DEADLY HOPE a gripping detective mystery full of twists and turns
Page 17
I scrambled for my shoes. Excitement flowed through my fingertips as I pondered what she would teach me about myself tonight, how she would make me stronger. I floundered ungracefully in the dark and nearly fell down the stairs twice before I reached the bottom and slipped through the door. A thumping resonated overhead when I rounded the West Wing of the mansion, and I smiled at Mattison's love of music. It transformed her entire being when she pressed play. I turned my eyes to the dim window and watched her shadow flicker atop her posters. My smile grew when her thrashing arms poked in and out of my sight before her body moved in front of the window.
Brown shoulder length hair framed her flushed face as she leaned over her laptop. Silence ensued briefly before another fast tempo vibrated the glass separating us. She straightened and threw her arms into the arm again, and my breath caught in my throat. Only a pink and grey sports bra covered her body from the hips up, and faint traces of abdominal muscles rippled beneath her sweat-slick skin. My skin hummed with heat, and I had nearly committed to ignoring Luci's command and joining Mattison. I never had a chance of turning back.
A solid form slammed into me from behind and pressed my chest into the ground as it rolled away and left me to spit dirt from my lips. A sliver of fear threatened to freeze me in place, but I pushed it into hands and used it to lever my body to my feet. If my father had returned already, Luci wasn't far. I only needed to alert her of the danger, and she would come running. I was sure of it. I sprinted further into the courtyard, but I didn't go far. One hand landed on my sloppy ponytail and another on my shoulder. My head snapped back, not violently, but enough to ignite panic in my belly where arousal had been only moments before.
"Magnificent, isn't she?" Hot black silk dripped into my ear. My panicked struggle ceased, and Luci used my momentary shock to send me flying over the dirt and grass again.
Preparing as I fell, I used the momentum to roll onto my knees, crouched and ready to move if she should sneak attack me again. I wondered if this is what she had meant by training or if she planned to seriously harm me for my behavior towards Mattison. I wasn't sure, and her steely blue eyes, black in the moonlight, revealed nothing of her intentions. Fear and adrenaline gripped my muscles when Luci charged me again. I rolled out of her path, ducking just below her outstretched arm, and skidded across the dirt as I sought equilibrium. She was faster.
I ducked again, but her hands found traction in my hair. My knees smacked the ground, and my arms flailed for a few seconds until I somehow gripped the growing panic with only my will. Luci had me, and she knew it. I stared into her smug eyes when she pulled my head back by my hair. My god, the woman was incredibly. A slight sneer appeared and quirked her lips upward, and genuine fear coiled in my chest. My instincts warned that Luci meant me real harm, and I trusted my body to intuitively land a blow that would free me.
I maintained steady eye contact and then jerked my elbow into her leg near her knee. Pain shot through my arm when that sensitive spot on my elbow connected with something solid. Luci cried out, and I scrambled from her grasp. I turned on my heel and barreled towards her, but my steps faltered when her hands flew to her knee in legitimate pain. She dodged my distracted tackle, snagged my wrist and elbow as I passed, and expertly used my own momentum to bring me back to my knees.
She grunted when she stepped onto her injured knee, but I barely heard it over my own shriek of pain. I did not struggle because I had seen what happened when my father struggled while in this same position. She didn't hold me there, though, like she had him. A moment later my face slammed into the dirt and my arm twisted painfully behind my back. I tried to push myself up with my free hand, but it was wrenched from beneath me and joined the other behind my back. My body fell freely to the ground in a cloud of dust and a whoosh of air leaving my lungs.
"Luci, stop!" I begged. No response. "What the hell is wrong with you? Let me go!" I gasped against the pain in my ribs and struggled to control my rising panic. I should have run in the other direction when she was distracted by her knee instead of trying to take her down. I focused on my labored breathing, tried to suck in more than a short burst of air through the agony in my chest. The seconds ticked by like an eternity.
