DEADLY HOPE a gripping detective mystery full of twists and turns

by Jack Parker

  "Who are you listening to?"

  "Lindsey Stirling. This song is "Transcendence." She is very good." Mattie bobbed her head to the beat. Her wet brown hair looked black and plastered to her neck and chest. Judging by the water droplets trickling from the ends, she'd barely even toweled it at all. I followed a droplet down her chest until it slipped beneath her white tank top but jerked my eyes to her face when I realized that she wore no bra. Amusement swam in her green-blue eyes.

  "It is okay if you want to look, Lauren." She assured me softly, and heat flushed my chest and cheeks. My first impression of the girl had definitely been incorrect. She wasn't timid at all but brazen and unapologetic, much like Luci. It was endearing. I fought against my attraction towards her, but she was difficult to ignore when she called to mind a vision of a younger, untainted version of Luci. Sure, the hair and eyes and voice were different, but the attitude and demeanor were identical. Mattison was so open and giving with her emotions and it confused my already confusing thoughts even further. I knew my feelings for Luci were transferring to Mattison because she reminded me of Luci most of the time, but there would be no justification if I acted on that transference.

  "Lauren?" Her voice pulled my gaze back to her eyes. "Have you ever been with a woman?" Her blunt question shocked me, and I merely stared at her slack-jawed for a moment.

  "N-no." I stuttered as I recovered. My eyebrows lowered in curiosity. "Have you?"

  "Only once, before we left France. She was my best friend. I wonder sometimes what it would be like with Luci, but she is so much older. I think it would be weird." Her words flowed in an excited rush, and I struggled to understand them through her accent.

  "So, you're gay?" I asked, steering the conversation towards something safer.

  Mattison smirked and wrinkled her nose. "I prefer Luci's opinion of sexuality," she said, either oblivious or uncaring of my discomfort. "She is attracted to a person's soul, not their body, and I think she makes much sense."

  "You've talked about your sexuality with Luci?" For whatever reason, that particular conversation sounded ludicrous in my mind. Luci wasn't a mother despite how she felt towards Mattison. The 'sex talk' sounded like something she'd avoided like a bad stench.

  "We talk about many things during my lessons," the girl answered, eyes still glued to the computer screen. "She says it is a holistic approach to education." I chewed the new information, wondering when Luci actually found time to tutor her charge, perhaps during the afternoons when she dismissed me from her office whether I wanted to leave or not. Still so much of Luci remained shrouded in mystery, monopolizing my thoughts when I thought of them.

  So, when Mattison asked her next question, the meaning delayed momentarily in my brain. "Would you like to kiss me?"

  My silence apparently indicated an affirmative answer in Mattison's mind, and her lips were upon mine before I could stop them. I jerked slightly, but as my mind caught up with reality, my body relaxed into the sensations. Her lips were soft and perfectly formed and glided easily across mine. Adrenaline left a hot trail as it slid down my chest and pooled between my legs, and my eye lids blocked out the world as I responded. Her hand tangled in my hair and crushed my lips against hers. Our teeth clanked together, and her tongue slipped into my mouth. For someone so inexperienced, the girl knew how to execute a proper kiss.

  I knew I should have stopped her. I wanted to stop her. This was wrong on so many levels. She was just a kid, sheltered and lonely kid at that. I took advantage of that, and it must stop. Her hand slipped up my arm and cupped my neck briefly before it splayed across my chest. My resolve slipped as my body overruled my good sense. I'd been several months without the touch of another, and though I knew this stopped before shirts came off, I allowed the familiar and comforting feelings of building arousal pull through me.

  The hand at my clavicle moved ever so slightly until her palm covered my breast and squeezed gently, so unlike the rough pawing of the men I'd bedded. This was wrong, my mind repeated, but I quickly reminded that part of my brain that I'd been much younger than Mattison when I realized the power of sex. I knew exactly what I had done. Age meant very little next to that simple fact. I responded with fervor, giving myself over to the kiss. The softness and warmth of her hand massaging me reminded me of Luci's touch, and I abruptly grabbed her shoulder, pushing her away so roughly that the wheeled chair slid beneath the pressure. Her eyes lazily opened, and I continued to hold her at arm's length.

