Scars of the Heart

by Joni Keever

  “With all due respect, sir, the ranch belonged to my mother, just as it belonged to her parents before her. The ranch did not, and does not, belong to Proctor, Senior or Junior.” With that, Kade locked a steely black glare on Nelson Jr., who immediately looked away and squirmed in his seat.

  “You are trying my patience with this mincing of words, Mr. Roberts.” The magistrate laced his long fingers together and sat up straighter in his chair. “The fact is, Nelson Proctor Sr. died a tragic and premature death on that ranch, and you are accused of taking his life. That is a serious accusation, and murder is a serious crime. How plead you, Kade Roberts?”

  The spectators held their collective breath and, as one body, leaned forward, like tall prairie grass swaying in the wind.

  Kade’s baritone reply could be heard in every corner of the room. “I didn’t kill Nelson Proctor, your honor. His death was an accident, and while I admit to being there when it happened, I didn’t cause it. I’m innocent.”

  A murmur rose from members of the crowd, and the judge held up a hand to settle them.

  “That’s a lie!”

  The unexpected shout came from the prosecutor’s table as Nelson Jr. bolted to his feet. Though the attorney hushed him and tried to pull Junior back down to his chair, he persisted.

  “That’s a lie, and you know it, Kade! You killed Daddy, sure as I’m standing here today. You waited in that barn and stabbed him with a pitchfork. I swear on Daddy’s grave, you’re going to pay. You’re going to swing at the end of a rope for what you did!”

  The crowd gasped and twittered. The judge banged his gavel. The prosecutor stood and forced the distraught son to sit. Kade’s eyes bore holes through Junior until the man stilled and shriveled in place.

  “I’ll have quiet, or I’ll have this courtroom emptied. Is that understood?” The judge yelled and gave the wooden desk another solid rap.

  Once the spectators settled down, the official cleared his throat and took a moment to slowly sweep the room with a reproachful glare. His gaze finally settled once more on Kade.

  “This case will be brought to trial one month from today. Until that time, you will remain in custody, a guest at the Fort Worth jail. That is, unless you can post bail. Considering the grievous nature of this crime, I’m setting bail at five hundred dollars.” The judge squelched the beginning murmur from the crowd with a stern look and waited for Kade’s reply.

  Trying to tamp down the anger rising inside, he took a deep breath before answering. “I don’t have five hundred dollars.”

  “Well then, unless someone here is willing to post your bail, you will be remanded to the jail until trial.” The judge lifted his gaze to the crowd. “Is there anyone present who will post a bail of five hundred dollars for Kade Roberts?”

  The spectators whispered and shook their heads. Kade had no family, no business associates, no one that could or would post his bail, and everyone knew it, including the judge. From the back of the courtroom, a voice spoke up.

  “I’ll post bail.”

  With a gasp, members of the crowd strained to see who volunteered, who would step forward to champion this accused murderer. Kade, too, turned to scan the room. He couldn’t keep the astonished look from his face. And his surprise turned to utter disbelief as the assembly slowly parted and a petite young woman stepped forward. With a resolved look on her face and a stack of bills in her raised hand, Kade’s one and only supporter repeated herself, as if to reassure those who weren’t certain they heard correctly the first time.

  “I’ll post bail for Mr. Roberts.” She smiled sweetly at the judge; then Carly Dawson turned her deep-green gaze to Kade.

  #

  “Why are you here, Carly? What in the hell were you thinking?” Kade’s voice carried uncharacteristic volume and blatant irritation.

  “It’s nice to see you again, too, Kade. How have you been?” Her voice dripped with honey though her face remained impassive. This was not the reaction she’d hoped for. “Tell me, Kade—was this your big plan all along? Rush back to Fort Worth and get yourself arrested?”

  Carly’s own irritation emboldened her. Kade seethed, and she enjoyed the fact that she could elicit some emotional response from him. “I don’t see the brilliance or effectiveness of such a scheme myself. So if I’ve foiled your little plan, I apologize. Otherwise, I’d think some appreciation from you is in order.”