"I am going to release you, Lauren." The blue silk had softened her voice again, and I felt my body relax instinctively. This had been a test, training. She waited another full minute before her hands disappeared from my wrists. Slowly, I rolled over and stared up at the black sky and twinkling stars.
"Lesson two: never let down your guard no matter who your opponent may be." She collapsed onto the ground beside me. Her face contracted with each intake of air before quickly sliding past her clenched teeth. I laughed suddenly as the receding adrenaline left a giddy trail through my body.
"You're insane. Do you know that?" A tiny bite of anger accompanied my words even as I continued to giggle.
She looked over at me for a moment before deciding that it was too much effort and let her head loll into a natural position. It began faintly, but as I chuckled, her own mingled with the sound slowly until she laughed outright. A deep, throaty laugh reverberated inside my skull and trickled into my chest, and I could not help but roll my eyes towards her face. Everything about this woman's magical vocal chords cast a spell on anyone lucky enough to be within earshot. It ended too quickly, leaving us in the silent courtyard with our own thoughts.
Tentatively, a cricket sang one short chord in the distance, which was immediately returned from a kindred spirit nearer to us. Another joined the chorus, and before long, the entire orchestra began its repetitive movement heartily. The familiar tune calmed me, and I studied the stars, looking for distinctive patterns.
"Luci?" I queried and chewed at my bottom lip.
"Yes, Darling?" Her voice strained against the words, but I paid no attention to the reason. My mind had set its course, and I had no choice but to see it through.
"Why me? What exactly do you see in me that is so special that would make you want to invite a perfect stranger into your home?" A stranger with no intention except to swindle you, I added silently.
"As I stated before, I see a bit of myself in you," she avoided answering my question properly, as per usual.
"Like what?" I pried. I had to know, otherwise all of the insane tasks Luci had set before me thus far would seem just that: insane.
"Your passion." She started, but her voice seemed hesitant, unsure. I waited, not wishing to scare her from the task by insistent questions, and she did not disappoint. "Your pain and resulting anger."
"Pain and anger?" I sat up and looked down at her. The silver moon lit her blue eyes clearly as they met mine. I begged her silently to confide in me, reassure me that I was more than the rage that brewed just beneath nearly every other emotion, even joy. She searched my face, sensing my need, and sighed gently.
"You understand what it feels like to be pushed beyond any fathomable limit and maintain the strength required to remain standing. You understand that sometimes what seems to be an inappropriate course of action provides the most desired result and have no reservations about acting in such a manner where others falter. Despite that, you constantly exalt those around you. You wish for their innocence to remain intact while longing for your own yet have completely accepted the profound role you must play for their continued existence as such."
Her words stole my strength, made perfect sense, and I lowered myself to the ground again. Luci's deep voice usually made me feel warm and protected, but these words cut through me like a shard of ice. Everything she'd just said was fact, and I would not change any aspect of it. The sad reality of my own existence had never been presented in such a perspective, and I realized that it mirrored Luci's. I had learned more about the tragically beautiful woman next to me in the past few minutes than I had in the past two months. She had isolated herself from everyone, physically and emotionally, and created a unique meaning to her loneliness, even if it was a lie she told herself in order to sleep at night.
She sat up abruptly and grunted. Her hands massaged the muscles around her knee, and guilt gripped my chest. I may have seriously injured her, but she had not commented on the pain. The three jagged white lines that extended from her wrist to her shoulder glinted blue and grey in the moonlight, and I reminded myself that she'd experienced worst. I seized the rare opportunity to study her scars unabashedly as she focused on her present injury.
"Some of us have no any other option." Her voice had darkened into the black silk from earlier as her hands stilled. Gingerly, she pulled her knees towards her chest and rested her arms on her knees.
"Bull shit. There's always a choice. You don't have to be alone." I wanted so desperately to comfort her, touch her, but I could only stare at her scars. Three thin white lines forever marked upon her skin separated us. If I could not touch them, I could not touch her.
