat on my lap.

  On the way out I stepped on something cold and found a quarter stuck under my foot. I grabbed it and set it atop the bathroom counter, watching it spinning with a metallic clanging until it came to a stop.

  The memory hit me with the force of a freight train.

  I took a sip of my bourbon and spun a quarter on the dark wood surface of the bar, contemplating what song I would choose at the jukebox to accompany my seduction of the woman in red two seats down.

  “Luke Harrington!” My friend Decker’s voice carried over the din at the bar, his usual way of announcing his arrival. “That is a righteous Novembeard you are sporting there,” he said, smacking me hard on the back.

  “Thanks, man,” I said, rubbing my face but still distracted by the hottie with auburn hair.

  He followed the direction of my gaze and gave me a knowing smile. “Target acquired.”

  “Most definitely.”

  “Figured out your plan of attack yet?”

  I flicked the coin in the air and caught it. “Nah. I think I’ll just wing it,” I said, standing up and straightening my gray suit jacket. “I feel like a challenge tonight.”

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes wide in shock. I scraped a palm along the growth on my face, reminded that my friends and I had grown a beard every year in November to see who could have the bushiest at the end of the month.

  And my name—I was Luke Harrington. I remembered now.

  As I mulled over the memory, I couldn’t help but feel like there was more to it that I wasn’t remembering, like there was a barrier in place to keep me from seeing the big picture. I had a feeling that, whatever it was, it would unlock my memories and finally answer some big questions about my identity.

  I didn’t tell Kat. Instead I kissed her goodbye and went to town as if nothing had happened, turning the flashback over and over in my mind while I restocked the shelves with a name badge on my chest. The townspeople who came in to the store were curious about me. One older woman with dark skin and silver-streaked black hair went as far as directly asking me about my relationship with Kat.

  “I’m her boyfriend,” I said without elaborating.

  She glanced down at my name tag. “And how long have you been together, West?”

  “Not too long actually.”

  She absently picked a can of corn off the shelf and said, “I never thought I’d see the day that young woman ever have a man around the house. I thought for sure she’d end up like me.”

  “Why is that?”

  “She keeps to herself. I heard she has a father in jail. Maybe she’s ashamed of him, who knows.” She shrugged and put the corn back on the shelf then patted my arm. “Well, you take good care of our Kat, okay?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Before she could leave the store—without actually having bought anything, I noticed—I called out to her, “By the way, she’s not ashamed of her dad. He went to jail trying to defend her.”

  The woman smiled. “Well I’m glad she has you to protect her now.”

  But as she left, I wondered if maybe it was the other way around. Maybe Kat needed protecting from me.

  I found Kat working out in the shed when I came back. Without interrupting her I ran inside the house to change into a pair of sweats and tennis shoes and came out to join her, glad to have a reason to put off talking for a while.

  I watched her for a few minutes while she swung a large kettlebell straight overhead. When she finished, she pointed to a small whiteboard nailed to the wall. “There’s the workout. As many reps as possible for three minutes. One minute rest.�
� She then went down to the floor into a push-up position.

  I crouched beside her. “How many?”

  “Trying for forty.”

  She blew through the first twenty pushups with ease but slowed down a little. At twenty-five, I started to make pained, groaning noises, trying to break her concentration.

  “Shutupshutupshutup,” she gritted through her teeth, her arms shaking as she pushed back up. I continued with the teasing until she collapsed on the mat, one rep shy of her goal. “You peckerhead,” she gasped and punched me in the arm.

  I laughed and held out my hand to help her up. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.”

  When next she looked up I noticed something different about her, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  “You alright?”

  She nodded and continued with her workout.

  Because I wouldn’t get an answer anyway I followed along, performing as many burpees as I could in three minutes. I soon lost myself to the haze of the workout, that love-hate feeling as sweat drips in your eyes and your lungs burn. My body responded enthusiastically, as a sports car responds to a track after many months of being stuck in a garage.

  Kat finished sooner and watched me quietly for a few minutes. I flicked glances towards her every available chance, unable to shake the feeling that something was bothering her.

  I flexed and winked to take that look off her face but only succeeded in drawing lines between her eyebrows.

  “How was work?” she asked instead.

  I abandoned my workout and walked over to where she stood. “It was fine. Now can you please tell me what’s bothering you?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She stalked right out of the shed and into the house. I was right at her heels, seriously contemplating grabbing her ponytail to keep her from running. She stopped in the living room, facing the window with her arms crossed.

  I came up from behind and wrapped my arms around her waist, kissing the salty skin on her neck. “It matters because you matter. I endeavor to keep you happy and sated at all times.”