  Once freed from the wrist and ankle cuffs, Kade had collected his personal belongings and strode purposefully to the livery to see about the black. Carly had a hard time keeping pace with him and wondered if he planned to speak to her at all.

  Once inside the barn, he assured himself that his horse had been well cared for and began saddling the animal. Carly had stopped a few feet away and waited quietly, growing more frustrated with each passing silent moment. Then, he spun suddenly, and in three quick steps, stood directly before her.

  “Appreciation? You want appreciation? Why aren’t you halfway to Virginia?”

  Kade loomed tall, broad, and angry in front of Carly. She fought the urge to take a step back. “So your preference was to stay another month in that filthy jail? Tell me, Mr. Roberts, how did that factor in to your plan to regain possession of your ranch?” With a resolve that didn’t match the trembling in her knees, she squared off against Kade with a steely stare.

  “That’s none of your concern, Carly. You shouldn’t be here. How’d you even find out about this anyway? And where’d you get that kind of money?” He paced now, causing hay dust to drift up lazily from the stable floor.

  “People like to gossip, Kade. News of your arrest reached Marshall, and me. So I sold my aunt’s house and Papa’s land, each for meager profit. I couldn’t believe how quickly both sold. I’ve only received partial payment for the land thus far, and I did have to pay Aunt Ruth’s note at the bank. I had just enough money to journey here with five hundred dollars. So it was a good thing the judge did not set your bail at a greater amount. I never dreamed the bail would be that high.”

  Carly knew she rambled, but Kade’s reaction baffled her. In her mind, their reunion had played out much differently. Now she chastised herself for that. Why had she thought he might be grateful or happy to see her?

  “Carly, that money should have been used to get you home to Virginia. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you.” He had stopped pacing and stood before her once again.

  The words twisted in Carly’s gut like a knife blade. Of course he didn’t need her, or want her. Why had she convinced herself otherwise? Because she was a fool! Kade was right; she should be halfway to Virginia this very moment. Instead, she stood toe-to-toe with this arrogant oaf in the middle of the godforsaken wilderness, looking like a love-struck schoolgirl.

  She scrambled to cover her embarrassment and foolish blunder. “And you should’ve used your money to help get your ranch back, but you didn’t. You paid my aunt’s debts in Marshall, without my permission to do so. I am perfectly capable of handling my own affairs, Kade Roberts. I don’t need you any more than you need me.” Carly tasted the lie on her lips. It was bitter, and she prayed he would not see through her bravado.

  “Because of your arrogant and presumptive actions in Marshall, I felt indebted to you. And because of your careless and foolish actions here, I felt obliged to come to Fort Worth to repay that debt.” She lifted her chin a notch, daring him to shred her story.

  His brows raised a notch as he stared at her in disbelief. “I swear, you are the most confusing, annoying, exasperating . . .” His voice trailed away as he turned and retreated to the black.

  Carly quickly followed. “So, what do we do now?”

  Kade spun to face her. “We? We don’t do anything. You go back to Marshall or Virginia or wherever you plan to make a life. I go about the business of getting my ranch back and clearing my name.”

  Glad that he immediately resumed saddling his horse, giving her his back once again, Carly pressed her fingertips to her eyes and bi
t her bottom lip, willing away the tears that threatened. With a slow, deep breath, she gathered as much strength and resolve as she could muster and spoke in a voice that she hoped sounded much steadier than she felt.

  “I can’t go anywhere. I just told you that I paid every last dollar I had to free you from that awful jail. I’ve asked Banker Hawthorne to have the final payment for my father’s land sent directly here. Until I receive that, I am stuck in this hellhole. And from what I’ve witnessed thus far, you certainly do need my help. If not for me, you’d be spending the next month behind bars, and then, most likely, you’d be found guilty of murder and sentenced to hang.”

  The words brought with them a visual image that made Carly physically shudder. She hoped the cowboy didn’t notice. Her balled hands rested on her hips, and her chest heaved with emotion and the forcefulness of her speech.