"I'm not alone." She sounded as though she convinced herself more than me, and I bit my lip against the urge to reach out to her. The palpable barrier of her scars seeped into my veins and traced a deep ache in my hands. I promised not to ask of their origins, so I focused on the profile of her face.
"Are you kidding? Everyone in your life is paid to be there." I lashed out irrationally. My desire for her soft skin beneath my fingers sought an outlet in anger, and I swallowed roughly, trying to control my internal battle. The words had been spoken, however, and the sting could not be revoked.
"Who else would have a beast?" Her gaze rested on her forearms, her scars. I'm not sure if the question had been presented rhetorically or if she sought a genuine answer. The need to touch her built in my hands all over again, and I flexed them against the hypersensitive ache in my joints.
"Your scars don't make you a monster." In my opinion, they made her quite the opposite. Anyone who shone as brilliantly as Luci Pravitas could never be considered a monster by anyone who encountered her enigmatic grace and elegance, not to mention her kindness.
"Come," she commanded and pushed her body from the ground with little effort. "Let us continue your self-defense lesson."
My achy muscles protested but followed the command. I heeded Luci's instructions and set my feet beneath my hips, finding the center of my equilibrium. I committed to memory her warnings about hyper extending my elbows and diligently kept my fore and middle fingers tucked beneath my thumb to ensure that my two middle knuckles would absorb the shock, thus protecting my wrist from snapping under the pressure. I tightened my abdominal muscles with each controlled move of my arms and legs. My toes did not point during my kicks but obediently remained perpendicular to my shin.
"Release all thoughts of your life," she commanded as my body repeated another sequence. My foggy mind cleared. "There exists only your breath, the strength of your mind and body, and my voice which guides them."
Gone were the thoughts of my life. The anxiety of the incident with Stephanie and the lingering helplessness at my inability to comfort Luci properly melted from my constantly analyzing mind with each calculated movement. It exhausted and energized me at the same time, and I immediately became addicted to the kata of kicks and punches.
I lost my balance and warm hands steadied my shoulders. "Feel the power of your body," she instructed and adjusted my stance. "Breath deeply." Her warm hands touched my lower back and diaphragm. I breathed into her hands, surging confidence and heady power through my veins.
"Feel your feet connect to the ground beneath them. Allow your body to move without thought. Trust it," she whispered next to my ear, black silk rasping with a hint of spice and musk of her sweat that surrounded me. "Trust yourself," she encouraged and stepped back.
I ran the sequence once more, ending with a firm footing and an energized but relaxed stance.
"That is quite enough, Lauren." Luci's blue silk cut through my focus when my body did not compute a command it could feasibly follow. I relaxed into a neutral stance, feeling each of my vertebrae settle into a natural line as my feet rested comfortably beneath my hips. It felt different from my habitual slouch. It felt powerful, like I had finally discovered the control over the world around me that I had so desperately sought in my deviant liaisons with men but had never completely grasped.
"I can keep going." I assured Luci.
I wanted those rasping commands like calloused palms catching on black silk controlling my body. When Luci's voice reminded me of blue silk, I felt comfortable, safe, protected. Each word of growling black silk coiled the muscles in my belly and bade me obey. Something ignited in my veins, a slow burn of indiscernible force, something primal, natural, terrifying but right. The timbre and cadence pulled and pushed me at the same time, ripping me apart slowly until nothing but the raw truth beneath lay exposed. Black silk never asked for explanations or reasons, never corrected or redirected the ever-burning rage inside, only commanded action. Black silk uncovered the same insurgence inside of Luci, erased the practiced elegance and angelic persona and revealed the very essence of her being. To the world, we may have appeared as night and day, but this moonlit courtyard unclothed our societal restraints and left exposed two kindred souls.
"That is quite enough." Luci repeated in a whisper, and I noticed a glint of something in her eyes. My response excited her, but she controlled the situation and did not allow her desires to control her.
"Okay."
And that's how we were.