  "What in hell and earth did I just see?" Luci's hot red silk pulled my eyes towards the door where she stiffly stood, her face flushed with anger. Mattison stood abruptly and sent the office chair skidding across the hardwood floor. Fear replaced the amusement and arousal in her eyes as she turned slowly to face her guardian.

  Luci clicked into the room, and I focused on her high heels. Why had she chosen to put them on now when the day had ended? She grabbed Mattie roughly and jerked her towards the door. "Room! Now! Get to your room! I will deal with you accordingly in the morning!" She shoved Mattie from my sight roughly and whirled on me.

  I stood and held my hands out in placation as she clicked towards me. "Luci, it all happened so fast. I stopped it before it…"

  I never finished my thought as the sting of her hand on my face jerked my head to the right. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as I breathed through the throbbing burn left by her usually gentle hand. My fingertips were cool when I touched the area and slowly turned my head towards Luci. She had taken several steps back and clenched her fists at her sides, barely restraining the urge to slap me again.

  "She is 17 years old!" She hissed through clenched teeth, and I winced as everything began moving at normal speed again.

  I remained silent. I knew Mattison had been off limits from the beginning and had stupidly lowered my guard, a mistake I would never make again. Guilt clenched my chest and labored my breathing when pain filled Luci's shining blue eyes. I wanted to hug her, to recapture that deep connection we'd experienced earlier before David's interruption, but I knew that I'd just wasted any chance I'd had at exploring our developing relationship. We would never be more than friends now. I would never know the satisfaction of her lips on mine, her warm hand on my breast like Mattison's had been only a few moments ago. I destroyed that, and now I salvaged what friendship Luci might be willing to offer me.

  "Luci, I'm so sorry. Please, just let me explain. We were talking and then we were kissing. It happened so fast. I didn't mean for it to happen, and I did not make the first move, I swear." Tears bit at my throat, and I coughed. "I didn't mean for it to happen." I couldn't stop the tears as they spilled onto my cheeks, and I pushed through the strain on my throat and voice. "And I stopped her when I realized…" I coughed again.

  "Oh, you didn't mean for it to happen? Well, that makes all the difference then!" Luci's red silk cut through me like a sharp knife, and more tears streamed from my eyes.

  "It doesn't matter that you stopped it! She is a child, one that I am responsible for. It should have never happened. I don't care what you realized, if you ever put your hands on her again, I swear I …"

  "I realized she wasn't you!" I screamed at Luci mid-sentence, and her mouth clamped shut immediately. We stared at each other, chests heaving, thoughts racing.

  "I wasn't apologizing because Mattison is so young. I don't care about her age, not when I've done far worst at a much younger one." Her silence twisted the knife in my gut. I started towards the exit and had almost made it past her without further incident, but my mouth disobeyed my mind. I stopped beside Luci and glanced at her stunned face.

  "I'm apologizing because I know that I hurt you." I paused. "But at least she isn't afraid of herself." I added quietly and waited for it to register in her eyes. "Or me."

  I'd essentially admitted my attraction and desire for her, but we both understood and acutely felt the resulting grief that our relationship would never progress now. We both knew that I'd killed it before it had be
en born in one lapse of judgment, but I also recognized Luci's seized opportunity for pushing me away again. Sure, she may have been jealous and understandably angry that I'd crossed the line with her ward, but her white hot rage was unmerited. She used the situation with Mattison to push me away, to protect herself.

  I pushed past her stunned face and sprinted across the Great Hall and did not stop until my bedroom door was shut and locked behind me. Tears flowed freely onto my bedspread, and I'd not remembered them ever stopping before sleep claimed me. Stephanie had been right. I destroyed everything I touched. What happened to the Lauren Danes who took what she wanted and damned the consequences?