  After a long moment, Kade spoke through clenched teeth. “Then it appears we do need each other, at least temporarily.” Placing a booted foot in a stirrup, he raised himself gracefully to straddle his horse. With a steady gaze, he looked down at Carly and extended his hand. “Mount up. We need to find a place to stay the night.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  They rode in silence for some time. The familiarity of the black’s rhythm and the nearness of Kade in front of her brought an unexpected sense of peace to Carly, a comfort of sorts. The land rose and fell in several places as they traversed rocky ridges and riverbanks. Her arms instinctively encircled his waist and held tight. Her cheek pressed against his back, and she enjoyed the warmth, the scent that seemed to be uniquely Kade.

  Just as the sun’s fiery fringe caressed the distant horizon, spreading a pink-and-apricot blush across the heavens, the cowboy reined the black to a stop. They stood before a small lean-to nestled in the trees. It appeared to be abandoned. One window had been shattered, and a tree limb of substantial size had broken from a nearby cottonwood to fall across the roof. Kade helped Carly swing to the ground.

  “I’m going to go wash up. Then I’ll find us some dinner. Can you gather firewood and see if there’s anything inside we can use?”

  With that, he disappeared into the brush. Just like old times, thought Carly. Then she smiled. She couldn’t help but relive a few of those early memories, and she marveled at how far she’d come. The thought of that rabbit Kade had produced for their first meal together made her giggle. Her mouth watered now as she hoped that’s what he returned with.

  Less than an hour later, a small fire burned in the hearth, and Kade rotated a plump pheasant that he’d killed and cleaned. Carly found no plates or utensils within the structure, no provisions of any kind. A small bed had been built into the wall opposite the fire and still boasted a straw-stuffed mattress and tattered blanket. Two roughly hewn stools sat between it and the hearth. Carly turned a wooden box on its end to serve as their dining table and ripped a piece of her petticoat loose to serve as tablecloth, napkin, and plate. Kade had filled his canteen at a nearby creek, and the couple dined in contented silence.

  After their meal, Kade took a small cheroot from his pocket and lit the tip with a stick from the fire. The sweet smell of cigar smoke blended nicely with the hickory that burned in the hearth. The door of the lean-to stood open, allowing a chorus of cicadas to serenade the couple. Carly caught herself smiling. Such simple pleasures and yet pleasures indeed.

  From his saddlebag, Kade retrieved a tattered deck of cards and began flipping them one by one into an empty coffee tin that sat on the floor along one wall. Though she hesitated to ruin the quiet, relaxed mood, she could wait no longer to satisfy her curiosity.

  “Kade?” She peered at him, then back at the little dancing flames.

  “Yes?”

  He seemed lost in his own thoughts, though not tense. She cleared her throat. “I need to apologize to you.” Again she looked at the cowboy and now found him staring at her. He waited for her to continue.

  “When you showed me the wanted poster, when you told me you killed your stepfather, after hearing that man in Destiny call you a murderer, I assumed the worst. I didn’t even consider that an accident caused your stepfather’s death. I just thought . . .” Carly’s voice trailed away. In her shame, she couldn’t meet Kade’s gaze, but she felt it on her.

  A tangible silence stretched between them, and just when she thought she couldn’t stand another second, Kade’s quiet voice broke the stillness.

  “It’s okay, Carly. I suppose I feel so responsible for the man’s death, it’s almost as if I, too, consider myself a murderer.”

  She turned toward him and saw that Kade stared again at the small blaze. But she knew that’s not what he saw. She could tell by the turmoil within those dark eyes that the scene he replayed in his mind came from another place, another time. It was one that caused him much pain, one that left a gaping wound that Kade himself refused to let heal.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. For a moment, she wondered if he had heard her above the occasional crackle of the fire and the night sounds riding on the breeze. Then he heaved a deep sigh and met her anxious gaze. Another moment passed before he began.

  “At first, Proctor seemed like a decent enough man. I knew that the ranch was a lot for my mother to handle on her own, especially after half the hands left. I did as much as I could, but all the buying and selling, all the bookkeeping and bill paying fell to her. She’d be up half the night sometimes, trying to sort through it all and make sure we survived. When she married him, I assumed it was for that reason. He had been a successful businessman, and I hoped he could help. Maybe provide her with tenderness and be someone to grow old with. So I accepted him and her argument that he could assist with my education.”