Each day, we practiced proper posture and dining etiquette, accounting and bookkeeping. Luci gently mentored every aspect of my life, grooming and honing my skills with her soothing blue silk. We met in the dining room for breakfast at seven-thirty, mostly lost in our own dreamlike trances and nursed coffee and tea while devouring Berta's delicious scones, waffles, bacon, or fruit depending on the needs of our bodies. The silence that surrounded us was comfortable. After that first night in the courtyard, neither of us filled the void with meaningless platitudes or frivolous small talk anymore, and we fell into that connected isolation of silence we'd found during the first night we'd eaten dinner together in Ellie Hill.
As the days passed, I forgot about running away. I dismissed my selfish desires of stealing from my mistress. Luci offered far more than monetary compensation for my services: she made me invincible.
The two weeks following our first session, I discovered that no matter the time of day or occasion Luci always looked stunning. She appeared early in the morning at the breakfast table, perfect hair, teeth properly cleaned, face washed. I was certainly less refined and had no reservations about appearing at the breakfast table with my hair sticking out all over the place like Medusa. The curves and edges of my personality amused her; though she never commented, I knew because she hid a smirk behind her tea cup.
At eight o'clock, we moved to her office with our tea and coffee. She peered over my shoulder as I entered the previous day's expense charges and intakes. The receipts and invoices always sat neatly beside the ledger book like Luci considered processing them the night before as she usually would have but had then remembered my need for practice. I thought the system antiquated as nothing was ever entered into a computer, but Luci spared no thought on changing it. She stretched her thin arm over my shoulder sometimes to point at a misspelled word or incorrect number, and occasionally it took several corrections before I wrote it properly.
I attributed my distraction to the heat of her proximity, the slight tilting of my head to inhale the scent of her shampoo, the slight spice of her breath. She never touched me anymore unless we sparred in the courtyard at night. Twice a week, she reviewed my progress with a sparring match to practice practical application of the movements and instincts being burned into my mind. She mostly gave commands, however, rather th
an directly engaging. The torture of feeling the ghost of her touch through the heat of her skin near mine teased me more than the touch itself. I thought often in these moments upon the feelings she'd sparked with her touch and fantasized about how much more acutely I felt them now that we had reached a mutual respect, an equal give and take in our relationship. She had taken the warning against touching me from that narrow hallway over two weeks ago to heart and remained just out of reach. Each time my fingers ached with the need to initiate intimate contact with her, I recalled that shameful expression from that night in the study when she cleaned my wounds and forced the sexual energy in my body into intense concentration during our nightly martial arts sessions.
I blamed my confusing thoughts and emotions towards Luci for my spelling errors for nearly three weeks until she stopped me one day by suggesting that I had a learning disability. She explained that Dyslexia caused people to see numbers and letters incorrectly and then tested her theory by writing a series of similar numbers and letters like "p" and "b" and "6" and "9" and asking me to read them to her aloud. I obeyed with the utmost concentration, but by the end of the test, she nodded in satisfaction. I begged to try and read the line three more times before I admitted defeat. I wasn't stupid or slow. I suffered from a legitimate problem.
The next day at breakfast she presented me with a small silver Ipod. She told me that she'd borrowed one of Mattison's older models until she could buy a new one for me and that she'd taken the liberty of uploading the audio version of several of her favorite books. The Woman in White stood glaringly absent from the list, and she flushed a bit as she explained that she would like to personally read that one to me if I allowed it. It was her favorite after all. I thought I might cry. For the first time in my life, someone had noticed me enough to help me understand the tricks of my own mind.
I wasn't unintelligent but hindered by means beyond my control, and Luci believed in me. My mother wasn't wrong; my mind offered me an escape that my body never had. No one else noticed because they saw a girl, a whore, a deviant destined for prison or an early death. Luci saw a woman and expected me to behave as such. In the mansion, I found the remnants of my old world dissipating more each day, and the restlessness inspired by Luci's isolated life eased.