  CHAPTER 12

  I shivered as my mind slowly reacquainted with reality. Without a cover, my skin had cooled drastically in the night air. I blinked slowly and rolled onto my back, confused about why I'd woken in the middle of the night. Perhaps, I'd only gotten cold, and my body had kicked into survival mode. I slithered to the head of the bed and somehow managed to wiggle beneath the comforter. The cool pillow cradled my head and lulled me into an oblivious place between sleep and wakefulness, but a faint murmur outside my door tore through the peace, luring me into reality. The angry red numbers on my digital alarm clock informed me that it was just past three, and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

  I sighed and threw the blankets away from my body when a sharp series of knocks on my door echoed through the room. My body moved slowly across the room, not quite awake even though my mind raced. I knew that only Luci would be rapping at my door at three in the morning. I pressed my hand against the wall beside the frame and hung my head between my shoulders. I really could not handle Luci's insanity right now, not after tonight, not after I'd cut her so deeply with my actions and then twisted the knife with my words.

  "Luci?" I called.

  "Lauren, Darling, please open the door." The urgency in her voice called my gaze to her through the wood.

  "Luci, can we talk in the morning?" I ignored the urge to fling open the door and kiss her senseless despite the shaky foundation or our relationship.

  "Darling, the sheriff is here. Please open the door." The nervous tone in her voice sounded so out of character, so unlike Luci. Why would the sheriff be at Luci's house in the wee hours of the morning? Something terrible had shaken Luci to her core, and I knew that this had absolutely no connection to what had happened with Mattison earlier.

  I quickly undid the lock and opened the door. Luci wrung her hands nervously in the darkness. Sleep pants poked from beneath a silk burgundy robe. The fabric had been pulled tightly across her body and tied in place with a thin band of matching silk string at her waist. She had obviously been in bed like me. Her blonde hair had knotted slightly and frizzed around her temples, and dark circles puffed beneath her anxious eyes. She said nothing else as she stepped back into the darkness and walked towards the stairs.

  "Why is the sheriff here?" I called after her as I followed.

  "He would not say, but he wants to speak with you." She answered and glided down the stairs quickly. Even sleep-deprived and clearly exhausted, the woman moved gracefully and with purpose. I said nothing else as we crossed the Great Hall. My heart pounded harder with each step towards the light spilling from Luci's study, and I swore Luci heard its wild tempo.

  We entered silently with no pretense or introduction. Berta stood in the middle of the room and fussed over a tray. When she noticed our silent entrance, she grunted at someone in the high backed chair in front of the fire place and retreated towards the door. She nodded to Luci as she passed us but said nothing. Sheriff Armentrout stood and waited for us to cross the short distance to him.

  "I've had Berta prepare some coffee, Lauren. Please sit and I'll fix you a cup. Would you care for any, Sheriff?" I numbly followed her instructions and avoided the sheriff's stern searching gaze.

  "I have one. Thank you, Ms. Pravitas." I winced at his butchered pronunciation of her name, but Luci only nodded and went about her task. I sat on the edge of the second chair uncomfortably and looked expectantly towards Sheriff Armentrout. He was young, maybe early thirties. I remembered that he'd just been elected recently after his predecessor retired after thirty years as sheriff. He was an attractive man, chiseled jaw that usually came with a clean shave and short buzzed black hair. His scruffy five o'clock shadow was enough to unnerve me.

  "Lauren, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you." He twisted his wedding band nervously, increasing my anxiety. I remained silent. Words felt unnecessary. When I said nothing, he continued.

  "Can you tell me where you were last night?" His tone sounded accusatory, and my shoulders tensed.

  "I was here, all day." I answered automatically. "Luci, David and Mattison were with me all day. I went to bed around nine. Why are you asking?" My voice sounded more hostile than I had intended, but something about his question raised a small rebellion in my gut.

  "I'm sorry, Lauren," he immediately apologized and bowed his head slightly. He seemed relieved for some unknown reason. "I just had to be sure, you understand."

  "No, I don't understand. What the hell is going on?" Was it Barb? Ashley? Had something happened to Ashley? Bile rose in my throat at the thought, and my hands trembled more violently with each silent second. What was so awful that a stoic man like Derrick Armentrout struggled to say it aloud?

  "Lauren, you're father was found tonight. The house caught fire last night, and we just now got to him. He's dead, Lauren. I'm sorry." He twisted his ring jerkily, and I stared.