  Kade stopped, stood, and retrieved the scattered cards from the floor and the coffee tin. He took a long drag from the cheroot. Carly watched quietly as the tip glowed bright red in the dimly lit room. When he returned to the stool, he gazed again at the fire.

  “The first time he hit me, I was twelve. My mother had gone to town. I had been replacing a busted rail in the corral and didn’t get the gate secured. The horses got out. I ran to the house to ask him and Nelson Jr. to help me round them up before dark. Next thing I knew, Nelson Sr. sent me sprawling with a backhanded blow and then let loose with a string of curses the likes I never heard, not even from the wranglers.”

  Kade absentmindedly ran a thumb along his bottom lip. “When he saw the blood, he got mad all over again. He grabbed me so fast, I thought he’d hit me a second time, but he shook me hard, told me I was not to tell my mother what had happened, told me to tell her that I’d hurt myself in the corral. Said if I told her the truth, it would cause problems between them. Said if that happened, he’d have to send us away—he’d take the ranch and send us packing. Said when they married, everything she had became his by law. I didn’t know any better, and I sure wasn’t going to be the cause of us losing the ranch, so I did as instructed.”

  Kade took another drag of the little cigar and slowly shuffled the cards from one hand to the other. “After that, I could never be sure what would set him off. He acted fine when my mother was around but mostly unpredictable when she wasn’t. And it gave him an odd thrill to whip me in front of his boy. Junior seemed to enjoy it as well, smiling, gloating. Sometimes he’d concoct stories of my supposed wrongdoing just to see if he could fan his father into a frenzy.”

  Carly realized she held her breath. Both hands splayed across her chest, covering the heart that ached for the boy Kade had been. “I’m so sorry, Kade. I had no idea.”

  He looked at her softly. “You see—that’s why I couldn’t leave you to the likes of Tiny. So much about him reminded me of Proctor; the drinking, his girth, even the single eye and eye patch. I couldn’t let Carl live another day in fear and pain.” He paused but kept his sights trained steadily on Carly as he continued.

  “After my mother died, I thought of leaving, but I couldn’t.
That ranch was home. My grandparents and parents had carved it out of the wilderness. It was their dream. They are buried there. I knew I had to ride out the storm, find a way someday to get rid of Proctor and his son.

  “A few months after my seventeenth birthday, I had gone to the barn to bed down the horses for the night. I heard the porch door slam and heard him bellow. He’d been drinking, and I knew immediately what would happen when he found me. I hid, hoping he’d give up and go back to his bottle. But he didn’t. He came to the barn, yelling my name, mad about something that I can’t even recall now. I could hear him from where I hid in the dark, stalking me like I was prey. When he did find me, he had a riding quirt in his hand.”

  Carly gasped as her mind jumped between the scene Kade painted before her and one burned in her memory. For a moment, she was once again that frightened girl cringing in a dead-end alley in Leavenworth.

  “Something inside me snapped, Carly. My spirit refused to take another whipping from that devil. I blocked the first blow, making him even angrier. In a rage, he lashed out again and again. I was younger, leaner, quicker. I dodged every strike and told him it had to stop, that I would no longer endure undeserved punishment by his hand. But he was in a rage. He let loose a roar and charged me. I dove out of the way, and he tripped. At first, when he didn’t get up, I thought he simply struggled with his bulk or that his drunkenness overtook him. Then I heard a strange gurgling sound, a sickening sound.”

  Kade struggled with that memory. Before she could think about her action, Carly reached out and placed her hand on his arm. She wanted to hold him, to comfort and protect him somehow, to chase away all the bad, all the painful, to heal the hurt.

  For a moment, the only sound came from the gently crackling embers. Even the cicadas had stilled, as if they too waited for Kade to continue. Green eyes searched brown ones, and the fathomless depths revealed layers of guilt and anguish. Finally, softly, he continued.