  My mind understood the individual words, but the meaning of them all strung together in such a manner confounded me. I felt happy and sad, confused and relieved. I barely registered Luci's soft hands wrapping around my own as the pounding of my heart in my ears began to roar, the coffee forgotten. I tried to focus on her wide, shocked eyes, but my vision blurred into darkness. The next thing I remembered was lying flat on my back against the hardwood floor of Luci's office as David shook my shoulders lightly.

  I sat up abruptly and then grabbed my pounding skull, and David knelt on one knee beside me. His long leg pressed against my back, supporting my fall if I should pass out again. I slowly looked up to the concerned faces of Luci and Sheriff Armentrout. Luci held her arms around her waist, like she was trying to hold herself together, and Sheriff Armentrout continued to twist that golden band around his finger. I decided that I couldn't deal with the obvious anxiety of either in that moment and turned my gaze to David's kind brown eyes. He smiled and rubbed my back soothingly.

  "You're fine, Miss Lauren. Just had a bit of a shock. That's all." His giant hand squeezed my shoulder comfortingly, and I leaned into him.

  "Do you remember what happened?" David asked in a low, unencumbered tone, like he'd done this hundreds of times. His calm control of the situation comforted me, and I nodded against his chest.

  "Dad's dead. Good." Tears slipped easily from my eyes before I even realized that I'd had the urge to cry, and David tightened his hold ever so slightly. I did not sniffle or wipe the hot salty liquid from my face. I did not fight them but accepted their existence as essential. I looked up at Luci's face. Her eyes whispered to me, told me secrets, gave me control of the situation.

  "Go home to your wife, Sheriff," I commanded and pulled myself out of David's arms, never breaking my gaze with Luci.

  "Yes, ma'am, I think I will. You're in good hands." He shook David's hand first and then Luci's and tipped his head towards me before retreating towards the door.

  "David, I'm fine. Go back to bed," I reassured, and I watched him nod out of my peripheral vision. He squeezed my shoulder one more time, looking between me and his boss. Luci only stared back at me and hugged herself tightly.

  When I no longer heard David's footsteps, I spoke. "You killed him, didn't you?" I accused with absolute certainty. Her jaw dropped slightly, and her hands squeezed the flesh at her waist.

  "That is perfectly absurd, Lauren. You've just received some shocking news. This is gr
ief talking." Luci's hands flailed helplessly as she searched for the correct response to my accusation.

  I jumped to my feet and poked a finger in her direction as the rage took over. "No! You did it! I know you did!" I didn't care if anyone could hear my hollow, tear-laden voice.

  "Lauren, please calm down. You're in shock." She reached for me, and the instant her fingers grazed my forearm, my body lurched violently. She recoiled in shock as my hand on her cheek cracked in the silent room. I followed the slap with left hook towards her jaw, but she'd recovered enough to block the sloppy attack easily. I swung again with my right arm, and she grabbed my wrist and pulled me into her body, effectively trapping my arms against her chest.

  I screamed and beat at her shoulders. "You did this! He probably passed out and left the stove on and burned alive. You brought me here! I could have stopped it!" She allowed me to abuse whatever I could reach, her neck and shoulders and chest.

  "You killed him!" I screamed in her face, but she did not react. Her deceptively stout arms held me in place despite my valiant struggle to free myself. I repeated the words over and over again until it became nothing but a harrowed whisper.

  I pressed my face into her neck as my hands stilled and raw sobs shook my body. Her hold loosened, and her warm hands began a soothing and repetitive mantra against my back and shoulders. My freed hands clutched the fabric against her sides as violent bursts of grief warred inside my chest with my overwhelming sense of relief. I had no sense of time or how long we'd stayed in that very position. Luci rode the waves of grief and relief with me, not bothering to waste meaningless words of comfort or condolence, like she understood personally the exact war I now fought.

  My sobs quieted after a while, and I slid my arms around her waist tightly, not willing to let her go just yet. She smoothed my hair and rested her chin against my temple patiently. I pulled back only enough to look into her eyes. I found no anger, no offense at my words, only understanding and compassion. My chin quivered at the beautiful sight of her kind eyes, and she shushed me soothingly and brushed her hand over my hair again.